10/12/04 "Hey you hear about Christopher Reeve?" "Yeah he croaked, what caused it?" "A bedsore" "Wait, fuckin' Superman died of a bedsore? What's next, Batman and Robin running off to Massachusetts to get married?" This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, during the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for comming, especially those from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank his and his bride's familys and his new father-in-law for the lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift, just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked everyone to open their envelope. Inside each envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private investigator to tail them. After standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "Fuck You!" then turned to his bride and said "Fuck You!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade as if nothing was wrong. His revenge...making the bride's family shell out over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members, and by now a good portion of the rest of the country. Links! Wanna rant or make an anonymous confession? What's your anti-drug? Teens that wear diapers should be shot in the face TGI Fridays menu switch up The unholy master of Microsoft Paint This is the type of person you're chatting with... Not a prostitute? I bet another 50 bucks might change her mind I can’t tell if this is a joke or not Gaming linkage Halo 2 gone gold No more delays GTA: San Andreas...multiplayer? I think I just peed a little

10/10/04 ...He brought his bitch to the mothafuckin' waffle hut! Dear Jeebus - I would just like to express my gratitude for you allowing me to end up going to college. I thought that life was pretty sweet towards the end of high school, but oh how it has improved. I must confess, upon my entering into college life, I was functioning under the belief that I would actually be studying, attending class regularly, and integrating myself into campus life as a hard working, studious, productive member of the student body. Ohh how foolish I was. I am quite embarrased in the fact that the first week of classes, I believe it or not, completed all of my homework. Oh but don't worry, the second weekend I managed to get back on the road towards righteousness. Since that point in time, I have been dressing like a hobo and still managing to get my mack on, and introducing a wide variety of illegal substances into my body while integrating myself into the right college scene. While not as active at parties as my comrads at Umass, I believe I have achieved the optimum level of weekly intoxication. This past Friday, I attended a presidential debate double kegger. It took me a while to find the debate while stumbling around. I convinced myself that candidate conduct had reached a new low in this election until a friend informed me that I was just watching to two guys play Tekken 4. That was the only part of the evening I remember, in fact the only part of any of the evenings I actually remember, fancy that. So in conclusion Jeebus, I would like to pray for the continuation of such enjoyment. Yours truly - Sy Pincer

9/20/04 Be cool bitch, be cool... I've gotten to the point now where I have become slightly more efficient at managing my time on a day to day basis. The motivation to update began sometime last week and has been growing steadily since, ergo... The site has really been pissing my off lately, I'm tired of the layout, the content is stale to anyone who has been here a handful of times, and fuckin' Angelfire is breaking my balls with these goddamn popups. I realize this, everyone else realizes this, something will be done soon enough. However I'm not going to sink into a rut of posting periodically just to bitch and moan, I'm going to get back to what Crackerass was intended for, societal commentary and offensive entertainment. First off, thanks to Mr. Herdiech and his new friends down @ Florida Tech, I got off my ass and updated Dirty Sanchez and Friends I cut out the crap and added a handful of new ones, including: Fnorking: The act of inserting as many goldfish as possible into a woman's snatch. Apparently this was all the rage during the hippie era and made a comeback during the Spring Break scene in the 80's. I would like to urge all ladies to allow us to bring this practice back into mainstream awareness. Speaking of Florida, shit fuck that area has just been the asshole of the universe this past month. Thank God you're not in Florida. If you are, well, that sucks. With Jeanne knocking on the door it doesn't look like the shit's gonna stop stinkin anytime soon. Hell, Karl and Lisa are making out in the Atlantic right now while they wait their turn for their shot at Florida's shores. It's like their all having a contest on who can kill the most Haitians in one pass. Anyways, the update has been part of an afternoon-long procrastination effort to hold off the writing of my cybergeography paper. I'm out of material now, so I will continue on with the effort with the posting of links. Linkage bitch! Eating Videos Which Would Jesus Do? Search For Credit Cards on Google The Sinulator 80 Year old Drug Dealer The College Freshman Diet Masturbate For Peace

8/27/04 Oh jesus I'm letting this place slip. I've been checking my site traffic reports and I'm getting around a quarter of the hits daily that I was two months ago. I figure I'll continue keeping it on life support for the real freaks/loyal fans of the site until I can figure out what to do with it. Classes began on Wednesday, so I've been preoccupied with college shit for the past couple of days. I'm going to be having a pretty chill semester considering the only real class I'm taking is math. Cybergeography and History of Rock n' Roll are going to be kickass, and I'm definately going to want to take up smoking weed again for Philosophy. The only problem is that I'm going to have to find a way of curbing my verbal abuse towards the skanks and freaks in my classes, or else I'm eventually going to get a hit put out on me. My plan at the moment is to find some tech geek in my Cybergeography class, or hell even my professor and see if I can get him to create some crazyass new site format complete with graphics, tables, and all the shit I'm too lazy to learn how to script. This may take some time though, so I think I'll continue updating until I figure out a proper course of action. In terms of content for the site, unless I'm inspired, don't plan on any additions to the randomness or reviews sections. Yeah I know it sucks that my last review was for Dawn of the Dead, shit I must have seen at least a dozen movies in the theaters since then.

8/9/04 Adios Superfreak It's been three weeks since my last update, and I feel that it is now time to re-emerge to continue the site's operation. I've been passing the time getting my ass unpacked, taking care of orientation, attempting get a job, and of course having plenty of sex. Dicking around on the net hasn't exactly been a priority lately, though I'm sure I'll get back in the saddle once classes begin in a couple of weeks. It has always been my belief that working on this site is far more important than frivolous nonsense like schoolwork. In anycase I'm back on the scene to mourn the death of everyone's favorite crackpipe-wielding funkmaster,Rick James The rehabiliated coke fiend died in his sleep Friday at the age of 56. I wonder if it'll have any effect on the proposed movie. And no, I don't want to hear any Chappelle's Show quotes. Even Chappelle is tired of that shit. Although he's probably not tired of the $50 million contract it netted him.

7/18/04 "Hey why don't you make like a tree and get the fuck outta here?" Well stick me in the ass and call me mr slave, it's time for me to head out west. I'll be documenting my cross-country escapades with my camera phone, so hopefully some fun will ensue. Believe it or not, I actually managed to finish one of my projects up. The newest addition to the randomness section, Real American Heros. So go suck on that while I'm sitting in a car for 8 hours for the next 4 days. Since I've been doing most of my packing last minute and I'm leaving in like 8 hours, I'm going to go get some sleep. I'll leave this update with some whacked out piece of incoherant nonsense I wrote stoned a couple of months ago. And as a footnote I don't understand the underlying gayness of this thing. ...well, the night that i posted about me being a "MODERN-DAY COWBOY" the police showed up at my place of residence and dragged me from my bed to the squad car, and from the squad car to the station's interrogation room. i was wondering at the time if it was the post that alerted them to the situation or if they were already tracking me when i came home that night. anyway, i was just about to admit to drug posession, drug trafficing, intent to sell, and driving while under the influence of an illegal substance. i wasn't really DRIVING, but police consider riding a Razor® Two-Wheeled Scooter like my own to be driving when it comes to being intoxicated. (i learned this from NYPD Blue.) again, i was just about to admit to those crimes when the meaner in demeanor of the two cops shined a god-like light from above my face and yelled, "what's my name, bitch?" he was out of line, so i grabbed his gun and shot him in the face. this just smeared his brans on the wall, ceiling, and of what dripped its way onto the floor. me and the other cop had a nice laugh, because... hey, that guy was a total asshole. after we shared that moment, the officer explained my situation. i was arrested for jumping off that bus without paying. they've had a lot of problems with this, and have passed a stiff new law demanding execution by firing squad for such a crime. they needed a poster boy for their anti-fare skipping campaign, the pleasant cop justified to me. i was that poster boy. i asked with true fear in my voice, "oh shit, can i do anything to make you change your mind?" long story short, i ended up waxing his nob and slipping out the back door scott-free. it was then that i realized i was walking out of a laundromat, and the "squad car" i was brough in is just a '98 crown vic with some sections spraypainted black. as i walk around the side of the building towards the street, i begin to see and hear the "officers" laughing at me and drinking some beers. you know what, though? i wouldn't have been so mad if this was the first time i had to shoot a fake cop before being tricked into giving a bj at this particular laundromat.

7/15/04 If you know anything about me, then you know im a baller If I aint hit the first night, I aint gon call her Im trying to play, you trying to have my daughter But I can't blame her for what her momma taught her Ten days and no updating...yeah I wish I could say that there was a good reason for it, and I wish I could give Lindsay Lohan a facial, but I guess it's just not in the cards. I've been busy lately, quitting that god awful job of mine and spending my last week watching I love the 90's instead of packing. As a result, my promises of reviews have turned from initially fairly hollow to now completely hollow. Hah shit I've got the rough drafts for Man on Fire and Kill Bill 2 still sitting on my desktop, I suppose I'll just transfer those along with my porn and mp3's to my laptop before I get my ass out of here. Anyways, I decided to head down to the mall yesterday to make a few purchases for my upcoming cross-country oddyssy; the largest of these purchases a new stereo for my truck. They typically have the lowest prices and they were running a special: Free installation and two free 6x9's with every car deck purchase 99.00 and up, so I figured why not. Ohh jesus christ on a stick was that ever a terrible idea. First off the fucker in the home audio department tried to sell me everything but the kitchen sink. Apparently the phrase "I'd like to buy that deck" translates into sleezy salesman douchebag speak as "I have a bunch of money that I'm not particularly fond of, so can you help me piss it away on a bunch of shit I don't need?" Unfortunately for him, I wasn't some dumb fuck and told him to piss off and ring up the god damn order or else I'd get the manager and make a big scene, embarrassing him in front of the store and his co-workers. So then the douche rings it up with a bunch of additional fine print fees and sarcastically tells me to have a good day. I tell him to suck my dick as I'm turning around, and not bothering to look back for a reaction, I got out of there. Thank buddha that the installation guy knew his shit, my asshole tolerance had reached a critial level. In anycase, aside from the purchasing of games, music and DVD's, I fucking hate Best Buy, and I'm sure they hate me (with the merchandise destruction, them accusing me of shoplifting, and the countless run ins with incompetant and asshole employees) Now guess what? Best Buy fucking hates you too! Are you an "Angel Customer" or a "Demon Customer?" And which one are you going to be after reading this? So much for the customer always being right. Some retailers are deciding that the customer can be very, very wrong -- as in unprofitable. And some, including Best Buy Co. Inc., are discriminating between profitable customers and shoppers they lose money on. "What we're trying to do is not eliminate those customers, but just diminish the number of offers we make to them," Anderson said. As much fun as complaining is, it really isn't my favorite thing to do, nor do I have time to waste on it. I'm going to go be productive and finish up my latest article so there'll be something entertaining to read up here during my days on the road. Click the links or die biatch! Online dating service for gamers Balwinization Centers of America Paris Hilton Xbox game Jesus Dress Up!