Driving
in India
A monk
was driving in India when suddenly a dog
crosses
the road.
The car
hit and killed the dog. The monk looked
around
and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door.
A monk
opened the door.
The
first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my
karma
ran over your dogma."

Walking
on water
Three
monks decided to practice meditation together.
They sat
by the side of a lake and closed
their
eyes in concentration.
Then
suddenly, the first one stood up
and
said, "I forgot my mat."
He
stepped miraculously onto the water
in
front of him and walked across the
lake to
their hut on the other side.
When he
returned, the second monk stood up and
said,
"I forgot to put my other underwear to dry."
He too
walked calmly across the water and returned
the
same way.
The
third monk watched the first two carefully in
what he
decided must be the test of his own
abilities.
"Is
your learning so superior to mine? I too can
match
any feat you two can perform,"
he
declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to
walk
across it.
He
promptly fell into the deep water.
Undeterred,
the yogi climbed out of the water and
tried
again, only to sink into the water.
Yet
again he climbed out and yet again he tried,
each
time sinking into the water.
This
went on for some time as the other
two
monks watched.
After a
while, the second monk turned to
the
first and said,
"Do
you think we should tell him where
the
stones are?"

Q: What
did a Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make
me one with everything.
(The
hot dog vendor prepares the hot
dog and
gives it to the monk.
The
monk pays him and asks for the change.
The hot
dog vendor says:
"Change
comes from within".)

Q: What
is the name of the best Zen teacher?
M.T.
Ness
Q: How
many Zen buddhists does
it take
to change a light bulb?
A:
None, they are the light bulb.
Q: What
happens when a Buddhist
becomes
totally absorbed with the
computer
he is working with?
A: He
enters Nerdvana.

Once
there was a monk who was
an
expert on the Diamond Sutra,
and as
books were very valuable in his day,
he
carried
the
only copy in his part of
the
world on his back.
He was
widely sought after for his
readings
and insight into the Diamond Sutra,
and
very successful at propounding its profundities
to not
only monks and masters but to t
he lay
people as well.
Thus
the people of that region came to know of the
Diamond
Sutra, and as the monk was traveling
on a
mountain road, he came upon an old woman
selling
tea and cakes.
The
hungry monk would have loved to refresh himself,
but
alas, he had no money. He told the old woman,
"I
have upon my back a treasure beyond knowing --
the
Diamond Sutra.
If you
will give me some tea and cakes,
I will
tell you of this great treasure of knowledge."
The old
woman knew something of the Diamond Sutra
herself,
and proposed her own bargain.
She
said, "Oh learned monk,
if you
will answer a simple question,
I will
give you tea and cakes."
To this
the monk readily agreed.
The
woman then said,
"When
you eat these cakes,
are you
eating with the mind of the past,
the
mind of the present or the mind of the future?"
No
answer occurred to the monk,
so he
took the pack from his back and got out the
text of
the Diamond Sutra, hoping he
could
find the answer.
As he
studied and pondered, the day grew late and
the old
woman packed up her things
to go
home for the day.
"You
are a foolish monk indeed,"
said
the old woman as she left the hungry monk in
his
quandary.
"You
eat the tea and cakes with your mouth."