Authorities have finally narrowed the cause of Omaha's recent "Funk" outbreak down to two possible suspects. Suspect 1 is local bassist Jim Greve. Jim puts the bump in da' trunk for local band Sounds Like Kong. Although mild mannered and very polite upon first meeting, authorities say he is quick to anger and when angered will lay down a stinging trail of low-end groove that will make other bassists, and I quote, "Fumble, Fumble, Fumble until like a cookie they all crumble." Un-quote. Suspect 2 is a small beetle native to South Africa. "Its still too early to tell if the funk is coming from the Bumpalicious boombosities Mr. Greve lays down or this small nocturnal insect. More tests must be done!" says local Scientist/Homeless Man, Albert VonShrinklebert. How can you tell if you've caught "The Funk"? Sources say be on the lookout for convulsions especially around the pelvic area, a sudden attraction to a throbbing bass line, and finally an urge to make it your duty to please that booty.
