with how you behave

Decently depressed
Dependence
Drunken determination
Dug my own grave
That’s what they say
You dig your own grave
When that’s how you behave
So the other day
Around one
Begun to run
Into the sun
For fun
But then one
Thought brought a lot
Shot straight through the heart
And I stumbled and fell
On the concrete
Next to the street
Which cars eat
And everything beneath
And I thought about me
Pessimistically
And how pathetic I must be
To recall the same memories
Consistently
Making me feel so
Out of control
Thinking about folds
And falling
Four of hearts floating
Forever downward
This was a house of cards
Asking to be brought
Down into the dirt of my grave
That’s what they say
You dig your own grave
When that’s how you behave

mourning melodramatically

Mourning melodramatically
Don’t even know what I believe
Part of me is genuine
Part of me is fakin’
I awaken mistaken
Reversing what I say
Every yesterday
Was an old way I dreamed away
Personalities peeling
Parts of me feeling
The boards beneath the floor
May be further down more
Mourning melodramatically
Don’t know what I believe
Part of me laughing at me
For mourning melodramatically
Don’t know what I believe

dusty chaulkboard

So much chalk
Written on the chalkboard
That’s been smeared away
With sleeve-covered hands
Dust poured
Across the chalkboard
So much chalk
Wipe away
That when I write
You can hardly see
Nor read
Because the board’s completely
Covered in dust
Because so much
Written chalk’s been wiped away
Sentences changed
Rearranged
So much chalk wiped away
No one can any longer read

fantasies foretelling future sexual conquest contemplation

Sexual conquest contemplated
Fantasies penetrated
What I want is what I need
Supposed to spread my seed
You can give that look to me
Disgusted with animal-ity
But I will continue to proceed
Figuring who will
Receive my seed
In my time of need
Particularly pathetic
To be so deeply dependent
Genetically infected
Plutonic is one
Planet far from the sun
Too far from the heat
I need that life-sustaining
Heat
Burning the desire in my heart
Like gasoline in a house
Sexual conquest
I contemplate
In fantasies
I penetrate
In flames
I disintegrate

evolution

For the same reasons that
Evolution exists and we
Strive to survive
Our species’ lives
We have developed
Thought and technology
To the point that
Life can program life
Sci-fi films forecasted
Machines that act human
But reality reveals
Humans creating
Life that acts human
Biological engineering
Is the path toward
Defining the deity
Where we become gods
Phasing ourselves out
With a superior specie
Out of artificiality
Computer technology
Electricity
Equations stimulating sensations
Your ego
Pride for your pride of primates
Procrastinates progress
Delaying our dreams
Together as a team
Not just a specie
Not just a life
Not just a universe
An existence

inebriated and incoherent

Inebriated and incoherent
Laying out the pullout
Futon couch
Rubbing my hand
Along your side
Rubbing up and down
Your body trying to persuade you
And you roll over
And find my mouth with your mouth
And thinking how nice
That tonight
Could be so nice
Fantasies lead to lust
Leading me to trust
My confidence
That one can get what one wants
What one shall please
Turning fantasies
Into reality
But I stop kissing
And your head falls back
You’re much too
Intoxicated and inebriated
So I cease and sleep

be fruitful

Be fruitful and multiple
Spread your seed
God said to me
In the first book chapter three
And the sound echoes for years
Bouncing around inside my ears
I fear
The vibration will never disappear
Although don’t believe in Jesus
Sometimes I pretend to
And I think sometimes
That’s why that water
Didn’t change into wine
‘til after twenty-nine
Feel this heaviness on my chest
Genetics aren’t so easily suppressed
Constantly in heat
Desire is eating me
Slipping into the shower
My lack of willpower
Dancing in the dirty
Did Jesus perceive purity
Only when he turned thirty
And I feel
I could be so much more
If I didn’t spend so much time
Crawling naked on the floor

a grasp? i laugh

To nothing in contribute
And wish I hadn’t
Thrown away my Zoot suit
Now I’m only cute
In things I say
Every once in a while
Smile when I feel so vile
Missing myself by a mile
And I gotta ask
Do I have a grasp
On anything that’s passed
Or does the past
Have a grasp
And I laugh
No one new
Wants to hear my point of view
And the old have heard it
Told and sold
And now I fold
Really
To what do I contribute
And I’m not even cute
Anymore

it's not easy killing yourself so you can born again

It’s not easy
Killing yourself
So you can be born again
No one wants to be friends
With an infant
Absorbing everything
Adding nothing
Afraid to say
What’s on my mind
Because in no time
I’ll have murdered
And forgotten
That mind
Oh and don’t believe cynics
The afterlife exists
You’ll breathe the consequences
Of your actions
And laying here in my crib
Moo says the cow
Quack says another
Too young for a lover
Where is my mother
Where are the other
Children
Why won’t anyone my age play?
In my past life I didn’t know
How to have conversations
That don’t lead to penetrations
And this life
There’s no parent to teach different
Oh maybe I should consider
Whether
Murdering myself
Causes birth of something better

who would ask you to explain the theory of relativity?

This conclusion has come
When you love everyone
You love no one
Love is relative
Remember that radical theory
Regarding relativity
It’s so complicated
No one asks you for an explanation
Regarding that equation
Riches are relative
Living in communism
How you ask me about wealth
And expect an answer
About what I prefer
Value’s been destroyed
Inside my fragile little mind
And every feeling I find
I find I can’t define
Because I tried to love everyone
And ended up loving no one

apparently edible

Absolutely incredible
And apparently edible
My heart was eaten alive
And I died I died
When you’re dead
And dirt’s piled on your head
With only worms to befriend
Death
Is the loneliest thing you can do
Why did I listen to you
And do what you wanted me to
Why can’t I have my own beliefs
Rather than letting
Everyone bury me
Because they want me
To be their baby
And I let them
Over and over again
Absolutely incredible

chemistry experiment

Acting like a chemist
Change of music
And I’m fine
In no time
As I float
In nothingness
Nirvana
Thanks to my ability
To act like a chemist

the actor known as Matthew Moon

I’ve believed lies
Imagined things
Then tried to make them true
I’ve tricked myself
While knowing
I was trying myself
Someone once said
That I was a character
And I’m sure I inferred
And my soul concurred
That I should always act
Pulling the personal back
So not to distract
From the perception process
That you invest into
In hopes
Of seeing truth
And that’s why
It’s so easy
To identify
With objects outside my mind
The stimuli
Are me
Before their reflection
Entered my mind
Need to see all the angles
Eyes that differ
Would be preferred
An actor always needs
A new character
A new plot
A new storyline
To mind

broken baby bottles

Broken baby bottles
Barging out the front door
Demanding more
To be added to their army
Alarmingly
Choose to proceed
To swallow and follow
Footsteps and their advice
New bottles
Bask in the sun
In the front yard
In the middle of the day
The army increasing in number
Feeding fire with lumber
And the whole place is going down
Tonight I’m hitting the town
And the whole place is going down
The army is ready to proceed
And still
The numbers continue to increase

how did i find myself awake one day?

The glimmer in a child’s eye
It’s cliché
It has been sprayed
So much
Around the lawn
But it’s like water
The lawn
Needs the water
That glimmer in his eye
Made me almost cry
It’s so beautiful
There’s so much
Flooding my mind
Losing track of time
Glimmer in his eye How did I find
Myself awake one day
Able to say
What I wanna play
As another
Saw me like a mother
Caught the glimmer of a child’s eye
That made them almost cry
And I didn’t mind
For I didn’t know
Oh god it’s so beautiful
There’s so much

childhood fantasies

I bleed
Childhood fantasies
Try to get inside me
Pushing the wrong direction
Causing infection
Does anyone hear the inflection
In my voice crying out to come
Anyone?
Help

flower picking

In a field feeling no willpower
Picked a flower
And I showered it with
Sweet melodies courtesy of me
And she rejoiced
From my voice
One could tell
Until she felt
She was no longer connected
To her roots
And then she died
And I
Tossed her aside
To wander the fields
In search of another flower

grapes and grain

David’s star
Had his guitar at the bar
Singing
Do you know where you are
He does
Because love lingers longer
In his heart than most
And I thought about
The holy host
I never felt close
I never ate anything
Other than grapes and grain
David’s star played the guitar
A tune I sorta could get into
But sorta made me wanna leave
So I had a drink or three
Lied to these ladies
Lied through my teeth
And fell on the floor
They listen to me little anymore
Oh poor me
Poor little me
I’d rather ingest
Beer and whine
About how nothing’s fine
About all the times
I heard some star on the guitar
And wanted to leave the bar
Because I could only
Sorta get into it

artsy bullshit #82

Everyone loves to read
Simple little lyrics
With a tiny bit of
Sophistication
So they can perform recitations
Declarations and proclamations
So they can show they know
How the meaning goes
But too much and this
Song is dismissed as artsy bullshit
Oh, they probably were fuckin’ around
It probably means nothing
So let’s not even try
To understand

the spine is where your pain perception is, i think

Particular puddles staring me down
All the way from the ground
And I’m falling
Through the sky
To outer space
The sun’s rays
I’m in so much pain
Why can’t I evaporate?
Who wants to be something solid
When your spine
Reminds all the time
That it hurts so much
So much hurts
Gotta exert my energy
Away from the center
Then I’ll feel better
Once I can push
Away from the center

i have the best candy

Won’t you come in my house
Oh I got some candy
For your lips to lick
Suck in your mouth
Glucose
Energize your mind
Stickiness sublime
You know it’s
Nutritiously worthless
But it tastes oh so good
Got some candy for you
Won’t you come in my house
Come in my house
Please come in my house

sing along

Knowing the words of
A song is wonderful
Because you can sing along
But it makes it
Oh so difficult
To create your own
Words when the music
Is on playing a song
Where you can’t help but sing along
You can’t create
When you can’t help but sing along
But some songs
You can’t help
But to sing along

she glows as she goes on and on

she glows as she goes
on and on
about a beautiful boy
who fills the void
in every soul
losing control
his voice is like
pulling away the finger
clinging to a cliff
losing hold of everything
free-falling
farther and farther
it feels
like one
could fall forever
there's always a bottom
she knows there's no ifs
but falling is such freedom
from exerting so much effort
clinging to a cliff
oh romeo
she glows as she goes
on and on
about a beautiful boy
who voice pulls away fingers
with the greatest of ease

talking to yourself

smoking camels
smoking away teeth enamel
as your ramble
around and around
staring at the ground
talking down
so words and sound
will bounce back
into yourself
without any attempt at
eye contact
it seems you're full of steam
and dreams you scream
like a laserbeam
but where is the direction
where is the pursuit of perfection
when you talk down
to the ground
your voice's inflection
is just a reflection
for your ears
you're so sincere
when you're talking to yourself

expectations twist sensations

perceiving improperly
particularly because
expectations twist sensations
and lead to your
accusations and damnations
i'm trying to be patient
particularly because of love
calm down calm down calm down
you're screaming sound
nothing profound
you're screaming sound
who wants to hit the town
when you're screaming sound
tearing me down
so tired of explaining away
when nothing i say
is believed anyway
pout and shout
will you listen
to the words escaping your mouth
do you think that
i will wanna hang around
when you're screaming sound
and tearing me down?

je suis un avion

je suis un avion
an airplane
flying through the sky
i fly
through the sky
hydrophilic snow grows
when you roll
atop of other snow
the guru of tangier
peers into my ear
i hear him loud and clear
he's a fortune teller
a bad fortuner teller
bad
meaning of poor quality
says the three
of hearts
red means yes
black means no
the four of clubs
confirms christ
is no messiah
the world needs no saving
believing and behaving
as a child
christ said
blessed are those with children's hearts
remember remember that part
blessed be those
with a child's heart

not angry enough

of high quality

laying in bed
endorphins flooding the head
floating to the ceiling
with the fantastic feeling
that i'm a human being
of high quality
at least i perceive
that i can see
others liking who i be

but...

but i still possess the curse
can't help but rehearse
every word before we converse
because it works
at avoiding hurt
but i must say
i'm trying
to be less careful
and more natural
gotta let my guard down
but only when it doesn't
end up letting someone get killed

Shabat = Sabbath

Shabat
is the one day
when shalom
overcomes the self
when the soul
incomplete in this world
six out of seven days
is merged with a second soul
so we feel as it will feel
everyday in the next world
Shabat is when we
drink wine and feel fine
with friends and family
we dine
on pure food
prepared with purity
and we relax
and breathe
and stare at the candle
lit before sunset
we simply exist
and can remember
that we are alive

History of Literacy (Education) class

hearing them ramble
'round and 'round and 'round
bouncing all over the surface
not breaking downward
not flying high enough
hearing them dribble
sorta rolling
and feeling frustration
and alienation
they don't understand
they know next to nothing
but wanna change something
an entire year of my life
will be spent in
rooms like this
rooms where rambling rhinoceroses
try to build a foundation
but they haven't evolved
they know nothing of opposable
thumbs thumbing through thick
imprecise and vague words
supposedly thinking
but only tearing
tearing everything down
they don't even make the attempt
to build anything
they demand replacements without having replacements
Martin had his millions
to kill Jim's tyranny
can i lead them
to the promise land
not without the millions
must get the
millions

correctly

everything's upside down anyhow
until we think
we think hard enough
to make it right side up
but to look at reflections
requires inspection
because
everything's upside down anyhow
and now it's twisted backward
and it's so hard
to think hard enough
to read those words
to see things clearly
especially
when the reflection's
a mere window
with objects laying beyond
trying to demand your attention
it's so hard
to think hard enough
to perceive reflections
correctly

poison tree poem

William Blake
penned the Poison Tree a poem
proclaiming
that judges with grudges
water the seed of hatred
and sunshine it with jealousy
creating this tree
this monster inside them
your hatred for others only
proclaims
your subconscious hatred for yourself
because one doesn't hate
if one loves one's self
because hate hurts the hater
the most

J.D. the alpha male

the alpha male
distinct determination
he can get what he wants
what if i'm able
to convince him
with colors and smiles and sensations
to get me what i want
to unify
what he wants
is what i want
she swoons and swings
around the alpha male
trying to entice him
and he
stood seemingly doing nothing
to ask for this
and she spins
and swings
and swoons

calm contentment sits in a silent room

calm contentment sits in a silent room
with silent bodies
and suddenly thinks about the silence
which reminds him of another silence
and calm contentment digs his heels into the ground
to avoid being dragged over the cliff
into nothingness no longer to exist
he leaves the silent room for noisy streets
walking on concrete listening to the beat
he still thinks about the silence
that sliced him so fine sometimes
the silence has made him healthy
at least he currently perceives
temporarily
some days he swears silence is best
lungs no longer crushed by chest
squeezed 'til no breath left
but some days
the silence is squeezing
'til no breath left
and as he walks
he realizes
calm contentment corrodes
and knows
it's starting to corrode
the silence squeezes out a few tears
so sincere and it seems
his dreams are laser beams
slicing him up
circular motion memories
working like gravity
he can escape
but he's always dragged back in
to sitting and sobbing about silence