Do it today. Tomorrow it will be illegal!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now!
Hear everything. Trust nothing.
All irked out and no-one to strangle.
I believe it because it is absurd!
Tis better to have loved and lost than be stuck with a jerk!
The more I see, the more I know. The more I know, the less I understand!
If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, pound the table and yell like yell!
My life may be strange but at least it's not boring!
Actions are usually right, but reasons seldom are.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before!
Facing the facts makes it hard to get up in the morning!
Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats!
It is better to ask for forgiveness after the fact than permission before!
Abandon the search for truth: settle on a good fantasy!
Subtlety is wasted on the dense!
Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again!
Bungee jumping offers all the thrill of killing yourself, with none of the commitment!
Next time you wave at me, use ALL of your fingers!
PMS allows a woman, once a month to act like a man does every day!
When caught between two evils the best solution is to stay still.
Support your local police. Beat yourself up!
Support your local coroner....die strangely!
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
There is no substitute for good manners....except fast reflexes!
I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I preach to!
One man's idea of cruel and unusual punishment is another man's idea of a great weekend!
Desperate times call for cheap shots!
Never argue with the fellow who packs your parachute!
If ignorance is no excuse, what good is it?
Any day when you're looking down at the dirt instead of up at the dirt is a good day.
I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger!
I have the simplest of tastes. The best is satisfactory.
Hunting is no fun when the rabbit has the gun.
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
It all hinges on you defination of a "good time."
The surest sign that intellegent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
I'm too demented for just one person...I should be twins...
You can't be a pervert! I'm a pervert, and you're never at any of the meetings.
Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you?
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
There are two kinds of people in this world - those who stand up and face the music and thoe who run for cover.
Cover's better.
Somethimes I think, well, then again, I don't know.
Gravity isn't my fault. I voted for velcro!
I don't have a attitude; people are just annoying.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
This is more fun than a premeditated hit and run with locomotives.
To save us both time, lets just assume I know everything.
I prefer wicked over foolish. The wicked sometimes rest.
Don't do unto others as you'd have them do undo you. Their tastes might be different.
Killing two birds with one stone is never advisable if you want the bird alive.
The early bird gets the worm. On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten by the bird.
I am a firm believer in my right to do anything I cannot be stopped from doing.
An optimist can never be pleasantly suprised.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional the stupidity of your actions.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.
Blaming others can become a satisfying way of life.
Check your seatbelt. I wanna try something...
Earn cash is your spare time. Blackmail your friends.
Claiming mental bankruptcy is always an easy option.
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Fact of Life #15: Heads bleed, walls don't.
Gravity always wins.
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
Happiness is no laughing matter.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
This place is enough to give an aspirin a headache.
There's nothing wrong with most people that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
Someday we'll look back at this moment and plow into a parked car.
New York now leads the world's cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make any sudden moves.
Sometimes, when your cat is washing himself, he will stop and stare at you as if he just remembered something.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admine the problem.
By doing just a little bit every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.
Zen riddle: What happens to your fist when you open your hand?
The more you know, the less you think you know.
A logician trying to explain logic to a programmer is like a cat trying to explain to a fish what it's like to be wet.
When a man is treated like a beast, he says: after all, I'm only human. When he behaves like a beast he says: after all, I'm only human.
If you can keep your head while all about you, others are losing theirs... perhaps you're the executioner.
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
"... Wreck the malls with cows on Harleys..."
Sorry, my mind has a few bad sectors.
24 hours in a day....24 beers in a case....coincidence?
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
A nudist has no reason to fear a pickpocket.
A wholesome mind is wasted potential.
Anything that kills you makes you....well, dead!
All I want is a hot woman, cold beer and unlimited power.
Anticipate temptation, then be selective.
Anything you say can and will be used against you. Over and over.
Boys don't grow up, their toys just get more dangerous.
Reality is the leading cause of stress.
I have my faults but being wrong isn't one of them.
Bitch; it's not just a word, it's an attitude.
Never fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose.
It wasn't the cough that carried her off, it was the coffin they carried her off in.
I'm only a bitch on days ending in 'Y'.
I'd give up chocolate - but I'm no quitter.
If I can't eat chocolate in heaven...then I'm not going.
If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
Fight crime - shoot back!
