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TADPOLE (**1/2)- I have heard numerous people compare this movie to the movie Rushmore. The obvious, and, in my mind, only reason for the comparison is that both movies involve very intelligent fifteen year old boys who fall in love with much older women. Beyond that, the films are completely different. Rushmore was touching and hilarious. Rushmore was colorful and beautifully filmed. Rushmore had realistic characters that you actually cared about. Rushmore had a point, a sense of purpose. Tadpole strives for each of these, but, unfortunately, falls short every time.

The story chronicles several days in the life of Oscar (played by newcomer Aaron Stanford), a fifteen year old rich kid who speaks French, quotes Voltaire, and goes to one of the most prestigious private schools in New York. He is secretly in love with his charming new stepmother, Eve (played by non-newcomer Sigourney Weaver). He is torn apart by how to express his love to her, and, in a fit of passion, ends up sleeping with her best friend. Zoinks! What will he do?

The entire movie was shot with, apparently, a hand held digital camera. I think this was supposed to look artsy, or cutting edge, but it ends up just looking cheap. In fact, if not for the presence of big name stars like Sigourney Weaver, you might think Tadpole had been made by a bunch of college freshmen at NYU who had nothing better to do over the weekend.

All right, all right, maybe I’m being a little harsh. Though the rough spots were many, there were also a number of aspects I truly enjoyed about Tadpole. The locations, first of all, are all wonderful. I love New York City, and watching this movie you feel almost as if you are there taking a tour, being led by the characters. I also appreciated the acting, most of which was very believable. Leading man (leading boy?) Aaron Stanford clearly has the talent to become a huge star, and he even holds his own when working in scenes with Weaver (which I’m sure must have been intimidating for a relatively unknown actor like Stanford). In fact, the only cast member I had any trouble believing was the kid who played Oscar’s best friend. Yikes. You are allowed to speak your lines in a different way than you first read them.

Overall, I couldn’t say that I would cough up another eight bucks to see Tadpole again, and I won’t suggest that you do either. At least wait until it comes out on video. Or just rent Rushmore and have a better time.


THE TAO OF STEVE (****)-this is one of the best movies I have seen this year, but it seems like no one has ever heard of it. I mean, it dosen't have any big stars in it, and actually the whole thing is made by relative "unknowns" but it's still a really cool movie. It has kind of a complicated, rambling plot, but it's very humorous. The acting is good, as is the writing. You know what it reminds me of, now that I think of it? "The Big Lebowski". Yeah, it's kind of like that, but not quite as crazy or "pshycadellic". Anyway, you should check out this movie if you can find a theatre which is playing it (no easy task) or you can just wait till it's on video. It's great.
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES(***)- this was a suprisingly serious movie. When I first saw it, I thought it would be just like the cartoon, but I was somewhat incorrect. It seems darker, and more targeted for adults (although, if I remember correctly, it's rated PG). The sequels ("Secret of the Ooze" and "That Other One Where They Go Back In Time") were more light hearted.
10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (**1/2)- here are ten things I hate about this movie: 1.It's stereotypical portrayl of high school students 2.The mediocre acting 3.The bad writing 4.The terms "spank bank" and "jonesing" 5.The racist, bad mouthed teachers 6.The hideous dress the girl wears to the prom at the end 7.The fact that the girl everyone was supposed to be in love with was totally unappealing 8.The phrase "hot young cast" which is written on the back of the box the video comes in. It's never a good sign when that's the first thing they tell you about a movie. 9.The "hip" soundtrack, which pretty much all sounds the same 10.The fact that so many other people liked it so much.
THREE KINGS (****)-this movie begins just as the Gulf War ends. It's about some Army guys, played by Spike Jonez, George Clooney, Mark Whalburg (?), and "Ice Cube" who go on an adventure looking for a bunch of stolen gold. The plot seems simple at first, but becomes more complicated once some natives and guns and polotics get thrown in. It's very interesting. Also, the cinemitography is quite... unique. At one point we get to see the inside of someone when they get shot, and other times everything moves in ultra-slow motion. It's really neat. Anyway, I'd highly suggest this movie. It's funny, and interesting, and there's some action, and even a little romance. Fun for the whole family.
TIME OF FAVOR (****1/2)-out of Israel comes this beautiful movie about love, trust, and loyalty. Set in a small Israeli settlement, we follow the story of Menachem, an introspective young soldier who is the top choice to become the commander of a military squadron, as he falls in love with the daughter of his well-respected rabbi and must decide between his loyalty to the army (and, in a sense, to God) and his love for her. Complicating this further is the fact that the rabbi has told Pili, Menachem's diabetic best friend, that he should be the one to marry his daughter. The daughter, played by a beautiful woman who calls herself "Tinkerbell" (sort of like an Israeli version of "Madonna", but cooler), is smart and strong-willed, one of the most real and likable characters I have seen in the movies in a long time. In fact, all of the characters in "Time of Favor" are created in a similarly realistic way (although, appropriately, not all are as likeable) and this is perhaps the greatest appeal of the film; the characters seem entirely human, each with unique strengths and flaws. I hesitate to say it, but these characters are far more realistic then any I have seen in an American movie. The only real flaw I saw in this film was the ending, which involves a terrorist threat on a mosque. Though it is an appropriate climax to the film, we seem to lose track of the characters which had been so well developed previously. It's a mark of the film's excellence, however, that this is considered a flaw; in most movies, we don't care enough about the characters to mind weather or not we keep track of them. They are merely pawns, slaves to the plot. In "Time of Favor" the characters are the plot, and we care enough about them personally to mind when they become obscured by too much action.
TITAN A.E.(***1/2)-I'm actually surprised that this movie was so good. Maybe I'm biased against animated movies, but I was kind of under the impression that this was going to be a lame movie when I sat down to watch it. In actuality, however, it's really not half bad. The animation is good (although a little weird with all the computer animated/hand drawn stuff) as is the "voice acting" (including such stars as Matt Damon and Jenean Garafalo). But perhaps the most pleasent surprise about this movie was the plot... it was actually interesting, and not altogether predictable. In fact, there are many points that cause you to say, "Wow, I certainly did not expect that to happen." Well, maybe you just think it. It takes place in the futre, and involves a lot of space ships and lazer-gun battles. The Earth has been destroyed by an evil race of aliens which are, as one character puts it, "Made of pure energy" (but yet can be knocked unconsious by a simple punch). Most of the characters are strange looking aliens, but the plot really focouses on the plight of a few humans (who all have weird haircuts, but absolutley no body hair). All in all, this was a rather enjoyable movie, and I would (*gasp*) suggest renting it. That is, if you're in the market for an animated sci-fi adventure movie.
TITANIC(***)- um, I kind of forget most of this movie. I think I remember it being all right, but not great. I remember wishing that the damn boat would just crash already, and end the movie. It was so long!
TITUS (****1/2)- remember that scene in Pulp Fiction where Vincent Vega accidentally shoots Marvin in the head and splatters blood all over the inside of the car? Remember how, despite it's gory nature, it's actually pretty funny just because it's so over the top? Titus is the Shakesperian equivalant of that scene. It's violent and gruesome to such an extent that it almost becomes comical. Take, for example, the scene in which Titus (played brilliantly by Anthony Hopkins) recieves a visit from a strange wagon which holds not only the heads of his two injustly executed sons, but his own severed hand which he himself cut off the day before in an attempt to save his sons lives. In order to transport these body parts, he takes one head, his friend takes another head, and Titus' daughter, who has also had her hands cut off (not to mention her tounge), must carry the severed hand between her teeth. I mean... that's comedy!

Ok, so maybe I'm not doing such a great job describing the humorous aspects of the film. But,trust me, there are scenes of such overwhelming misfortune that you just have to laugh. Here's the plot: Titus is a famous Roman general who has just returned home from conquering the Goths. He has brought with him Tamora, the queen of the Goths, as well as her three sons. Cesar, the emperor of Rome, has recently died, and there are three candidates to take his place. Titus, being the wise and patriotic war hero, is the favorite. However, believeing that he is too old for the job, he gives the responsibility to Saturninus, the more arrogant and self-confidant of the other two candidates. Saturninus marrys Tamora, who hates Titus for what he has done to her people. She then sets to the task of destorying his life, which, as it turns out, she is very good at. The rest of the story essentially involves characters getting killed or dismembered (sometimes both), and Titus becoming more and more crazy as everything crashes down around him. Needless to say, since this is Shakespeare, by the time the credits roll there are very few survivors.

The visuals in Titus are amazing (and, occasionally, disturbing). Direcotr Julie Taymore creates a time and setting for the film which is unlike anything one could imagine. The sets and costumes are like a collage of war images, spliced together illogically. This, I suppose, could be seen as a metaphor for the madness of war and revenge, a theme which is essentially basis of the story itself. Or maybe it's just because it looks cool. Either way, it's effective. As is the acting, which is some of the best I hae seen in a while. I am always impressed when an actor can sound utterly convincing and sure of himself when speaking in iambic pentameter, while still communicating to the modern day audience what is meant, despite the antiquated and "difficult" language (as many say).

I thuroughly enjoyed Titus, certianly more so than, for example, the recent "updating" of Romeo and Juliet starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes (whatever happened to her, anyway?). I'd suggest it to anyone who asked, but not without warning: though its violent in an over-the-top wacky sort of way, the film also has a number of rather disturbing images (Titus' daughter, Lavinia, standing in a swamp with twigs sticking out of her bloody stumps like a living scarecrow will stay with you for a while). It's the kind of movie you want to watch when you're in the right mood.


TOMB RAIDER (**)-
seductive Jolie
millions spent on FX
this movie still sucks


TRAFFIC (****)-oh, the wacky world of drug smuggling! This is a surprisingly complex movie about a bunch of characters who are all in some way related to an elaborate drug trafficking scheme. For example, there are the two Mexican ploice officers (played by bad-ass Benicio Del Toro and some other guy)who are instructed to eliminate a Tijuana drug cartel. Then there's the new American "Drug Czar" (played by Micheal Douglas)who is trying to stop narcotics from being imported to the United States, unaware that his daughter is a hard core druggie. The writing and acting are both excellent (especially Benicio Del Toro and whoever the girl is who plays Micheal Douglas' daughter. She's going to become famous, just watch). The cinematography is memorable mainly because they shot all the Mexico scenes in this yellowish tint, and all the United States scenes in sharp blues and greys. The effect sounds lame here, but it's really neat when you watch it. There are a number of famous actors in this movie, including Cathrine Zeta-Jones as a pregnant woman married to a convicted narcotics dealer, and the kid from "That 70's Show" as Micheal Douglas' daughter's boyfriend. This is a very good movie. I especially like the way the kids in this movie were portrayed. It was really a lot more realistic than in most movies. The kids in this one actually talk like real human beings, rather than saying, "dude" and "phat" every two seconds. The ending was also really good, but I won't say what happens. Go see this movie. Take your kids. Take your grandmother. Take your dog. Ok, don't really do that. Just see it. (oh yeah, the "torture" scene really isn't all that bad. The camera cuts away and you just hear the guy screaming).
TRAINSPOTTING (****)- watch the crazy exploits of four Scottish heroin addicts in this critically acclaimed movie. Ewan McGregor does a good job as Mark, the main chracter. Other notable things about this movie are the soundtrack, the directing, the words "wanker" and "shiat" and the baby who crawls on the celing.
THE TRANSPORTER (**1/2)- There are certain films which, in order to enjoy, you have to go into with low expectations. The Transporter is one of those films. It is wall to wall action, brainless plot, and cheesy dialogue to the max, and if you aren’t ready for that sort of movie-going experience it can really leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. If you are ready for it, however, and are prepared to just sit back and be entertained for two hours without having to think or apply any sort of logic to what your eyes are seeing, it can be a beautiful thing indeed.

The Transporter stars Jason Statham (who most people probably know as “That guy from Snatch”) as a man with a shady past who delivers packages quickly and efficiently for anyone willing to pay the price. His business revolves around three simple rules: No changes in the deal, no names, and never look inside the package. He upholds these rules in an almost samuri-esque fashion (even going so far as to condone killing people in order to satisfy them, as we see early in the film) until one day he receives a package that struggles and yelps, and curiosity gets the best of him. He breaks the third rule and to his surprise finds that the bag he is transporting actually contains the lovely Qi Shu. Problems ensue.

I liked the energy The Transporter had, the sort of go-for-broke mentality that allowed it to just show car chase after car chase after explosion after explosion, hardly even coming up for air. There seem to have been a lot of movies like this coming out recently, all of them very bad (XxX and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever come readily to mind), and while The Transporter is really no better I still enjoyed it more than the others for some reason. Maybe it’s because of Jason Statham, who is way cooler and way more appealing than any action hero I’ve seen in a while. Maybe it’s because some of the stunts were a little more innovative than ones in recent memory (at one point Statham parachutes onto the back of a speeding truck, and at another he covers himself in oil in order to escape from some thugs, to name but two). Maybe it’s because I’m getting used to these over-the-top, uber action flicks and my standards are just getting lower. I don’t know. What I do know is that if I had the chance to see The Transporter again, and if I was in the right frame of mind, I would jump at it.


THE TUXEDO (*1/2)- well, the dreaded day has finally arrived. I suppose it was inevitable, what with technology what it is today, and of course, the ever steady march of time which will wear down even the most athletic of men. That’s right, my friends, it has arrived: A Jackie Chan movie which relies heavily on computer animated stunts. Please take a moment to hang your head in silence.

Thank you. If it had been anyone else- say, Schwarzenegger or Vin Diesel- I would not have given it a second thought. But with Jackie Chan, a man know almost exclusively for doing his own stunts the obvious use of computer graphics seems like sacrilege. I truly hope that this was simply a momentary lapse in judgment by Jackie and not a foreshadow of what’s to come. He is capable of doing stunts on film that take our breath away not only because they’re flashy and exciting, but because they look so impossible and yet we know that he is really doing them. In The Tuxedo we see “Jackie” do things which look impossible because the are impossible (like hovering in the air while doing backflips) and it simply kills the magic of who he is, especially to fans of his work.

This is, of course, not helped at all by the fact that the rest of the movie is unfunny drivel. The plot is pretty basic: Jimmy Tong (Chan) is a taxi driver in an anonymous big city (if you look closely at the license plates in the film you can see that it takes place in the fictitious state of “Freedom”, motto “The Great State”) who gets hired to be the personal chauffeur of super-spy Clark Devlin (Jason Isaacs) because he can drive quickly and recklessly when needed. After an unfortunate accident involving a “skateboard bomb” (the name says it all) Jimmy is left possession of Devlin’s secret weapon: A tuxedo which enables the wearer to perform superhuman feats at the touch of a button. Along with the help of a sassy scientist named “Del” (Jennifer Love Hewitt, who I had kind of forgotten about until now) Jimmy must defeat the evil CEO of a bottled water company who plans to poison all the water in the world other than his special brand, thus becoming very rich when everyone has to buy his product in order to stay alive. “Wait,” you might be asking yourself, “How the perquacky is he going to poison all the water in the entire world?” With millions of genetically engineered bugs, of course! Duh!

Though I certainly did not enjoy The Tuxedo, I do have to give it credit for incorporating James Brown (the hardest working man in show business) into its wacky plot, and for having the guts to actually kill him off part way through. Well, they don’t actually kill him per say, but he does get punched in the face so hard that he spins around in the air and gets knocked out. Listen for his little yelp when he’s in the air, as it’s arguably the best aspect of this film. Also, check out the guy who plays the “mad scientist”. Guess who that is! That’s right! He’s Peter Stormare, the guy who plays the silent thug in Fargo. I don’t know how he ended up in this flick, but I imagine he’s spent some sleepless nights wondering how he fell so far.


fine... just leave me then...

Email: dumbsweater@aol.com