I am at the third class of the elementary school. Our teacher,  Mrs. Nazire, who has been teaching us since our first day at school is going to retire...Ah! How difficult it is to leave her. She had been the one to introduce us to letters, lines and books. We had learnt how to read in her hands, how to write under her supervision. Our teacher had taken us to another world; to the world of books and magazines. We do not want her to leave us; but one day in the class-room she introduced us to Mrs. Belkis and said good-bye. Our new teacher is also a loving person. We have grown used to her in a short time; but Mrs. Nazire holds a distinct place in our hearts.

When we learnt that there was going to be a farewell ceremony for our teacher, we all felt really happy. There was quite a competition to take part in the ceremony. Mrs. Belkis was going to set up a choir for the ceremony. She started to make us sing a few songs individually to be able to select the best for the choir. When I was up, I really got nervous. I wanted to sing something different from my friends  who were singing school songs, to be able become a part of the choir. Mrs. Belkis told me to start singing.

"Like an unripe fruit picked up from its branch
I was detached from my beloved
If my beloved doesn’t hold  that branch
That’s the reason my eyes won’t ever get shut"
..............

When the folk-song was over; everyone, especially Mrs. Belkis,  was clapping. I was embarrassed and glad at the same time. Not only was I going to be a part of the  choir but I would also get to sing this folk song   all by myself.  I was feeling great. I was going to sing this folk song to my teacher. All by myself... She did not know that my voice was so outstanding. How surprising would that be for her... More than that others would be listening to me, too. Excitement for the coming moment was taking me over.

When I arrived home I announced this great event to my parents. It did not quite make the effect, I was hoping. As I sing all day long when I am at home, this did not sound extra ordinary to my family. Moreover, my family consists of musicians. My father plays kanun, my mother violin, my aunt piano, accordion and kanun, and my brother tambourine  and drums. I can not play any instruments but I am only second to my mother in singing. When we have guests over, after some small talk have been done the instruments are taken out of their covers and the performance begins. Our guests are usually like us. They enjoy music too, and join us singing. In a family like mine singing is nothing extra-ordinary.

As the day for the farewell ceremony got closer, my excitement  also built up. I could not even concentrate on the lectures anymore. All I could think of was the song I was going to sing at the ceremony. I spent all my spare time rehearsing that song. My family was tired of listening to the same song over and over but I did not share their feelings at all. I was having a hard time to sleep. I was imagining myself singing the song at the stage. I had a red, shiny dress on. Mrs. Nazire who was sitting at the first row was astonished by my performance. She whispered to Mrs.Belkis:

            "What a beautiful voice! I had not recognized her voice "
Mrs. Belkis was proud of discovering such a talent. When the song was over , a great applause rose from the audience. Mrs. Nazire at once came over and congratulated me with kisses and  hugs.
I slept and woke up seeing similar dreams.

The farewell day finally arrived. After the lectures were over, we gathered at the gymnasium.  Mrs. Belkis told us to be at backstage and wait for our  turns. We would rather see Mrs. Nazire. Some of us stuck  their heads out of the door  connecting the gymnasium to the auditorium. The ceremony was going to be held at the auditorium.  The auditorium was literally packed with people. Our director started to deliver a speech. One of the staff saw us and shut the door. We were left alone with our excitement in the dim cold gymnasium. Time flied  by, but our turn did not come. A friend of mine coming from the auditorium announced that the speeches  were still going on. It was almost evening... As it got darker outside, the gymnasium grew darker, too.  On top of all, it got chillier inside. We were shivering with our black satin aprons and our starched white collars. When we started scuffling to warm up, the door opened and Mrs.Belkis appeared.

"Come on kids, you are up."  She said and let us on the stage.

That was the long awaited moment. Every eye in the auditorium was staring at us. The choir began to sing. My heart was pounding like crazy. It was almost my turn and...

After a few songs, my friend  Suheyla began singing a solo. I was the next to sing; but Mrs. Belkis came and  whispered in my ear:

"It is already too late. We are cutting the program here."

"What about me?"

"There is no time left. Maybe another time."

           She let us down the stage.  I did not even hear the applause. I put on my jacket, and left.
 

      GÜLSEREN ENGÝN