Model Massacre (AKA Color Me Red)

An artist who has failed so far in his career discovers his paintings are priceless when painted in human blood. Soon he starts killing random people for their precious fluids. This movie was filmed in 1965, so the color and film quality kinda sucks. Plus with the low body count and poor character development, it makes for a long and slow movie. There isn't really a massacre at all. Skip it. 1.5 out of 5.

Characters:

• Adam: Ecentric artist who looks a bit like Hitler. Kind of a loser until he starts to paint with human blood.
• April: Beautiful girl that Adam tried to paint/kill.
• Gigi: Adam's girlfriend who keeps saying 'If we ever get married...' every ten seconds. Stabbed in the head.
• Farnsworth: Collector of paintings, who loves Adam's newer portraits.
• Rolf: April's hairy boyfriend who saves the day.
• Sydney & Jack: One of those couples that always dress the same. They soooo should have died.

The Totals:

• Body Count: 4
• Weapons Used: A razor, a harpoon, and a gun.
• Breast Shots: 0
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 1
• Ominous thunderstorms: 0
• Explosions: 0
• Terrible Paintings: 3

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• Paintings bleed when burned.
• Artists park 5 feet away from the curb.
• 'Holy Bananas!' is an appropiate expression for finding a rotting corpse.