House of 1000 Corpses

Four friends find themselves stranded on a country road and are soon abducted by the Firefly family, who torchers and murders them. I've waited two years for this film to finally get released, and it was worth the wait. There was so much attention to detail, I felt like I had ADD in some scenes. The mood was very bleak and creepy. Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre on Speed. Great directing by Rob Zombie, and cool effects. 4 out of 5.

Characters:

• Denise: One of the stranded motorists who gets the worse experience of all. And just when she thinks she has escaped... she gets caught and turned into a super soilder zombie.
• Jerry: Fellow motorist who is really into serial killers and freakish stuff like that. Gets his hair choped off and has evil surgery done.
• Capt. Spaulding: Creepy clown dude who runs a tourist site about serial killers and Dr Satan.
• Otis: Cultist of sorts who abducts people and torchers them with his deranged family.
• Baby: Psycho chic who leads the kids to the house. She dances around half naked, screams for no reason, and attacks people with knives.This chic is nuts. Reminds me of a girlfriend I once had...
• Mother Firefly: Nut of a mom who shows too much skin and had really bad teeth.
• Mary: Friend of Dinise's who dares Baby to stab her. So she does. Hunts her down in a bunny suit.
• Bill: Friend of Jerry's who is writing abook about tourist places. Sliced up and turned into a Fishboy.
• Tiny: Member of the family who was burned as a child and now wears a mask. He's kind of a simpleton.
• Rufus: Tow truck driving member of the Firefly family. he's also on huge bastard!
• Grampa: Dirty old man of the family.
• Dr. Satan: Crazy doctor who turns people into super soilders.

The Totals:

• Body Count: 14
• Weapons Used: Guns, knives, and many others things... which I have forgotten.
• Breast Shots: Several, but some a fuzzy, and others belong to dead chicks.
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 2
• Ominous thunderstorms: 1
• Explosions: 0

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• Never take directions from a deranged clown.
• Women get really bitchy on road trips.
• Chicks who wear cowboy hats are generally crazy.
• Why would you want to mess with someone called Dr Satan?
• When being hunted down, it's not very encouraging to be wearing a bunny costume.