tearin' 'em down
rambling like a racecar rushing
against a brick wall
spark dancing trying to find gasoline
rambling fastly about others' flaws
not trying to tear 'em down
i gotta stop doing that shit
before i get blown up
end over end collision
flams shooting from engines
gotta cease such ridiculous ramblings
numbers
constant calculations
punching numbers
love, music, everything
is numbers
souls and magic do not exist
except in electrons
i feel pretty good about this
it doesn't seem so bad
it's pretty interesting
new dose of negativity
what's new what's new
a new dose of negativity
expressed non-intellectually
around the university
maybe it bothers me
because when my friends talk
they speak of hopes and dreams
starry eyed toward the sky
all this negative energy
trying to drag me down
down
down
and satan keeps leading my memories
to a former me
i can't believe
used to be me
trying to lead my hopes toward the
greener grass i will never grasp
not right now
and he knows this
as he cracks the whip
to make me grab at
what i can't have
feel so damned
clinging to the edge of
the cliff of contentment
oh well oh well
it wasn't so bad in hell
drunken piano player
playing the piano drunk
pounding the keys
until my fingers bleed
bam bam thud thud
by ear i hear
the chords crashing crystal clear
stopping, i take some time
cleanse my wounds with white wine
and listen to someone else's instrument whine
whine whine whine whine
until i drown it out
by my screams and shouts
mislyricizing gospel songs
as i pound the keys
like the piano's percussion
no one iniates
seeing the faces hearing the voices
wondering what
is running through these people's heads
i've come to notice
that most let their friends be decided
by random chance
refusing to iniate and take control
of your surroundings and influences
no one iniates
friends seem to not be looking
for me, for i feel
i'm the only one trying
to find and figure out new faces
more dead than i ever thought
were you alive
when you made love with death
unmoving, unfeeling, unresponsive death
when you fucked the living
when i saw you
you were living
and feeling like you fucked yourself
but no
only if it would be that simple
you fucked the living
not just your living self
when you made love with death
were you alive?
i know not totally
but at all
i sure hope not
but i don't think not
maybe you were more dead than i ever thought
i thought wrong all along
because living people
don't make love to death
unmoving, unfeeling, unresponsive death
i sure hope this feeling
the feeling that you fucked yourself
somehow makes you more alive in the end
that it wakes you up
because the living you fucked
has to clean up
has to clean up
and for what
if you do not wake up?
you lousy fuck
overwrite those genes
had an ephiphany
mixed with fantasy
jesus christ came to me
said ya gotta beat those genes
cognitively overwite the genes
initial programming is all our conscious is
i know what genes
or pair of genes
the lamb rambled about
this is not biological evolution
no genes shuffled not copying error mutations
this is overwriting my genes
so i don't end up unzipping
the wrong pair of jeans
over and over again
so i'm thinking
recognizing patterns i need to avoid
i think i can do it
i think i will be all right
i'm calculating
i'm calculating
you say cold and
but i say just calculating
i used to make bombs
but now i make UN hunger strategies
i calculate the best i can
and am learning to direct it
for peace not war
for harmony not discord
when you calculate
can you be sincere?
yes
if you let the other
in on the secrets
and build bridges strong enough
to carry across anything
no matter how heavy
that's the only way
you'll see me as sincere
keep secret
no one wants everyone
to hear how poor of a human being
i was
once
somethings you should keep secret
but i hate secrets
secrets are what got
me into trouble
many times
not everyone needs to know
no, i know everyone needs
to know how else can they learn
if i explain well enough
they will believe
they will believe what they read
and learn from my mistakes
and better perceive reality
all because
i didn't wanna pretend to be perfect
i could teach
the teachers
i have a friend
who teaches me simplicity is reality
happiness and bliss
not stupidity
but simplicity
who knew smiles could be so much fun
i have another friend
who told me once
i want to feel every feeling there is to feel
because sometimes thoughts cause feelings
but sometimes feelings cause thoughts
and if one can feel a feeling never felt before
then a never thought before thought
will follow
this friend hangs out all the time
with people of various kinds
people i'd never talk to in a million years
and i know in time
this friend will be talking to all kinds
at the same time and all kinds will understand
what he's saying
i know a christ like that
i have another friend
who has exactly three possible emotions
contentment, curiousity, happiness
to a varying degree
sincere yet calculating
historical implantation manifestation
i have another friend
who burns of productivity
making me
wanna burn of productivity
but at a different degree
not on the tracks
but toward the stars
burning holes through the sky
ideal obituary
i dream of my obituary
hoping ideality leads to reality
matthew moon died at the age of 102
writer and educational revolutionary
at the age of twenty-four
wrote a short story
about the ideal educational institute
for children that became brilliant
at twenty-eight he expanded this ideal
in a hundred-page thesis paper for his PHD
that attracted the attention of educators
and millions everywhere, who generously donated
enough currency to make his dream
reality
inner city schools suddenly excelled
under new radical method
no classrooms
learning is natural
the children wander learning whatever they want
know every dinosaur
learn arithmatic up to calculus in a couple years
become a grand master pianist at eleven
chess grand master at ten
with knowledgeable professors
to answer questions
to direct lessons
to students who teach other students
with no grades only mastery
school hours like a university
with dorms
it was such a success
other cities pressed
for the method in their district
it spread like the plague
across the Atlantic far away
ane everyone became geniuses
and economies and peace flourished
and it spread to the third world
we all became communist
and world peace
and wealth and intelligence and wonderfulness
barrabas be free
the newspaper headline
revealed
an educational revolutionary
once wrote a poem
about his ideal obituary
where he expressed his desire
for the global economic systems
to be
communist
the uproar roars from shore to shore
americans demand his resignation
nevermind he included
world peace and enlightment
nor the fact that most children
when asked about an ideal world
talk of how they wish
everyone was equal
no one went hungry
everyone got what they needed
i remember in elementary school
laughing and telling these kids
"you just described communism"
and their faces would cringe
brainwashed by systems of capitalism
communism
is a word with woeful connotations
in the west
and now the americans
who on sunday cheered my entrance
no, on friday, would rather let
Barrabas be free
than myself
know it alls
no one likes a know it all
except those who think
it'd be nice to know it all
i don't know it all
i only know a tiny bit
don't blame me for your lack of
confidence, intelligence,
and willingness to listen
don't get incensed since
you know less than my tiny bit
I figure it out and forget
the messages I've been sent
don't worry abou the dime a dozens
they will open their eyes when they want to
you cannot pry them open for them
don't even try
all you can do is coerce and convince
and if they refuse
to listen to you
to what you say
refusing to be persuaded
well
they're the ones who suffer
and everyone around them
talking about heaven
while creating hell
holy ghost
feet continuosly meet concrete
with the sky floating above me
i can feel the holy ghost
i can feel it in the air
i breathe into my lungs
pass it along my blood
the people i meet
as i travel on concrete
i can see the holy ghost
i can see it in their face
all i have to do is smile
and watch them accept it
with a smile in return
watch that holy ghost
float and flow into other souls
and to the ones who don't
i want to go
why won't you breathe
why won't you eat
why won't you see
bliss in everything?
circles and spirals
we go in circles
circles around the sun
and every season
think of the season before
and the Earth's in the same place
a year ago
but not us but not us
at some point
we break free of gravity
and we spiral upward
and spiral upward
and when the seasons come 'round
we think back
and see it all and see it all
from a different angle
and understand
while not understanding anymore
anyone worth anything
simple thoughts about simple souls
simplicity swallowing me whole
and my goodness takes a toll
one has to find a way to heaven
without being condescending
but maybe it's a failing flight
just think about Christ
he did everything right
supposedly
but some didn't like how
he was a know it all
and he was crucified
we all get crucified
anyone worth anything at all
maybe i should get over it
screaming chimpanzee
give me some shapes
and i'll make it a face
give me anything at all
and i'll make sense of it
don't know what these dreams mean
doesn't mean i have to scream
but it seems that you're seamed
to be a dime a dozen
clothes to be put on
and taken off
and tossed on the floor
don't talk anymore
seen your face before
the face of a primate
screaming chimpanzee
as all the males
take you by the tail
and inhale
your pheremones
before breaking your bones
turning your flesh into a mess
devouring until nothing's left
and let them do this
why do i try?
who needs you in their life
your wall paper personality
put up and torn down
nothing particularly profound
you're not evolved
you're not evolved at all
true or not true
i'll never think highly of you
go get the X and Y
want him to fill you whole
by filling the holes
in your soul
who wants someone you know
you know
will always be an asshole
irrational
illogical
go get the X and Y
procreate and die
the purpose of life
survive and die
into your fantasies
stability and tranquility
Jimi's fingers move so strategically
so soulfully across the strings
strumming and plucking
creating everything
seen in the season of spring
confidence and creativity
sociality and sexuality
split yourself in half
slap it on another half
how do you define identity?
cause I've been living so long
inside hearts so strong
since some great grandmother
sang a song
sang a song
sweetly about the sea and
spontaneously a gentleman slipped into me
and the lineage
ran like a river on the run
genes sleeping in control of souls
trying to find a stable whole
stability and tranquility
is how we wish to proceed
others' random ramblings
talk to me
and i'll smile for a while
as we walk mile after mile
teach me
i will listen
my soul will glisten
help me make those connections
point me in a new direction
by your voice inflection
content and information sent
back to eye contact
delicate ordering of facts
arranged to keep it entact
in my memories
inside of me
the survival machine
full of genes
added arsenal
portrayed as personal
my life
will survive
if i listen
to others' advice
and random ramblings
gate thirteen
jesus christ sat
in the bus station
said blessed be the peacemakers
on his jacket
he spoke with me
parlez-vous le francais?
oui, je fais
we talked
we talked a lot about nothing
nothing but really something
he told me i need to travel
told me of his youth
spent in asia
he left to smoke a cigarette
came back and told me
told me about how everything
was assimilating and becoming nothing
becoming boring
then he looked at the clock
said goodbye
he had to catch his bus
gate thirteen
i said
au revoir, mon ami
a bientôt
tragic sand castles
only one conscious to experience this
objective to subjective to imaginitive
oh when we don't like the sight in the lens
we can close our eyes and live it again
and no one can dispute the new memories
since they weren't able to see
so you dive into the sea of self-deceit
try to tell lies to all the guys
supress the memory of violence
and i can see why most
choose silence
rather than dealing with all this
too tired to try
to continue explaining why
i know you lie
now you got that old face
believing your waste
and she proclaims how she loves the taste
and she's spitting the nonsense
right back to us
i wish these tragic sand castles
would float and crumble into the sea
already
wish it would go away
why must these thoughts
forever stay
wish it would forever go
because my brain's about to implode
stabbing into my soul
when i imagine
any of the possible scenarios
i just wish this tragic sand castle
would float and crumble into the sea
already
still can make beautiful music
dancing transparently
for everyone to see
see so clearly
the substance of your soul
words without meaning
still can make beautiful music
if you listen to it
especially if you dance with it
so say something smooth with silly sweetness
so i can dance with you
and we'll whirl around words
wonderful
higher beings
sipping her bottle
she speaks
so eloquently
sans sexuality
and we exchange
mental images
i say something
creative and clever
about a past endeavor
she smiles and laughs
and i smile and laugh
facial expressions
are expressing emotions
while simultaneously
creating them
and so i sip my wine
and have a good time
later we dance in the living room
others joining us soon
lesser beings
conform to their environment
to survive
higher beings
create their environments
to survive and live
french lesson
french lesson
rire is to laugh
sourire is to smile
a smile
always includes a laugh
at the end
we do what we want
several glasses of wine into the night
to unwind and feel fine with friends of mine
the sensation of intoxication
as i drink freely
and feel friendly
especially after smoking
sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet tea
afterwards the wine tastes
even more delicious it's ridiculous
as I am
because
I am messed up
can't walk much
the sedition of inhibition
actually not sedition
secession
anyhow
when inhibitions leave
we do what we want
what we believe
and unlike some people
what i believe isn't mean
doesn't include violence
or brooding silence
or any of the evil
people do
and later blame on fermented grapes
i merely smile
and stay stupid silly things
and dance wildly
because that's what I truly want to do
i said it looks like a shackle
she sat under the sycamore tree
barefoot saying hi to sunshine
she had something around her ankle
she said it was a bracelet
i said it looked like a shackle
she said no it's an anklet
i said i could get some scissors
cut it off and make her a new bracelet
a new anklet
she said no thank you
insisting and persisting
she's continuously desisting
as i pretend in my head
i just wanted to give her
a better bracelet
a bracelet
an anklet
white elephants
on vacation
you took me to the hills
hills that looked like white elephants
hills which were white elephants
i pissed and spit
sat down and shit
and asked you about this
we live and forgive
despite sin's lack of existence
i looked at these hills
and wrote my will
i might as well be dead to you
your elephants
your shit
please desist your gifts
of white elephants
lies and carbon dioxide
sucking in lies and carbon dioxide
the rest of us are alive
breathing oxygen
not lies and carbon dioxide
well it seems so simple
our kingdoms do not coincide
we've tried but
you breathe inside
lies and carbon dioxide
and i could cut you down
you dime a dozens
what have you to give?
oxygen?
well let me be
I don't need to see thee to breathe
ad infititum
evolution
deduced by pure logic
but where is the proof?
experimental evidence?
oh, it must be intelligent design
but designed of what mind?
was it Yahweh?
or Zeus?
or a group of gods?
was it a scientist just fucking around?
does there need to be a designer?
did the designer have to be designed?
ad infinititum
how can you build with no base?
it must stop somewhere
and that base if not designed
just must be
and why can't the universe
just must be
logical circular reasoning
failing but better
than anything we've got
mysticism is not
capable, it's unreliable
possibly always psychological
which is logical
too much is plausible
which is why lack of faith
is impossible
little lessons
cyclical cynicism
mixed with
overall optomism
decisions determine prisons
where do you want locked up?
stumbling bumbling mumbling
trying to say something
trying to do something
trying to say or do something
that gets someone else
to try to say or do something
all for what?
something?
nothing?
learning the little lessons
have you answering
and not guessin'
slow people
are to be manipulated
to make fast
so I can get passed
passed this past
that holds so much mass