Dahpimpsta.Bagelz.Bigfoot.Me.Myself.I.Bigdeezy.TallBitch.Jew.Balla
Life through the eyes of the tall one they call BigFoot
Look at my tall goofy ass on my WEBCAM.
Past WebJournals: [March 8-11] [March 12-15] [March 16-19] [March 20-23] [March 24-27] [March 28-31]
Past WebJournals: [April 1-4] [April 5-8] [April 9-12] [April 13-16] [April 17-20] [April 21-24]
4/30/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Beware Helvig!“
Wise words of Joseph, "For God's sake, if you sin, take pleasure in it, and do it for the pleasure!"
Wise words of Heather, “Last year Dustin, all I wanted to be was your friend!"
Mission of the Day #15: Put a scratch and sniff on the bottom of a pool, and tell someone to go try it.
Busy day indeed, and I’m pooped. Went through the usual school day, wandering the campus at will, joking around in class, walking around with a tree in my backpack, you know...the usual. I was called a “sea-biscut” by my idiot english teacher, Mrs. Ziemer, the beetle lady. I don’t know what a sea biscut is, but I think the beetle lady can go shove her grade book up her pee-hole. Well anyways, I played tennis for two hours, lifted for two hours, and shot six-hundred shots, yet still have time to take a dump. Crazy shiiiieeeeeet..no pun intended.
No sleep and no food make Dustin go a little sumptin sumptin...crazy..don't mind if I do!
I guess my room doesn't like me after all..and has become as hot as hell...arghhhhhhh!
I was just watching Dateline about this guy who called himself Christopher Rockefeller, claiming to be of the wealthy Rockefeller family, and how he con’ed millions of dollars out of people. Well this guy was beloved by all, movie stars, celebrities, you name it, he had connections. This guy worked by telling others his name, being a infamous fake Rockefeller, con’ing others in giving him thousands in cash to invest, because a Rockefeller can invest, then running with the money, using that to lavishly live life, drinking champagne, living in presidential sweets, and buying nine million dollar homes. Making me look at a new lifestyle if basketball doesn’t work out, being a con man. I would pimp all the bitches, spend the cash money, and live life to the fullest buying up everything I could. Yet it would all end once I was found out, but I would be a good con man, and make one milllllllllllllllion dollars muhahaha, ummmm or make billions, whatever turns your clock.
My good friend Heather..wanted to be a part of the Penis Toe escapade, so to be admitted into the club....she knows what she’s gotta do, sukkkkeeeeee sukkkkkkkeee!!!
4/29/01
Wise words of Deezy, “A blind man can only see what he cannot hear!“
Wise words of J-Big, “Jeremy Canchola, come on down and lets play the price is right!"
Wise words of Asian Tran, “I don't know!"
Mission of the Day #15: Stick your foot in the high sucking powered filter of your friends spa, then sue him for the foot that gets sucked off.
In today’s society of teenagers partying, you know a lot of loving goes on behind the closed doors in the house of partying that night. Yet again it doesn’t have to be sex, just the usual kissing, sucking on one another’s neck, giving the good ole’ donkey punches, and what not. Then again the average guy who hooks up with a girl, sometimes even a guy (yuuuuuuckkkkkk-foo!!!) thinks that if they hook up, the girl is gunna want a relationship, so they end up running away to the nearest corner to hide. Guys don’t understand the sensitivity of women, because women feel that if a guy gives them the good ole’ donkey punch, that a relationship has started. Wrongo, you women gotta understand that us guys need pleasure too, and well porn mags and lotion just doesn’t get the job done once you get to that age of oldness. Some guys just want the nookie, not to be a rookie - Translation: Some males just want to have sex (nookie), instead of starting a relationship (rookie). Yet some guys think that the girl is gunna want a relaitonship, so he runs back under the rock he came from, and never talks to her again. Girls just don’t understand guys, but it’s a mutual thing, but remember I did it all for the nookie, the nookie, so you can take that cookkkkiiiiiiee, and shove it up your ass-hole-amio!
I was dissapointed in the Lakers game today, as my foretelling of the events in the game didn’t turn out at all correct. No one fought or got T’d up or anything, making it an uninspiring game. Boooooo NBA once again, for I thought it was good again, but I was let down once again like a WB sitcom, ohhh diss!
The room has finally cooled down to a decent temperature, and I can live, live my friends for another day. Yet the peacocks are still in my dreams plucking my eyeballs out, it’s creepy scary stuff.
Penis Toes have seen the womb yet have no eyes.
4/28/01
Wise words of Deezy, “I fucking hate Pikeys!“
Wise words of Colby, “Simone ese, let‘s party!"
Wise words of Emily, “If you ain‘t throwing up, you ain‘t blowing up!"
Mission of the Day #14: Eat vaseline for dinner.
So it was one of those nights where just about nothing was going on, because the Palace was closed. So the hang out was Taco Bell, and well we just ate and ate, but then again it was a boring night. So as homophobic parties were on the map, we decided to go to AKA’s house, which is in the boonies. Now my little boop smuggles, I really mean Boonies, I ain’t talking about the Pikey’s boonies, I talking about AKA’s boonies. All the way back in Tapo Canyon, at least three miles back, where there are no lights and peacocks lurk in the weeds. So as we chilled in his mobile home, which we couldn’t even get into since there was no lights, we eventually got in. Then I was told that there was a cemetery behind his mobile home, and so about six of us travelled to this cemetery in pitch darkness. We travelled through knee high weeds with rattle snakes rattling amongst them, and finally to the creeking gate, which needed some WD-40. We get to the tombstones and are told that it’s all of his family, and I began to get a little creepy. AS we leave, we see a tombstone that says, “Our neighbors baby” and then I was like holy shit! Yet again it was just a tombstone to scare people, so I felt relieved. Yet when we were leaving, I made a loud KAAAAAA sound to scare the girls, in which I accomplished, yet we heard something make a Kooooo Koooooo sound back. It was the million of peacocks that all of a sudden surrounded us. We all grouped together, as we didn’t know what to do, and the peacocks became erect ready to strike, so we sacrificed the girls, and jacked off away from the peacocks which got longer by the second. Then one of the son of bitches bit me in my ass, so I took my size sixteen shoe and punted the damn cock into a hole. I was the only one to survive, so I buried the bodies next to AKA’s family. What a night indeed, yet again the peacock fight didn’t happen, I just got a little crazy witht the story cuz I wanted to build yah up for it.
Girls and the mall equal a big waste of time. It’s almost like a necessity for them to go to the mall every weekend, yet what does it accomplish? They look and look, stare, point, grunt, yet they just do those things, and at the end buy pretzels with cheese. I don’t know, it’s just mentality to go to the mall, take twenty minutes to park, spend three hours looking, become satisifed, then leave. Arggggghhhh and bollaks to that.
Penis Toes have got some new sandals....ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhh!!
4/27/01
Wise words of Deezy, “A booga booga bogga!“
Wise words of Maxi-Pad, “Dude I need to get laid!"
Wise words of Kristen, “It‘s cold in the east!"
Mission of the Day #14: Pretend your frogger and run across the freeway, just remember you only have one life remaining.
Toughest life to live..John the Stutterer from the Howard Stern show. Last night I was watching John the Stutterer competing against Fred in a Rock N’ Roll trivia game. With all bets placed on Fred the genious, John some how stuttered it out. This little tid bit isn’t about the trivia game, it’s of John’s disbabilty and speech impediment. Not to make fun of, or actually yeah to make fun of, John the Stutterer is just too funny, because he can’t spit out the words on the end of his tongue. I was teary eyed at his impediment to talk, and Fred would mock him, yet John would stutter on through Fred’s mocking till he would say the word. He must be made fun of daily, yet we must help these stutterers in our world, one of my friends is a quazi-stutterer, referred to as Guido Conger #2. We must unite and fix this problem, and how do we fix it?? I’ve heard that if you get a donkey, make the person get on all fours, and let the donkey kick you in the ass, then let it gizz on you, also know as the Jackass Speech Impediment Therapy Treatment.
Laker game just got crazy last night, as a good seven to eight technicals were called, and all hell broke loose. Elbows being thrown everywhere, and just madness. I was really pissed to see not one guy get into the mix, I say that get Penberthy out there to throw down with Rasheed. Stop this black on black hate, get the white guys involved. My Sunday game prediction, more then ten technicals, and at least four players ejected for fighting, including Penberthy and Madsen, the mad dog.
I’m still very curious and amazed at how everyday items work around my house. My good friend Paco talked to me of the telephone, in which we use to communicate over with friends, have phone sex, and order whatever. How does your voice go through a wire plugged into your wall, wired to the phone box, and wired to them miles away. Most of you smart asses are like....oh it’s elemantary my dear, no it ain’t you fudgepacker, it’s really crazy stuff if you put your mind to it.Cell phones, no wires, even more crazier. I know they use satellites but who came up with these ideas, Mr. Verizon Wireless is a smarty pants.
Penis Toes are gunna get crunk tonight
4/26/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Spanish TV is like a sexy exchange student, you don‘t know what she‘s saying, but you can‘t resist her!“
Wise words of Jenn, “Allen is a skeezite!"
Wise words of Gina, “Reality bites!"
Mission of the Day #13: Go to K-Mart and over the P.A. system say, “Blow Job Special, two for one in aisle seven..
Euphemisms are like the little bag of goodies you get with a McDonalds Happy meal, a choking hazard comes along with every goody. You actually don’t realize how much you use euphemisms, and for you nitwits that don’t even know what one is, I will tell yah, cuz jolly gee ole’ golly that’s what I’m here for. Euphemisms are I guess you can say nicknames for definitions of everyday words. For example you say Donkey Punch, in which people recognize as when your doing a girl from behind and when your about to orgasm you punch a girl in the back of the head, making her clench, giving you the biggest and most pleasurablest (<--- Not a real word) orgasm. Yet again this is about euphemisms, not sex, yet I could turn it into sex, but I will refrain. The newest euphemism I would like to introduce is called a Lucky Pierre. A Lucky Pierre is the middle guy in a gay threesome. Use it as you like, yet if you are caught pulling a Lucky Pierre, oh man, that ain’t good, for friends will abominate you, and your family will despise you, damn despicable donkey gizz you will become.
If you haven’t ever read Maxim or Stuff, do it, this magazine has got it all, really funny ...ish!! A give it two slaps of the knee and a Chewbacca Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Temperature in room, hot, dying, arghhh, sweat, can’t breathe, fan full blast, sun bling blinging on me, butt naked, still hot, fainting, dehydrated, ahhhhooooggggggggaaaa!
Goes to show you how smart circus owners are....recently these circus folk rendered a three-ton elephant invinsible to bypass Mexican border patrol. Hmmmm...well who else do you think could hide a huge big ass elephant across the border without the border patrol knowing, they ain’t David Copperfield or nutin. Then again who isn’t afraid of carne’s....circus folk....I am, it’s just those big colorful wigs and how they fit twenty people into a little miniture car, I think they pulled up to the border patrol, chit-chatted, then sprayed the guards with their little squirting flower on their shirts full of water, then boned out with Dumbo. The cost of this mission was about four grand, and oh man, that could buy more then a hand full of peanuts.
Girls like that Peaches and Cream stuff, but how bout the Penis and Toes??
4/25/01
Wise words of Master #1, “All skeezers must obey there masters!"
Wise words of Mikey, “You‘re fugly!"
Wise words of Deezy, “Two plus two is fifty after you add fourty eight more!“
Mission of the Day #12: Go to a drive thru, order a drink, and throw it back at them..
Don’t hate the player, hate the game ehhh...well what if you don’t even play the game, can you not be hated? So what ever this imaginary game is, if you don’t play it your safe from being hated on. Then again if you hate the game why would you want to be a player in that game, come on now. Interpretation is the best way of examination of hating the game in this situation but if the game is relaxation and simulation then your realization is masterbation. Check it out how you want, but the game will always be hated!
If you watch NASCAR, whooooopppppeeeee, for the lame person, that is a bunch of cars going blazzin fast around an oval track about a mile long, then you have heard of a famous driver named Dick Trickle. This is no joke, as a little kid I actually watched the big races like Daytona and the Brickyard 500, and always noticed his name, and I say his parents should be ashamed for naming their kid Dick Trickle. That’s gotta be embarrasing, real embarassing, and while we are talking about names, I actually looked up some names, and here are some funny names, Crystal Chandellier, Dick Head, and yes there is someone names Ass Hole. Just type up names on your search engine and look up in state record files, you’ll find them. Be thankful though, because at least you’re not named Nuclear Bomb, who presides in Rocklin, Nevada.
Tennis came to a close today, as we bombed on Newbury Park, and this was one of the funner matches of the year, as the opposing double teams had some guys who were a step away from being deemed retarded. Just the way they served and stroked their rackets puzzled Luke and I, yet we dominated the competition. Meanwhile the one they call Nip, Chinsta, and da Chink, was going buckwild all day, teamed with Leon the singin Philipino, it seemed that this combination wouldn’t work. Their first match was a sure victory till they lost it in the end, with Chin throwing his racket over the fence almost hitting the Newbury coach. Highlight of the day was after we won all three of our matches, I went out of my diddly little way all the way around the courts with a bucket full of ice and water, to drench Wickwack, and oh man he wore that ...ish. While idiotic Dustin, yeah that’s me, watched the Nip go crazy in his last match, I couldn’t help to know an evil plot was being planned against I. While it being close to a hundred degrees outside, Wick was drenched, and thought it be good if he drenched me back, and then I wore it. It was refreshing indeed, but I would soon cool down when I hit my scorching room. All fun and games, now we wait to get into playoffs.
Once again I’m doomed by the heat wave travelling through my room, and I stay out of it as much as I can, it’s a bitch but hey what can I do.
Don't hate the Penis, hate the toe.