Rotsel's Tour Diary
April 1, 2001
Great news. We have been selected as one of the opening acts for the "Dedicated to Quality" world tour. The headliner is one of my favorite bands, the Frank O Pollizzi Band. I have been fans of theirs since 1978 when they were opening for Jim Neigbor's on his USO tour of the Far East. The rest of the bands on the tour have not yet been announced....contract negotiations...etc...you know the deal.
Anyway, the gang is all excited. There hasn't been so much excitement at the house since the night I mistook the Ben Gay for the Preparation H. We is ready to rock n roll!!!!!
April 3, 2001
In order to promote environmentalism, I tried to build a windmill in my back yard. The idea was to create my own electricity and cut back on demand for power generated through coal or oil fired plants. Well, the homeowners association nixed that plan, said windmills were not allowed according to the neighborhood covenant. We was disappointed, but we just couldn't let this set back keep us down. So, after researching the neighborhood covenants we noticed they did not specifically addressed nuclear power plants. So, me and cousin Jimmy are going to build us one. Boy the neighbors were surprised at our last home owners association meeting when we announced we was building a nuclear power plant. I hadn't seen that much jumping around since the time Cooter put the Icy Hot in the Dothan High School Basket Ball teams jock straps (yowzer!!!)........We hope to have it up and running by the end of the summer. All that experience from the Three Mile Island Plant will come in handy. We'unz is expecting to get glowing reviews from the local ecological groups. Have a nice day!
April 7
We heard a disgruntled ex-employee of the Pollizzi Cheese Company altered the settings on the ap soyver box and now we'unz are forced to set up a new page on the venerable ap. Damn disgruntled employees. Cant they just stick to shooting up the offices? now they have to ruin webpages. What is the world coming to?! We told Frank to hang in there. Get those spy cams going so ya can catch 'em in the act. Then lock 'em in the freezer...the banging will stop after a while, and no one will be the wiser.
April 8
I was in the shower when I first heard the FOPB's new single Zestfully Clean. I was singing along in the background...almost -slipped on the soap and busted my ass. I broke the soap dish I got from my last visit to Shanghi (when me and Snoop Doggie Dog were doing a benefit concert to raise money for the Shangi Branch of the Ku Klux Klan). Fortunately, I was able to use my experience and skills as a middle aged, couch potato to avert disaster and bring my self down for a safe landing....errrr...I would like to express my regret for the lose of the chinese made soup dispenser...no really...I am truely....sorry.....uh...it got in my way..and...and...OK I APOLOGIZE...Give me the****soap back!!!!!!!
April 10
We got a good response at the Florida Chigger Festival in Swampy Hills, Florida last week. Deja lost her eye patch and Frank O had his chain saw taken from him by an over excited Deputy during the finale. We is just glad he didn't have his -----bullet loaded in his gun....
The show at Big Bertha's Chili Parlor & Bordello was a hit as well.. Deja kept hitting her bass on the dancer's pole in the middle of the stage and found it had a nice sound to it. Some guy kept trying to put dollar bills in her shirt during the show, so she clubbed the poor guy with her bass. She liked the sound of THAT better so she hit the guy twice! I guess Deja will have to play the bass lines on that old Fender 6 string until we can get her bass repaired, or replaced.
| Me and cousin Jimmy at Big Bertha's. Great time had by all. |  |
The girls were nice, if anything. We had a great time checking out the place the night before the gig. Beer wuz half price because it was "Toothless" night. We told the girls it was Cooter's birthday, so they drug his drunk ass on stage. They pulled most of his clothes off and danced around him for a song or two. He rather liked that. In fact, he liked it so much he wouldn't get off the stage...swinging on the stage frame like he was a monkey. Finally he slipped and crashed into a table of marines on leave. It was touch and go for a while until Deja floored the biggest one with a right cross. The MP's came by and took 'em away.
Oh, while we was there we recorded a live version of the Sonata de la Revolution. Thanks to the crew at Bertha's for allowing the orchastra to set up in the front dinning area. Also thanks to guys(?) at Big Gay Al's Sound for the sound equipment. A special duh huh to the boys at the Sheriff's Department for the escort...errr, thanks for taking care of that little misunderstanding with the Catholic High School girls volley ball team. We'd a never made it to the gig on time without ya. ...Viva la Revolution!
April 19th
Went to hang out with some friends in Watchyaheinnee during a break in the tour. Did some fishing and just relax. The mayor invited us over for a bar BQ dinner to meet the band. He was real excited 'bout having the "Commitment" tour make an appearance in his town later next month. The Bar BQ did not go as planned though, at one point the mayor's big new gas grill got knocked over when I was dancing wit da mayor's wife. What made matters worse was one of our roadies poured what he thought was water on the fire to put it out...turned out it was some of Mayors fine vodka he was saving for later. It got a little hot for a while, but we got most of the furniture out of the house. The Fire Department arrived in time to save the foundation. We is looking forward to the concert next month.....
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The boys of the Watchyaheinnee Fire Department were gracious enough to pose for a picture. |
April 21st
We spent a couple of days helping out Uncle Tom with some home
repairs. He is a soon to be retired U.S. Postal Service worker (
| This is some of the family. They was very happy that we wuz moving the outhouse downwind of the house. |  |
May 13
Whatever happened to Gay Nazi? We was trying ta git him to join Frank O and me on the "Commitment to Quantity" world tour. Our next gig is the Memorial Day Weekend - The 5th Annual Gay Pride Celebration at Pensacola Beach.
We' unz are trying to stay open minded as well as hampster free. I hope to have a new wardrobe (including the pants with the "exit only" patch on the rear) ready by then. Daja's Aunt Tina (pronounced TIE NA) promised to get right on 'em...it is sure to be fun. The nude volleyball tournament has been a crowd favorite in the past. Here is a picture of the boys running on the field during the pregame warmup:
Last year the the Aryan Nations delegation took da fashion show by storm with their smart SS black shirts. The Klan boys was pissed they didnt win, but EVERYONE told them that white was out this year. To reduce complaints from the neighbors this year, we got some guys from the Isreali army to bulldoze about a square mile of beach homes. That should stop all those annoying calls to the Sheriff's Dept. The NAACP will handling the fireworks (the sponsers didnt want the FLORIDA MILITIA guys anywhere near the explosives after what happend last year.). The Jim Jones Foundation is providing the cool aid, PETA is cooking up some hotdogs on the grill. ya'll come on down, ya hear!
May 19
Well, we is back home for a quick break from the "Commitment to Quality World Tour". Frank O and co. managed to find some time to record this in between the Florida Chigger Fest and our last gig at Big Bertha's Chilli Parlor & Bordello. We is impressed and cant wait ta hear it live. The rest of ya join us at the 20th Annual Deliverance Film Festival in Macon next month...we got a local band opening for us....called Rumppled Foreskin. They call themselves a "concept" band. We were not exactly sure what they meant by that, but Thelma Lou's cousin Cooter saw them in Dothan. He said he aint seen so much excitement in Dothan since the time he put Ben Gay in the jock straps of the Dothan High basketball team. yowzer!
May 21
We started to get complaints from them about all the cars parked in our front yard. They was especially intested in the concrete blocks they was sitting on. They said we wuz da only ones in the neighborhood that had so many cars and we stood out like a sore thumb. We figured they was not happy becuz they could not afford to have as many cars as we could...we decided to be neighborly and share....so we moved 'em to the neigbor's yard.
Then things really got wild! Ya know, they is no pleezing some people........
Uh, that's the latest.
Gotta go, so take care and beware of low flying moose.
Yer pal, Rotsel...errr...Artist Formally Known As
