God made Adam and saw that he was good, and Adam saw that he was good. However Adam was getting quite lonely and upon seeing this God said to him, "I can make you a partner." Adam became excited. "A Partner?" "Yes," God began. "She will be beautiful at all times and clean and cook and wash. She will love you with all of her heart. She will always be there for you, She will be like your personal slave." Adam smiled. "oh God, I want one." God replied, "You can have one but it will be expensive." Adam didn't care. "It will cost an arm, a leg, and a shoulder." Adam thought about it for a while, sighed and asked, "Well..what can I get for a rib?" Great Reasons To Be A Guy Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." You don't have to learn to spell a new last name. You can leave the motel bed unmade. Same work...more pay. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks. You don't mooch off other's desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?" You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. At least a few belches are expected and tolerated. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. The Affair A married man and his secretary are having an affair. They decide to leave the office early one day and go to the secretary's apartment for an afternoon of lovemaking. They fall asleep and don't wake up until 8PM later that night. They quickly get dressed and the man asks his secretary to take his shoes and go rub them in the grass. The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway. The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. The wife is very upset and asks him where he has been. The husband replies, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. We left work early today, went to her place, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That's why I'm late!" The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains all over your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you!" The Farmers Wife A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores. "That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a nail by the right stall so you'll know which one I want him to impregnate." Satisfied that even his mentally challenged wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town. That afternoon, the 'Inseminator' arrives, and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail. "This is the cow right here," she tells him. "What's the nail for?" the guy asks. Replies the wife, "I guess its to hang up your pants." Did you hear how the Blonde Hockey Team drowned? Spring Training. The TEXAN In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini Skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. . As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn''t!. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give little more slack and again was unable to make the step.. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line Picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. . Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, Screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don''t even know who you are!". At this the Texan drawled "Well ma''am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

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