Woodchipper Massacre

Yes, the title makes this movie sound promising, and I have defended some crappy movies in my time, but I'll be damned if this is one of them. First off, the movie looks like it was done with hand held camcorders, instead of real movie cameras. Second, the story was lame. It was like the director was going for a dark comedy, but it was just to ridiculous and comedic to pull it off. Then there was the acting, or lack of, that made watching it almost unbearable. If I wasn't reviewing it to warn you people about, I would have turned it off, and I rarely ever do that. I mean look at the cover art! It looks like someone colored it in with markers! Heed my warning and stay away! 1/2 out of 5.

Characters:

• Kim: The daughter of the screwed up trio of siblings.
• Tom: Redhead little brother, who loks like the nerdy weakling type.
• John: The older child who helps clean up the messes before the parents get home.
• Aunt Tess: Sent to watch over the kids with an iron fist. She dies and gets put into the woodchipper to get rid of the body.
• Aunt Tess'es Son: I forget his name, but it doesn't really matter. He's a royal asshole too and get's pushed into the 'ol chipper too.

The Totals:

• Body Count: 2
• Weapons Used: A knife and the woodchipper.
• Breast shots: 0
• Moments where characters were mysteriously unable to run from a certain death: 0
• Thunderstorms: 0
• Explotions: HA HA HA. Not in this movie! 0

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• I'm haveing flashbacks of Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitter's Dead.
• Sooooomebody has been watching Fargo.
• Why call the cops, when you can just turn the body into multch for the lawn?