Well Melody said this might help me work some emo-ness out of my system, so it's an attempt. This weekend was great. Friday was a usual day at school, worst that happened was my Chemistry test, which went fairly well. I unpatiently waited for the last bell to ring and when it did I booked it to the car, said quick goodbyes to everyone after fussing about which pants to wear to the Weezer concert and changing twice in the parking lot. I drove home real fast to get a soda and grab my jewelry so I wouldn't feel so naked. I called Lindz as I sped over to Liberty High, and made plans to meet her, Blaine, and Justin at Mccy D's in Gainsville forty-five minutes from then. Marnie was waiting on the corner like the good ho she is, and we began our journey as soon as she got in the car. We got to Gainsville earlier than expected, so went to grab a bite to eat at Burger King. Justin called shortly after we sat down to eat, and told me they were at Mccy D's right then. So me and Marnie hopped in the car and I slowly drove to Mccy D's because I was stressing out about how nervous I was to meet Justin. All I kept saying was, "Man Marn, I'm real nervous... reaaaaal nervous." and made funny unsure sounds as we pulled into the parking lot. I saw Blaine as I turned because he was wearing his bright red cap and skating to show off for Lindz ;) I didn't see Justin till I got well out of the car, and after I had given Lindz a giant hug and a look over her teethes. Those mustve hurt like a biznatch. So I saw Justin and gave him a giant hug immediately; the hug felt like I already knew him and it was really comfortable. We figured out who was going to lead whom going to GMU, it would be Justin because he drives faster and wouldn't like trying to stay behind me. I had no idea what I was instore for when he asked me whether or not I drove fast. I humbly said yes, not aware of what his meaning of fast was. He drove like a friggen bat outta hell. It was real scary. His speed on I-66 was hitting the 90+ mark while I was putting along at a mild speed of 70. I felt so sorry for my car, I didn't want to push it to a high speed cause I wouldn't wanna be treated like that if I was a car, regardless of what speed I was made for. I heard a human can travel about 25 miles an hour, but hell I would never want to do that. EVER. So I kept my distance without losing sight of his car, and we finally got to GMU. I found Miss Nancy's car and parked right beside it. Justin parked beside me and we all walked in together. Mel, Lowll, Nancy, Katie, Emily, and Brenda were already together in line, and we just got in with them. I felt kinda bad about that, cause I know how biotchy I feel when someone does that to me, but I wasn't about to lose my Mel. We finally got let into the building after being let down by security... I didn't get the customary "feel up" check and me and Lindz were both real disappointed... So we got down to the center's ground area, and sat down altogether like one big happy Weezer Family. Mel wasn't close to the front as she had anticipated, but I'm shure she was just happy to be at a Weezer concert right then. The opening band started, and since Blaine and Justin left me and Lindz to fend for ourselves, I protected Lindz and her precious teethes. I had alot of fun pushing random guys into the pit right infront of us, they deserved it I'm shure of. This one pint sized boy was real into the idea of moshing and so I got pretty mad that he hadn't enough sense to stay out, and pulled him by the shirt back into the crowd. Then this red-haired balding giant stepped into our area to russle up some grub in the pit. I was mad pissed he would consider doing that even ten feet near the Lindz, so I knocked him a couple jabs while he was already getting beating in the pit he had started. Earlier, this kid who looked about our age was trying like mad to start a pit of his own, and I would have no part of it. Instead I shoved and kicked and screamed my way through to him and yelled for him to stop it. I shot him a look of death, smiled, and marched right back to Lindz. Later he apologized, but that's just the price you have to pay for messing with my friends or me. So the opening band started, I didn't like them much-- just didn't get good vibes. So then me and Lindz decided to try to find Blaine and Justin, so we went up to the seats near the floor to see better. No sign of them at all. I did however see one familiar from the previous Weezer Experience at the HFStival. It was the guy with the chicken hair, real unforgetable. So we somehow found Blaine and Justin, I think we found them out in the outter rim of the center. We went to see how Mel was cause I noticed her back at the seats with Lowell and Nancy. She looked kinda emo, probably just tired or something I assumed. I gave her a hug and asked if she was ok, then me and Justin went to buy some pop. I went to whip out my moneys, and Justin was such a manly man he sprung for it himself. So being me I gave him the man you're difficult look, but he knew appreciated it. We walked around for a bit until we found Lindz and Blaine and then Weezer was just about to come on so we walked around to find some place to stand. Weezer's first song I remember was Island In The Sun... it was definately an island in the sun. Justin had his arms around me the whole time, and it felt good to be held. Rivers said, "Thank you for your support." real robotic like, it was hilarious, and then the show went on. I was disappointed it wasn't longer, but I didn't expect them to play all night like I had wished. Lindsey definately called the encore of Buddy Holly, but said she wanted it to be either Suzanne or Jamie. I would've liked that too. During most of the Weezer, Blaine and Justin played with some red and blue light saber keychain type things... I thought it was kinda funny how they could be so amused with a flashlight... But anyway, if it makes them happy. So Weezer was beautiful like they always are and always will be, I found Erik outside after the concert while hanging around with Mel, Katie, Lowell, Nancy, Marnie, Justin, Lindsey, and Blaine. I was really glad to see Erik, I hadn't realized how different things in Warrenton were without him there. It was really nice to see him. So Melody drove home with me, and I began to follow Justin out of the parking lot. Lindz, Justin, and Blaine wanted to find a Denny's, but I got tired of following Justin in a place I was real lost, so I took the first exit toward home to get myself and Mel oriented. Little did I know I had exited onto 495... (I think.. it was a three-digiter). But that was alright, considering it was the first time I've been on a road that monsterous. We took that to 95 South toward Richmond. I was using my logic the whole time, thinking Richmond is toward Warrenton, so let's go that way. I'm pretty shure you can never go wrong if you just use logic. So Justin sped to catch up to us again, and me and Mel exited onto Prince William Parkway thinking Prince William is familiar, and it goes to Manassas, and we were both pretty confident about getting through Manassas to go home. I don't know how Justin did it, but somehow he caught up to us in an exceptional time. However, he also had a very close call speeding past a cop car going in the 80 range. The cop flicked on his lights, like he was about to attack, and thankfully, he went to the other side of the road to chase someone else besides Justin. That one was real scary. We stopped at a gas station in old town Manassas, real afraid that we'd get pulled over for being out after curfew. There were cops everywhere, it was like being in a giant shark tank. We finally reached Mel's house, and then they drove with me to my house. I said goodnight to everyone very reluctantly, and fell asleep the minute I walked in my room. The next day I woke up around 11:30, cleaned my room so I could hang out with Lindz, Justin, and Blaine, and then went in town while they drove to my house from Lindsey's. They drove up right behind me while I was turning back onto my road going home. We saw Cass coming out of the road, and we stopped for a second and said hello and whatnot. We went back to my house, I gave them all a tour and introduced them to my parents. We left to go drive around, unaware of where we'd end up. We went to Manassas Mall, and Brad almost backed into us while we were driving around for a space to park. Pretty small world, I wish it was ten times bigger. We walked around the mall, Justin got his glasses fixed cause they were tainted after the concert's pit. We left the mall after seeing Kate and Stacy, and headed for Warrenton for lack of better things to do. We went to get some food at Frost, nobody else we knew was there, but it really didn't matter. I felt so comfortable around Justin, it was such a relief compared to how nervous I was meeting him the day before. On the way to Kmart so I could buy a birthday card for my brother and pop, Justin performed his System of a Down impression while he was driving. Oh man it was so hilarious. He looked real cute when he did it too, I was real bummed he was driving then cause I couldn't attack him or anything fun like that. We saw Jess in Kmart, I gave her a monster hug, it was cool to see her someplace other than the usual school. We went back to my house and said our goodbyes. I had an awesome day. It was very carefree and happy. Less than ten minutes after they all dropped me off, Justin called me, it was so sweet of him. Sunday I went to brunch with my brother, dad, mom, sister, sister-in-law, nephews, and sister's boyfriend in DC on the waterfront...

October 8th, 2001

So this weekend. Egh. My highlight... Friday hanging out with the punkers at the show. That made me feel really good, getting back into the old swing of things finally. Adrian came which was cool, but only because Jocelyn said she was coming. That kinda made me mad; but then David came so that was real neato. He is one hip hip kid. Incredibly Brian Bell-esque, striking resemblence in the hair and eyes. Crazy. So Stephen showed up too. That was unexpected but real awesome, even if he did kinda scare me when he flew off the handle at Jake Lear. Although Jake definately deserved it, poor Jakey. I was really scared for David though cause he got arrested. I wanted to go plow over those coppys and rescue him; but I know better then to mess with fat old men. I got home today, and called Justin as soon as I walked in the door. It's crazy how you think you won't miss someone when they're gone, but that's only because they're with you right then when you're thinking that. I really miss him alot. Which is really strange cause I only met him twice, but since the whole talking online/phone deal, I feel I know him better than normally. Man well I'm real tired. I'll try to get some piccas up here maybe. That's today's thoughts though...

October 9th, 2001

Well nothing much happened today, I was glad that my chemistry test was incredi-easy and my first all A report card since the stone age. David's friend who stole the stereo fessed up so he's off the hook and I'm real glad. Adrian said he didn't just go to the show cause of Josie, so that made me happy too cause he gives good hugs. I'm talkin to the kid who I enjoy throwing bricks at, we're havin an okay convo so far... see how long that one lasts tho...

October 10th, 2001

So I walk into school this morning, Mr. McCartney hangin by my locker once again. I tell him hi and he immediately asks me if I know Brittany Kmonk. So that was mad odd, and I told him yea, and he told me about last night's car crash and that she was killed. Man so lovely start to the day huh? I was about to hurl, but I had no doubt that it wasn't real because Mr. McCartney is one not to joke about such things. It made me feel odd. Cause we used to be really good close friends in 5th grade, but then she kinda branched out to the popular kids and we haven't talked in a long long time. So I was all confused and helpless cause due to her present group of friends, they would have no idea I even knew her much less anything else. But then I was thinkin about Simon alot, and being real thankful that she didn't make the choice to die like he did. It made me emo thinking about it, but what else was I going to do? I kinda feel like she disowned me and our group for the popular kids during middle school, so I don't feel I should be going to her funeral with all the friends she chose to hang out with. Don't get me wrong, I still feel sad that she's gone and we'll never get to talk again ever, but since we haven't had any contact in such a long time, it's not that big of a change for me. I doubt she'd even wanna talk to me if she was still her because she never made any note of realization that I existed when we passed in the halls. I'd be much more comfortable going to tell her how I feel and stuff when nobody's around, so nobody would have to try to understand why I was there. So it's real crazy, and I feel real sorry for all her friends cause like Gwenny said, it's probably new to them. But I called Melissa and told her the story before I went to babysit Devin and Liam. That was a mess. I wish they were both pottytrained. It seems like I haven't talked to Justin in a long time, and it's makin me feel emo, I really wish he could majikly come up this weekend...

October 25th, 2001

So I was thinking today. Why not talk about John Fishquack for a change? He's an interesting chap, why shouldn't he be the topic of everything!? Whoops, sorry I meant John Fishback. So this journal thing will be dedicated to talking about him. Specifically and Only. (Actually I'm definately lying.) So I have decided to start a quotes page pretty soon. I am perouseing at imdb.com , their quotes pages. But anyway, back to the subject: John. John is in my first block Film Analysis class. He likes to sing to musicals which is very humourous cause he's actually quite good at it. I even nominated him for an Academy Award for best singing performance as Maria. John just so happens to like fruit loops a lot. One of these days, I might make him a fruit loop necklace. I am most entirely proud to say that he is the boyfriend of one Miss Kempuh Kemp. She is sooooo grand, they are a definate memory match. One day, for John's birthday, I got him a Yoda Pez and a Kermit Pez. That was mainly good luck for the show at Second Street though. Silly me-- Fallen Heroes doesn't need any luck, they are wonderful anyway! And then the next day back at school, I brought him his hardcore birthday yo-yo. It said "fist of fury" on the packaging. Pretty funny stuff. Okay well I'm all talked out for now. Time for some Dave...

November 2nd, 2001

Well today was a nice relaxed day... so far. But let me explain the past week or so... Well on Halloween... It was a half day and I went to Joann's with Stokely and Pat and then we went to my house to go get some Halloween stuff for Stokes to be a cowgirl. Then I went over to Stokes before we went to Cassie's house to watch great episodes of Dawson's Creek for a while. Man they really know how to pick some good lookin guys... So then I had to go to drums which was awesome cause I learned almost all of Chop Suey. I went home to get all dressed like a Roman before me Stokes, and Dana went to Amie's house for the traditional trick or treating/hang out deal. So then I was driving around with Stokes after we left, cause we had to stop by the Tully's and she asked me if I still liked Brad. Now as you all probably know, this quesiton is a very powerful one. Well I explained that seeing as how he was my first monster crush I'll probably always have a smidge of likeness for him and that was pretty much the end of the conversation, but then I was thinking later on about how what really bothers me is that he's not at all a part of my life anymore and it's real crazy cause you go from having a huge past with someone to absolutely nothing with them. It is definately a quantum leap. (For who have taken chemistry...) And then after I got all shitty feelin about that, I realized that most of the people I hang out with now, as much as I would like to think that they will always be apart of my life, that most of them will not be. My sister doesn't talk to anyone of her old high school friends. My brother only talks to one of his old friends, and not even regularly. I can't believe that the people who are helping to create my own personality, won't be there to add to it when I'm older. It makes me feel so much more appreciative of the short time I have left with them right now. Man this is probably one of the most sickening entries I've made in this thing yet, but I'm just telling the truth. I hope nobody who reads this gets a sad feeling, just maybe a reality check.

November 6th, 2001

Okay so these past couple of days have been freaky. Friday night I hung out with Jamie and Dana. We went to Sarah's birthday party in Manassas. That was mad cool cause it was just like a local house show, with plus bands and kids who were carbon copies of our friends. Then Saturday night I couldn't find anything to do, so me and Nate drove up to Mike's diner to meet Kempuh, Kate, Gwen, John, and Alex. They left and me and Nate waited for Jamie cause I called him to come meet me there. We all went back to Kemps after he got there, it ended up being me, Jamie, Nate, Cory, Sarah, Cassie, and Kempuh. We watched most of Blow and then went home. Sunday was the road cleanup, that was a hoot let me tell you. So Monday was real mad boring at school but since we don't have school tomorrow, it was like a Friday. I went to Frost with Cass and hung with Nate and Kemp, then me, Cass, Nate, Mel, and Lindzaho went to Hoyts to see Monsters Inc. It was a great kids movie and had little pieces of flair from other well known films that weren't targeted for children. Even for the most hardcore of them, it's a great movie. So now I'm at Cassie's house watching/listening to A Night's Tale and Cass is asleep in front of the tele and I think Nate's still up watching it... guess he can't take his eyes off Heath Ledger. Oh yea that reminds me... I got to see Bryan tonight. That was nice. And tomorrow I'm planning on making a trip to Varisty cause they're going out of business. Yes yes. Well I forgot to talk about John. He's online. He's in a band called Fallen Heroes. I probably already told you all that tho. "All" as in being the only few selected amount of kids who actually read this. Well he also cut his hand up cause I saw him last week and he told me, but I didn't realize what he said till the other day when I saw his hand all bandaged up. Okay well I'm real sleepy now...

November 8th, 2001

Well right now I'm feeling super. *ExTrEmE sArCaSm* I went to work, wondering where Mel went that I didn't see her at lunch or after school, and then Marian told me about Mel's grandma dying... I was real worried about her and stuffs cause it was so unexpected. I realized I talked to her before that, cause I had to call to see about watering the plants at work. And then I came home and read the journal like I normally do after I check my mail and it was a bad deal. Man it blew my mind. I was incredibly hesitant getting that Weezer shirt, because I knew Melody had it, but I figured if I didn't wear it to school then it'd be okay, cause I really wanted that shirt cause I don't have many band shirts that I like. Plus I know Lindz and her have a couple same same shirts and it's all good. I knew it was diff. cause it was Weezer, but I didn't know that I would be beaten with a pogo stick for wearing a band shirt that I liked. So I will send my regrets. I don't know why Mel is all googly toward me lately, she said stuff about how come I don't have hostile feelings or thoughts... people don't realize that if I don't want people to know about something, I don't say anything. This is much the situation with my feelings with Mel. She doesn't know that I am way too bummed by the fact that she is ten billion times smarter and more motivated than me. I'll be listening on convos about her history class, and I won't know anything they're talking about. Or the fact that kids will label me as a dumbass cause I'm goofy, or blond, or both, and Mel will still be cute and smart as hell ever. Or last night, I cried like a baby cause of Dawson's Creek, she didn't believe me that it was cry worthy, but it was. I felt like a giant dumbass cause she was makin fun of me for crying about Dawson's Creek. The reason I was crying is cause everything in that episode reminded me of last year, it was horrible. Well that's my day.

December 23rd, 2001

So today was real crazy, going last minute Christmas shopping with Stokes and Cass . We went to Fair Oaks and me and Cass bought out the whole freakin mall and lil' Stokes didn't buy a thing. But I dropped Cass off at her house after we got back home and then dropped Stokes off too. I went to Wal Mart to get some last minute stuffs as well, Dev and Liam's toys and such. So I was just walking around in Wal Mart by myself and I had this completely strange feeling of being all alone. Alone in the worst possible way. I came home after that and felt so incredibly tired you have no idea. Tired and lonely. Brant called while I was watching a Nick Cage movie with my parents, and I couldn't believe I told him how tired I was cause I know he would've hung out with me tonight. So I went outside to go take Alf up to his stall, and then I was walking back and I was looking at the sky and thinking of the Saves The Day song again, not that tonight's sky was overly beautiful or anything, but just the fact that even if it was I still wouldn't have anyone to share it with. Besides that Christmas is two days away and I have no one to give me any fuzzy feeling of happiness. I really hate to be complaining cause I know complaining sucks ass, but I haven't written in here for a while and I figure I might as well put my thoughts somewhere since I have time to write in here. Well I'm gonna go watch Office Space, peace. Merry Christmas and all that holiday stuff guys...

December 29th, 2001

Woo I love bein emo. Especially when you're so emorific that you feel like sleeping every day for the rest of your life just because your too tired of all the bullshit that makes you emo. But on the other hand, if you sleep the rest of your life, you'll miss so many things-- not nessesarily things you want to be apart of though. And then there's moments where you just get stuck thinking about everything you can possibly imagine, and it makes you sink deeper into emodom. And you think of people who you really try hard to make them apart of your life, and they just ruin everything... but you keep letting them into your life just because you want it to work so badly. With the new year coming up and all, you'd think I'd be making some resolutions or wishes, but I think I'll stop that tradition because it won't really happen anyway, all the resolutions never end up being followed, and the wishes aren't ever granted.

January 2nd, 2002

New Years was great guys. Definately the best I've had in a long time. It was the best because despite all the drunks, I left the party feeling happy and not depressed that I was alone. In fact, I think that even if Brant had not been there I would haven't felt lonely. At least I'd like to think I wouldn't... It was good times. Dana brought me Subway in the afternoon, Melody came over and we all got ready... ie me doing everyone's hair ;) So then Brant called after he cleaned up at Cassie's house (all by himself... nobody was home) and he came over and right after that we all left for Jess's house. We went and watched Jess's bf and Brant play video games. Mel decided that she liked Brant (WOO WOO!) and then we went to the Den of Cool after we drank some hot cocoa and ate some cookie brownie things. So we all walked over to DOC and started watching Wayne's World, that we couldn't hear cause of the music and people talking, but it was still cool. I'll try to name all the people there at one point or another while I was there: Amie, Lauren, Josh, Andrew, Cass, Lindsey, Brant, Travis, Kim, Dana, Zach, Marta, Maggi, Jon, Peter, Jess Lear, Richard, Jess Beach, Brandon, Katherine, Julia, Mel, Dave, Stephen (bassist), Gwen and Monique Hodgson, a really nice girl named Rebecka and Jenny Whistler. So as the night progressed, more people got drunk, good tunes played on, quarters game went on, jam session occured, hugs all around... you get the drift. It was full of happy loving people. The ball dropped and everyone cheered in a huddled mass as close to the television as they could get without obstructing views. Kisses were shared, hugs everywhere and the love was felt. The party slowly dispersed, Mel, Jess, and Richard went home while Lindzey, Jake, and Peter went to get Erik from Fat Dog's party. Brant and I stayed at DOC and chilled with the leftovers and tossed the football across the living room to Katherine a few million times. Brant played Jenny Whistler at some racing video game, she won. Hahaha. Jon wanted to listen to "A Long December" so he went out to the car and got his cd case, and put it on. We all listened to it intently and then Maggi announced it was way too depressing, so he picked out some Weeze to hype everyone back into the 'good life'. Everyone sang along to Weezer and it felt like the house had a huge heart beating together. It was such a massively warm wave. We listened to Nada Surf's "Popular" and then Jon put on some other good tunes of which Katherine sang every word to. Mel kept calling me and she left a message that sounded pretty snippy so I figured I best listen to my mom and go home to Jess's. Brant and I walked to Jess's, through the pony grounds, and said goodbye. I got upstairs and watched the end of Sixteen Candles and then Welcome To The Dollhouse. It was a niiice night. Best I've had so far. Well I leave you with a quote from Lauren... "Yeah I'm livin'! It's 2002!!!!"

January 28th, 2002

On Friday I had to work at the pool which was easier than any other work day mainly because all I ended up doing is helping Marian set up for the swim meet that night. Kids started showing up around 6 and it was nice to see Liberty and Fauquier people together. I went home to change, then picked Brant up for the show. When we arrived at Second Street, Brandon Peck was finishing up his acoustic set. The first song Old Hat played that night following Brandon's set was "For All The Cows" and I went ballistic. I couldn't believe that they would be so awesome as to play a Foo Fighters tune. I really had a great time.

Saturday I woke up bright and early to go take the SAT's at Culpeper Hgih. It wasn't as much of an adventure as I was looking for and I came home feeling drained. Saturday night I went to see Fallen Heroes and Stephen's band, Operation Hazel, play at Second Street. I didn't stand or dance for most of the show because I was so sleepy. I didn't go home though despite my lack of energy because I knew I was happy watching my friends play.

February 3rd, 2002

Today was mad cool. Lindsey and I worked out after schoool and played some lacrosse up at the tennis courts. Then I met up with Brant and Mark at TCBY and Brant bought us all ice cream. I wish I had a video camera becaues Brant got "Chocolate Chocolate" ice cream with chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and gummy bears. It was so incredibly disgusting. Needless to say, it got all over the table and all over everyone.

February 19th, 2002

Friday I got home and realized I had no brake fluid. So I had to wait for my pop to bring home some. Kim and Jess came over before they went to babysit and then Dana stopped by. We met Kim and Jess at Jon's house later on and Dana slept over at my house again.

Saturday I went to my sister's house in Alexandria and then Kim, Jon, and Nate stopped by. I left with Kim and Jon to play volleyball at Rady Park with Maggi, Zach, Phil, Stephen, Mel, Lindsey, Katie, and Travis. We all went back to Jon's house after that and hung out until Maggi got some more information on the Sorry About Dresden show that was that night. I didn't think my mom would let me go, but Phil talked her into it. It was really a great band and we got back at 1 in the AM and my parents were completely cool with it.

February 23rd, 2002

Last night rocked my life. Kim and I made a poster for Phil and he loved it. The show was full of energy and even got a little too rambunkcious at times, but the whole night was by far topped when Phil told me countless times that I am 'amazing'. Smeep!

February 25th, 2002

Wow this weekend was awesome just like the last weekend. Friday Kim and I hung out and ran arrands before going to Jon's house. We all decided to go to Rady and play some volleyball and then Kim and I went back to her house and made Phil a poster with "Phil " words on it, such as "Phil-adelphia." We sneaked into Jon's house while they were at 2nd St. setting up for the show and put the poster in clear view as a surprise. The show rocked the hardest it has ever and Phil was very surprised by our poster. Saturday Mel came over and we went to Rady to play volleyball with Phil, Kim, Jon, and Travis. Mel, Phil, and I stayed after a while to play soccer and then Mel and I went to get her hair cut. We went back to Jon's to finish watching "Chasing Amy" and "High Fidelity" before going back to my house to clean my room. Mel went home and Phil picked me up, then we drove over to Mel's and got her to go to a campire party in New Baltimore at some Exploding Boy house or something.

It was very cold but I had a good time hanging out with all the new kids from Friday's show. Someone brought out a guitar and a conga drum and we sang songs by the fire. It felt very unifying despite not knowing everyone. Phil took Mel and I home while Allan rode with us. Phil got pulled over in Vint HIll because he ran the stop sign, but the cop wasn't in the mood to deal with all the paperwork, plus the fact that he couldn't find a black pen and got another call on his scanner... therefore Phil was let go with a warning. I was thoroughly amazed.

March 31st, 2002

So this week has been horrible. Sunday Maggi and Zach broke up and Monday? I had a long talk with Phil and it was really confusing. I drove home crying because "Water Under The Bridge" came on and hit a couple chords at the moment. Tuesday I talked to Phil more in hopes of more clarification on what was said the previous night, and he said he wanted to "rock the single thing" for a while. "There's still a feeling of rejection, When someone says she preferes the company of others To your exclusive company..." That did still hurt cause he said 'single'. I really felt good about whatever was going on with Phil and myself. He is the first guy in a long time who when I'm with, I don't think of any other guy but him. I feel like I became a hassle for him or something like that, even though he said he just needed to be fair to me and not think of Ryan so much... I still feel like I was skipped aside and now I'm alone again feeling a little confused and outcast. I really hope this works out. Wednesday I got in a accident with some kid on Frytown Road, maimed my poor car. Wednesday I broke down and cried about all of it. Thursday I slept at Kim's with Dana and Friday I went to the movies with Zach and Phil to see Panic Room, then to the show which rocked. Mel told me something to really get me angry at Jenn. I talked to her about it tonight, and the sick thing is I never thought twice about trusting my friends with a guy I like, I was always untrusting of the guy because most are scum at heart... but now Jenn has made me think twice about trusting my friends with a guy I like and that disgusts me to the core. So Friday night I tried to pull it off, the sleepin at Dana's AKA Jon's. But that fell through and I didn't fight it, but Kim told me Phil and Diane slept in the same bed. That was alarming, but it'd be like me and Nate so who really cares. I still feel like shit compared to her though because she's practically his best friend and it makes me sick cause I'll never be that close to him, even if he would let me be that close which I don't feel he would. Saturday night Kim and I went skating at Hugo's, that was a hoot and it made me feel great. I give a big THANK YOU SALUTE to Kim for that. We are such big dorks. Today was Easter, so Happy Easter. To end this entry... I bought tickets to see Catch 22 tonight. It's gonna rock my Keds off.

April 9, 2002

Dana, Paul, and I went to see Catch 22 at the 9:30... it was soo beautiful. There was so much energy when they played I felt incredibly inspired to get out and do something that could give me one hint of a feeling of joy and excitement that they were feeling. During most of the break, I hung out with Kim. Lindsey went to California for break and brought me back these really creepy sunglasses that have rhinestones and are horn-rimmed. The Catch-22 show made me want to play some trombone or trumpet... so I could be in a SKA band... whooee! That would rock sooo bad.

September 1st, 2002

So summer is deinately over for 2002- no joke. Today Rebekah left for University of Delaware. This summer went by so quickly. All I can say for it though, it was interesting. The beginning of the summer was filled with optomistic opportunities and no realizations of what changes would have to occur.

First party of the summer was Brant's 4th of July. Lindsey and I went and met a bunch of new Rappahannok kids, and had a great time. then there was Maggi's big party, which was beautiful mostly because I got to sleep at Jon's with Phil- who I had missed occasionally. It's so beautiful to be able to fall asleep so close to someone you care about- to be able to fall asleep hugging each other (so tightly that any one else would think it was uncomfortable) but that night, it couldn't have felt any more comfortable. Hugging someone so tightly that even when you wake up, you are still holding on, so that you always know they are still right beside you. It's amazing.

Then there were multiple parties at the Den, one private deal at Paul DeMember's house and finally one last monster party at the Den the last night everyone still officially lived there. My boy situation is up in arms, because the night of Maggi's party Phil told me he had missed me, but then we talked after the next weekend's party (when Katherine spent the night) and he said he was just nostalgic so I shrugged his actions off and went back to play defense. Boys come and go, they seem like something is going to happen, but then at the last minute-- they call in sick.

October 24th, 2002

So lately I've been doing a lot of college research stuff... I wish I already knew where I was going and what I was supposed to do and what was going to happen to me, but I guess everyone wishes they knew that. I have jokingly realized that my plan should be to go to UC at Boulder, get a education studying Marine Biology or Biology of some sort, and then end up marrying Craig. I figure he's never been mean to me, never been anything but super dorky sweet, never had a dull conversation with him, all the good conventional things. I told Cassie and Hugh about my plan, they laughed. Saying something about how crazy our kids would be... seeing as how mental I already am with no drugs, and how mental Craig is because of drugs. I don't care, they'd be super fuckin cute kids. Plump with blond hair. Just like little german Augustus's. Although this plan is almost 100% not possible, it is still fun to think about it. I see people come into work and they have their boyfriend or girlfriend right by their side, half of me is amused that they are happy, the other half of me is so bitter with jealously it's ridiculous. I just wish something was stable or concrete at this moment. All of us have to figure out what we want to make of ourselves pretty soon... the timer is running out on our childhood clocks. I need someone to act like they know what's going on... then they need to tell me. Convince me that they know it's all going to turn out fine. Cause I'm having trouble with that concept.

October 28th, 2002
This is all I think I need to write for today... it explains quite a bit.
dayfightre: ELLY!!!
JMUbigE: whats goin down terra?
dayfightre: i looked up at my curtains, cause you know how i have fluffyness over my blinds, and there was a tail hangin outta the fluff
dayfightre: so i looked up again, and there is a fucking mouse looking at me from my curtain fluffy thing
JMUbigE: nah i didnt know that.....a tail?
dayfightre: it's still up there
JMUbigE: hahahahhaa thats hilarious
dayfightre: he's just hanging out
dayfightre: fuckin real high up in the air on my curtain rod
JMUbigE: hahahaha
JMUbigE: youre just cool about it
dayfightre: shit that's fucked up
dayfightre: i wonder how the little man got up there
dayfightre: omg it's so fuckin cute
dayfightre: he's like ralph the mouse
JMUbigE: hahahahaha
dayfightre: awww that's what that fuckin noise has been
JMUbigE: he drove up there with a motorcycle
dayfightre: my room is such a mess
dayfightre: yes.
dayfightre: he was all trekkin over the curtain poofs
dayfightre: shit i dunno what should i do!
dayfightre: should i leave him up there or take him down and put him outside?
dayfightre: he's not hurting anyone
dayfightre: i don't care if he's there
JMUbigE: probably put him outside
dayfightre: but my cat....
JMUbigE: before he starts a family and nests in your bed
JMUbigE: and has ugly little mices
dayfightre: haha my mom will shit bricks if she finds him
dayfightre: she will bitch for years
dayfightre: i think he has
dayfightre: i dunno what is in my bed and what's not
dayfightre: meh, he's stayin the night
dayfightre: i'll prolly forget in the morning, but who cares
dayfightre: he's not hurting me
dayfightre: fuck knows how long he has lived there
JMUbigE: hahahahah
JMUbigE: man i went to answer the phone and you left like 80 messages
dayfightre: FUCKK!!!
dayfightre: i looked on the wall, and he's fuckin climbin on it
dayfightre: and i screamed like a girl.
JMUbigE: hahahahhaah
dayfightre: hahaha fuck
dayfightre: i hope my mom doesn't wake up
JMUbigE: hes just climbin up the wall
dayfightre: she'll bitch and bitch and then kill that poor suckah
dayfightre: yes.
dayfightre: right beside my computer
dayfightre: shit
JMUbigE: maybe you should put him outside then if youre all against the killing of the rats
dayfightre: there he goes across the room near my bathrom
dayfightre: how the fuck did he get over there already?
dayfightre: maybe they already made babies
JMUbigE: hahaha
dayfightre: and they are just runnin loose now
dayfightre: ELLIOT what should i do!?!?!
dayfightre: telll meeee
dayfightre: it's like a cartoon
dayfightre: where you see ralph runnin to the kitchen on a secret mission for food for his family
JMUbigE: go run after it.....dive all over the room.....and try to catch
JMUbigE: it
JMUbigE: nah youll probably never catch it
dayfightre: and the audience is hoping he'll make it, but he must pass the humans and the cats first
dayfightre: like in Babe
JMUbigE: just let him be if youre not worried about it
JMUbigE: let your mom catch it if shes worried about it
dayfightre: yeah i won't catch him... or them.... or will i!? i just took some caffiene pills, so you never know how zippy i could be
dayfightre: that fucker is gonna fuckin live forever in my room just like mr. jingles
dayfightre: i never clean it
dayfightre: i guess i'll have to pick up my room first before i write my essay
dayfightre: heh i wish i was a mouse. i'd be a track star
dayfightre: aww he's checkin out my bathroom
dayfightre: wassssuuuuppp lil' mousey
dayfightre: SHIT! zoom zoom zoom!

November 21, 2002
GO TAKE MY QUIZ! Muahaha. Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

November 26, 2002

I'm finally legal. Alright good things about being legal... no curfew. Bad things... no boys under 18 anymore (not like this has ever come up), no more being tried as a minor. Okay so wow all my gifts were amazing, up until the last one I got. My mom gave me a magic 8 ball when we got back from dinner tonight. Only it's not just a normal magic 8 ball oh no, she thought it'd be cooler to get the "Love Ball". I think she's trying to push me into finding a bf or something. I don't think she remembers what it's like to be my age and find a guy who doesn't bullshit you ever.

On a more uplifting note, I have to write 4 essays before I go back to school... I am definately contracted into swim team (so I need to get my ass in gear right this minute) and I need to finish applying to colleges. I wish there was some "auto pilot" button I could push and make someone else drive myself for a little while. So I could get some sleep but not miss out on anything. You all should go play the Ice Age game at www.iceagemovie.com

December 2, 2002
I miss Lindsey.

December 6, 2002

So today was my second time going to see Lindz. She looked alot better than the other day which was great-- but it still sucked to see her that worn down. Sunday night when I my dad came in and told me what happened, I was just thinking "Oh, it's cool. She'll be fine." Approximately two seconds later I realized what my dad had just told me. I seriously freaked out and panicked hardcore. I panicked because out of all my best friends, Lindsey has recently become the closest to me. It seems like she understands more than any of the others could what I'm thinking or going through. I freaked out at the thought I would have to lose that. The fear of not having anyone to hang out with was driving me nuts. Not to say that my other friends wouldn't be cool to hang with, but most of them aren't around as much as Lindsey. Then when we went and saw her in the hospital and she was completely drained of every quark of energy and zest-- it immediately hit me. After I heard how long it will take, and what it will take to get her back on track-- I couldn't even imagine what she could be feeling. I felt so scared and helpless about the whole situation. I can't begin to think what it's going to be like for her-- our senior year, that's supposed to be filled with crazy outings and crazy parties and nights and weekends, all filling us with beautiful last memories. In the words of Ethan, "I'm so scared for us right now!"

Also in today's news: I officially am baffled by the male population. I wonder if a prerequisite to being male is that you HAVE to not ever be truthful and direct in what you say. HEYZOOZ CHRISTOW!

December 7, 2002

So I'm still up and it's 3:59 in the A.M. This can't be natural. I think the computer is making me lose some sight in my right eyeball. I watched Rat Race-- for those of you who have seen it... the best scene is where Amy Smart is going after Dean Cain. I laughed my ass off and then promptly calmed down after I realized I was only laughing an evil bitter laugh. Then I watched Suicide Kings tonight... then gawked at Ewan McGregor pictures online... and here I am now.

December 8, 2002

HAHA I'm a secret asian man!

What's Your Personality Type?
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December 10, 2002

*"Today has SUCKED!"* Well that is not entirely true. It was a boring casual day. Except for the spuradic wedgies I got from my baggy underwear and the fact that my Hurley's are too big now they hang off my ass and make me feel like I'm wearing balloon pants like in Babe 2. I had a really cool dream last night... we won't go into any detail though. It just put me in a funny mood for the day. Swim practice was cool-- just took pictures and didn't swim. Got some knock off Puma's at Payless for $5.23... wearing them right now. I went to Wal-Mart and saw Mike Pence who I haven't seen since 8th grade... he had the dumb balls to remember and point out that "You used to date Brad, right?"... and with the reminicing conversation ended and I was on my way. In response to Mel's journal... (I normally don't respond back and forth through journal cause it's just hiding-- but I don't see Mel during the day.) I was just saying that I've really been connecting with Lindsey a lot more than most of my other buds because I've been hanging out with her a lot more. It seems like whenever I wanna do something, she's there and up for anything. That is the reason why I was freaking about not having anyone to hang out with.

December 17, 2002

What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by QuizillaWOO WOO Becca was right after all.

January 5th, 2003

"Today. Is the first day of your life. The first day that you're on your own, now you know what to call home." I don't know if that's the right words, or who it's by, it's just stuck in my head. So I think that the New Year might have actually brought a new way or something. Maybe I'm just being optomistic and trying to convince myself this year will be better, but for some reason I think this year will be hard as balls. I just re-read that, and it doesn't make sense. So this is my real final statement: I think this year will be hard as balls. I feel all in emotional turmoil or something... like I'm going to explode and go nuts any second. I wish I could feel like one thing in my life was stable and I didn't have to worry about it. I think I already wrote about this feeling though in a previous entry in this sad journal of mine. Hmm... I should probably put some happy stuff in here so that when Breton or Mel or Lindz read it, cause they're the only people who read this I'm sure, that they won't get all emo just cause me. So let me think here... Dave Grohl. He was on MTV on New Years... but I didn't get to see it. :( okay that's sad again. So I think that I want to build myself a treehouse. But it will be the mother of all treehouses. It will be insulated and wallpapered and decorated with curtains and a television and vcr. And on top of that, I will find a cheap ass little couch/chair of some sort to put up there. So you walk in, it'll just be a chair and a tv set. Quite the life. Oh yeah. And it will require a door. No windows though... cause at night that'll be hella scary. So therefore, the curtains will be on fake painted on windows. Yes. This is a great plan. I AM AWESOME!!! And now I leave you to ponder this beautiful quote. "We've got a keg... of worms... and PHYTOPLANKTON!!!"
P.S. I'm going to go back and add all my CIV journals from last year, cause there's some good ones... I'm gonna try to put them in a different font colour, so watch out!!! WooAHH!

January 28th, 2003

What lesser-known Simpsons character are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

Bear

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla I'm so lazy in fact, that I refuse to REALLY update this journal and write anything worth reading. So I will just stick to cutting and pasting quizilla results.

February 17, 2003

Take the Affliction Test Today!

February 20, 2003

Today was supposed to be my last day at the BBlock. But... due to people being dumbasses (my store manager)I still have more work to do. I'm so ready to just move on with the next phase of my life. I finally got accepted to colleges, all of which I want to go to... first we have Florida Tech. Now Florida is a lovely warm climate, full of MARINE LIFE! Then we have... Colorado State University. This is surrounded by beautiful mountains, skiing, hiking, outdoors, fresh air, *INSERT NEWSIES SONG, "SANTA FE", HERE*. Then there's the closer to home choice... University of North Carolina at Wilmington. I don't really know what's there... besides North Carolina. Which isn't a bad place, it's just common. I'm still waiting for NC State to tell me yay or nay. Which brings up another odd point... I had a dream the other night where NC State played UNC Wilmington in basketball. Then it cut to a weird little realistic portrayal of "Young Goodman Brown" in which Cassie was Goodman Brown and she was walking with a Tim Burton-esque Devil. I should make take a poll of which college you all think I should go to. Anyway... back to why I want to just move on with the rest of this phase of my life. It seems as if it gets harder every day to just be around my mom. She doesn't understand the concept of not talking just to be talking. She can't handle letting there be silence. And she yells at me when I don't say anything. I strongly believe that if you are going to be talking, say something worth saying. Not just something that is meant to make useless noise or a sad attempt to break the ice. Not saying I don't do this ever, but I don't bother me, my mom does. And then there's school, I wish I could not procrastinate. I hate myself for always fuckin myself over. I wish I wasn't so lazy about boys. It bothers me that Kevin can be so sweet and amazing to me, and I'm so unenthusiastic. I guess I'm just protecting myself for once. I miss the old times alot.

February 25, 2003

So has anyone realized that Weezer's, "Do You Want Me To Stay?" sounds a whole lot like The Locomotion. Yeah it does.
Oh yeah... P.S.-- word of the day, courtesy of Fred Durst, "Agreeance".

March 2, 2003

You are the Marquis Da Sade. Even stripped of
exaggerations, Your real life was as dramatic
and as tragic as a cautionary tale. Born to an
ancient and noble house, you were married
(against your wishes) to a middle-class heiress
for money, caused scandals with prostitutes and
with your sister-in-law, thus enraging your
mother-in-law, who had you imprisoned under a
lettre de cachet for 14 years until the
Revolution freed you. Amphibian, protean,
charming, you became a Revolutionary,
miraculously escaping the guillotine during the
Terror, only to be arrested later for
publishing your erotic novels. You spent your
final 12 years in the insane asylum at
Charenton, where you caused another scandal by
directing plays using inmates and professional
actors. You died there in 1814, virtually in
the arms of your teenage mistress. You are a revolutionary deviant. I applaud you.

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
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March 3, 2003

I am so incredi-bored right now. I have so many things slipping through my head right now though. I'm the worst conversationalist ever at this moment. It feels so good on your brain to actually be seriously thinking about a topic, instead of thoughtlessly drifting back and forth between several. I'm just going to rattle on now, so you should stop reading this (even though I am pretty sure I'm the only one who ever reads this anymore... note to self: stop reading now.) Psychology test tomorrow. Alice in Chains is playing, I wish the singer didn't die. His voice is relaxing. Voices are such a good idea. They let you see so much more than simply the meaning of words. They let you see the feeling of them. Blockbuster, drove by and peaked in today. Just to see who was working and whatnot. I thought Chris might still be there, even though it was well past his shift. I called inside to make sure, Chris was still there. Garth didn't have my cds like he promised me he would by last Friday. I don't really care, it's just a good excuse to go to Blockbuster without having the rentals forced on you. I learned that asking people questions is a good way of getting out of actually having to talk to them. Although when you ask the questions, you end up having to listen in order to ask follow up questions to keep them focused on theirselves. God I wish Dashboard Confessional hadn't done that MTV show, I can't listen to them anymore. I just can't bring myself to do it. I see Chris's lyrics as whiney now. It's so uncertain that I change my opinion so often. Fuck I couldn't even pick a damn font tonight.

March 29, 2003

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p

What kind of kiss are you?
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You are Zack Morris! You are charming, witty and
fine as hell! You have a lot of ideas, but they
never seem to pan out. Zack Attack will
probably make it big someday though.

What character from SAVED BY THE BELL are YOU ?
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March 30, 2003

So I decided today that I'm going to add more lyrics to my 'lyrical impressions' page. There are soooo many awesome lyrics and songs. I think I'm going to start a 'Download This' page. In any case, this weekend I'm going to NC State... it's gonna be alot nicer than this schtupid 'snow outta nowhere' business.



April 1, 2003

"Boys like you are a dime a dozen... You're a touch overrated, you're a lush-- and I hate it. But these grass stains on my knees, they won't mean a thing." I am pissed. Boys are so homosexual and they don't understand what it means to have seniority! I was here FIRST! Therefore, I should go and not her. Fuck that. I am pissed.

Your Heart is Green

What Color is Your Heart?
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your fuck.

What swear word are you?
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April 2, 2003

"Summer time and the wind is blowing, Outside in lower Chelsea.
And I don't know what I'm doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes,
it crashes through the windows, And I'm sleeping on the couch,
When I came to visit you,
That's when I knew, I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm feeling stupid,
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive.
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
Cigarette ash flies in your eyes, And you don't mind, And you smile,
And say the world doesn't fit with you.
I don't believe you, You're so serene.
Careening through the universe, Your axis on a tilt, Guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there's things I'd like to do that you don't believe in,
I would like to build something, You know it's never going to happen,
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive,
And there's this burning, There is this burning.
Where's the soul. I want to know, New York City is evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this will be the last time, We'll be friends again.
I'll get over you and you'll wonder, Who I am.
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive,
I go home to the coast. It starts to rain, I paddle out, On the water Alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I'm not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise, The sun goes down in my eyes, See this rolling wave, Darkly coming to take me, Home,
And I never been so alone, And I've never been so alive."


April 7, 2003

Waste Of Paint

I have a friend, he is made mostly of pain. He wakes up, drives to work,
and then straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper.
I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.
And I tried to tell him he had a sense of color and composition so magnificent.
And he said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me.
Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me.
I am a waste of breath, of space, of time."
I knew a woman, she was dignified and true. Her love for her man was one of her many virtues.
Until one day, she found out that he had lied and decided the rest of her life,
from that point on would be a lie. But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next. But then she wept.
What did you expect? In that big, old house with all those cars she kept.
"Oh!" and "such is life," she often said. With one day leading her to the next,
you get a little closer to your death, which was fine with her.
She never got upset and with all the days she may have left,
she would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best.
She was free to waste away alone.
Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove. And this cop pulled him off to the side of the road.
And he said, "Officer! Officer! You have got the wrong man.
No, no, I'm a student of medicine, the son of a banker, you don't understand!"
The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful. And you carelessness,
it is something awful. And no, I can't just let you go. And though your father's name is known,
your decisions are yours alone. You are nothing but a stepping stone
on a path to debt, to loss, to shame."
The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind that buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle.
I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually
receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry",
just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky.
So I have been hanging out down by the train's depot. No, I don't ride.
I just sit and watch the people there. They remind me of wind up cars in motion.
The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions.
And I want to scream out that it is all nonsense.
And that their lives are one track, and can't they see how it is all pointless?
But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and
suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity.
As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry,
like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve.
And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me.
And everything I have is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time.
Sometimes I park my car down my the cathedral, where floodlights point up at the steeples.
Choir practice is filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo.
Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When voices blend they sound like angels.
I hope there is still some room left in the middle.
But when I lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high, way up in heaven.
So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe and start walking off.
And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God
and I have no faith but it is all I want, to be loved ad believe in my soul.

Okay so in any case... That is the song I've been listening to. It's super duper amazing. I want to go see them at the 9:30 Club on the 24th? of April? I dunno... Fritter was talking to me about it. I don't know if I'm going to go though. I've felt so concerted out lately. Like when you go to the mall or go shopping every weekend in a row, and then you just can't go near the mall for a month or two... or three if you get sick enough. Although it would be nice to see Bright Eyes when I'm not recovering from After-Prom festivities. Speaking of Prom. Eyack. Prom. Promenade. Prom my ass. Prom Prom. I don't even know. I want to go, but I don't want to have to go through the stupid 'dance lameness'... which is getting there, and then wanting to leave asap to go find something cooler to do. Mmmm I hope we all go to Olive Garden again. Mmmmmm so good. Italian food. Mmm. I wish Roberto Cavalli was my uncle and I could make him make me a prom dress and then just give me that awesome coat of his. Geez. I need to find some reality.

April 13, 2003

Wow! Newsflash! *beep bah beep beep beeeep!* This just in: it's only 11:01 p.m. at this very moment. It seems soooo early. Florida was nizice-- I got to watch NASA launch some Japanese satellite. Woo HOO! It was soo rad.

Concept of the Day:
No spooning. Spooning is gay. Hell fuckin' yeah. High one million on that. I feel sorry for boys cause they never get to be on the inside of the spoonage because they're too big. Seriously though, Switching is out of the question-- the damn shoulder blades are too big. Damn boys. Damn them. So therefore spooning is not fair.

I am Watts! Which Brat Packer Are You?

Look its sickboy! Should I hide...or strip???

Which Trainspotting charactor are You?
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April 19, 2003

Which Unwanted Sexual Gesture Are You?

Made by the fine folks at daylighttwilight.com

This is disgusting. I can't possibly be the boner. That'd be someone like Blinky.So tonight was really cool on an offbeat sort of way. When Lindz, Breton and I were at Blockbuster we saw this guy who always comes in late late at night to rent weird movies. It was nice. I missed seeing the regular Blockbuster people. Especially this guy though, he seemed really strange at first, and then one night we started talking about some random indie movie. He recommended a couple movies each time he would come in, all of which I meant to see, but never did. It was just good to see someone who I don't really know, but had some sort of unsaid connection with. That sounds really stupid and cheesy, but it was really good to see him.

April 20, 2003

First off, I'd like to say that even though it's Easter and you probably shouldn't be cussing a whole lot on Easter, this whole entry is positively going to disregard that fact. So question to the audience: Would you EVER in your entire life, call up your ex gf/bf, on Easter morning at 11:00 A.M. just to ask them how to get rid of a hickey? WHAT IN THE WORLD WOULD EVER POSSESS YOU TO BE SO FUCKING CRUEL!? Damnit damnit. I was at breakfast with my parents and Kari An and all of a sudden my phone rings... I don't recognize the number but I pick it up. WHY THE HELL DID I PICK IT UP?! Boys are so homosexual. I didn't think this boy knew how to manipulate, but apparently he got that memo cause I'm about to cry, or do something else equally as stupid. Geez I have issues.

April 21, 2003

I feel like vomiting. The lower back is being hacked at by the middle back, by the middle back just trying as hard as it can to collapse on and over the lower back to annahilate it completely. Then the stomach is playing make pretend and imagining it's on the Gravitron at the carnival. My right knee want to pop the joint and my neck hopes that whoever the cruel person is who is swinging with a bat will stop soon. I wish there was time to use that free massage Lindsey got me for Christmas. Boo urns.

April 24, 2003

*Sending mental messages...* Swiftly come and go. Emotions they stir. You thought your problems were gone./ Well cars break down and people break down and other things break down too./ Here I'm debating time. Will you stay through the pouring rain?/ But I don't wanna deal with the hassle. I don't wanna feel like an asshole./ Surrender./ I wanna do my best. With that old familiar smile./ There's nothing I can do./ We can't help but feel that something has been lost. Please you know you're just like me. Perfect strangers when we meet./ Yeah you say that I hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer. Yeah well maybe I hurt you sometimes, lets contrast and compare. Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there./ I wish I stayed asleep today./ There's certain things I promised not to let you know./ Wake.. from your sleep. The drying of your tears. I can't do this alone. We hope your rules and wisdom choke you./ I never said thank you for that. On sleepless roads the sleepless go./ I don't know what I'm thinking. When I wake up tomorrow, will you still feel the same?/ Cause I don't wanna be just a memory to you./