jared ashley jacoby
jared a jacoby
jacoby jared ashley
hey. i created this page for my stalkers. you have probably found this page because you searched for one of the names up above. i am not the only jared jacoby, though. so let's make sure you have the right one.
i live in florida and i was born in 1982. and my second favorite color is brown (this is an important distinction to note as the second favorite color of the other jared jacoby who lives in florida and was born in 1982 is orange. please don't get us mixed up. i'm tired of his stalkers hiding behind my bushes and i'd hate for my stalkers to be hiding behind his bushes. you know, you should really get your facts straight before you jump out of a bush and stab someone with a fork).
anyway, most people think stalkers are weird, creepy people. i think so too.
sure, we have some minor differences (you want to get married, i want to get a restraining order, etc.), but that doesn't mean we can't make the best out of this strange relationship we have.
so, first things first. it's very important that we cover exactly what type of stalker you are. i mean, are you
1) the kind that writes love poems about me, hangs heart-shaped collages of my pictures on your fridge, and thinks about me when watching subway commercials? or are you
2) the kind who's drafted 17 pages of elaborate plans involving rusty cheese graters, cordless drills, and my head?
because if you really cared, you'd be the 2nd of these. if you're not going to take this seriously, i ask that you move along. i think i deserve a proper stalker.
so, if you don't mind me asking, why are you stalking me? do you think i'm spiffy? what would you like to do with me? mhm, i see. ok, that last part sounds a bit painful, but overall i'm very flattered
i know this is probably breaking the whole stalker/stalkee relationship, but maybe we could meet and have a picnic. email me and set up a place and time. i'll be waiting for you with a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a can of mace.
i assume you already know my email address.
