Amidst many rumors and "to do's" SLK band member Roy the Dog has announced his plan to run for office in the upcoming presidential election. While this came as no suprise to us media savvy folk, most of the country was taken off guard. "A DOG! well thats just crazy enough to work." announced local idiot and self-proclaimed election expert Miles Barlow in his best Homer Simpson voice. He then added, "Yeah Baby!", in a horrible impersonation of famed movie hero, Austin Powers. Roy, however has got used to such comments and plans to win voters over with a healthy dose of tax cuts and licking his own crotch. "Tax cuts sound great on paper, but how will you be able to accomplish this without compounding our already rather large national debt?" asks A.P. correspondant Dan Fugelbutcher. In a response that more than satisfied Mr. Fugelbutcher, Roy proceeded to eat an entire box of staples. "Roy is a media genius, and will likely use this to his advantage." said the guy who is always sitting next to you at restaraunts coughing up lots of phlem. Local events aside, how will Roy fare on a national level? "Roy sure can smooth it over with all the backtown hicks over there in smallville, but up here in the big leagues its a whole different ballgame" proclaimed current president George Bush Jr. Roy fired back by getting an unusually large "Qwick Trip" coffee mug stuck on his face, after which the President responded, "Wish I'd thought of that." Fellow band mate Matt Alvarado believes Roy has a legitamate chance. "I think Roy is exactly what this country needs right now. I once saw him chase a butterfly off of the side of a deck. He fell 8 feet to the ground, and do you know what he did? He proceeded to chase that butterfly and eventually, to eat it." as a single tear rolled down his cheek Matt continued, "Thats exactly what Washington needs, Persistance." When asked how good he thinks his chances are, Roy simply responded by running directly into a sliding glass door, throwing up, then eating his throw-up. Which pretty much sums up what Roy is, an intelligent, far-sighted free-thinker who can get things done and I think you'll agree that those fat cats in the capitol better watch out, because theres a new dog in town.
