Chp 10
“Howie,” Rose whispered softly in his ear. When she’d awoken and found herself in Howie’s arms, shed been pleasantly surprised. A little too comfortable, so after the initial warmth she scooted away. She had tried poking him, saying his name. He had barely stirred. She decided to go on an impulse she’d had once before. She turned to him and kissed his lips softly. She kissed him several times until she saw his eyes flutter open.
“Good morning” she said softly. She kissed him again and in one swift move, he was on top of her. He placed his arms on each side of her head and kissed her roughly.
“Morning” he said smiling at her smugly.
“You slept long. Where you tired?” she asked as he lay on her.
“A little”
“You didn’t sleep well while I was gone? Were you afraid I’d find some stud in New York?”
“If you did, I’d kill him.” He replied gruffly. Rose saw he meant it and smiled.
“Aw, baby, I wouldn’t leave you for some New York stud. Some Puerto Rican stud, maybe”
“I’m half Puerto Rican.” He said defensively.
“Oh, that's right. Maybe I wouldn’t leave you for anyone” Rose said it then grimaced. She knew it was the truth but she hadn’t wanted to admit it. She saw Howie looking at her seriously. “Well, tonight are the bachelor and bachelorette parties. Are there going to be strippers at your party?” she asked, trying to lighten things up. He must have gotten the picture because he sat up slowly.
“I almost forgot about that”
Rose appreciated the fact he moved off the touchy subject.
“Do you have any coffee?” he asked, stretching.
“No, I’m sorry” she responded. She couldn’t help but notice the way his body arched strongly as he stretched his arms over his head.
“Ok, well, I’m gonna go. I have to prepare myself for the strippers” he said standing.
“You better not prepare yourself too much.” Rose said feeling an idiotic pang of jealousy.
“Don’t be jealous” he turned back to her, a smile on his lips.
“I’m not jealous” she responded pouting slightly. He patted her arm.
“Sure you aren’t sweetheart” he walked out of the bedroom and started for the door. Rose made a face at his back and followed him to the door.
“I promise to be good if you do” he said as he opened the door.
“I’m always good” Rose smirked as she captured his lips with hers again.
“Yeah, right. I’ll call you tomorrow and don’t think I won’t get a full report of what you did” he said sternly.
“Uh-huh” she dismissed it “See you later” She knew she wouldn’t be good just like she knew he wouldn’t be either.
“Ask him if Howie’s home yet” Rose said loudly, trying to outdo the blaring music. Rachel nodded.
“No, they’re all still out. Probably another hour or so” Rachel screamed in response. Rise thought for a minute. Somewhere over the course of the day, she decided she was going to get Howie into bed. He hadn’t pressured her to do anything and she was getting sick of that. She had dressed in a pair of black pants with silver sparkles and a tight v-neck silver shirt. She had curled her hair and worn her favorite lipstick. She was formulating a plan as Rachel continued to talk to Ryan on the phone. She knew Rachel had Howie’s spare key.
“Rachel, we need to go to your house” Rose yelled as she hung up the phone.
“Why?” Rachel asked.
“You still have Howie’s spare key, right?”
“Yeah..”
“Well, I need it” Rose said. Rachel looked at her and grinned. She understood perfectly.
“About damn time, lets go” Rachel drove Rose to get the key then dropped her at Howie’s apartment. Rose ventured in slowly. She took off her jacket and threw it on the couch. There was an arm chair almost exactly facing the door where he was sure to look when he came in. She sat and waited. She’d been sitting for quite awhile when she finally heard a car pull up and the door slam. She sat up straighter and stared at the door. She heard the key turn slowly and waited. He didn’t even look her way until he had shut the door and locked it behind him. He looked at her and jumped.
“Shit, Rose, give me a heart attack.” He said, grasping his chest. He then slanted his eyes and looked at her. “What are you doing here?”
Rose looked back at him silently.
“I’m here for you” She got up and walked towards him slowly.
“Um...” She took his jacket and keys and threw them on the floor.
“Are you drunk?” he asked backing up slightly.
“No..”
“How much did you have to drink?” He asked.
“One glass of wine. I’m perfectly clearheaded.” She smiled at him evilly. “I want you.”
“What about your rule? The one that says you don’t get involved with people you work with?” he asked, backing into the wall.
“You’re fired” She said. She saw the dangerous gleam come into his eyes and he smiled back.
“Are you sure?"
“Absolutely” She said, putting her arms around his neck and placing her lips on his harshly.
Rose lay in Howie’s bed, staring at the clock . 6:28. The sun was just coming up, the slants falling on his floor in small yellow beams. She looked over at him, sleeping soundly. She closed her eyes and wished all her fear away. She was so scared. She had never wanted to feel like this. The previous night had been more then just sex. It had been much more. Even just waking up in his bed, cuddled next to him had affected her. Her heart was in her throat and she had to fight the idiotic urge to giggle. She felt retarded, half of her was petrified, and the other wanted to bounce on the bed and wake the man she loved up for another round. Just thinking that had her scared. She knew she had to get out, leave his house at least for awhile. Clear her head and realize she wasn’t really in love with him. She got out of bed as quietly as possible, get dressed and left.
Howie stretched and opened his eyes slowly. He put his arms across the bed excepting to find a warm body. He realized quickly there was no one next to him. He looked at the floor, where clothes had been strewn and there was nothing there but floor. He knew she’d run off. He looked around the room for a note. He knew there wouldn’t be one. He got up and got dressed. He was angry and planned to give her a piece of mind.
The back room was almost clean. Rose had been working for 3 hours. She had gone home, changed, but she couldn’t just sit. She had gone to Rockos and begged for something to do. He had told her to clean the back room, confused about it but not asking a question. She had talked herself into not being in love with Howie. As she cleaned, she told herself the fact over and over. As she studied several boxes, she heard his voice and her body tensed. Butterflies started in her stomach again. She had the urge to throw up. She stomached it as the door opened. She looked at him and saw how angry he was. She looked down, avoiding his gaze.
“ Oh, hi” she said nonchalantly.
“Why the fuck did you leave?” He asked, hiss voice filled with anger. She’d never seen him this mad.
“I had to work” She lied. He came over and grabbed her chin to make her look in his eyes.
“Why are you lying? Rocko said you weren’t scheduled” He took his hand down and backed off of her. Rose opened her mouth to say something but he gave her a warning look.
“I don’t understand at all, Rose. It was your idea, what happened last night. Especially after last night I don’t understand why you left me alone this morning”
“God, Howie. It was just sex.” Rose said angrily. Angry with herself for making him as angry as he was. She knew by the look on his face she’d said the wrong thing.
“Just sex?” he practically shouted “It was not just sex. You’re the first woman I’ve ever made love to. Every woman in my past has been just sex. That was not just sex.” He paused and looked at her. She looked at the floor, avoiding his eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you. Waiting for this. What we have. Well what we would have if you just opened your god damn eyes and realize you’re in love with me. I can’t believe after all these months you don’t realize how in love with you I am. I love you so much, and everytime we kiss, or you hold my hand, it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because I know you don’t understand I love you. This isn’t just some fling. This is forever.”
Rose finally looked him in the eyes and knew he meant it. She felt the same way, but she was still too scared of ending up hurt.
“God dammnit! I know you’re scared. You’ve been scared since day 1. True I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but I do know I can promise I’ll never hurt you.” He looked at her. She stood in the middle of the room on the verge of tears. He went up to her and rubbed her arms.
“I know what you’re thinking. I’m not your ex-husband. This is a completely different man standing in front of you. I won’t do whatever he did”
Rose said nothing in response, couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Is that it?” he asked backing away again. She didn’t say anything. “Well, that’s it. This has to be goodbye then. I can not have my heart shattered by pretending this never happened. By seeing you every day and not being with you? By knowing you aren’t coming home to me every night? I won’t do it” he looked at her again then went out of the back room. Rose could feel tears stream down her cheeks. She closed her eyes to think. She knew she couldn’t live without him. She went out of the room and looked down the hallway. He wasn’t there. She ran through the store, knowing everyone was looking at her. She went outside and saw Howie unlocking his door.
“Wait!” she yelled, charging towards him. She threw herself into his arms “I’m sorry. I can’t be without you. I love you” She cries, wrapping around her as hard as she could.
He put his arms around her and kissed her head softly. “That’s all you needed to say”
Epilogue
Chp 9
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