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A Gus Production
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In Association with Gus
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A Gus Newsletter
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---THE 9-5-2002 ISSUE OF THE GUS NEWSLETTER--- [BUP BUP BANUM!!!!]
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Featuring...
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Gus
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Gus
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Gus
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David Hassilhoff's Dog
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And also starring Lisa Errera
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Gus: "Hello?"
Gus: "Hello?"
Gus: "Hello??"
Gus: "Hello??"
Gus: "Hello!?"
Gus: "Hello!?"
In the midest of the night... Gus wakes up in his bed. He is shocked to see that Gus is there, waiting for him.
"Kill me, while you still have your mind to yourself," says Gus.
Gus nods. Gus throws him a gun, and Gus puts it to his head.
Pow.
Hi everyone, and welcome to the 29th installment of the Gus Newsletter. It's back to school, and I know I'm psyched (Get it... or no). This year is different from the other years we've went to school. This year is our senior year. SENIOR YEAR! That means, it's the last year we have to go to high school... then college. This is the last year we might see old friends. The last year we might all be together.
The last year for me to make an ass of myself and start some shit! HA HA HA!
I got plans for this year, and I wonder if anyone will support me in them. I got soooo many plans. Now, I want you to all know, I don't give a flying shit about service credit and how my bullshit will reflect on a college application... blah blah blah.
Anyway, here are a few of my plans.
One... I want to start a Rap Club. A club where me and a bunch of other mo-fo's from the hood can kick and spin it like it ain't no thang. Youknowhatimsayin'? That's how I want it to be for a part of the year. Rap Club. Hell, I got a good 15 raps and more, and I seem to be quite prolific about the whole matter, so I think it would be a good thing for me. Good thing for others as well. And hell, by the end of the year, I'd make sure we have at least one concert. Who's with me?
Next... there are a bunch of other clubs I'd like to start IF the Rap Club never gets through. For instance... The Pot-Head Club. No no no, stoners, go back to your hill, it's not exactly what you think. Basically, okay, remember that Simpsons episode where Lisa's bitchin', "I'm going to be a nothing, blah blah blah," and this was after Homer brought all of his male cousins over. They all turned out to be hillbillies, gas pumpers, and drug dealers and shit... remember. Okay, now, do you remember the little game they all played a little after they all talked with Lisa? Remember how they put pots on their heads and charged at eachother blindfolded. So can you make the connection now? Pots on their heads... Pot-Head Club? Hot dog, you do. And for you worry freaks out there, don't worry, I plan on having safety equipment if we do happen to this. For example, a pillow will be mandatory in the pot. Plus, people bring their own pot. I know I got this one pot I can use. It's my popcorn pot. I use to make my popcorn, you know, from kernals. Hot shit. Plus I got this nice pillow I made myself. Hot shit indeed.
Did I ever mention I make the best kettle popped popcorn. No? Well I do.
Let's see... what other clubs would I like to start? Well, there a re a bunch. You got LONABS (The League of Non-Alcoholic Bartender-wannabe Society). I figure if anyone wants to learn how to mix drinks or combine spirits... this is the place. However, only non-alcoholic drinks and spirits. I don't think the school would approve a club in the nutritional science room where there's alcohol involved. However, I bet the teachers would.
Another club... The KGB Club. It's a shortening for The Kerry Garfinkel Book Club? Anyone think the school might approve? I'm sure Mr. G would be more than happy to be the advisor. After all the name of the club is named after him. It's the KG... B. Oh... I see the problem with this club. Oy. All the books that Kerry would want would be, like, rated M for mature, and knowing the Board of Ed. they would never go for it. Dang.
I also want to start the Communist Club. To some degree, yes, I am a communist, but not one of those dictatorial, totalitarian regime, fasict son of a bitches. I'm a communist when it comes to a country starting over. When a country, like Turkey for instance, is starting over in it's government, I really believe that Communism is the way to go until shit is set straight. Of course, to do this, the Communist Party itself mustn't be greed and power hungry. Then, when everything is okay, go back to capitalism and wait for it to blow the hole again. So join my Communist Club. Every school need it... so do you. (And remember, with a club like the communist club, whether you're club president or just a member, you can still write down club president on your college application sheet. After all, I believe in equality when it comes to Communism.
Lets see... starting a Geek Club would be interesting. All the geeks in the school coming under my control... Mr. King Geeky-Nerd himself... Hakan. Hooya! I'd be mad learn-ed by the time school finishes.
A club called the No-Racisim Club. That would be hot. Being a club and sending a message at the same time. Yep... a natural born leader... that's what they call me.
The Best Club. I wouldn't know what we do, but I'd be clearly sending a message.
And then there are a few others I want to start, nothing special... Fanboys Anonomous, The Feminist Club, Banana Club, etc...
Now aside from clubs, there are also actual things I want to do in the school year. Like senior days and such. Like Crazy Hat Day, Halloween... The Last Day of School...
For Crazy Hat Day, I want to wear one of those garbage bags with a yellow strap on it... so I'd kind of look Jamacian, only here's the thing... inside the bag will be a mystery object that moves. MU WA HA HA HA! And you will never know what it is.
For Halloween, I'm thinking of going as either Tracy Morgan... or Ludacris (Damn, how do you spell it?). What do you all think?
For the last day of school, me and a few others are gonna' get together to have an all out, crazy ass, light saber and gun fight! Yo... and we gonna' video tape it too. I'll be Darth Bong! BBONNNGGGG!
And then, there's the long-shot thing-I-want-to-do.
Every year, it has come to my attention that the school musicals usually suck. So, I will try this year to get them to do "The Yellow Submarine". If need be, I'll re-write the entire movie for the stage, photocopy all the copies, and make half the props. Who's with me?
I realize it's been awhile since I wrote my last (real) newsletter. What can I say, I was getting some R&R from my honeys. I feel I owe you something all. But what?
A rap maybe?
A quote?
A joke?
Okay, stop me if you heard this one before...
David Hassilhoff's Dog walks into a bar. He sit's down, drinks some milk, then Lisa Errera comes up to it and shoots him in the foot. Going "ouch ouch" and yelping, the David Hassilhoff's Dog leaves the bar.
It comes back 2 months later. Walks in the door, all dressed in black and shit. Black boots, black pants, black gloves, black shit, black coat, black hat. He comes in, shoot a few shots in the air, then said, "I'm looking for the gal who shot my paw."
Get it. Shot my paw... HA HA HA!
I kill me.
Get it... from the beginning... I kill me... Hee hee...
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Till you don't care anymore, I remain
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GUS!
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