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THE NEWEST "CULT"-URAL EXPERIENCE

Greetings! Welcome to Holyland!
Orlando's newest theme park
The place where dreams come true, if you have faith.
We hope your stay here is a pleasant one and don't forget:
"If you don't like Holyland, you can go to Hell!"
Enjoy!

Proud owner,
Pontius Pilate

Here at Holyland we have a wide
variety of attractions for the HOLY family!

-Ride The Holy Roller Coaster or
Big Thunder God Mountain

-Live the Bible on The Great Testament Ride and Messiah Vision 3D

-Visit Jesus' mother at Mary's Grotto
( Please have your cameras and autograph books ready upon arrival, Amen.)

-Be afraid of The Atheist Encounter
and the Haunted House of the Lord complete with 999 Holyghosts

-Enjoy an ice cold beverage at Purgatory Plaza Pavillion
while the little ones play on the
Honey, I Circumsized the Kids Playground

-Brave the
Pharoah's River Rapids
or take a voyage with
Hebrews of the Caribbean

-Located in Camp Virgin Mary
(Please pardon our Holy dust while we continue our immaculate construction)
is the Festival of the Zion King Show

-Take a short cut on The Passover
(formerly the "Hell In A Handbasket" Skyway)
to the exciting 20,000 Leagues Under the Flood,

The Scary Adventures of Snow White and the Seven Sins,

Peter Pan and Mary,

and finally the Legend of the Jew King-Live on Stage!!

-Escape The Fallen Angels Freefall Ride
and "Journey from Heaven to Hell in 0.69 seconds!"

-Hungry? Come enjoy all the fixins' you can eat at
The Burning Bush Bar & Grill
or partake in The Fast Supper at
The Collection Plate Restaurant
or try the sinfully delicious Apple Pie at the
Garden of Eden Grill
For a light afternoon snack visit
Cheeses Of Nazareth
located near World Domination Showcase

-Witness Jesus Christ Epic Stunt Spectacular first hand, as well as
Bare in the Big Jew House-You won't be disappionted!!

-Don't forget to see the X-treme sports and rock musical show,
"Moses Rocks"

or the 3D adventure, "Its Tough to be a Fag" Show!
located deeply inside the ornately carved Closet of Life

-Meet ALL the Characters in the Bible in Jesus' Trinity Town Fair

-Take a perilous journey on
The Chariot Ride
thru the parting Red Sea
- WARNING:
YOU MAY GET WET

- Ride the sacrificial river of blood when you
Listen To The Lamb River Tour

-Bring a box of tissues when visiting The Wailing Wall of Presidents

-Take note of our 3:00 "Remember the Inquisition Parade" and our nightly Electric Crucifixion Parade

-Participate in our Honey, I Excommunicated the Audience
and Three Kings Jamboree Shows

-Experience the
nightime extravaganza:
Godtasmic!

-Looking for something on the WILD side?
Come enjoy Mary Magdalene's Wild Ride
WARNING:GUESTS WITH HEART,BACK OR NECK PROBLEMS SHOULD NOT RIDE

- Close in on your inner demons at the
Countdown To Exorcism

-Like getting wet? Swim on over to Blasphemy Beach with the Dead Sea wave pool or our oldest HOLY water park: River Styx Country

-While staying close to Holyland,
may we suggest
The Grand Reconcilation Resort
located on the Seven Sins Lagoon

-DON'T FORGET OUR YEARLY SPECIAL EVENTS
- don't dance the night away at Night of Jew
and Jesus' not so Scary Dinner Party where Christ's body and blood is included in every ticket price.

-Got any Questions or gripes? Hop on over to Guest Relations complete with Confessional

- Admission only 30 pieces of silver for adults

-Or get an Annual Pass and be born again and again and again

COMING SOON: Our second exciting theme park
ISLANDS OF EVANGELISM
Featuring the new ride:
MEN IN BLACK: RABBI'S ATTACK

Questions, comments and complaints can be e-mailed to
LuciferJumped@aol.com

WARNING!! This site is a PARODY!!
It is in NO WAY related or connected to the actual
Holyland Experience theme park in Orlando, FL.

I DO NOT have show times, park hours or ticket
prices, and news of your church group going to
Orlando is useless knowledge to me.

Thank you ... the Holyland -- Parody webmaster.

Holyland review
A review of the ACTUAL Holyland Experience Theme Park