Chp 1
"Maybe I'm just too quiet" Howie mumbled softly. He couldn't help but think that not speaking out could have saved him from this. He sat on his bed surveying his bedroom. His Rolex lay crumbled on the hardwood floor. His favorite Armani suit was flung on a chair, the letters DIE JERK written across the lapel in black marker. A small lamp was shattered against the wall. Luckily that had been only $15 at Kmart. If he had told that crazy bitch Jess to leave months ago, his belongings wouldn't look like they did. She had come by uninvited and upon finding him sans clothes midday, she flipped. Even when there was no other woman in sight she continued her rampage. When he told her to get the hell out of his house, she really flipped out. Imagine, a thirty year old man couldn't laze around in his underwear for one peaceful day without a psycho thinking he was fucking around. He huffed to himself and stood up. He needed to get away from his place for a bit. He needed a home cooked meal.
Forty-five minutes later he walked up the walk of his parents house, his childhood home. He didn't bother knocking just walked right in. He could hear the TV and his mother talking in the kitchen. He started walking towards the sounds, but stopped to look at the pictures lining the walls. Their first CD drew him especially. The way things used to be. The picture showed them as young as eager. That only lasted a year or two. Their big breakup had nothing to do with those boys. The men they'd grown to be had broken apart only about a year ago.
The third album in two years had just gone double platinum. With 3 albums left on their contract, they knew more work was ahead. They were called to LA for a business meeting, probably to discuss the impending world tour. Howie was exhausted and he could tell by the look on Brian's face he was too. AJ looked stoned. Kevin looked nervous and Nick had yet to show up. They sat there, not conversing. Their manager came in and sat with them at the round table. Howie watched David sigh as he realized Nick was missing.
"Well, guys, lets get started."
"Before we start anything, I have an announcement." Kevin said calmly. Howie could see how nervous he really was.
"Ok, Kevin, go ahead." David said, leaning back.
Kevin coughed. "Well, I've decided to leave the band."
They all stared at him for a second. Kevin looked around uncomfortably.
"I'm sorry guys, but Kristen and I..."
"Oh, that just fucking figures" AJ interrupted. He snatched off his glasses and peered across the table. All Howie could think was 'Uh-oh. He's not stoned and he's very pissed off.'
Kevin started to say something but AJ cut him off.
"I mean, c'mon man! Grow some god damn balls."
"Shut the fuck up. At least I don't think with my dick and have a dozen illegitimate kids floating around."
"At least I have my dick, and my wife doesn't keep it in a jar!"
At that, Brian laughed and Kevin shot him a deadly look.
"You two baby dicks are just jealous."
"Man, Kev, eat my shorts" Brian retorted exasperated.
"Eat your shorts? Well, suck my dick motherfucker." Kevin AJ and Brian continued to insult each other as Howie and David sat in silence.
"Quiet!" David finally shouted. The 3 stopped mid sentences and looked at him. "Sit down and calm yourselves for a minute" he said.
"Hey, guys, sorry I'm late." Nick came bounding into the room. He was met by icy stares and Howie's worried look.
"Well, glad you could make it Nick." David said as Nick sat down cautiously.
"What have I missed?" he asked, almost afraid to.
"Kevin is breaking up the group." Brian said calmly.
"So that bear claw disguised as a pussy has clamped down on you for good? Nick asked. AJ snickered.
"Nick, go fuck yourself. Kristen and I made this decision together."
David put up his hands to stop anymore comments.
"Well, Kevin, it sounds like you've really thought this threw."
Kevin nodded. "I have. With a baby on the way, we need to just settle a be a normal family."
"Ok, then, guys. You have a decision to make. You can either go on without him..."
"No, no way. I always said we'd be 5 or none." Brian interrupted.
"Well, I say good riddance to the old fucker. It seems like Kristin has been running things too long as it is." Nick responded slowly. He looked at Kevin, an evil look in his eyes. "But, how long do you think this marriage of yours is gonna last now you're playing Sally homemaker? Especially when you dot know if the kid is yours."
Kevin jumped up and flew across the table, attacking Nick. Howie watched Brian pull Nick away, AJ walk out, Kevin follow out, and his career crumble around him. He stood up and walked out of the room. Nobody asked him what he thought. No one wanted to know how much this would affect him.
"Howard!" the soft vice of his mother brought him back to reality.
"Hey, mom." He said. He hugged her tightly.
"I didn't know you were coming over"
"I didn't either until about an hour ago I hope you're cooking."
"Of course I am. Where's that girl of yours?"
Howie grimaced as they walked into the kitchen. "We stopped seeing each other"
"Good. I never did like her. Even though I was hoping you'd settle down. I need grandchildren."
He laughed as he sat at the kitchen table.
"Mom, you have grandkids."
"I know." She sighed. She went back to the stove and stirred one of the pots. "But, they aren't your children."
"Stop pestering the boy. And you wonder why he doesn't stop by more often." Howie's dad, Hoke, came in the room and they hugged.
"So, what do we owe this gracious visit to?" Hoke continued, sitting at the table with him.
"I just wanted to see you guys." He responded.
"You look tired" his mother scolded.
"I know. I need to get more sleep."
"Have you heard from any of the guys?" Hoke asked. Howie sighed and rubbed his palms across his face. After the breakup, he hadn't spoken 2 words to any of them. He knew what they were up to, but he hadn't heard from them.
"No," he sighed.
"It's a shame, how it ended. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. It's a shame. And then you boys don't even talk to each other? I cant help thinking that you grown men are acting like teenagers." His mother started rambling about how stupid they were.
"I know, mom. I know." He wished his parents kept whiskey in the house.
"Stop, the boy looks like his head will explode." Hoke said. Howie smiled weakly. "But, you're pulling through this. You always do." He watched his mother nod to herself and go back to dinner. And he thought to himself that he always did pull through, but not this time.
Over dinner he kept thinking about what the other guys were doing. Kevin and Kristen divorced three months after the band broke up. Kevin had caught Kristen in bed with another man and a woman. He demanded a paternity test and it turned out the kid wasn't his. The divorce was messy. Nick had a solo career for a few months. Then the teenyboppers got sick of him and he flopped. Brian and LeighAnn had become religious fanatics and were supposedly part of a cult in California. AJ had tried his hand at a solo career, but after a single performance, he said fuck it all, trashed a hotel room and became a drunk.
The dinner helped to calm his frazzled nerves and went home in higher spirits. Jess had been a bitch. He regretted it took him 8 months to realize it. She seemed so normal. Just a regular model. Then she became possessive and jealous and suspicious of everything he did.
He knew he was better off without her. Wasting his hard earned money on lingerie, expensive dinners and jewelry.
He was glad he'd invested his money wisely. Even though the company he headed was bringing in a nice steady income, his Backstreet money kept him living very comfortably.
He got home and went right to bed. Another series of meetings and paperwork that always started a Monday awaited him.
The week dragged on. Howie was starting to get more into the whole business. He was feeling more in charge and part of the company rather then the money. He wasn't happy doing it, but he was more in control of his life doing it.
After the band broke up, he kept his cool, his clear head about things. He kept his mouth shut. The guys all said their part but he had none. He did the logical thing and started work at his fall back job. He knew his fan base wasn't big enough for a solo tour and he turned down all of the TV and movie deals he was offered. No one talked to each other and everyone started something destructive. Except for the lingering thought of his looming insanity Howie knew he was doing pretty well.
Chp 2
Back
