Dahpimpsta.Bagelz.Bigfoot.Me.Myself.I.Bigdeezy.TallBitch.Jew.Balla

Life through the eyes of the tall one they call BigFoot

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Past WebJournals: [May 1-4] [May 5-8] [May 9-12] [May 13-16] [May 17-20] [May 21-24]

Come back everyday and read my journal, leave comments on the message board, and lick my Penis Toes!!!

5/31/01

Wise words of Deezy, “Rack um up and sit em down!"

Wise words of Missy, “Hot Shit!”

Mission of the Day #48: Bring a big stop watch that ticks loud to the drive-thru at McDonalds, too prove they can never beat the thirty second drive-thru time...Free Big Mac's for everyone!.

Why not leave foods in their pure state? I mean now a days they flavor or color different foods for what purpose? Honestly, who wants to put green ketchup on their hamburgers, and while I did and enjoyed the taste, my poo poo was green for like a week, which I think is very un-healthy. Purple milk? Just straight up nasty. Then finally you got those corn chips in places like Acupalco which are colored red, blue, and just bout every color of the rainbow. I thought corn chips were too be yellowish white, yet again who doesn’t like to eat stale colored nauseating chips mixed with oozing salsa? Not me please.

So who else can drive a damn golf ball behind the trees at Simi Hills? Me!!! Who else nailed the guy driving the cart from about hundred yards away? Me!!! I love golf!!!

I set another great accomplishment at Simi High...every year, or at least for the past couple years, Wickwack holds a speed competition. This is who can hit a tennis ball the hardest, throw the fastest baseball or football, or kick a soccer ball the fastest. The winners get their name plastered and plaqued up on WickWack’s Hall of Fame. Last year I served a tennis ball 119 m.p.h, one mile per hour off the record set the year before. Since I been hitting the weights, I reached an amazing 121 m.p.h which is crazy mad fresh. I think I might go pro, yet again I don’t want Agassi slamming a tennis ball at my schnoze.

Summer is a coming, and all the previous graduates seem to be visiting school every once in a while. The lovely Miss King arrived at school today, and was greated with a big hug from yours truly. Nice to be back in the sunshine ehhh? Got my cap and gown today, Graduation party time is coming up...whooo whooo!

After moaning and bitching to Wickwack, and after careful consideration by him the Ping Pong god, I was let back into the Ping Pong tournament. I was defaulted because of my suspension, but because of a reasonable absence, I was able to beat smelly breath Kasch, and whoop on cool guy Tran, who just ain’t cool anymore, booo yahhh!!! In the Final Four, after a great duel, I was defeated by the great Old School Jensen, 21-15, 18-21, 19-21. It is all gravy as I’m entered into the big tournament, whoopee! Great shot of the match was when I hit my hardest forehand, whipping by Old School and nailing these idiots playing chess in the corner. I think he even shed a tear, but that’s what they get for being in the way.

5/30/01

Wise words of Deezy, “Aloha Mukalaleke!"

Wise words of Tommy, “How you think I would look in those coconut shells!”

Mission of the Day #47: Stick fire in your mouth, now that‘s a spicy meatball!”.

Does anybody wonder why we have just about two of everything? I think we were made to be symmetrical on the outside, and sloppy on the inside. Two thumbs, eyes, butt cheeks, ears, legs, arms (Unless they were blown off in the war, or a dog chewed on them) and yes even two testicles. There really is no explanation or hypothesis for this. Yet in times of need, people like Bobbit would love to have two penis’ because he got his chopped off after a bad sexual episode. The weiner, nose, and mouth are the only body parts that we have one of, weird how nature made things. Why I think of these oblong subjects? No one can figure that out either.

Suspension served indeed...by going to the beach and relaxing. This day seemed like that episode of Saved by The Bell where they all go to the fake beach on ditch day. While I became burned off my ass, skim boarded, made obnoxious sounds, and baked for meanless hours, most of you were getting edumacated (Slang for education for you pussy farts). My good friend Squincy taught me how too skim board, and although I took my share of bails, I can now ride the little tides with ease. Shockerz on the other hand, just don’t quit your day job buddy, don’t worry, you will be able to ride a skim board without barrel-rolling one of these decades. Aja also just couldn’t get the board going, it seemed as if the board needed batteries for her to get it to work, because it would slide, yet when she stepped on it, the board stopped. Great action indeed, yiiippppeeeee!

Senior Luau took place in the main quad tonight. For those of you who thought I couldn’t go because of my suspension, my pops stood up for me and got buck buck with Mr. P, allowing me to attend the chill back time of the luau. The Sua’s doing their fire show was pretty damn sweet, even when they balanced the fire pole with their feet and put the fire in their mouth, ouch and shit! Even when I got picked to go up and do the Polynesian/Hawaiian dance, I got my freak on, it was all good in the hood indeed! Except for getting constantly hit in the head with ice chunks, the night was all worth it's ten dollars. Highlight of the night was Conger getting shoved in the little toddler pool, mukalakaleke...which is Hawaiian for Conger Sucks! Compared to the Renaissance Rally, this just put a size sixteen boot on and kicked it’s ass!

5/29/01

Wise words of Deezy, “Viva La Resistance!"

Wise words of Lindsay and Mo Fo Sho, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world !”

Mission of the Day #46: Flip Mr. P the bird in my honor, for he has made a big mistake!”.

Being a role model sucks, because you do one thing wrong and get chewed up for it.

Have you ever felt like you’ve gotten so crazy that human combustion is possible? I think I experienced that today one way or another, and oh man it’s crazy. I got soo heated that I almost exploded into two bits, yet calmed down, ate a pizza pocket and played Mario Kart.

Well I guess my Memorial Day weekend has been extended just about to a six-day weekend. How come Dustin, how are you so lucky, well if you must know, I was suspended today, yes suspended. Now here’s the dumb story of my conviction of morality. So we have this whack Renaissance assembly, which is a pety excuse to get the intelligent students a.k.a. 3.0 gpa’s and higher a little show for their acheivments. In my words, just a waste of time, and I’d say I speak for just about everyone there, except if your a fan of the color guard, whoooppee, twirl my stick. Back to this drathe entertainers, but it was pointless to have this assembly, thats all. Anyways, ten minutes later, this guy, who was supposedly paid by his friends, danced with the campus supervisors and in the middle of the floor for a good couple minutes, which was hilarious. Yet Mr. P made it a big deal and called Mrs. Britz down to deal with it. The assembly ends, we leave, and life goes on. During the next period I get a pass to Mr. P’s, and I knew what it was about. I enter the office of hell only to find out that he was going to send me home the rest of the day. Yet after careful and quick consideration, he extends the suspension to tommorow also. WTF??? For changing seats, give me a break, geeeezzzz I say with anger. Pretty pathetic, as the white boy dancer, Shocker and I now must serve this suspension to think about our distractive behavior. The school has come to a point where it’s gotta lay down the law on every pety thing, and while I change chairs, others carry knives, smoke in the bathrooms, and ditch school, but oh noooooooo, you must be suspended for changing seats. FUCK THAT!!! I turn the negative into a positive, I get to chill at home, possibly go to the beach, or swim at my house and play PS2. Arghhh to the administration.

I guess I'm just the popular and unlucky one for Mr. P to skip over ISS and paper pick up just to go to suspension, suck my cock fatty!!!!

Now that I think of it, I'm denied to go to any school activities tommorow which includes the Senior Luau which is a nice get together of all the seniors, and welp I can't be the life of the party, fuck school!

5/28/01

Wise words of Deezy, “Up jump the boogie!"

Wise words of Jolene, “Your born and then you die and in between you make a lot of mistakes!”

Mission of the Day #45: Walk on burning hot coal, to join the Smack-A-Ho Tribe!”.

I know that Memorial Day is too remember all those who served and died for us in wartime, but honestly, I bet half the people on this damn lazy country we call America just don’t know that. I was watching a show, the title of which I don’t remember, which was a carbon copy of Jay Leno’s J-Walking, and the person when asked what Memorial Day was,. His response was, “Isn’t it a Jewish holiday where they remember the Holocaust and light the Menorah.” Another idiot, as he thought it was called Menorah Day, hahah oh man I almost cried when I heard this. Tells us that American’s, even though they’ve dwelled on this planet for thirty plus years, don’t know simple history and holidays.

Some people have idiotic comments that are pointless to even say. This weekend I lost my cell phone, and this nitwit says “Where was the last spot you put it?” I proclaim this person legally retarded because I would know where it was. Arghhh, just a little side comment that says people are freaking idiots. Thank You for your time.

We all need to express our feelings more often because that way you hold nothing back and harm others by lashing out when you do let it out. It seems as if this weekend has been the most communicative weekend of my life, as I’ve talked so much to people about aspects of life and just honest opinions. I hypothesize that people should free thier minds, because the rest will follow, or at least that’s what En Vogue told us in their hit song. We must realize that people hate confrontation, yet when they deal with it, all the anger or what not built up from it, is all expressed and discharged out during that confrontation causing fights, killings, and wars. Our world would be better off with people conveying their troubles to helpful humans, instead of isolating it inside, and then exploding like Japan did on us in Pearl Harbor. Be at peace and serenity with yourself, but don’t listen to me, I’m just another pea in the pod, but I’m a bigger pea then the other peas.

5/27/01

Wise words of Deezy, “Up jump the boogie!"

Wise words of Skeezer Katie, “IB6UB9!”

Mission of the Day #44: Call and order a pizza to your house, then when it comes deny that you ordered it, and ask if you can have it for free!”.

All us guys were huddled round in a circle out in the cold air, yet it was for a great purpose, and that purpose was for John Blaze and Mike Oxbig, two great figures of Americana.

Finally I decide to sit down and watch a freaking NBA game. For hopefully I can acheive the success of making it there one day, I still feel that most of the players play for money and not for the love of the game, so I don’t bother. Yet family was coming over, and we all love to joke and laugh so I thought it would be sweet. The Lakers just seem to dominate so much that it even gets boring, I think Showtime is once again roaming the Los Angeles area.

I got that John Blaze shit for yah!

Talking about white trash, we travelled to this one guys house who was having a kick back. As we enter this obstructed house, it seemed like a pig sty, as they had crud all over the floors, and it was just unpleasant. I couldn’t stand it, and my mission was too round up the troops and leave as quickly as I could. In a matter of a couple measly minutes, we split like the banana’s we are. Just wanted you too know that white trash still exists in Simi, but that isn’t any new news.

5/26/01

Wise words of Deezy, “Kooo KOOOOOOOOOO!"

Wise words of Helvig, “No your suppose too say it taste like burning!”

Mission of the Day #43: Catch a peacock, and put a rubberband around it‘s beak!”.

Friday was just an amazing and fun night, and that would make up for any crapy experience I would have durring the rest of my Memorial Day weekend. So I decide to chill with the Moms for the day, so we get some grub and head to Cosco to get my Prom pictures developed. Being as impatient as I am, I didn’t want to go anywhere or wait any extra time, so we concluded to stay in the store for a good hour, eat the little samples and fool around. Well as we walked around getting ideas for college life, like mini refrigerators, laptops, etc. we tried to be a reckless peoples. My mom ended up jumping on a bike and riding it around the store, once again my mom was riding a bike in and out of people. I was cracking up at the bit, so I joined her and started riding around, racing her up aisle twenty-four. The rest of our wasting time was spent jumping into pillows, going people bowling, and laughing at the idiots who asked how tall I was.

During the wee hours of the night I hit up the spa all night with the beautiful cheerleaders, and had some flat out fun. Yet I did enjoy the hour stay back in the boonies with A.K.A and the peacocks who are abnoxiously loud. Although we didn’t visit the cemetery, I’m still petrified from the findings of our last journey to his family burial site. Freaky icky icky indeed. Although I didn’t experience all the fun they had, A.K.A. a.k.a. Wes got puked on by this skeeeezzzaa Megan, and his house now smells like ass according to smelly ass certified experts.

5/25/01

Wise words of Deezy, “Gonorrrhea eyes!"

Wise words of Aja, "Voulez-vous caucher avec moi!”

Mission of the Day #42: Pepper spray your dog!”.

As most of you H-Mo’s know, the haircut bet ended a good fortnight ago. The consequences, although very harsh, were too happen tonight with a crowd of about eight. Proja sacked up to go first, so as we got the hoses ready and spraying, the red pepper spray gas sprtized and covered his eyes. Falling to the ground in agony, Proja commented that his face felt like “Gonorrhea” and while I‘ve never had gonorrhea or know what it feels like, I guess the situation is different in his case. Yet after a good twenty minutes of laughin at Proja, it was time for Luke too get his consequence. With Proja still struggling on the ground constantly spraying water on his bright red face, the winner of the haircut bet, Helvig, sprayed Luke with the pepper spray. Instantly he fell to the ground in pain, and couldn’t speak as he inhaled it, which causes bronchial problems. After a couple seconds he was speaking to us, and also complained that his face felt like gonorrhea. It seems that there is an intense heat that petrifies the face, which one can’t stand or put up with. Half way through Luke’s yelling, Proja finally makes it too his feet, and opens his eyes for the first time in about twenty minutes. Twenty minutes after that, Luke followed Proja by opening his eyes. Although they looked like they got beat up with their huge puffy eyes, it was all for a good cause, and it’s all filmed on tape. If you wanna see it, just speak to me. Please don’t try this at home, or you know what, try it and see what it feels like.

Ferrari make Dustin go a little sumptin sumptin...crazy...don't mind if I do. Very talkative night as it seemed as if I had a seven hour consecutive conversation with people. Only the people around me know why, but great night indeed, and that's all I can say about that.