The Ear That Many Aspire To Be
There comes a time in every man's life, when he must put all other thoughts aside and allow others to fill his ear with all manner of items, places, people and ideas. Henceforth sprang this bizarre but clearly worthwhile list. In some countries people have been worshipped for less, but these countries are both backward and largely insignificant, and are at great risk of joining Libya in the list. So let us not consider such matters any longer.
Hootah!
Patrick's ear now contains:
- Tokyo, plus its entire population
- Robert Mugabe
- A shrubbery
- Another shruberry, placed next to the first to create a two-layer effect, with a nice path down the middle
- Libya
- Steptoe and Son
- Jeremy Paxman
- Don Don Don Don
- A Gestapo agent
- A Jew
- Minghis Campbell
- A tragedy
- A spatulent flatula
- A combine harvestration unit
- The Taliban's dinner table
- Wheat
- Patrick's fist
- Partick Thistle
- A talking wheelchair
- Babe: Pig in the city
- A paralysed monkey
- The world's strongest man's bits
- Truman's hat
- Patrick's foot
- Toilet roll
- A pet detective
- A chamaeleon from Spain, with a cigar
- A burning walnut bush
- A pubic headed plank spanker
- A 1000 Ohm resistor
- A spanner
- A massive humungous enormous gigantic awesomely huge giant large bacterium, with added lord
- Stig Inge Bjornebye and Stig of the Dump (One and the same?)
- Mr I.P. Freely (in Patrick's ear)
- Warzone 2100 manual
- BEEF!
- Ein paar ÜBERSPECS!
- Skyving bastard Jonny
- Patricia Hewitt
- Something else
- Afrodude (Hairspray for men)
- Une stick de la matraquer* -[See below]-
- Cholinesterase
- Beaches
- Beached whales
- Exploding beached whales
- Exploding cattle
- Mongoose
- Chineses spankies
- A giant flying tortoise
- A monk from China with an irritable bowel
- Democracy
- El Guapo and his plethora of presents
- El Diablo
- El-land Road
- A watt
- An anal probe
- Robomoses
- Hydromoses
- BenPhallus
- Crazy Ol' Jeff
- And his banjo
- Of doom
- Castle Grayskull
- A young child
- The Queen's left ear
- A separate file
- A urinary tract
- Prince Charles' sense of foreboding
* - I fear that many will ask just what a 'stick de la matraquer' is, so I'd like to clear that up now. I believe it means something along the lines of 'stick of bludgeoning', but obviously it's not perfectly accurate. Of course, in these heady days, in the crazy French land of
France,
it could actually mean anything from 'I sold my doorhandles' to 'Have you seen my pornography fridge?' So the moral is: See to it that you don't, because as long as you live under THIS roof you'll live by MY rules!
Return!