Dahpimpsta.Bagelz.Bigfoot.Me.Myself.I.Bigdeezy.TallBitch.Jew.Balla
Life through the eyes of the tall one they call BigFoot
Look at my tall goofy ass on my WEBCAM.
Past 2001 WebJournals: [March Entries] [April Entries] [May Entries]
Current June WebJournals: [June 1-4] [June 5-8] [June 9-12] [June 13-16] [June 17-20] [June 21-24]
6/30/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Happy Birthday too myself!"
Wise words of Luke, “Yeah it's shit!”
Mission of the Day #78: Take a shit, put it in a box and Fed-ex it to Luke - 5758 Oak Knolls Road!”.
Turning eighteen is a big thing, yet you always want to do sumptin to remember it by!!! So I decided to get my tat today. While the artist himself is a koo kicked back guy, it made me feel as if this process was all chill. Then the big needle came out, and although I was unafraid, it wasn't until he actually started the tat that I felt, awwweeeeeeee it ain't that bad. When the filling in of the tribal started, oh man it was a little painful. Especially on the inside of my bicep, honestly it was the worst damn pain ever, but I kept the pain on the inside. It was all worth it, and is now the phattest tattoo ever!!! Thanx Sean, you the man fo sheezy!
Well today was that special day...the big eighteen birthday day!! Only Dustin knows how to throw a big bash, and that's fo sheezy cuz no porkers came to break it up. Everyone else always gets broken up early, but this party lasted until things inside got a little crazed. Otherwise the kegs were flowing, reefer was a blazing, and the girls were god damn nice! Best freaking ratio ever, as I think the girls out numbered the guys about 1.34:1. Except for people keep spilling and the dumbass getting thrown in the pool, it was all good. Total attendance was about over a hundred and everyone was chillen like Bob all night long. Too my Uncle who was amazed and shocked at all the girls, told yah bro!! They flock like seagulls around this Capistrano. After I threw everyone out for reasons of too many people going crazy, about thirty witnessed the blowing of the candles. While I got my dad and bro with cake, I got my whole faced shoved in the god freaking thing. Icing stings like a beatch!!! Success indeed after all was over, and I hope to have another before I leave.
So who else gives shit too someone for their birthday?? Only Luke...yeah thanks man, it still smells on my hands.
6/29/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Birthday Tommorow!"
Wise words of DMV Lady, “That'll be tweleve dollars, I hate this job!”
Mission of the Day #77: Make a funny face on your license picture!”.
Freaking shots....how many of them must I go through to be immune for college, godddddd!!!
The idea of people at the DMV being courteous is just dead wrong. I more as feel that it depends on the type of customer or average person's attitude towards the DMV worker then anything. I go up for a simple question and they get all crazy and attitudy like I'm a dumbass for not knowing the answer. What is stuck up the ass of these DMV workers? Maybe it's the lack of concern for knowing that a eight inch fist can't be shoved in a three inch wide hole but who knows what's wrong. While I was taking a test there, some asian old guy ahead of me was getting ripped up by the worker as he was asking for the Japanese version of the test. This only angered her but she must do as told. Well during the test, I guess the old asian guy's brother tried to help him on the test, and outta no where you hear this loud voice, "Sir if you don't get away now he will fail the test, so back off!" It was crazy, and also got a few laughs, but just shows that DMV people are under stress 24-7!
I consider my friends too be jerks sometimes, but who isn't, yet it's when they blow your whole day cuz of a bad joke. As we prepared to go to the beach, and right as we were about to step out the door, I get a call from my good friend Lucas. This call was concerning there travel home from the beach as they went before us to surf. He told me that the Zuma beach was closed down from tower five to ten due to a murder investigation. While he talked he seemed amused and freaked out by the whole scene, because he mentioned cops were everywhere and no one was on the beach. I guess you can say as gullible as I am, I believed the Pikey, so I told other friends who then in turn came back home as they were already on the 23 Freeway. Luke and Helvig are jerks for this, and now must pay the severe penalty which will be talked about later!!!
6/28/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Proper Fucked I say!"
Wise words of Everyone stranger I came into contact today, “Did you know your tall!”
Mission of the Day #76: Find out what was shoved up my little brother's ass!”.
Here's the deal, for my two fans that actually read this damn journal, you most likely know my brother who seems to be suffering from retarded syndrome. Most complain and ask why he is why he is, yet I have no honest explanation, except for the retarded and crazy part. So if you can honestly depict what is wrong with the poor kid from your standpoint, please write about it on the message board, thank you!
As I'm always up for spontaneous new shit too do, Luke and Helvig travelled over to my palace and asked me to go Glow in the Dark golfing tonight. While I just got home from a long day of boredom, I said what the hell and journeyed with them. Totally opposite of what I expected, the bright neon green colored golf balls could be seen at a miles distance. As we started off playing, all was smooth, yet of course putting was a bitch as you couldn't read the slopes, but honestly who can putt even with the sun out? My two dim-witted friends decided to highjack the un-named courses only golf cart and ride it around shredding up mud in it's path. The whole serious approach to playing ended with the addition of the golf cart, but it was all good in the hood my friends. Dirty Latino #1 will pay dearly, as he dove behind a bench saying there was cops behind the caddy shack, making us all believers and hiding ourselves, while no cop car was there. Watch your back Rapha you idiot hole!
If you are a women driving at eleven at night and a vehicle driving beside you has a high beam flashlight aimed inside your car...would you think it's neccesary to drive at high speeds to get away? Tonight we found the answer to that simple question, as Luke shined our bright flashlight at this little white car on the freeway. At first the girl chuckled, then she felt threatened, as I would, so she totally sped off. As the Dirty Latino #1 was driving, we were unable to record our highest speed acheived while tracking this women down because of a lack of a proper working spedometer. I would estimate we were going at least a hundred miles an hour, yet we caught up to her again and gave her that last bling bling before dodging two cars and almost killing ourselves. Clean fast fun is all I can say!
6/27/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Hot box ohhhhhhhh yeah!"
Wise words of Quincy, “I don't have any!”
Mission of the Day #75: Say shit exactly 162 times in one day!”.
So as of late I've been invited to travel to my home town of Israel to compete in their Olympics known as the Maccabee Games. Everyday a big time coach has been calling my home, the Philidelphia 76er's Asst. Coach called today, which made it just that better. Yet I reconcile going because I don't want to enter a war zone, as the Jews and Palastinians just can't get along. Also the modern day Nostradamus Sollog has predicted a nuclear so called Holocaust to begin there. As I would feel threatened if I travelled over seas, this could be a change in my life, as the want is high, because I would be the only player under 21 on the team. We'll see what goes on.
The Fast and Furious is just as good the second time, but I doubt if I want to experience a third trip.
It's always great seeing big time movie stars chillen at there pad. While my Dad and I left our last job for the day, we pulled around a corner and saw this big black guy outside talking to his gardeners. To my keen vision it looked like big ass Deebo from "Next Friday" the movie. I needed a closer look, so we pulled back and as I took another peek it was the big jolly black giant. I wanted to yell out Deebo, yet was scared he'd come chase us down and kill us.
6/26/01
Wise words of Deezy, “I wanna see Hank the Drunken Dwarf and BeetleJuice get in a fist fight!"
Wise words of Jason, “Go play with your damn grapes you smugglin pieces of shit and while youre at it put some damn clothes on no one wants to see a bunch of fuckin grapes floppin around at the beach!”
Mission of the Day #74: Try to steal from Target!”.
I was told of a new term today that follows up terms such as Donkey Punch, Lucky Pierre and so forth. This new word is Grape Smuggler. Now you ask as I did, what is a Grape Smuggler? A Grape Smuggler is a guy, possibly even a Lucky Pierre, who wears tight ass speedo's at the beach. If you take a quick sneak peak, his testicles are squeezed so tight to his spandex that it looks like he's smuggling grapes from some place you would smuggle grapes. So if you come across any Grape Smuggler's, give them the good ole' Grape Smuggler salute, the traditional grab of the crotch, lift of the feet off the ground and a Michael Jackson "Heeeee-heeeeeeee!"
So does anyone else realize how boring the days get? I despise sitting around doing nothing all day, and even now in the nightime, shit ain't happenin. So life still is a bitch, yet will get better this weekend!
From Jason's quote, can anyone tell he is bitter towards Grape Smugglers???
Unaware of some of my friend's jobs, I was told by this friend that he is an "External Manager" at Target. Too keep his so-called NARC cover, he will go nameless for now. His position as External Manager is to keep people from stealing by busting their ass when they do loot the store. As a patroller of electronics and health and beauty, this guy has sent to jail many suspects who tried to defeat the Target undercover system. Let me tell you, Target is on Lockdown totally, so as I'm told K-Mart, also know as the Big K, is the place to go for five finger discounts, because they are unable to apprehend stealers. Interesting as it may seem, this External Manager has worked himself up the Target chain, and tonight was called in just too identify a possible Thefty Gang Member for thirty bucks. Now that's money in the bank if you know what I mean.
6/25/01
Wise words of Deezy, “Kilo must die!"
Wise words of Kilo, “Bark Bark!”
Mission of the Day #73: Kidnap Kilo and let it free in Compton!”.
So what is it with fast lanes on freeways? Since we are allowed a maximum in Simi of 65 m.p.h. and usual don't follow it, why would the news, cops, and people label something fast when they want us to keep travelling slow. I mean this also brings up the point of cars and their spedometers. The average luxury vehicle has a speed of a hundred miles an hour it can travel, since most come with limiters, yet why? Seriously there is no where in the USA in which you can travel that fast, unless you are a NASCAR driver or something. So why even bother making cars capable of travelling at high velocities when they are unable to travel that fast legally? That's why I'm imposing a new rule, or traffic law if you must say. Since people like to call the left lane the fast lane, use the full capacity of speed your car can handle, and utilize that in the so called "fast lane" ignoring all speed signs. By any chance you get caught by a damn sheriff, tell them Ryan Jewfaski said we could travel as fast as we wanted. With his questioned response of who is Ryan Jewfaski, say he's a bad ass mutha fucka, better known as GOD!
The damn spoil to our society is Bryce's dog Kilo, a black lab. This mut is hated by most, mostly by his family, yet barks on and on everyday as an annoying son of a bitch. Today I experienced Kilo's swimming techniques, as the stupid thing just jumps in at will to catch it's little toys. Pretty funny infact, as it can actually dive down from sank toys, pretty amazing but still, it needs to be put to rest. It pees on people, jumps on me when it's wet, and goddddddd barks so damn much. Sorry Bryce, it's gotta go!!!