Funeral Home

A girl goes to live with her widowed grandmother for the summer to help her run her vacation home. She finds out that the place use to be a funeral home and her grandfather actually disappeared and was never actually found. And then someone starts killing the guests off. What a summer, huh? This movie was pretty damn dull, and there wasn't really anything to redeem it. The story sucked, there was a small body count, the characters were annoying, and the death scenes were lackluster. Skip it. 1.5 out of 5.

Characters:

• Heather: Girl who goes to live with her grandmother at her vacation home. Soon starts tripping over dead bodies and suspects her long dead grandfather as the killer. Sure, always blame the dead guy...
• Maude: Heather's disturbed grandmother who runs the vacation home that use to be a funeral home. Has strict rules for the house, but not killing people obviously isn't one of them.
• Mr. Davis: Older man searching for his dead wife who is staying at the house. Beaten to death with a shovel.
• Rick: A good 'ol country boy who falls for Heather.
• Billy: Simpleton who works for the family and gets stabbed with an embalming tool while snooping in the basement.
• Joe: Rick's cop brother who is a bit Barney Fiffish.
• Harry: Traveling salesman who stays at the home with his mistress, and is a bit of an alcoholic. Car pushed off cliff.
• Florie: Harry's bitch of a mistress, who also gets drunk and pushed over the cliff.

The Totals:

• Body Count: 5
• Weapons Used: A truck, a shovel, an embalming tool, and an axe.
• Breast Shots: 0
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 0
• Ominous thunderstorms: 2
• Explosions: 0
• Pop-up bodies: 3

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• Hitchhikers are terrified of cats.
• Never park your car to make out on the edge of a cliff.
• Bales of hay makes a good place to hide a car.