February 22, 2003

Prostitutes are better because...

Prostitutes don't say "I can't. I have a boyfriend."

Prostitutes don't say "No thanks. I didn't think we clicked."

Prostitutes don't say "You're not my type."

Prostitutes don't say "I think you're too old."

Prostitutes say "Do you want to get together? Do you want me to come over?"

Prostitutes don't care if you're unemployed or if you have an unimpressive or low-paying job.

Prostitutes don't care if you drive an old or inexpensive car.

Prostitutes don't care if you're not handsome or if you're short or overweight.

Prostitutes don't care if you're not a good conversationalist.

Prostitutes don't care if you are married.

Prostitutes don't care if you have been divorced three times or six times or if you have children by several ex-wives or ex-girlfriends.

Unless you are young, rich, tall, and handsome, you can probably have sex with prostitutes who are much younger and prettier than anyone you could date or marry.

More than is true of most women, if you are nice to a prostitute, she'll be nice to you.

In an ideal world, all women would be as affectionate and accommodating as prostitutes are. But this isn't an ideal world.

Sex with prostitutes tends to prevent you from being too dependent, sexually or emotionally, on other women.

If you limit your sexual activity to prostitutes and girlfriends and don't get married, you won't marry a young, thin, pretty woman when you're young and find yourself married to an old, fat, no longer pretty woman when you're old. When you're 60 you'll be able to enjoy the company of prostitutes who are as young and pretty as the women you were having sex with when you were 25.

Prostitutes won't accuse you of "sexual harassment" because you tell her you'd like to be sexually involved with her or ask her for a date or tell her a dirty joke or tell her how pretty or sexy she is or how much you love her.

Unlike many if not most wives and even many girlfriends, prostitutes will have sex with you whenever you want - and not just when she happens to be in the mood.

Sociology research has shown that old joke is actually true: Married men are prostitutes' best customers. This wouldn't be true if marriage were all it's cracked up to be.

Unlike many other women, prostitutes do, or let you do, oral sex if that's what you want. In fact, in one survey, oral sex was the type of sexual activity most often requested of and engaged in by prostitutes.

A prostitute won't threaten to break up with you or actually leave you because you won't marry her.

Prostitutes don't care if you call her only when you really want to.

Prostitutes don't care who else you have sex with.

Prostitutes don't ask jealous questions.

With prostitutes, you won't go crazy from jealousy, either, since you never expected her to be faithful to you in the first place, and the other men in her life aren't going to make her unavailable to you, or make you look bad because you have an unfaithful wife or girlfriend, or cause you to raise a child who isn't yours, or pay child support for a child she had with some other man but claims is yours, or wait for the results of expensive DNA paternity testing needed to prove it isn't your child. (DNA paternity testing has proved that about one in ten children have a different biological father than the man the mother says is the father, including many married women.)

Contrary to popular misinformation, public health researchers studying the legal brothels in Nevada found you are unlikely to contract a sexually transmitted disease from a prostitute. This is not necessarily true of drug-addicted streetwalkers, however.

A disadvantage of sex with prostitutes is needing to use a condom, both for your own protection and because she'll insist on it. However, you often need to use a condom for your own protection with women who are not prostitutes, and many women who are not prostitutes also insist you use a condom.

A disadvantage of sex with prostitutes is the intimacy and companionship that are more likely to exist in a long-term relationship with one woman. However, you can experience more intimacy and companionship in a relationship with a prostitute than you might think, and an advantage of sex with prostitutes is variety, which is said to be the spice of life. In this case, the variety can do wonders for your sex drive. Being willing to have sexual experiences with prostitutes makes it easier to experience intimacy with a variety of women.

The most persuasive argument for women who are not prostitutes is your wanting to experience fatherhood, but this argument isn't applicable if that's not what you want.

A disadvantage of sex with prostitutes is the stigma of having had sex with a prostitute. However, men almost always pay for sex one way or another (one example being the cost of dating, which is almost always paid by men rather than women), and men who pay through the supposedly honorable institution of marriage usually pay the most. Marriage, although thought of as honorable, is a lot like prostitution and is much more expensive. Marriage is long-term prostitution, with the exception of marriage to a woman who either (a) earns as much or more money than you or (b) is willing to and does sign a premarital agreement keeping your and her money and property entirely separate, including money and property earned or accumulated during marriage. The extent to which women chose who to marry on the basis of their prospective husbands' wealth or income (or education and other indications of "potential" for same) varies - they tend to become more materialistic as they get older and learn the value of money - but there is considerable truth in the sometimes heard claim that an important difference between prostitutes and wives is prostitutes are more honest, since they tell you at the start what they're going to cost you, and they don't pretend they don't care about money and that they want you only because of your cute dimples or common interests or good character or how sexy or handsome you are.

Prostitution is a pay-as-you-go plan: You don't have to keep paying after you are no longer getting anything. Marriage is a keep-paying-forever-even-after-you-aren't-getting-anything plan. You don't have to pay alimony to a prostitute: In contrast to many divorced men, if you limit yourself to prostitutes and girlfriends you won't find yourself paying hundreds or thousands of dollars in alimony each month to an ex-wife who has done nothing for you during the last ten or twenty years. A prostitute is not entitled to half the money and property you accumulated while you were seeing her, nor is she entitled to half or some proportional share of your pension or retirement benefits. With prostitutes you don't need to hire a lawyer to draft an antenuptial agreement to protect you, to the limited extent possible, from today's unfair divorce laws that favor women because the politicians who enacted them were trying to win the approval of the voters, the majority of whom are female.

Accidental pregnancy usually isn't a significant risk with a prostitute, in part because prostitutes are consistently careful about contraception and in part because a prostitute who becomes pregnant will almost always terminate the pregnancy without getting you involved. If a prostitute does give birth to a child, there probably were too many men she had sex with for her to remember who they were and make them do paternity testing; she also probably won't know where to find them. So if you have sex only with prostitutes, you have very little risk of being subjected to the extortion mandated by today's child support schedules that are so high they keep you from having enough money to live a satisfying life for the next 18 or 21 years even if you have a good income because you are being forced to pay vastly greater sums of money as child support than not just your fair share of the child's actual support costs - but anywhere from two times to ten times the entire cost of raising the child. If you fall behind in child support, your child support obligation may haunt you for longer than 18 or 21 years, since the arrearage (plus interest) is still owed after the child reaches the age of adulthood. Child support required by the child support schedules in most states of the USA are so high they may also prevent you from accumulating enough money to ever be able to retire. In the USA, you may additionally lose your driver license, occupational and professional licenses, and your passport as punishment for falling more than two months behind in child support regardless of how outrageous was the amount you were ordered to pay, and regardless of factors beyond your control that made you unable to pay, such as losing your job through no fault of your own.

If you fall in love with and marry a prostitute - that does happen occasionally - you have a good chance of beating her in a court fight for custody of your child because of the stigma of her having been a prostitute - and maybe even forcing her to pay child support to you.

copyright noticeCopyright 2003 by Param Ahmad, paramahmad@yahoo.com, but permission to reproduce and distribute this essay in whole or in part, including for profit, is granted provided this copyright notice is included in its entirety (with the exception noted below). The author requests but does not require you send him a note at the aforestated email address to let him know you have included this essay on a web page or in a book or magazine. He also requests (but does not require) you send him a copy if you translate this essay into a language other than English. This restriction and these requests may be disregarded after the year 2050 when Mr. Ahmad will probably be too old to still be with us. If you want to publish this essay prior to 2050 with only "copyright 2003 by Param Ahmad" as the copyright notice, please ask the author at paramahmad@yahoo.com.