Killer Tongue

I had a hard time decideing wether or not I liked this movie. I like the twisted sense of humnor it had, but it was hard to follow the plot some times. I was really tired when I watched this movie, and I kept dozing off, so the story didn't make much sense to me. The next day I rewound it and started again. It didn't make much more sense then either. I really felt sorry for Johnny in this movie. The poor guy was in jail with some sort of psycho gaurd tortureing him for years. Then after he escapes, he gets stabbed in the chest with a pitchfork. A nun comes along, and pulls it out, but in the process, he is handcuffed to a jeep. When he comes to, someone shoots him in the leg! Then he's forced to drag the jeep across the desert. He drags it up a huge hill, but then it starts to roll back down, dragging him all the way! I felt for him, but it was funny as hell to watch! 3.5 out of 5.

Characters

• Candy: Becomes infected and grows a mutant tongue that kills people.
• Johnny: This guy has the world's worst luck! Lives.
• Rita: A mute nun who gains the ability to speak. She then is dressed like a prostitue and has sex with random strangers.
• Chief Screw: Robert Englund! Plays a screwed up prison gaurd/warden. Eventually explodes.
• Chip: Ex-partner of Johnny and Candy's. Back looking for his money. He's on speed or something. Tongue through the head.
• Frank: Also an ex-partner. He has trouble urinating.
• Rudolph, Mimi, Loca, and Heidi: Four poodles who get turned into cross-dressing humans (don't ask) and eventually explode.

The Totals

• Body Count: 16
• Weapons Used: Super glue, gas, an electric knife, a tongue, an iron, a toaster, a mirror, a pitchfork, water, and a rock.
• Random Breast Shot: 0
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 4
• Ominous thunderstorms: 0
• Explosions: 7
• Toupees: 2

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• I don't know which is odder. Green poodles or nuns selling gas?
• Huh?
• Dogs know how to drive.
• Is she eating herself out?
• Hey look, a toupee! Shoot it!
• Carjacking can even happen in the midle of the desert.