Miner's Massacre (2003)

A small group of friends go on a treasure hunt for gold in the woods. When they find it they are suddenly hunted down by a really pissed off miner, who looks like a demonic Grizzley Adams. A fairly entertaining flick, despite some unlikeable and flat characters. A few gore scenes, but nothing shocking. All in all a fun movie, but nothing to inovative. 2.5 out of 5.

Characters

• Claire: Girl who goes on a gold hunt with her friends in the woods. Soon is being hunted down by a demonic miner who doesn't like to share his toys.
• Nick: Clair's man, who doesn't do much for the movie itself. He's just kinda there to take up space.
• Axl: Pastey ex-army friend who has very bad luck with women. Blows himself up with the 49er.
• Hayden: Greedy friend of the bunch, who gets paranoid and leaves his friends behind for dead. Dies in a car wreck/explosion.
• Rox Ann: Hayden's girlfriend who is entirely too hot for that assclown. Gets a shovel through the head quite unexpectingly.
• Eve: Hot back woods girl who tries to warn the group that they're going to be really fucked if they steal the gold. Do they listen? Noooo. She goes back to help, but gets an axe to the chest.
• Sheriff Murphy: A good ol' boy who kinda slacks off on actual police work.
• Aunt Nelly: Eve's aunt who looks scarier that the demonic miner. Set on fire.
• Tori: Axl's bitch of a girlfriend who parts ways early one, only to be decapitated down the road.
• Jared: Claire's brother who sends her the map to find the gold. He won't be joining the hunt. Killed with a hook.
• The 49er: Pissed off dead miner who comes back to kill those who steal his gold.

The Totals

• Body Count: 9
• Weapons Used: A hook, a pick axe, a gun, a lantern, a meat cleaver, a 2X4, a flaregun, explosives, and a shovel.
• Breast Shots: 0
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 0
• Thunderstorms: 0
• Explosions: 2
• Miners Massacred: 0

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• Never steal from someone who looks like a demonic Grizzly Adams.
• Never trust a man with less than five teeth.
• Hot redneck girls always know best.