Splatter University

A mystery killer is on the loose killing students left and right. A new teacher tries to find out what the hell is going on before she dies next. Kind of a boreing college slasher movie. Most of the people killed were cut or stabbed in non-fatal areas like the forehead. The story moved really slow, and with no motive. Plus all of the women were teases. 1.5 out of 5.

Characters:

• Julie: New teacher in a school with a bad history. She's also a really bad driver.
• Mark: Julia's man who suffers from 'Wrong Man Acused Syndrome."
• Father Janson: Priest who rolls around in a wheel chair. Whould that make him... a Holy Roller? Sorry, that was bad.
• Cathy: Pregnet teen who gets stabbed at the drive-in.
• Cynthia: Julie's best friend and fellow teacher. Gives her advice, but would you take advice from someone who ends up dead in a closet?
• Denise: Slut who doesn't show anything! Stabbed in the mouth.
• Mrs. Bloom: Julie's insane landlady. Talks about the good ol days when people killed each other with posin.
• Tom: Asshole that got Cathy pregnet.
• Doreen Student who gets stabbed and thrown into a dumpster.

The Totals:

• Body Count: 8
• Weapons Used: A knife and a vase.
• Breast Shots: 0
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 1
• Ominous thunderstorms: 0
• Explosions: 0
• Cars unable to start: 1
• Acts of violence against crotches: 3

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• Coffee breaks are for smoking.
• Stabbed in the crotch?! Damn.
• A priest dumping porno!
• When hiding from a killer, never scream.
• There has to be some major sin about kicking priests in the crotch.