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Taylor huddled deeper under his jacket and glanced up at the gray sky before looking down at the sidewalk. He concentrated on watching a leaf dance as the wind gently blew. Anything to take his mind off what was happening; anything to make him forget that it was real and wasn’t a dream. Knowing he couldn’t stall anymore, Taylor took a deep breath and pulled open the door.
The church was dim, lit only by the soft glow of 200 hundred candles. It was almost silent. It would have been peaceful, had you not known what was happening.
Taylor walked slowly down the aisle, Casey, his little girl, clutching his hand. She beamed as they went by the pews, showing her gap-toothed smile. Some couldn’t help but smile back, some burst into tears. He gently tugged her hand to hurry her up.
He sat down in the front and allowed Casey to climb onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and felt her settle against him. He hoped that she wouldn’t be any trouble. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she didn’t behave.
He felt numb as the words and songs flowed past him. He hardly heard a word said, until Zac stood up front.
Isaac had been the best man at his wedding, but had had Zac give the speech. It didn’t seem right that Zac was now standing in front of him, giving his wife’s eulogy.
Taylor listened as Zac recalled countless memories of Samantha. He told about what a good, kind person she was, and how she would do anything for those around her. He told of how much she had loved Taylor and Casey. He told of how unfair that, at only 24, she would have to be in that fatal accident. He wrapped it up by saying, “Her death shook us, leaving our eyes red and sore; but her life was great, and shook us more.”
Taylor closed his eyes, swallowing against the lump in his throat. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to control himself. He didn’t want to break down in front of Casey.
Casey. The one thing that he was living for, and only 4 years old. It was hard to believe how much he loved her. He and Sam had decided early on that, when they had children, they wouldn’t be spoiled. So, they had moved into a little 2-story house in a small neighborhood. The house wasn’t huge, but it was theirs, and they loved it. It was always so comforting, so calming…and now Sam wouldn’t be there to share it with them anymore.
Taylor hugged Casey closer, still fighting his tears.
It had been totally unexpected. Sam had just been driving home from work. She was a good driver, always wearing her seatbelt and turning off her cell phone in the car. She never blasted the radio, and kept her eyes on the road at almost all times. It had been raining that night, though, such a heavy rain. She had just pulled out when an out-of-control car had skidded down the street, slamming into the driver’s side and killing Sam instantly.
Taylor was expecting a call from Isaac. He had been busing making dinner because he knew that it would please Sam. Casey was playing the living room, singing along to a hand-me-down Barney video. The phone rang, and Taylor answered it, expecting Isaac. He wasn’t expecting to hear that his life as he knew it was over. And then he’d learned about the baby.
Taylor kissed the back of Casey’s head. He wished for more children; both he and Sam had always wanted at least three. Now, though, he was almost glad that Casey was an only child. He wasn’t sure how he would take care of her, much less three children.
“Daddy, what are you doing?” Casey asked, squirming around, trying to see what her father was up to.
“Nothing. Shh, sweetie, turn around.”
Soon the service was over, and it was onto the burial. He wasn’t sure how he could watch the love of his life be lowered into the ground. And he sure wasn’t going to let Casey watch her mama be buried, even if she didn’t understand.
Taylor picked up Casey and walked out to the waiting limo. After being driven to the cemetery, Taylor got out. The wind had started to blow a little harder.
A few words were said, then people started to leave. They hugged him and Casey, muttering their condolences and how nice of a service it had been. He heard a few people talking quietly about what a shame it was that little Casey would never know her mama. It angered him slightly; it wasn’t as if Sam had chosen to die and leave her baby girl.
After what seemed like hours, although it had only been 30 minutes, almost everyone was gone. His mother and father, and the rest of his family, stood by the car, talking quietly. Taylor was a little unsure of what to do; he didn’t want to leave the peace of the cemetery, but he didn’t really want to be there any longer than necessary. And it wasn’t like he had done this before.
Diana cautiously approached her soon. “Taylor? What do you want to do now?”
“I just want to be alone for a little while.” He wasn’t sure where the words had came from, but he knew they were true. Somehow Diana knew that he wanted Casey with him, and she walked back to the small group.
Taylor watched as they slowly drove away, then turned to Casey.
It hurt him to look at his little girl who looked so much like her mama with her dark brown hair and startling green eyes. She even acted a little like Sam. It hurt, but Taylor was so glad he had her.
He bent down next to her. “Casey, do you understand what’s going on?”
Casey nodded solemnly, gazing at him. “Mommy had to go away to Heaven. God needed her, and she won’t be coming back.”
“You know Mommy didn’t want to leave you, right?”
Again, Casey nodded. “I still wish she would come back though.”
"Me too, baby.” Taylor stood, taking Casey’s hand in his. He stared off into the distance, not really seeing anything other than Sam’s face and every moment that held a place in his heart.
“Daddy, look.” Casey tugged on his hand, trying to get Taylor’s attention. She held out her arm, showing him the drops of rain that were landing on her. “The angels are crying.”
Taylor pulled his daughter close and cried along with the angels.
