Let me be the first, although undoubtedly not the last, to express my utmost disgust over this entire website. “English Teacher X” is the kind of cowboy who has for so long given this profession a bad name. Fortunately, he and his ilk are now being eliminated by the high standards of EFL teaching certificates offered by Oxford Cambridge, Trinity College, TEFL International, and my EFL consulting organization, Global Village Educational Services. I have for 17 years worked in this business and I have never experienced the kind of conditions English Teacher X and his crony discuss, nor has any well-trained EFL teacher. The only good thing about this stomach-churning atrocity of a site is that it shows the value of good training, through which the bizarre misadventures of the so-called “English Teacher X” can be avoided. Not that this man and his friend didn’t deserve whatever they got!!


ENGLISH TEACHER X RULES!
Posted by CHAD, November 29, 2002 18:55 Taipei, Taiwan
This site if fucking hilarious! You rock, English Teacher X! This guy speaks the TRUTH!! Does X stand for extreme or x-rated?


INFORMATION ABOUT ULAN BATOR
Posted by Confuzed in Chiba City, November 29, 2002 13:21 Chiba, Japan
I’m interested in teaching in Ulan Bator, Mongolia – anybody out there can help me?


RE: OUTRAGED
Posted by SNAKE, November 30, 2002 03:25 Angeles City, the Phillipines HA! yeah, Charles Pangolin is outraged. . . a man who uses his position in the Phillipines for the sole purpose of buggering young boys. . .everyone in Manila knows about it. . . he had to leave Angeles City cuz the parents of one of his “boyfriends” threatened to kill him! Ask him about his “friend” Kiki!

RE:ULAN BATAAR
Posted by Griffin, November 30, 2002, 14:43 Ulan Bataar, Mongolia
I’m working in Ulan Bataar now. . . avoid it Confuzed. . . the local spirit is made of goat’s milk and gives you diarrhea. . . .not much else to do here though.


RE: RE: OUTRAGED
Posted by Charles Pangolin, EFL Consultant, December 1, 2002, 17:45, Manila, The Phillipines

These allegations are so ridiculous I shouldn’t even address them, but I do feel the need to set the record straight. “Snake” is a disgruntled former teacher who I had to fire for drinking. He has long held a grudge against me for his own weakness for alcohol, and will take any chance he gets to slander me.

My organization had to leave Angeles City because of weaknesses in the economy caused by the loss of the American naval base there. Many of our clients worked in the tourist industry, and our financial loss was becoming substantial.

The “allegations” of improper sexual conduct were just that, and the police clearly took my side in the case, as witnessed by the fact that the family took no legal action against me despite what they claimed was substantial “evidence”.

Believe me, legal actions are under way against “Snake”. Until then, bear in mind Snake than anything else you say is evidence. Furthermore, Kiki is only my houseboy and suggesting otherwise will only lay you vulnerable to more slander charges.


INFORMATION ABOUT LINGUAHOUSE SCHOOL, Mexico City, Mexico
Posted by Mysterious 1, December 1, 2002 18:02 Seattle, Washington

Anybody out there have any information about Linguahouse School in Mexico City? They’re offering me $200 a month – is that enough to live on in Mexico City?


RE: ENGLISH TEACHER X RULES
Posted by TeacherGirl, December 1, 2002 22:30 Moscow, Russia

I agree, English Teacher X is the best thing since press-on nails. He’s so cute with his little lips sewn shut like that. How does he smell though, with no nose!


RE: RE: ENGLISH TEACHER X RULES
Posted by English Teacher M, December 1, 2002 23:17 Seoul, Korea
He smells horrible! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I agree though, man, this page is some funny shit. I’ve been fucked over so many times in this job I oughta file rape charges. It’s a lot like being a crack whore, only you never get any crack.


RE:RE:RE OUTRAGED
Posted by Snake, December 2, 2002 06:25 Angeles City, The Phillipines
He paid off the cops, everybody knows it. . .i’m not afraid of you you filthy pederast. Perhaps you’d like to go out for a San Miguel sometime, Charlie????? You bring your lawyers and your writs and torts and i’ll bring a baseball bat and a raincoat


IN DEFENSE OF CHARLES PANGOLIN
Posted by IAN, December 2, 2002 12:42 Pattaya, Thailand
I worked with Charles Pangolin in the Phillipines for nearly three years before I accepted this position in Pattaya, and I must disagree in every way with what “Snake” says about him. Charles Pangolin was a dedicated EFL teacher, a caring and sensitive manager, and a good friend, while “Snake” was a drunken misanthrope with poor social skills and not much skill in the classroom either!

We had some good times together didn’t we Charlie? Hope to see you again soon and maybe have a San Miguel. I tried to email you but the letter got bounced – is your server having a problem? BTW is Kiki living with you now?


FUNNY IN A SICK, SAD KIND OF WAY
Posted by Francis, December 2, 2002, 09:43 Prague, CR
Funny like cancer, this page.


MORE OF SNAKE’S LIES
Posted by Charles Pangolin, EFL consultant, December 3, 2002 05:43 Manila, The Phillipines

While the mental disturbances of a man who chooses to call himself “Snake” and threatens me with such grotesque and graphic physical violence should be utterly obvious to all concerned, I am glad that my good friend Ian has shown me some support here. This profession is plagued with the likes of “Snake” as I have said before, and I regret that English Teacher X is giving them a forum to air their hysterical rantings, most likely the byproduct of delirium tremens. Fortunately, more and more well-trained, responsible and dedicated teachers like Ian are replacing these drug-addled backpacking cowboys.

Ian was one of our finest teachers at Global Village Educational Services and I am proud to call him my friend. As I said, Ian, Kiki is now my houseboy, and as such does live with me in order to fulfill all his duties


ANY HINTS FOR TEACHING CHIDREN
Posted by Gert, December 3, 2002, 11: 28 Shanghai, China
I’ve been teaching this group of children. . . man, they’re cute all right but they just run around like a bunch of mice while I’m trying to teach them. Anybody have any tips for me?


FAGGOT MUST DIE
Posted by SNLKE December 3, 2002 13:45 Angeles City, The Phillipines

Motherfucn faggots ian is a goddamnd buttfucker too bth of then are buttbuddies everybody knows it. Oky so i take a drink occasionally doew that make me a bad guy or a bad teacher at least i never stuck my dick up anylittle boys ass hole i’ll kill you two fucking homos


RE: TEACHING CHILDREN
Posted by Grizzled Vet, December 4, 2002, 07:30 Guatamala City, Guatamala
Well, what you have to do is put them in competitive groups, with some kind of reward or punishment for their performance. For example, the team with the most points at the end of the week gets special certificates, which you can whip up on Microsoft Pagemaker in about 30 seconds for practically nothing. And you’re in China? So failing that you can just smack the shit out of them with a bamboo cane, everybody’ll think it’s normal.


IN FURTHER DEFENSE OF CHARLES PANGOLIN
Posted by IAN December 4, 2002, 08:43 Pattaya, Thailand
Charles, be very careful! I hope you’ve alerted the police to the threats of this obvious madman “Snake” it’s clear that he means you some harm. I can remember numerous incidents of his vile temper and indeed his homophobia.

It’s obvious that Charles Pangolin is an innocent man being unjustly hounded by a deranged alcoholic, persecuted as were such great men as Oscar Wilde. He is a dedicated professional in a profession that lacks them. His kindness can be seen in the way he has taken Kiki, a young orphan with no parents, into his home and given him gainful employment. Kiki was a very intelligent lad who Charles took great pride and care in teaching English as a matter of pure charity. As his houseboy, I’m sure Kiki is learning more every day with a place to practice his English. It’s great to hear that he lives with you during the day now Charlie. Where does he sleep?


TEXTBOOKS FOR TOEFL/ TOEIC CLASS
Posted by Desperate, December 4, 2002, 17:30
Anybody have any advice for good textbooks for a TOEFL class of 16 and 17 year olds? Anything available on the Internet?


PROPS TO ENGLISH TEACHER X
Posted by Synbad, December 4, 2002, 18:45 Bangkok, Thailand
English teacher x is 100 percent on in everything he says. I’ve been an english teacher for 4 months now and already had 7 jobs. Easy to get work, easy to lose it. man i’m high


DESCRIMINATION IN EFL
Posted by Doogy, December 5, 2002, 09:30 Sheffield, England
Well, English Teacher X is right about one thing – there’s a tremendous amount of discrimination in the EFL world. I just returned from Tainan, Taiwan. I am a teacher with 4 years of experience here in Iowa City teaching immigrants and a Master’s Degree in TEFL and Linguistics. I was promised a job in a prestigious private school there at a very high salary. The job was arranged by internet and telephone interviews.

When I arrived in person, however, the result was a complete shock to me. I was told that my position had suddenly become unavailable and I could not be offered any position at any time in the future. It was patently obviously that it was because I am physically challenged. I am a “Thalidomide baby”, and my arms are not fully developed. Nonetheless, I am able to hold a pen and can certainly teach English most effectively. This was a case of blatant descrimination and I do not hesitate to name the school: Celestial Language School, Tainan, Taiwan.


ABOUT KIKI
Posted by Charles Pangolin, ESL consultant, December 5, 2002, 10:45, Manila, PR

Ah Ian! So good to hear from you. Please email in the future for our personal correspondence, I’m sure that my server’s problems are now taken care of. Please don’t worry, this “Snake” is nothing but an annoyance and soon will be taken care of.

Let me address, however, a few things, as filthy-minded individuals, who no doubt comprise a good proportion of English Teacher X’s readership, may get certain incorrect ideas from some of Ian’s innocent remarks.

First of all, I am not a homosexual. Ian compares me to Oscar Wilde simply as an example of a man wrongfully accused and unjustly persecuted.

Kiki is a young man from a remote and troubled area of the Phillipines, and his parents were killed by insurgents when he was but 6 years old. He made his way by a troubled course to Manila, where he fell in with a bad crowd. He became addicted to glue at an early age. As part of a program I sponsor in Manila entitled “Helping the Homeless with English” I took Kiki into our school and gave him free English lessons and a job opening doors and doing small office errands. When my wife died last year, I found myself unable to cope with household chores and run my school at the same time. The obvious solution was to hire Kiki as my live-in domestic. When he has finished his course of study and gotten a good job in Manila, I can feel satisfied that English has again saved a lost soul.

This is only one example of the many innovative programs we are trying here at Global Village Language Services. We strongly believe that in a global economy, English is the key to success. This is not just a slogan for us; we act on it.


GOOD PLACE TO MEET GIRLS IN ULAN BATAAR
Posted by Luca, December 5, 2002 14:13 Ulan Bataar, Mongolia
Don’t be afraid to come to Ulan Bataar, Confuzed. It’s okay. I’ve been here for a couple of months now and I quite like it.
But can anyone out there recommend a good place to meet girls here?


BUTTFUCKING LITTLE BOYS IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS???
Posted by SNAKE December 5, 2002 15:21 Angeles City, The Philipines
Fuckin pangolin killed his wife, too, everybody knows it. he paid off the cops for the autopsy too. Think a healthy sober woman just accidentally falls down the steps and breaks her neck? No way man no way


CELESTIAL LANGUAGE SCHOOL NO DESCRIMINATE
Posted by Mr. Lee, December 5, 2002, 20:17 Tainan, Taiwan
My name Mr. Lee. I manager school Celestial Language Tainan, Taiwan. Recently we have unfortunate experience with one teacher. He conceal fact that he have no hands. This unaccetable. In Chinese culture, very bad luck have teacher with no hands, maybe devel.


ENGLISH TEACHER X IS GOD
Posted by Googoomuk, December 5, 2002, 23:05 Capetown, South Africa
I totally agree with everything English Teacher X says. I’ve never heard anything so funny in all my life. He is my new God.


IN DEFENSE OF CHARLE’S PANGOLIN
Posted by KIKI December 6, 2002, 19:23 Manila, The Philipines
I am not agree with the fould rumours and slanders posted by mr. Snake. Mr. Charles good man. He no drink too much like mr. Snake. Never he hit me or treat me bad. I love mr. Charles forever x x x


THE PANGOLIN DEBATE
Posted by Doug, December 6, 2002, 21:45 Seoul, Korea
I worked at Global Village Language Services for six months in 2000 and I never saw any evidence that Charles Pangolin was in any way improperly acting towards his students or towards Kiki., and that “Snake” guy really creeped me out anyway. He was this hippie guy and he’d do all these exercises like tell his students to close their eyes for five minutes and think about the ocean, or touch the person nearest them and try to project happiness into them. It was weird. I think he took a little too much LSD back in the early nineties.


ENGLISH TEACHER X IS A LOSER
Posted by Sour Old Hag, December 6, 2002, 22:43 Dubai, UAE
English Teacher X is obviously a big loser. He probably sits around all day watching pornos and jacking off about his students.


I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE
Posted by Charles Pangolin, EFL Consultant, December 7, 2002 12:35 Manila, PR

Thank you Doug. I am a wholehearted supporter of the humanistic philosophy of English teaching, where we use language to preserve and promote a positive self-image of the learner as a person and a language learner. Certain activities can be misused by obscenity-minded individuals, however, as a simple excuse to fondle a student. Clearly the so-called “Snake” has projected his own pedophilia onto me. Psychologists call this “transference.”


I THINK THAT'S A JOKE
Posted by Keri, December 7, 2002, 12:45 Budapest, Hungary
That's got to be a joke about that guy with no arms teaching, right? I mean, how could he type out a message like that if he had no hands? Come on, that's sick you guys.


AVOID TRANSGLOBAL LANGUAGE CENTER
Posted by Tommy G, December 7, 2002, 15:32 Sofia, Bulgaria
Avoid Transglobal Language Center in Sofia, Bulgaria they totaly cheated me on everything, liad to me and riped me off. They said i aint know grammer. Can you beleive that shit?


CHARLES, WHERE DOES KIKI SLEEP?
Posted by Ian, December 7, 2002 18:30, Pattaya, Thailand

You didn’t answer my question about where Kiki sleeps now, Charles. I’ve tried to email you several times but my letters keep getting bounced. Could you please call me ASAP?


SNAKE TOLE ME TO POST ??!!?!??
Posted by Tiu, December 8, 2002, 12:43 Angeles City, The Phillipines Mr.snake say me to post this i cut andpaste it from Phillipino Gazette snake want show world about mr. Pangolin he want me to right; evil has long arm

Local Man Arrested In Drunken Brawl

(Angeles City) Local English teacher Robert “Snake” Plisskin, 38, from America was arrested yesterday at the Ace of Spades Bar during fight, wherein he was badly injured.
Witnesses say he was approached by three policemen who asked to see his passport and visa. Police spokesman says he refused and called one of the officers an insulting name, and began swinging a knife. The police struck him many times with their sticks.
He was badly injured in the fight, with damage to his spleen, broken legs, and a broken arm.
Plisskin is now in the hospital awating for surgery on his spleen. Hospital spokesman say his condition is “guarded.” Mr. Plisskin claims he was the victim of police corruption.
Police say they found several cigarettes of marijuana in his bag. He will be charged and taken into custody as soon as he is out of surgery.


EVER HEARD OF VOICE RECOGNITION SOFTWARE?
Posted by Doogie, December 9, 2002, 14:35 Sheffield, England
Oh, this discrimination is real, you can bloody well believe it.
As for Celstial Language School's rebuttal, it speaks for itself. I feel sorry for you people, I really do.


A SAD END TO THE SAGA OF SNAKE
Posted by Charles Pangolin, December 9, 2002 15:25, Manila, The Philipines

While I certainly never delight in the pain of another human being, it’s hard to say that what happened to Snake was undeserved. It’s clear in his homophobia, his violent outbursts, and his paranoia that he is in dire need of counseling. Perhaps he will be repatriated to America where he can get the help he needs.


WHERE DO I SIGN UP?
Posted by Newbie, December 9, 2002 22:35 Omaha, Nebraska
Man! This all looks like more fun than a barrel of sleestaks! Where can I sign up? Anybody got any advice on getting started?


RE: JUST DESSERTS FOR THE SNAKE
Posted by Gary, December 9, 2002 17:83 Bangkok, Thailand
Yes, you certainly handled that meddler, Charles! Good job!


I LOV EYOU MR. CHARLES
Posted by Kiki December 9, 2002, 19:25 Manila, The Philipines
Mr. Charles good! Mr. Snake no good! I love you mr. Charles, platonic way!


WELCOME BACK TO THE FORUM!
Posted by English Teacher F, February 3, 2003 23:43 Pilsen, Czech Republic

Finally! The forum is working again. It's good to be able to comment again. I have to say, I worked for a while with Pangolin and I never saw any evidence of anything untoward towards Kiki. Anyway, what's the big deal, he's legal age. I think.


THIS PROFESSION ROCKS LIKE THE BAY CITY ROLLERS!
Posted by NEWBIE, February 3, Bangkok, Thailand, 15:32

So I was so inspired by all your postings and how cool all this stuff seems, so I paid $3400 for a certificate course. That was my life savings, but it was worth it -- I totally learned a lot about how to teach a class. So I quit my job as manager of the copy shop and took the plunge!
Unfortunately my first job didn't work out so well. I took a job in Seoul off the internet, and after getting there and working for a month on a tourist visa, my employers finally told me they weren't going to pay me, or get me a real visa. I went to a lawyer, and then the lawyer stole $200 from me and did nothing. Finally though, my mom lent my $1000 for the plane ticket and i went to Bangkok. I've always wanted to go there ever since I saw "The Beach". I went to a job interview, and unfortunately it was a scam -- they told me to bring some money for an apartment deposit and visa fees and then they drugged me and robbed me and when I woke up the whole office was empty. I have a strange pain in my buttocks, too -- I hope they didn't do something gross to me. Man, this is just like that scene in PULP FICTION. So finally I ended up taking a job with one of the big chains in Bangkok, and I'm not doing too bad -- can't really save any money and I work about 35 hours a week, but it's an ADVENTURE man, I feel so ALIVE! I've left that 9 to 5 thing behind FOREVER! I've started my novel about English teaching -- it's called "The Endless Road." What do you think of that title? Is it taken already?

HELLO EVERYBODY!
Posted by KIKI February 6, 2003 08:34 Manilla, The Phillipines
Helo agin every body! This kiki! I lvoe you! Me good! Mr. Pangolin good! He go holiday Thailand! Me have house free. Mr. Pangolin house good! I study English and go America! I want be dental hygenist!

WHAT ABOUT GREENLAND?
Posted by John F. February 7, 2003 20:32 Liverpool, England.
Any information about teaching English in Greenland?
MORE TROUBLES
Posted by NEWBIE February 8, 2003 15:35 Bangkok, Thailand

Well, the old luck has changed again. . . the police came by the school checking work permits and of course there I was with my tourist visa. I managed to get out of jail after I paid a $400 bribe. But now I’m looking for a new job again, my old school won’t take me back. Any suggestions out there? Can anybody recommend a good place to work in Thailand? Still I’ve done a lot of really good writing this week – the latest chapter of my book is called “Reversal of Misfortune.”

COME PHILLIPINES
Posted by Kiki February 8, 2003 Manila, The Phillipines
Come phillipines newbie! Phillipines good! Happy sun! Thailand no good! Come live happy philipines! We go drunk san miguel go-go bar!

MAN THIS SHIT IS HARD
Posted by Rick, February 9, 2003 Budapest, Hungary
Damn, can’t somebody help me? What the fuck is the difference between “another” and “the other”? Shit dude!

WELL IT'S LIKE THIS
Posted by Slaphappy, February 11, 2003 Tianan, China
It's like this. Another is the next in a series. As in "Give me another fucking beer." The other refers to a different option of a group. "My other car is a Porsche."
ANY ADVICE
Posted by Grouper, February 13, 2003 Hong Kong, China
I've got this six year old kid here and his parents want him to take the TOEFL test. Is that possible? Any advice?

DON'T WORRY
Posted by NEWBIE, February 14, 2003
Happy valentine's day everybody! I just wanted to tell everyone that things are working out okay here in Bangkok now, it's really a great place. I got a job teaching children--it's challenging, but it's really satisfying. And I've finally gotten into the local culture -- I found a girl friend. Her name is Po. She's a sweet little asian flower of the most gentle and delicate type. Don't worry though -- I'm getting plenty of action! She likes it from behind. She's really shy about letting me see her privates, for some reason. But man is she beautiful. Long black hair, big brown eyes, and a body to die for. She's got a big adam's apple though is the only problem, but I can overlook it. My writing is still going well -- I just finished a chaper called, "The End of the Rainbow."

DUDE
Posted by Biff, February 15, 2003, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
DUDE check her private's out QUICK and make sure she's got some. Something similar happened to me -- talk about the fucking Crying Game, I was crying.

NEWBIE! NO GOOD!
Posted by: KIKI, February 16, 2003, 18:35 Manila, The Phillipines
Oh no! Newbie! No good! She lady boy! Transformer! 100 percent! No good! Come Phillipines, work Mr. Pangolin!

CHECK THEM THOROUGHLY FIRST
Posted by Derek, February 16, 2003, 15:03 Bangkok, Thailand
It’s likely she’s got a bigger dick than you do, man.

I WAS JUST JOKING
Posted by Newbie, February 17, 2003 Bangkok, Thailand All that was just a joke. I was just kidding. I like to do stuff like that sometimes. Of course I would know if I was doing it with some transvestite. Or transexual. Of course I would know, but I have to say, it is pretty difficult to tell with modern surgical techniques. And all that. I mean it could happen to anyone. It just didn’t happen to me, that’s all.
Uh, say, Mr. Pangolin, you wouldn’t happen to have any job openings in your school, would you?

YOU FUCKING IDIOT
Posted by Global Village Idiot, February 18, 2003 09:42 Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Oh, don’t worry. It happens to everybody in Thailand at least once.
And then of course some grow to like it and it happens again and again. . . hooey! Ain’t no sex like transex

YOU POOR BOY
Posted by Charles Pangolin, EFL consultant, February 18, 2003 14:35 Manila, The Phillipines
Indeed, we are welcoming applications now at Global Village Language Services. It’s possible that, with your qualifications, we might be able to offer you a position. Will you be bringing your girlfriend with you? Believe me, we here at Global Village would never discriminate against someone due to race, creed or sexual preference.

INFORMATION ABOUT CHIBA CITY
Posted by CASE February 23, 2003 Iowa City, Iowa
Yo, I just saw on an ESL website there actually is a place called Chiba in Japan. Is it like the Chiba city in the novel NEUROMANCER? Are there like people with chips inside their heads?

DEAR MR. PANGOLIN
Posted by NEWBIE Februay 27, 2003 02:34Manila, The Phillipines
I've decided to try my luck here in Manila, but it seems I've lost the address to your school and your phone number. Could you contact me at my email address newbie@hotmail.com, and send me your address?
This cafe is pretty scary maybe I shouldn't have come out so late. This isn't a very good nei

INFORMATION ABOUT C.A.L.L Posted by Bland, February 27, 2003 19:32 Shanghai, China
I'm teaching Computer Asisted Language Learning, should I refer to it as just "call" or should I say , like "See Ay Ell Ell?"

WE'VE GOT YOUR MAN
Posted by The Popular Front For Phillipines Seperatism, March 3, 2003 22:05 Manila, The Phillipines
Bourgeois Dog PANGOLIN:
We have taken your CAPITALIST FLUNKY AMERICAN STOOGE hostage. We unable to get email address from him for you so we contact you this way. Please send details for ransom delivery by email to popularseperatistfront@hotmail.com
We want $2500 American or we will cut off his fingers one at a time.

DON'T WORRY
Posted by NEWBIE, March 3, 2003 05:31 ? The Phillipines
Don't worry everyone they haven't hurt me. I'm being kept somewhere in the jungle. It's okay they let me keep the manuscript for my novel, and fortunately there's a phone connection for my laptop. I think the pain of the kidney infection I've picked up is more than compensated for by the experience. Somewhere down the line this will maybe even make a Tv movie, like Julia Butterfly's. I'm calling this chapter of my book, "Why The Caged Bird Sings". Although i was also thinking of "When Urinating Feels Like Razor Blades and Sulphuric Acid"

NO GOOD
Posted by Kiki, March 3, 2003 08:35 Manila, The Phillipines
No good! Oh Newbie! No good seperatist! Why you go seperatists? No good! I love you Newbie xxx

EVERYTHING WE CAN
Posted by Charles Pangolin, EFL Consultant, March 6, 2003, Manila, The Philipines
I just want everyone to now: we are doing everything we can to secure Newbie's release. We do, however, have a policy of not negotiating with terrorists here at Global Village Language Services. Some phone calls have been made, however, and it seems likely that some kind of agreement can be reached soon

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIGH AND TALL?
Posted by Chinese Fingercuffs, March 10, 2003 Quenju China
Can somebody help me? What's the difference between high and tall? Shit!

IT'S OKAY EVERYBODY
Posted by Newbie, March 18, 2003, Iowa City, Iowa

I'd just like to publicy say thank you to all those who've sent me support, and please say to stop it, especially those companies selling penis extension products.

As you can see, I survived my little adventure. It seems that Pangolin's organization did not want to pay the full amount of my ransom, but finally my parents did so. Regrettably, the Phillipino Seperatist Front then heard about the American intention to invade Iraq, and decided to execute me at dawn. Fortunately I managed to download some geological survey maps of the region of the Phillipines, chewed my way through the bamboo cage I was being held in (losing two molars in the process), and began walking. They chased me with dogs for a while, but I hid inside of a dead water buffalo for a night and a day and they lost the scent. Man was that bad -- sitting inside a dead buffalo playing GTA III on my laptop. Lord. I haven't even been able to write about it.

I walked for four days through the jungle, eating nothing but leaves and insects for most of that time, and drinking my own perspiration (something I saw recommended on junglesurvial.com) before an army patrol came across me lying unconscious. Regrettably I had passed out rather near an army ant hill -- I'm surprised they didn't wake me -- but that's how exhausted I was. I was in the hospital for about a week before I was flown home.
I lost three toes to gangrene, and most of my left ear had been devoured by army ants before they found me, but I'm all the more determined to make it in the world of EFL. I'm back working at the Kinko's Copy Shop, now, though, saving up money again for Round Two. Anybody heard anything good about South America?

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