I have been writing in my Journal of Random Crap for quite some time now. It's the place where I write down all of my songs and poems and thoughts and so on. No one reads it, unless I really trust the person with what they are reading. Here's some of what I've written.
Untitled ; May 7, 2003
Last night I thought if I took it all back, would I be happier without you? Before this, it was my wishful thinking, now it's halfway real. You bring so many joys to my life, joys that are so brand new. There's a string attached. The joy crosses the line, behind it comes sadness, moving in. Is there such a thing as being too happy? When you make me happy, I'm already preparing for the next step. Because it's like a circle that we don't jump out of. You made me sad. I've told you once, but did you hear? I hope your ego hasn't flood your ears. You have no idea of this hell I'm in. It should be considered a sin. I don't want to be alone. Without you, it would be worse. But we're making this a game. I'm frustrated. Sometimes I just want to quit and let this sit. But that way, we would both lose. So where do we go? You have to choose. I've asked you before. The phone disconnected. I'm always wanting more. But you make me sad..
Click to see the thing.....out of my Random Crap...thing..yeah..
A Reality ; March 26, 2003
Just a day away
If it happens we will follow
If it runs, we'll play..
along.. All the sorrow,
Every bit of greif coming your way
Every feeling so distressing
You ask for a sign;
Red lights flashing
Waking up to reality;
Everything is ruined.
This dream, a wonderland
So pink, so pretty
Dream, it explodes
Too much hope, you had
Depression, obsession, possesion;
It's firing back at you
Everything: your fault
One mistake you made
But life; so demanding
Just a few days; in a few ways,
Changes everything, life
Wake up, a reality, so pleasant
