A Collection of my Poetry Works

   By: Melissa Jayne Bergsma

   Where anger vents its pains
   Where frustration meets its match

   Where words can scream then turn to love
   Where imagination sours

   Welcome to my world

The following is a collection of poetry from the past 10 years.
They are in the chronological order of how they were written beginning with the most recent.
These are meant to be felt and perceived in your own way,
some of what I write is meant to be both extremely literal and metaphorical at the same time so take it how it feels to you.
Thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy!

2012

The Beast Within
It not my fault,
You bring out the animal in me.
I can't help but live with passion.
I know no other way to exist.
Laying in your arms,
I know you'll never love me.
We've been down that road before.
Still, I give into your lips as they kiss me
And melt into your arms as you pull me close.
Your touch is like wildfire,
Beautifully dangerous.
My head tells me to retreat before it consumes me,
But my quivering body aches to feed the fire.
Your warmth is as addictive as the flames.
You're a drug I shouldn't take.

So I'll lock my heart away,
Saving it for someone worthy.
Tonight I'll play make believe,
Just for a night, we can pretend it still belongs to you.
I'll turn off my phone and you can lock the doors.
I'll hold you captive and you'll captivate me in your embrace.
We mesh together with violent passion
And disappear into the shadows of the night.
Tonight, you are mine.

Twelve Weeks
Another week closer
Still, you feel unreal
Only months ago my plans were set in stone
I was so sure of myself, my future.
You turned my world upside down
I was so afraid to let you in,
Afraid to let you down.
Strange how someone so small
can make such a big impact,

So many plans, but now they are for you.
I long to give you the world,
To share my knowledge with you,
To inspire you,
To let you make mistakes,
To teach you to forgive,
To show compassion,
To love.

Only three inches,
You are nothing shy of beautiful,
They told me you could never be,
But my shattered heart was mended
When You knocked me off my feet,
Giving me a whole new set of dreams.
Here you are, inside of me,
My little miracle
I live for you now.

2011

Gladiator
Last night, a man gave me some advice.
He told me only to sing what I know.
To find my passion and divert myself from the easy road.
One day, he said, I would be thrown into the rough and dirty.
I would come out alive,
Knowing the meaning of pain.

How little a man can know.
How ignorant to perceive me as a fragile, untainted soul;
One not yet broken.
He said after my tragedy people would finally see me,
That I would shine through and show the world who I am.
Well, I found my passion.
I'm on the dangerous path to everywhere.
I'm naked in the arena, ready to avenge my pain.
Push me down if you dare.
I can guarantee I've already been there before.
I will take you on in the dirt and the grime and beat you with experience.
Kick your ass back under that rock you crawled out from.
Don’t judge me. Better yet, do.
I'm simply here to smile in the face of adversity.
I may not have a shield,
For which my body carries many battle scars,
But standing here bloody,
I welcome the challenge with my double edged sword.
I'll give her the fight of her existence.
Bring on the pain.

Searching for Paradise
Black top under my wheels,
White lines blur on this one lane highway.
Everything to my name is in this truck bed.
This is no fairy tale,
There will be no driving off into the sunset,
But I sure as hell can watch the colors.
They will dance across the evening sky,
As I look I look into my rear view mirror and whisper farewell.

Eastward bound this time.
Casting a long shadow against a backdrop of mountains,
I light a cigarette to mask the overwhelming stench of manure.
Foot down on the gas,
I smile into the unexplored abyss of new.
This chapter had come to a close.
I said my goodbyes to friends
And smiled at fond memories.
I wasn’t here long,
But you managed to make your mark on me.
This Gypsy soul is taking her first steps
Toward yet another new chapter.
Hold me close in memory as I drive away.
I may never see you again,
But you will always have a piece of my heart.
These people and this place are implanted on my skin;
Tattoos of my past, present, and future.

So I take to flight once again,
In search of the serenity lying in the unknown.
Home is my past,
Beginning in the small towns of Western Michigan,
Stretching across the country to the college towns
And Diverse cities of Northern California.
Home is my present,
From the bustling cities of Southern California,
To the horrid drivers of the OC’s Little China.
Home is tomorrow,
Filled with the rainbow of colors the Colorado fall promises.
The snowcapped mountains of Pike’s Peak,
And the splendors of the Garden of the Gods.
And finally, home is the future.
The overcast cliffs of Ireland
And the stretches of green painted across the countryside
As far as the eye can see.
Home is nowhere
And home is everywhere
Still, I’m impatient as hell to get there.
Read the signs and heed my warning:
I wouldn’t suggest getting too attached.
This gypsy still has miles to cover before she settles.
I may not be here in the morning,
But I’ll send you a postcard from paradise when I get there.

Walking the Tight Rope
I'm starting to feel free
I stand on this ledge
A warm breeze tousles my hair
Excitement devours me
My feet walk lighter
Nervous?
Ecstatic

I made this journey
I Set aside foolish notions of a childs mind
I will not lay helpless this time,
Waiting to be preyed on.
I am here,
I will make my mark.
I exist for this
Passion runs through my veins
Consuming me from the inside
I am bursting at the seams.
Exploding into fragments of bliss
I absorb the tiny grains of shattered sunlight
Breathing it in
Taking me apart
Molding a newer,
Better version of me

Unbreakable
Left or Right? One thing is for certain,
This isn’t the end of the road,
I stepped off the ledge
Waste deep in crystal clear water
The cool energy rushes against me
Dancing between my legs
I’ve dreamt of my set place in utopia
There is no lasting spot to be had.

I long for simplicity
Where language is taken for what it is
Words have no double meanings,
Where people fail to disappoint
And hidden agendas are forgotten

My faith in the inner good in human nature
Is my own personal traitor.
The unflinching hope
That I will one day find the worthy reflection
Of my staggeringly blind trust.
That is what keeps me believing.
Not what keeps me going.

I am what keeps me going.
That unfaltering belief
Of purity and strength within myself.

So, No,
Once the dust settles,
These walls surrounding me will not be rebuilt.
They are so fragile from the last aftershock
That I haven’t had time to access the damage.
Shaken and left in ruin
Don’t feel proud,
You didn’t break me.

You were simply one of many
Who aided in putting me back together.
The good, the bad, the indifferent

I am a giant puzzle scattered across the floor,
Each person in my life finds a few pieces of me
And places them accordingly.
Helping me connect the dots,
Bringing the full picture slowly into view.
Love me,
Hurt me,
Tear me to pieces,
But never fear,
You will not break me.

You are simply one of many architects
Commissioned to rebuild me
I may fire you, or you may quit,
But someone more worthy will take your place
Missing pieces will be found and molded together
It will be fixed,
I have faith.

If you are looking for a flaw,
Here it is:
My walls are under construction
But I’m OK with that.

Utopia
I bear witness to debauchery,
To boredom,
To chances I did or didn't take,
To trials I faced and others I turned my wings on

I bear witness to mistakes that sliced open my flesh
only to regenerate with resilience,
To courage and fortitude,
To blemishes and fragility,
To alliances forged and broken
To displaced trust,
To fierce loyalties

I bear witness to raging passion,
To broken hearts,
To shattered futures,
To patched up dreams
To building blocks molded of hope,
To mortar of tears and ash

I bear witness to shame in ignorance,
To fear in passivity...

I bear witness to the journey To here,
To now

I bear witness to footprints on winter's chilly blanket
To the crushing weight of malice in the heart
To Poison on the tongue,
Infecting the very nature of what is humanity,

I bear witness to futility,
Stumbling backward,
Pushing forward,
To startling honor in dark times
To the warmth of truth
To the calm breeze uncertainty promises,
To these creased lips curling skyward.

I bear witness to everything that brought me here.

Left Field
I'm am an idiot,
You are a coward.
Love me and leave me.
I was your prey.
You knew it would never work,
Still u had the audacity to pursue me.
Tease me and play me.

Swept my feet out from under me
And didn't catch me.
Thank you, for making this easy.

Foresight
I am having doubts,
second guessing myself.
I've never been so scared,
like I'm making a big mistake,
but I've already gone too far,
Let too much of myself go,
invested more than I bargained to.
I already see things that are scaring me,
I'm trying to distance myself from you,
in hopes that I might save myself from crashing and burning.
I fear I may already be too late,
this course is headed in the downward direction.
I thought this was too good to be true,
I beginning to see I was right,
like you tricked me into falling for you,
well I hit the ground hard with you not there to catch me.
I'm hurt.

everything about you confuses me,
for someone who speaks his mind and is so frank about his feelings,
you are harder to read than fine print.
I am stripped of emotion,
Left standing alone on the curb, exposed.
you betrayed me,
probing me with questions,
you sought out to figure me out,
you let me pour my heart out,
open up completely,
leaving nothing to hold onto or hide behind.
Then you turned your back

I can see it happening already,
It's time for me to get out while I still can,
time to run.
Keep me out of your tainted facade,
Stop toying with my head.
You are playing me.
I can feel it deep within me,
I am a dumb little girl,
Mesmerized by an image of perfection,
I see the truth hidden behind the cracks
As I peel away the false image of you.
The worst part:
I don't believe you even realize that you are doing this to me.
That's what really scares me.

You seem conditioned to love,
Professing your Passion out of habit rather than from your heart.

Everything is crumbling,
I rebuilt too fast,
Didn't put down a strong enough base.
One shake and I'm on the floor again.

Overboard
They expect too much
I am not who they think I am
Not as strong as they think I am
Not as brave
They talk of my successes and brag of my potential
I don't see it
I see only flaws
I see only failure
Worry surrounds me
It robs me of my sleep
What of tomorrow?
How will I ever get past this
I build the walls around me,
Brick by brick
Thinking they will protect me, save me
Lost in denial,
I hide behind them
Playing make-believe

The world is a fearsome place
Cruel in its essence
Not one to be trifled with
Still I sit here playing games
Moving pieces, my pawns on the chess board of life
I am a pawn
Powerless and weak
Some depraved player is moving me around the board
Ever so nonchalantly

I may suprise myself
Sneak past their defenses and steal back my allies
I would need a new game plan
The one I had is faltering
I need to put a firm foot down
But my legs are shaking
This water under the boat is rocking me
I don't know if I can steady myself,
I need help
I prayed for a rescue
I was given distractions

Abandon this sinking ship
Swim to shore
But I am scared to jump overboard
To take that leap of faith
I want to show myself I have what it takes
To know what it means to let go
To be free

My Greatest Flaw
Everything has changed
What do I have?
What does it matter?
I thought I knew what I wanted
Things were simple, focused, clear,
I was just finding that place inside myself
That makes me happy
But the morning fog is beginning to block my view
I'm getting that itch again
I yearn to run away
Sell everything but a suitcase
Leave all this behind
Escape to a mountainside

My presence has become too known here
I yearn for the unknown, a fresh start

I can hear the thunder rolling in the distance
The afternoon storms are setting in
I see myself settling into routine again
But the image in my mind is faltering, losing color
What I thought I longed for is now in murky waters

The desire for change surfaces so quickly in me
If I believed in signs I would already be gone
Ireland
I can feel the chilly wind as
She embraces the tall cliffs along the coastline
The foggy haze would bring solitude there
Standing there, breathing it in,
I would understand the boundaries of freedom
I would brake through them and dive in head first
Feel the warmth of Ecstasy

Dusk has set in
Even the shadow of what once was
Is now a dark eerie figure
Against the damp canvass of the night

I came so far, overcame so much
I looked death in the face
And had the strength to turn away
To start over and push on

I should be happy
Still the winds are getting stronger
This storm is growing more powerful
I'm scared
I don't think I have the strength
to fight the urge to run

This hatred of staying put too long,
This sense of urgency to uproot...
This, is my downfall

Change becomes me
What once was Passion
Will be dull and tasteless
Boredom will set in, I can't stop it
I will hurt you
Heed my warning,
Even if you make me love you
I will run
Change is the only passion I truly believe in
Call me cynical,
But I know you will stab me through the heart
The only way to survive is for me to run

Even as the rain on my face comforts me,
Lightning is a frightening thought

Fearless
Sparks flew when our eyes met
Putting all expectations to shame
You ignited a flame inside me

Fear be gone
I am wide open
Unafraid, raw
Heart on my sleeve
I bare myself for you to see
Take me somewhere
A place to be free
My head on your chest
Listening to the rain
Pure, simple

My heart may be fragile
But I no longer fear the fall
We may crash and burn
But take my hand in yours
We can step off this ledge together
Take that leap of faith

Your green eyes take me away
Leaving this minuscule world at our feet
Slowly it disappears, falls away
Mere rain drops down the window pane

You invaded me with a fury
Flooding my body with intense emotion
Drowning affliction from my mind
Peace and excitement envelope me
Shaken and astounded
Why did you choose me?

Take me up in your wings
Caress me with passion
Hold me close then pull me closer
Make love to me
Mesmerize me with a glance
Ravish me with your eyes

I said I wouldn't give way to fear
Still the intensity of your grip over my happiness terrifies me
Squeeze too hard and I might break
Let loose and I might fall
Intimidated,
Just the thought of you and I am powerless
Lost in the features of your face
I am vulnerable,
Under the influence of your charm
You intoxicate me

Jump started to life
My heart skipped a beat
And started sprinting
Lie beside me again
Wrap me up in your strong arms
That I may test the limits of bliss

I am deviating from my plan
I was to find solitude within myself
A journey of self discovery and unknown exploits
Only now, I see these in you
I am safe at your side
Take me on this new adventure
Electrify me
I dare you

2009

Hope
At this darkened midnight hour I wake
The sunrise in just an hour
This new day dawns before me
With all doors closed
A small side window slides just slightly open
A ray of warmth touches my tender cheek
I haven't seen the sunlight for a while now
Maybe this morning light
Will guide me past the grey clouds of the night that haunt me
These demons of the dark will find me
They will hunt me till my eyes are closed
And my skin is cold as winter’s deepest breath
Help me find the emergency exit
Take my hand and pull me toward the light
I dream of you, my knight of day
Reveal yourself, my hero
Or fade away with the setting sun...
If you're here to save me,
Move the sun and moon
That I may never be in darkness

Belittle me
Such pain
Foreseeing this foiled end
Still you made me love you
Predicting your soiled love
Still you played games with me
Saying you would always be true
As your love peeled away;
Fell crashing to the ground
Where were the walls I had built?
Everyone said you were a child
They pleaded, don't do this!
Still I stayed by your side
Ignoring their warnings
Just loving you

I can't even cry
The pain is too strong
I can't even sleep
Shutting my eyes, I see only you
I lye now in bed
Anger looming
How dare you?
Taking my heart in your hands
So carelessly you dropped it
Heavy it fell,
Shattering into millions of tiny broken pieces

Alcohol drowns out the pain
Just enough that I may sleep
I am sick to my stomach
Maybe too much tequila

I need some time
To bandage up my bleeding heart
Let me run away,
Retreat deep within myself
Never come out
Never see your face

Such bliss
Now this
Hating you and loving you
Hating that I love you
Never did I imagine it would be this hard
I want to be free
Still, I never want you to leave
You tell me to wait
Only you never come
Playing these games
Toying with my emotions
You say youre sorry when you tease my mind
But you say it like Its merely a word

I lye tormented
Tossing and turning
Sleepless nights followed by endless days
I smoke a cigarette, then another
It seems never ending...
This feeling that's weighing me down
Melting the smile from my tender lips
Drawing tears from my red eyes
Do you not care at all?
Never do I see a speck of emotion from your face
You say you hurt too
Yet you stand tall,
Not a scratch on you,
Smiling from ear to ear
Am I so little to you?
I feel so numb inside
So cold,
Like it was all a lie

2008

Euphoria
What have we become
Starting at something so simple
I tried not to love you
But trying is merely a thing to be spoken
This feeling, what ever it may be,
Steals what sleep I would have with you at my side
Something so forbidden
Yet it feel so right
Take my heart and guard it safely
For no other deserves the same

Trembling with fear,
I stand here naked before you
Seeing possibility which did not exist before
Never have I felt this bliss,
Is this what is called love?
If so, fill my every moment with breaths of it
Dusk till dawn I want to breath in every part of you
Making me new

I was shattered and broken
You picked up my pieces
Saving my being
Giving new hope to abandoned dreams

The passion in your touch takes me away
To a plane of new dimension
Where your smile makes me melt,
Where I am truly happy
Keep me there forever,
I ask nothing else of you

Power in a Smile
Inspiring beauty,
But left undiscovered.
She hides, yet cannot be hidden.
A smile seeps from behind the tears.
This child, grown strong,
Takes refuge in a hug.
Her courage shines,
Unveiled in darkness.
Weary, she takes a hand,
With a smile,
She breaks all chains and leads the way.

Premonition
Hold yourself in
Refrain from feeling
This joy ends only in misery
Knowing this, build up your wall
Barricade yourself in safety
Fear drives love from your cold heart
Like a thunderstorm,
It puts out the slightest flame
All you desire is his touch,
Forget his face, abandon his love
You are weakened,
Made vulnerable by the ups and downs of his voice
Don't give in to his call
Please don't play his childish game

Seeking closure
wallowing in doubt,
self pity finds its wings

remembering, this grey sky once was blue
but now, the fog turns up her nose at my saddened frame
sending hate to me in a telegraph of rain,
crashing slabs of crimson rage

feelings I wasn’t sure I had in me
surfaced with force
such pain, I am human for once
like the firry breath of a dragon
you burnt down my walls
leaving all defenses in ashes
week and vulnerable
you captured my being
tormenting,
these tears tear my shattered heart to pieces

lingering inside
your memory robs me of my slumber
the more my heart is sent to wander
the harder you set it up to break

every waking moment without you
sends a cold chill down this lonely spine
my love by day,
spoils to hate by midnight’s light
then in a moments time
reverts back to the love I so loathe

I must no longer lye in waiting
hoping to see you face at my door
I long only for freedom from you
this day must somehow end
and with its end,
my love draw to a close

seeking a new destination
longing to find my way out
help me let you go.

2007

Drug of another sort
I am a user
Every hit brings me closer to my buzz
Each time, my stomach left in knots,
Empty, soulless,
Left in ruin
Paralyzed in body
Unfulfilled in spirit
This drug I cannot shake
Each use and I fall deeper
My mind knows only how to wander
Staring blankly, pen in hand
Days pass by and I fall sicker
Weak and void of hope
Sense and reason evolve into shattered realities
This body is tired
Worn thin from all the using
It cries to me
“Just let it go!”
Still I trudge on
My insides numb
Addicted to the pain
I shoot up to ease the suffering
Jump started to life
Alive for just a moment
But feeling used….
I use again.

The joys of wisdom teeth
This crater, pulled and prodded
Torments the mind without uttering a sound
A journey of numbness
Vicodin silences the pain
And, Stab!
A needle, a pill,
All to relieve the unheard screams
This bloodied fist need only to find a face
A soft, deceptive smile
A lie to sink its knuckles into

The Weeping Rights of Pity
Lights fly by, as my heels stand planted
These painted eyes long to find relief
But tears repressed don't easily fall in fancy
A foggy haze on the distant skyline
Sneaks a moment to weep for this tired heart

When did I let things get this off track?
I'm playing connect the dots
But I never reach the end
The final image always useless

When did I get this low?
I would point a finger
But I find it points to me
A twitch and my mind is fast asleep
Driving, but unconscious
My body limp, lifeless
Standing on the edge of time and reason
A balancing act of new proportion
My stomach turn in knots
Aches and pains were once subdued
Now resurface with a chill

These dreary days wipe away my sanity
As lengthy nights confirm all fears

I would drink away the pain
But I've already drank away my hope
Weary, and drained of all respect
You have no right to pity me.

Wheels of Fate
Dirt on my palms
Simply minor details
Still yellow evolves into red
In the beat of these
The hearts of the condemned
The stench starts wheels turning
But in what respect would it matter?
Fields of dust take to flight
As the damned fly past
The sun burns, smiling in mockery
Haughty, laughing at our fate
Burned and blinded
But not easily scorned
We fight through
Protesting this pathetic excuse called life
Naked and ashamed
My humility finds me here
Sucking the breath from my lungs
Leaving me on the floor
Ripped to shreds
Eyes red with the pain
Take this life
Before it suffocates what's left of me

The edge of sanity
A temporary object of lust
An image just as recyclable as the bottle she drank dry
A body
A symbol
An idea, first beaten then let loose
A hand weakly grasping a blunt
A pair of lungs suffocated by the smoke
A girl enchanted by a promise
A mind blinded
A lie unraveled by reality
A simple cut
A single tear
A girl lost
A city Damned.

Below is the collection of poetry I wrote during my high school years

2006

A beast called time
From my somber sleep this dreamer wakened;
But this was no slumber,
Only an overplayed illusion of life.
The simple falsified thought
That life is long.
The setting sun holds no importance.
Time will ride its lame mule away;
Far from swift its laden shoes will plop.

Abruptly I wake this musty morn’.
The world once known,
Is now forgotten.
What I sought has here been shattered
And the truth behind this lie,
Stands strong before me.

The great black wings of time spread wide;
Untamed and wild they take to flight.
This beast of night that feeds on day
Devours dreams in shadow.
Staring with tainted eyes
He smirks in deep contempt.

Beautifully hideous in its essence,
Time sinks his claws into my flesh.
Years slip through the gashes in my skin;
Like blood, they seep into darkness.
Consuming my soul in icy liberation.

My cloth cover
Denoted to a stool,
I stand
Three legged.
Broken,
Worn,
Mimicking a smile.
Setting softly
On the beaten floor,
The truth unravels
With undone stitches.

Time out
I don't know how to be me,
This train is going too fast.
I may collapse into peace in a moment.
Sleeping in my pant pocket,
My fingers find a piece of paper;
It reads: “boarding pass”.
Yet the destination is left empty
The conductor’s back facing me,
I ask him where we’re headed.
His throat remains mute.

These passengers know where we’re going
Expecting so much
They stare me down
sets of squinting eyes, screaming for perfection
I can't continue putting on this face.
The lie exhausts me.
They are always yelling,
No reason, just yelling.
It brings them pleasure to see my pain.

Can’t we take a different track,
To a city I’ve never been?
I need a second to breath,
A place to cry.

I find no time to sleep
And yet I find no time to be awake;
Finding no sanctuary here,
I block out the fighting,
Still too much to take
This train renders me dizzy.
In failure to find my footing
I come across the floor.

I can't see the light anymore,
All energy is gone.
The passion I once had to live is dwindling
Soon it will have passed and I will be alone.

A friendly face appears amongst the feet,
“Forget this cold, forget their hate. Follow me. I’ll take you home”
An exit taken.

Behind these bars
Dedicated to Michael
Cold walls drive away my sanity
Colorless and bleak they break this shell
Cracked and cold this mind gives way, turns soft
Bare, my feet suffer the weight of this pain
Dryly they bleed under pressure too strong

It is in the eyes see the pain
Bearing down on weakened backs
The ears that burn in the lack of ignorance
I must face the truth that haunts my dreams
While it lives in my every waking hour
My stomach hungers for what it cannot have
It aches at the taste of cool, revolting slop
In fond memory of mom’s hot lasagna
My mind starves for what it longs to think
Trigonometry, culture, political science
Not learned here

All I see are people
Men, wrapped in cages they created
Some are placed in theirs abruptly
With no understanding of why they lie in wait
But most have worked for years
Slowly building this prison around their cuffed feet
One bar at a time

I jog in place as though forever
A cheap metal box plays song after song
Damning me in sullen repetition
It seems the soul is much weaker than first thought

Read what Inspired me

Gummy Bears
The sweetest taste
Between my lips
The simplest pleasure
Slips down my throat
Finger tips to lips
The slightest open mouth
A drizzle of delight
A soft beauty enwraps my tongue
Leaving me in ecstasy

Lost
Home
Now that’s a scary thought
A mere word in itself
A dirty slate wiped clean
Only to remain unclean
A terror in my mind
I think of home
I stand confused
I think of home
I stand alone
A symbol in a laugh
I take my one last breath
I say goodbye to home
I say goodbye to life

The last ½ second
You fall and still you rise.
Passion in every step
Bloodied and broken
Still you run

You lead without a word
A gleam in your eyes
One glance and all is said

Inspired, you dream
Crushing all in your path
Dodging left and spinning right
But finding no escape
A helmet thrashes down on battered ground

Holding your fate at the last yard
A hush sweeps the stands

I watch you in defeat
Drenched in sweat
Your tears enchant me

2005

November 3rd
Streaks of lightning in my small world
I dare not dream for fear of falling asleep
I dare not wake for fear that it is more than a dream
Seeing a day when my vase of optimism is thrown upon jagged rocks
I breathe fear;
I see it, in my mother’s eyes as she weeps for what is lost
I touch it, when I take her hand in mine
Fear’s smell consumes my nostrils on this cool morning
We walk through those heavy oak doors
A shiver creeps down my spine
An entry to the silent room that talks

Thoughts on death
In the absence of a mind,
What is there?
In the absence of a heart,
What’s left?
When all life has said goodbye,
Does the soul decide to stay?
That soul that’s so determined,
Give up its fight and fade away?

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Damned dreams
Being someone so far from heaven,
I dream of days when golden gates would welcome me
But these days are few and far between
For dreams are dreams
And heaven is a dreamt reality far from won

The old green door
Army-green paint
Peels from the door
Showing its age

The knob
Rusted from wear

Her hinges sing
With pain of time

You might hear
Her song
Screech and twist
To match the knots
In that old green door

There is a square
Glass window
At the top of the wood
Always keeping watch

All it meets
Is water

Winter months
Bring ice
Tearing at her corners
Clogging up the cracks

Come April
Ice pours as rain
Pounding
On weathered wood

A tired hinge
Weeps
For the death
Of an old green door

Screaming in darkness
Completion is not to be found in the arms of another,
But in the depths of this heart.
There is a fight that must be fought before these walls will crumble,
For these walls are hardened
To the blades of any passing glimmer of light,
And these ears are deaf to the cries of any screaming fool.

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2004

A lesser me
I would like to make a guess,
For what I am does not myself impress
My mind has wandered to that of which I hate,
But my soul would never fail to hesitate
I care only of today, and everything that is,
There is no other way
I taste the breath of life undeserved,
When there are many of whom it would be far better served
My guess by now you may well see,
I loathe to be this world they dream to see.

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A heart felt adieu
A time of anger
A time of confusion
A drop of rain
On a journey of darkness
The poke of a needle
The prick of a thorn
These are the pains
That weathered this storm

This heart-felt adieu
This long last goodnight
Only to wake this new day
Cold in every way

The past that is mourned
Is also so scorned
A single tear shed
A drop frozen in flight
These chains, never broken
This purple tear, a mere token

Read what Inspired me

2003

The key to a new world
What lies ahead is not an obstacle but an experience
And what lies behind is not the past but the a world filled with experiences
I was a troubled youth lost in a world of lies and obsession
Striving to gain the world’s knowledge of my existence
Standing in strife and living in pride
Fumbling for the door to a different world
When the key was inside me the whole time
Knowledge is the key to the door I stumbled upon
Knowledge is the crime that condemned me to oblivion

A change of personality
Hell would be bliss at a time like this
For it would bring freedom along with its pain
Where as life only carries pain burdened by more pain
This misery is dark and dooming as the midnight moon
Underestimated, I fall, wallowing in self-pity
I deserve this pain and yet…
None should bare such a heavy aching
Swelling, my mind drenches itself in anger
Yesterday a celebrity, today a prisoner

A plea to be free
All the people live a lie
Live to die, live to cry
To die is to be free and to live is just a cry
A cry to God to take them back
Take me from this Hell they call Paradise

They cuff our ankles and they chain our wrists
To be born is to bleed and to die is to be freed
So free me now

Listen closely and I’ll plant a seed
For my message now is merely a plead

Break the chains
Let me lay
For this alone, I now pray

What I want
I want someone with goals and ambitions,
Someone who is passionate about living.
I want to be able to argue and disagree with out feeling threatened.
Isn’t the definition of intelligence thinking for one’s self?
I want someone who let me be myself and encourage me to fallow the path I choose.
I want someone who is strong willed,
And not easily swayed into believing everything he is told.
The more you doubt and question the ideas and “facts” set before you,
The more you will learn.
I know that what I seek will not be easily found,
But it is in the search for perfection, that we find love in our flaws.

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The girl next door
I know I can never hold you in my arms,
But that’s all right,
For just the thought of you will last me through the night.
We could have been a modern day Romeo and Juliet,
But your girl friend won’t allow for that.
I’ll love you for eternity,
Till the end of time itself
And all I ask in return is for a little strength of heart.
This isn’t the kind of love you can be talked out of.
I have but one heart to give,
And one chance to give it.
I had to choose who to give it to,
And I’ve chosen you.
When I see you my heart skips a beat;
I can’t think strait.
I wish I’d never met you because
No matter who I am with in the future, it will never be
good enough, for I won’t be with you.
Seeing you day after day,
Only makes me long for you more.
I pray to be free of my curse,
To be liberated of my love.
But you can’t return my heart to me,
Because you don’t realize that it is yours to have.
I know you could never see me in the way that I see you.
I know that to you I’ll forever remain, the girl next door

Pity the Ignorance
all ass wholes and jerks
the thorns that prick will hurt
a crowd full of strangers
all yearning to sense the danger
pushing and shoving
all hating and loving
i hate them as a whole
and i hate them as a single sole
but i love to see them bicker
as the flame of life begins to flicker
i’d hate to see them die
but in the end i hate to lie
i know i’d love to see them cry
the end justifies the means
and to this, i’ll toast to you
my sweetest dreams

Ecuador
Standing in numbness,
With a faint salty mist in the air,
Dull colors swirl at her ankles.
Radiant green water battles the rocky ledges.
White water sinking back into its greatness,
Leaving only wet sand as evidence of its meek existence.

Moving her feet, cool sand shifts between each toe.
The warmth of the sun fades;
It hides, taking refuge beyond the distant horizon.
As she sinks, her colors only greaten in brilliance,
And she lets off a glow so vibrant
That God himself could not resist her beauty.
Endless shades of pinks and purples dance against the evening sky.
Standing in ecstasy,
A slave becomes free

Nourished with poison
to a friend
For once, my tongue can’t find the words to say
I don’t know what to feel and I don’t know what to say
. My thoughts are mangled and my mind is tangled.
My eyes close and all I see is death.
With every blink I experience a nightmare.
I can’t accept what you’ve told me,
And I’ll never understand what you’ve done.
You stab me with your murderous knives.
Each knife is a word, and each word is a needle.
My soul is upset. How could you do this, how could you kill?

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Control
It’s not that I’m in love
It’s that I know what a man can do to a woman
He can tear her up inside
The same feelings that are killing me
Are also the ones that I live to feel

With time he kills me
As he keeps me waiting
It is this raw emotion
That quenches my parched lips

It’s not that I’m in love
It’s that I love the feeling
The churning in my stomach
When I know I’m soon to see him

A man can turn a woman inside out
Her skin, crawling with infatuation
He is unaware of his total control over her
She would come at his slightest beckoning

She tells herself he’s just another man
She tells herself he’s not worth the effort
She tells herself lie after lie

It’s not that I’m in love
In truth, I know he’s not worth the effort
But I long for him to long for me
I can’t stand him
Just thinking of him annoys me
But I wish he’d think of me

It’s not that I’m in love
It’s that I long to love

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2002

The Art of Lust
I feel for many and yet I feel for none,
So many emotions and still so few,
I dream of one and long for another,
I betray my heart with my own words
Just as I turn from my writing with my heart,
Surrounded and still alone,
I falter from a vision of perfection
To fall into a pit of flames,
Stumble not from love’s true cry,
But, in this be wary of deception
It fools even itself to think lust, love
This lust is more like art
This love is more like prison

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The meaning of bliss
The taste of heaven
In a fallen tear,
A sunny seclusion
On a rainy day,
A battle won
With no war to fight,
A secret love
Sends a kiss on the wind,
A candle lit
To light the way,
A look implies a kiss
Waiting in sweet bliss,
A seeker finds his treasure,
To this there is no equal measure

What If Hope Fades?
Dedicated to Religion
Of fiery thrones and worlds unknown
My heart does reach for something it might keep
A thought to find for which to hold in my mind
Looking to the world two strangers collide
Lying in the busy street, seeing eye to eye
One face wrinkled by time, the other young and bold
Sheltered from birth by blinders, they stumble like horses
Seeing only what is directly before them
When it is between the lines, that a man must look

A child looks on in misery, knowing not what to believe
A believer she once was, it gave her reason to breathe, purpose to live
Now all hope is in hiding, along with mercy and reason
She thought she’d now be free, no rules, no boundaries, no Hell

I comprehend, only now, why ignorance is bliss
Ignorance is the blinder worn by the world
A child, torn of her ignorance, is left always wondering,
Always wishing, smiling outward and screaming inward
Confused and dazed, all hope does fade

Read what Inspired me

I’m sorry
Steve
We have both moved on,
And I know that what we had is gone,
Many things have been said,
But I have to get this through your head,
I’m just want to tell you that I’m sorry,
For any words which caused you furry,
I believe truth is what you told,
But something new is what I strive to mold,
A topic, though strange to me,
Will become my destiny,
A friendship through and through
Is all, which can stay true.

Truths of life and love
Regret of past sorrows
Makes games of my mind
Reality tosses dreams of
True love to the winding winds
Faked joy hides long forgotten faces
Quickly and carelessly
These truths take their places

The questions of clichés
If a picture is worth a thousand words...
What does a picture say?
The colors flow with simple beauty
Elegant, generous, they give way to love
Or they streak the page with ferocity
Bold and brilliant they stand out against all else

If the eyes are the pathway to the soul...
Can you see my soul?
A soft and gentle gaze does tell of purity
While a blank stare screams for answers

If a smile eases the pain...
Why is the pain still here?
For I smile for a thousand people
And not one dares return the favor.

Words of the world
My skin is tough, yet smooth.
My teeth are sharpened by the murmur of the ocean,
My speed is intense,
As I pounce on my sleeping prey.
Roaming fields by night, stalking them by day.
I am free as I can be.
My eyes are blackened by the midnight sun.
Poachers come for me;
I laugh at their ignorance
As I watch them track what is so near.
Free, yet caged.
Fear the mighty Jaguar, many do,
Stop hunting me!
And I’ll be truly free.
But this, I’ll never be.

Angel on the horizon
As love and envy merge to one
A torch of starry light is soon to come
Above the horizon the first angel dances
To the rhythm of a heavenly chorus she advances
Her starry being shimmers in the night
To provides us a guide when we seek the light
All hope and faith that once was lost
Is now returned no matter the cost

A conversation at its prime
Friends we become, as talking over time consumes my mind.
A conversation, as you might call it, is poetry in the making,
As words spill out of my mouth, our common grounds begin to frighten me
I would never wish to bestow my likenesses onto any other sole,
But you already posses them, a thought that would normally scare me,
Is an unexpected comfort in times of loneliness.
Your story, as you tell it to me, is sad and heart breaking,
A life of sadness and a sole that lives in past pains,
I’m glad to have met you,
I am privileged for you to have shared your thoughts with me
Our conversation, as you might call it, has touched me in a way you’ll never know
I won’t forget what you’ve said and the advice that you’ve given
It will live on and show through in the way I live my life.

Inspired to breathe
Live like there is no tomorrow
Because in the end we all leave this place
And nothing else that happened will matter
All those things that were so important
Will be gone and meaningless
So don’t hide your feelings
Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t
Don’t hold grudges and
Don’t forget to love
Always remember to laugh
Never hold back
If you love someone don’t fight it
Live the moment, and let the moment live in you
Sometimes we forget to laugh
Sometimes we forget its ok to cry
Don’t be afraid to feel pain
Smile in its face and give thanks that you are alive enough to feel
I am me and that is all I have to give
When it’s all said and done
Live with no regrets
Life is a passionate embrace
And today is all we have

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The language of literature
It’s unfathomable; I hear the words of others now,
So pure, so clean,
Filled with romance, and stuffed with anger.
Thoughts of regret and feelings of sadness.
Their words flow through the air,
So smooth, so numerous, and so unknown
I don’t know what to make of them,
My eyes begin to water as they fallow the words on the pages
From one set to the next.
We all seem to have a story to tell,
Each touching and each different.
Some are startling and some confusing,
But they all give out a message,
A message that we all read a little differently then everyone else.
Every time it’s read the message differs just a little,
So to form to the story of the reader,
And to touch that person in a special way.
Unlike any other, each person is unique
But somehow we all share the same feelings and emotions
With one another through the definite
But still indefinite language of literature.

My self portrait
Saddened eyes lifted to the sky
Observing beauty
Longing for normalcy
Flames of frustration
No understanding of the cruel world around
Time passing by
Unable to be brought back
Love for a life which doesn't exist
Unable to forget the past
Uncertain of the future
Fog blinds the eyes that long to see
These purple tears will never be understood
The intensity of their meaning
Never comprehended
Mere symbols of the feelings buried within
Unexplainable Passion for this life I live

Beauty in hidden places
A hand is a beautiful thing,
For every crease, and
Every wrinkle of your palm,
Is god’s mark on you
Each nail is unlike any other,
Each vein shines of time,
Of memories, of life and of love,
And so, each hand has its own
Story to tell, its own
Actions to relive.
The most remarkable beauty,
Is often overlooked

Ignorant ramblings
I don’t understand this world I live in,
Why do I yearn to learn what already is known?
I don’t understand the customs of the people,
Why then do I strive to befriend them?
I don’t understand the mind of a man,
Why do I wish so, to consume it?
I don’t understand the true concept of love,
Why then, do I long to hold it?
You strive to have what you do not understand,
Because in having it, you think you will know it,
Though in receiving it, it baffles you even more.

Heavenly love
Love is sent from up above,
Love, they say, is more than just a dove,
But some, I’ve found, were never
Meant to love, never meant to find
That passion, or feel that joy,

True love is an undying fixation,
Of that person who strays
Your mind from all other temptation,
True love shows respect
And gives complete dedication,
Towards that one being, who you’ve
Vowed, your full admiration

Love is more than just a dove,
Love they say, is sent from up above

In school suspension
Bared up animals
With nothing to do,
No where to go,
Nothing to say,
Just silence.
The faint noise of
Led meeting paper,
Over and over.
The creaking of chairs
And the clicking of pens.
So silent that thoughts can be heard,
So close as to feel
Another’s heart beat,
Hair twisting on finger tips,
Round and round,
Toes tapping,
Up and down.
A cough and a bead of sweat, from someone so near,
You can hear the dread of time in his mind.
Heat overwhelming at times,
And cold so ferocious that your fingers go numb at others.
Shuffling papers and sharpening pencils.
Eyes shifting from person to person.
Neat little rows of miniature desks all around,
And a ringing bell that ends our misery.

Just give me my ecstasy
I hate that we can’t be.
That night when we were together, it only felt right, with you next to me.
My precious youth is now my loathed foe,
For it is that, which keeps us apart, when we could grow.
Knowing so little of you, makes me long to know you more,
Though your true identity will remain a mystery, forever more.
I want to be intimate with you for a moment in time;
To feel the warmth of your body against mine.
To be turned on merely by a kiss is a rarity,
One which only you, have ever given me.
Your soft yet fearsome touch mesmerizes my skin.
The glimmer in your eyes and the gentleness in your voice, is your only sin.
Why is it again, that we can never be?
I hate that I can’t have my ecstasy.

Read what Inspired me

A simple rhyme
A tiny piece
Of human hair
Surrounds the wreath
That binds the air
And to this hair
I give my care
For onto it
They do stare
If tear this hair
You someday dare
Beware
This I swear

Make it leave
Pain and aching overwhelms my body
Every noise is a stab to my brain
Every shimmer of light enters my eyes
With furry and anger
The music which calms
Simply irritates now
This misery invades my body without hesitation
With every intent to frustrate my mind
Every whisper burns in my ears
Every person knows this feeling
Every human fears this suffering
Make it leave...Or,
Leave me with my disease

An unsent letter from my heart to yours
Steve
Cupid’s arrow first struck my heart when I met you. You are the one that changed
my standards for a boyfriend, though we are but friends. Is she truly worthy of your
love? All I want is to know that you are not going to get hurt. I know you love her,
but you don’t deserve the pain that you fear is coming. I would never hurt you. Why
does cupid have to be so cruel…? Making me love someone like you? How could
cupid strike my heart with your arrow, while someone else’s arrow is sinking deeper
and deeper into your heart each and every day? I live for your love, and so, a portion
of my soul dies each time I smile, when you mention her name.
Words flow with ease when I talk to you. All words, any words, except, the words
that express to you how I feel about you. These words, you will never hear. So I
write them now, knowing you will never here them uttered from my lips. Or read
them, scribbled on a sheet of paper, a simple unsent letter from my heart to yours.
When I talk to you all my problems disappear. I escape into a fantasy world were
nothing can go wrong, and every word from your lips is pure poetry. It was in this
fantasy world that I discovered Cupid’s arrow burrowed snuggly into my tender
heart. How can Innocent Cupid be so guilty?

Fairytale
Why can’t time stand still for just a moment? Why can’t I make every one disappear… or
at least understand? Nothing can truly be a fairytale. For in a fairytale you and I
could share that moment in time; that moment where no one else exists. Nothing
would have to be hidden from anyone. I would have consent to love, to love with all
my heart. No lies would have to be told, No truths kept hidden. But no one lives a
fairytale. The closest you can reach… is us.

Through innocent eyes
The clock ticks,
Back and forth,
Yet the world stands still,
Through innocent eyes,
Others look on
While their world flies by
At a speed so intense they can’t keep up
Before they know it their life has passed them by,
As time stands still,
Through innocent eyes.
Many lives are gone and wasted,
While one has just begun.

Upside down
Betrayed by my emotions,
I linger with a lack of devotion.
All the wisdom of my mind,
Can’t tell me what to find.
For it is my true heart,
Which has misguided me from the start.
Taking life in stride,
Will not win you your self pride.
Instead, it only lengthens the suffering,
Given at one’s own rendering

Hope filled promises
My mind plays tricks on me;
It tells me lies.
It's becoming harder to tell truths from tales.
Each day becomes more and more confusing,
And each day I am faced with a new temptation,
Even stronger than the preceding one.
Only hope filled promises keep me on my set course.
My temptation deepens each and every day,
But my longing for respect grows with it. I want to be free.
Instead I remain hanging in mid air,
Somewhere between desire and responsibility.
I'll never escape this confused state of mind,
I'll never return to the world known to every one else.
Above the ground and beneath the heavens,
This is where my mind resides.

2001

A stormy night
The wind is howling
The trees are swaying
The night-light is shimmering on the ghostly pond
Not a sound is to be heard
But the howling of the wind
And the swaying of the majestic trees
The small ripple of a wave is thrust upon the eerie shoreline
Led by the faint glow of the full moon
She walked yonder to the midnight black forest towering above
The heavens seemed to open and the rain poured down all around
Yet in the midst of it all she felt calm and apprehensive of what lay ahead
Lightning struck and the air was lit with its misty light
Thunder rolled across the lonely sky
Just as the animals began to run for shelter
The sky became clear once again
And the birds’ songs fill the air

Cries the world will never hear
Black tears are falling
Falling from my eyes
Black tears are streaming down my face
why does this life belong to me?
I want to disappear
I want to run away
Somewhere far away from reality
I never thought it could happen to me
We used to be one big family
Why did you have to move out?
Why did you have to make dad so sad?
The dinner table is quiet now
There is nothing worth talking about
These lifeless moments are killing me
These black tears are weighing me down
Pulling me down
Why does this life belong to me?
Why is the world not here for me?
So many unanswered questions
Cries the world will never hear

I know now, why you left
I understand now, why you cry at night
This suffering is only temporary,
if I can only see you happy,
I’ll try my best to burry the pain,
Everything I thought was so important before,
No longer seems to matter
All I really want is to see you laugh,
To see you smile,
If you could do just this…

2000

Love
Love is like a rose
Sweet and loyal
Tender yet beautiful
The slightest breeze can over-throw
But if you nurture and guide it
Love is powerful
It can heal,
It can grow,
It can wilt and fade, or
It can strengthen your heart
Love can strengthen your emotions
Unstoppable passion

A new start
The night-light is fading now
Beauty is waiting
Morning is rising

People
People have changed
They used to be polite
They used to listen
But they never did understand
That’s never really changed
I wish people would do more than just listen
I wish they would understand
But that will never happen
Because to understand, you have to first believe

Email: bergsma_melissa@yahoo.com back to home page