Jared and Subway: Those Bastards.

Jared Fogle, Subway’s new poster boy is also the poster child for fat men that got slim by eating fast food. I personally love that he knows his results are bullshit by the final scene of every commercial having a disclaimer: "Jared's results are not typical". However, it appears America decided to buy the idea that walking around the block and eating meatball subs from Subway are effective means of weight control. While Anthony was doing his crack dance in front of the place I saw a 250 lb soccer mom ordering 2 foot-long steak and cheese subs talking about the miracle of Jared.

At best I find it hilarious that Subway decided to throw off any and all moral responsibility and start telling people their food was healthy. Everyone now thinks that cramming 12 inches of cured meats, cheese, oil, and vinegar is the healthy alternative to eating a Big Mac. Even better, seeing the success of placing one former fat ass on the stand Subway has expanded to other people all looking to get in on the “miracle diet”. For most people, the thought of eating healthy and exercising regularly is too much to bear, so after Jared made his thinner, yet still very ugly fucking face known, the Subway commercials showing how other people jumped on the bandwagon and lost weight quickly flooded primetime.

In the end I guess what angers me the most is while I think Subway is pretty much the scum of fast food I still usually have to eat there because I am too fucking lazy to walk to Burger King. Also I am a avid supporter of the Tobacco Industry. To a lesser extent all Subway is doing is the equivalent of Phillip Morris saying somebody smoked a pack a day and ran around the block curing them of lung cancer. Place a disclaimer saying, "This usually doesn't happen, in fact we're pretty sure it will never happen again" at the end and why the hell wouldn't that be legal? Because we can kill somebody with obesity (usual time of death 60-70) because it's a natural death or bodily state (for like 5% of the population), but can't kill somebody with lung cancer (usual time of death 60-70) even though cancer generally kills most people who die 'naturally'.

Fuck you Subway for making me love your sweet onion chicken teryaki subs.