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THE PATRIOT (***1/2)- the Revolutionary War was the stupidest war. I mean, all they did was line up and shoot eachother! And to reflect their brainless war tactics is this rather brianless movie. You can almost see the people in Hollywood saying, "I know! Let's get Mel Gibson and some other attractive young actors, and make a movie about American independence right around the Fourth of July!" What I'm getting at was that this was not a very hard movie to think up, and thus it is not very thought provoking to the audience either. Most of it is pretty predictable, except for a few places near the end. It gets better as it goes along, I think.
PERAL HARBOR (***)- what to say, what to say... this movie was... well, it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It's pretty much just like the movie "Titanic", but with a different tragedy. I didn't like "Titanic" much. The plot of Peral Harbor is cliche and predictable and (unfortunatley) extremley long winded. The movie is three hours long (gasp! Just like Titanic!) and it's one of those things where you keep thinking it'll be over, but it never is. The acting, actually, isn't too bad, but the writing really is. The phrase, "I don't understand" is used so many times it might as well be the tag line for the entire movie. Ugh... let me think. The story... ok. It's about these two fighter piolits played by Ben Affleck and some other guy who will henceforth be referred to as "Danny" because that's the character's name, and I don't know the name of the actor. Anyway, these two piolits have been best friends since childhood. They go into the air force, and after some arial antics the Ben Affleck character is ordered to go to Britian to help fight World War II (or, for our bilingual friends, World War Dos). Meanwhile, a bunch of nurses are on a train and one of them is telling a "humorous" story about how she met her boyfriend (who turns out to be Ben Affleck) while inflicting much physical pain upon him. So, basically, the thing is, The Nurse (I can't remember her name either)and Ben Affleck are in love with eachother, but then he gets sent away to England. Boo hoo. Then he gets shot down, they think he's dead, yadda yadda yadda, and The Nurse falls in love (ie: has sex with) "Danny" the best friend. But wait! It turns out ben Affleck isn't really dead! He miraculously survived his plane crash! How completley unexpected! So now the movie has conflict because there are two best friends in love with the same nurse. Great. By the way, they're all stationed in Peral Harbor, Hawaii. So, blah blah blah, some stuff happens, there's an obligatory "bar room brawl" scene, and before you can say "Iron Chef" those wacky Japanese are dropping bombs all over the Americans. This is the part everyone paid eight bucks to see. Stuff getting blown up. And there's a lot of it. The Nurse and her floozie friends have to actually work, trying to save hundreds of wounded soldiers. Cuba Gooding Jr. (who I didn't mention earlier, but has a small part as a chef/boxer on one of the boats) gets to shoot a big gun. Ben Affleck and "Danny" run around a bunch. Now, I don't mean to give anything away, but I might as well tell you... the Japanese win the battle. A shock, I know, but the film makers had to make it historically accurate. So then... hmm... I forget exactly, but Ben Affleck and "Danny" have to go out on another mission, this time to Japan. That's as much as I'll say. I wouldn't want to give away the ending or anything. The special effects are really good, but not much else is. The perfect summer blockbuster, I suppose. Oh! One thing I actually did like was that they didn't make the Japanese out to be really evil or anything. You might think that a movie like this would be inherantly racist, but it's not. The Japanese are portrayed as being equally as competent as the Americans, and in fact, somewhat wise in their ways. For example, when someone says to the Japanese general, "You are a brilliant man" he responds by saying, "If I were a brilliant man, I would have found a way to avoid war." Isn't that nice? So, in conclusion, this was not my favorite movie, but it will probably rake in money like leaves in autumn. Check it out if you've got three hours and don't mind incredibly corny lines, predictable scripts, and Alec Baldwin (who has an unintentionally hilarious part as an American general). Oh! I almost forgot! Dan Ackroyd (the guy from Ghost Busters) has a small role as an American Intelligence Officer. That's another reason to see the movie. Ok, that's enough for now. Have a patriotic day.
PLATOON (****1/2)-a movie about the Viet Nam War. Charlie Sheen, Willem Dafoe, and several other pretty famous people. Forest Whitaker, the guy from "Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai" has a small part. Anyway, this is a really graphic, psychological, action filled, dramatic, tragic movie. I highly, highly suggest it. It's a lot like "Apocalypse Now" (and not just because they're both about the same war), but I actually like this one more. I highly, highly suggest it.
PLAY IT TO THE BONE (*1/2)-I couldn't force myself to sit all the way through this movie. I really tried, but I just couldn't. Antonio Banderas and Woody Harrelson play out of work boxers who have to get to Las vegas or something. I don't know. The acting and the writing are both so terrible it made me sick. It was as if they took a twelve year old kid from Juvinlle Hall and told him to write a movie. The only reason I gave it a star and a half is because apparrently there is a cool fight scene at the end. Watch it if you're a masochist.
PLEASNTVILLE (****)- when I first saw this movie, I thought it was really good, but then I watched it a few more times and it kind of got on my nerves. I mean, they really beat you over the head with the whole "metaphor for racism" thing, and "art is good". I mean, it's not to say that those aren't good messages, but I just wish they could have been a little more subtle about it. Make the audience work a little. Overall, though, it's still a really well made movie.
JACKIE CHAN'S "PROJECT A" (***)- I love Jackie Chan movies, and this one is one of the craziest yet. It takes place in the early ninteen hundreds and includes pirates, bicycle chases, and weird hair cuts. Of course the dubbing is terrible, but that's half the fun, really. Jackie Chan directed this movie, as well as starring in it. Only rent this if you have a good sense of humor, and don't care about logic or plot.
THE PROFESSIONAL (****)- this is a movie with Jean Reno and Natalie "Queen Amidala" Portman. It's about a professional hitman (Reno) who ends up having to take care of this little girl (Portman). I know it sounds kind of dumb, but the actual movie is pretty good. Gary Oldman plays the psychotic villian, and Jean Reno does a very good job as the professional killer. I have no complaints with this movie, really, so I gave it four stars.
PULP FICTION (*****)- a fabulous film. If you haven't seen it, go out and rent it right now. It gets better the more you watch it. Some pretty tense scenes, and a little gory, but for good reason. Not for everyone, but still a great, great film. John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, and (cough, cough) Quentin Tarrantino himself. I went to France after seeing this movie, and actually ordered a Royale With Cheese. It was quite an experience, let me tell you. Although I didn't see anyone put maonayse on their fries. Oh, yeah, I was talking about the movie. It's good. Go see it.
slide on home, gumby
Email: dumbsweater@aol.com