Then Came You (sequel) Chapter 1 Who are you? Really? Zac sat back, biting his lip as he stared at the computer screen. How were you supposed to tell someone you were Zac Hanson? Cowboy: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you Jenni: Oh yeah? Try me Cowboy: What if I told you my name wasn’t Zach, but Zac? Jenni: That’s cool, but it still doesn’t give me any idea of who you are Cowboy: Hanson There was a long pause. Jenni: What about them? Cowboy: You know the drummer? Jenni: Yeah… Cowboy: That’s me Jenni: Are you serious? Cowboy: Yes, I am Cowboy: Hey, I have to go now Cowboy: ttyl Jenni: ok, we’ll talk more about this later Zac closed the window and logged off his email. “Okay, Tay, you can have the computer now.” “It’s about time!” Taylor sat down in the chair, eagerly signing onto his own email. Zac studied his brother for a moment. He had come a long way. Almost seven months ago, Taylor had passed out before a concert, and was taken to the hospital. He hadn’t been eating. He was released a few days later, but he had to eat in front of his parents at least three times a day, and he had to attend therapy once a week, and group therapy every two Fridays. Now, Taylor could sometimes eat just to eat, and he had therapy about once a month. He no longer had to go to group therapy. Taylor looked a lot better, too. His cheeks had their rosy glow back, and his eyes were no longer dull and tired; instead, they were alive and vibrant...they were Taylor’s eyes. He’d put on about 25 pounds, which was very good. When he’d first started to gain, he’d freaked out and almost stopped eating again. But with the help of his family and therapy, he’d managed to get through it. Zac turned away before Taylor noticed him staring. “I’m going to take a shower,” he said to no one in particular. He saw Taylor glance at him worriedly. “A shower, Tay, that’s all.” Taylor made a face at him before turning back to the computer. Zac walked down the hall and into the bathroom. He turned on the water and pulled off his shirt. Glancing down at his arms, he knew that Taylor had good reason to wonder about him. Scars decorated his upper arms. He’d put those scars there so he wouldn’t have to deal with his problems, and it seemed almost ironic that every time he looked at his arms, he was reminded of the previous seven months. Zac ran his fingers over his right arm. He’d cut the lower part one night after a fight with Isaac, but it hadn’t scarred. The scars on his right arm could still be seen pretty well, but those on his left were beginning to fade away. Taylor was the only one who knew what had happened, and he had found out by accident. He shook his head, not wanting to think about anything except his shower, and shed the rest of his clothes before stepping under the hot spray of water. The water pounded down on him, almost as if pounding out his stress. It felt so good; Zac knew he could stand there for the rest of his life. Or at least until the water started cooling down. Almost half an hour later, Zac stepped out of the shower. He knew he needed to shave, and since he didn’t like shaving in the shower he would have to shave at the sink. Wiping the steam off the mirror, Zac studied his reflection for a moment. He looked a lot different too, a lot better. He took better care of himself and it showed. His eyes, even though they looked a little weary and worn, were bright and shiny. And he could see himself in his eyes...before it had been like it was just an empty shell of the boy who’d once existed. Zac blinked, bringing himself back to the present, and began shaving before anyone could start pounding on the door. Too late, he thought. “Hold on, I’ll be out in a minute,” he called. He winced as he nicked himself and tore off a little piece of toilet paper, holding it against the cut. Finally he emerged from the bathroom and was nearly knocked over by Isaac. He walked into the bedroom, where Taylor was still on the computer. “What’s Isaac’s problem?” “He’s got a date tonight.” “Oh.” Zac turned away from Taylor and pulled on a pair of boxers, his towel falling to the floor just as he got them pulled up. He stepped into a pair of jeans that were lying on the floor and pulled the nearest shirt over his head. “Hey, that’s my shirt,” Taylor protested. “Your point?” Zac smirked and left the room, leaving the wet towel where it had fallen. He walked down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen. “Mom, what are we having for dinner tonight?” he asked, sticking his head in the fridge. “Get outta there.” Diana gently swapped his behind with a dishtowel. “You’ll ruin your dinner. We’re having pizza.” Zac emerged with an apple. “Ruin my dinner? You obviously don’t know me too well.” Diana laughed. “Go eat your apple and get out of my kitchen.” Saluting her, Zac sauntered into the empty living room. There was a movie playing, but other than that it was totally quiet. He stopped, gaping. “Mom? Where is everybody? The living room’s empty.” “Jessica went to a friend’s house, Avery’s playing dollhouse, Mackie’s upstairs somewhere, and Zoë’s down for a nap.” “Oh.” Zac walked over to the VCR and shut off the movie. “Hey! I was watching that!” Mackie’s voice floated down the stair well. “You were not,” Zac called back. “Keep it down; Zoë’s sleeping.” “That kid could sleep through an earthquake.” That was true of almost all the Hanson children. When you grew up in a full house with more kids added everyday, you had to learn to sleep through the noise, or you’d never get any rest. Avery, for some reason, was the only Hanson who was a light sleeper. Well, his father could be awakened by the slightest creak. Zac was never sure if he was always listening to see if one of his children was sneaking out, or if he was listening to see if a fan somehow got into the house. Zac sat down on the couch, running his hand through his damp hair. It was too quiet, though, so he soon went back up to the bedroom he shared with his brothers. He flopped down on his bed and watched Taylor as he chatted. It was funny, because Taylor had a habit of talking aloud before typing, and he didn’t seem to realize it. Soon, it got old and Zac rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He looked up when Isaac came into the room, though. “Whoa, who broke the bottle of cologne?” he asked, faking a cough. Isaac made a face at him. “Very funny.” “Who are you going out with anyway?” “Jezebel.” “Williams? Man, she’s freaking hot! Why is she going out with you?” “Thanks, Zac, can you boost my confidence a little more?” “I’m kidding! Geez, you’re gonna need a cold shower before you even see her.” Isaac raised his eyebrows. “Are you done yet?” “Okay, okay, sorry.” “Well, children, it is time for me to go pick up the lovely Jezebel. Don’t wait up!” “We won’t have to.” Isaac flipped him off and continued out the door. Taylor shook his head, grinning, and Zac lay back down, laughing. *** Taylor woke up that night to the sound of someone crying. He sat up slowly, trying to clear his head and figure out where the noise was coming from. It soon dawned on him that it was coming from Zac’s bed. Oh no, he groaned inwardly, getting off his bed and going to his brother. He sat down at the edge of his bed and peered down at Zac. Zac lay fast asleep, tears streaming down his face. He cried out, his face screwed up. “Zac, hey wake up.” Taylor hugged the boy close to him, rocking gently, trying to wake Zac or at least ease the nightmare. He’d thought they were over. Zac hadn’t had a nightmare in months. Before, it had gotten so bad that he would wake up screaming. But he could never remember what the nightmare was about. “Taylor!” Zac choked out, grabbing Taylor’s shirt and burying his head into it. Taylor looked down, ready to answer him before realizing he was still dreaming. “Tay, no, don’t leave me!” Zac tugged hard on Taylor’s shirt, sounding desperate. “Shh, it’s okay, bud. I’m right here, not going anywhere.” He knew that Zac was still asleep, but thought that he might be able to hear his voice. He shook Zac gently. “Come on, now, wake up.” He shook him a little harder and Zac awoke with a start, still half-wearing Taylor’s shirt. Zac pulled back a little ways, sleepy confusion on his face. Taylor smiled at him, pushing some of the blonde locks out of his hair. “You had a nightmare,” he explained. Zac nodded slowly. “It was about you…I don’t want to talk about it.” Instead of pulling away like Taylor thought he would do, he snuggled closer to Taylor. “What are you trying to do, sit on my lap?” “Can I?” Zac kidded, but didn’t move. Taylor sighed and began to rub his back. Zac could feel his eyelids closing. He looked across the room. “Tay? Where’s Ike?” he mumbled sleepily. “Huh?” Taylor looked around the dark room. Isaac was nowhere to be seen. “I don’t know.” He glanced at a digital clock, the red numbers reading 1:13. Isaac had a twelve o’ clock curfew. “I don’t know...” he repeated. “Let me up.” He prodded Zac gently. Zac groaned, but lay back in his bed, freeing Taylor. “Go back to sleep, ‘kay?” “ ‘Kay, Tay. Hey that rhymes…” A small smile on his face, Zac drifted back to sleep. Taylor watched him for a moment before quietly leaving the room. He started down the stairs, trying to be quiet. Halfway down, a stair creaked. Taylor cursed under his breath, waiting to see if it would pull his dad out of his bed. When no one appeared at the top of the staircase, Taylor continued. He peered out a window in the living room, looking in the driveway for Isaac’s car. He didn’t see it. Walking into the kitchen, he picked up the phone and dialed Isaac’s cell number. It rang twice, the third ring cut off. Taylor waited for someone to say something, but when no one did, he figured he’d better. “Hello? Isaac?” There was laughter on the other end. “Whoops! I forgot to say hello!” The laughter began again. Taylor sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Isaac was probably drunk. “Ike? Where are you?” “What do you mean, where am I? You called me.” “On your cell.” “Oh, yeah.” Isaac burst into another fit of giggles. “Come on, Ike, tell me where you are so I can come get you.” After a little more coaxing, Taylor finally got what he hoped was the correct address from Isaac. He scribbled a note to his parents in case one of them woke up, grabbed his cell and car keys off the coffee table, and went to pick up his inebriated brother. Chapter 2 The phone rang late that night, waking Jennifer O’Malley from a restless sleep. She stumbled out of bed, falling and nearly killing herself as she struggled to get to the ring phone in time. She scooped it up. “H ‘lo?” “Jen, is that you?” Jen tried to get her mind to work. “Um-hum. Who’s this?” Her speech was slightly slurred. “Jennifer! I can’t believe it! I love you, too.” “Tay? Is that you? Are you forgetting that there’s a slight time difference?” There was a shy giggle. “Whoops. Want me to call back tomorrow?” “No, no, I’m awake now anyway…along with the whole house, probably.” Jen leaned against the wall, sliding down until she was in a sitting position. “Oh, quit complaining. So, what have you been up too? How are your folks? How’s Mad?” Taylor asked, all in one breath. “Tay, slow down. One thing at a time. I haven’t been up to much of anything. Mom and Dad are good, just a little tired. Madeline has a boyfriend, which is totally unfair because I don’t.” Jen and Taylor talked for about 10 more minutes, finalizing plans for Jen to fly out for Christmas vacation and then hung up. Shivering a little, Jen climbed back onto her bed and slid underneath the covers. She and Taylor Chase had been best friends for almost 15 years. Taylor, a year older, and her twin sister Morgan, had always been there for Jen when she need them. She could always turn to them, and they would listen to her, comfort her. Jen squeezed her eyes shut. She hadn’t been there for either of the girls when they’d needed her most. They had been having real problems, not pathetic little excuses for problems like hers often were, and Jen hadn’t seen it. And she hadn’t stopped it until it was almost too late. Their mother’s boyfriend, Tim, had been sexually and physically abusing Taylor and Morgan. Jen had dubbed the day she found out ‘The Night.’ He’d come over late one night when Ms. Chase hadn’t been there, not knowing that Jen was in the kitchen. Jen had heard someone come in, called Ms. Chase, and then went to help her friends. She’d discovered Tim on top of Taylor, and Morgan cowering in the corner. Tim had been surprised when Jen walked in and had started beating on her, giving her a few bruised ribs, a concussion, and a sprained ankle. Ms. Chase had decided it would be best if she and the girls moved, and they now lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Jen and her family lived in a small town in New York. Shaking her head to clear away the thoughts, Jen sighed and rolled over. In a few days she would be flying out to Tulsa to spend almost two weeks with the Chase family. She could barely wait to see Taylor and Morgan again. Jen smiled and closed her eyes. Soon, she had drifted off into an uneasy sleep haunted by images of Taylor, Morgan, and ‘The Night.’ *** Jen felt something poking her stomach…something sharp and pointy. She could hear a familiar voice, cheerfully talking. As she came closer and closer to full awareness, she realized it was Madeline talking. “That’s it, Tayles! Get her! Come on, now, wake her up!” Ah, so it was her beloved cat, Tayles, that was poking her stomach. Well, walking over her stomach, occasionally kneading it with his claws. “Maddie, you better get Tayles off of me,” Jen groaned, not opening her eyes. Madeline scooped up the cat. “So, who was that last night on the phone?” “It was Tay…sorry it woke you up. She forgot about the time difference again.” “She sure acts blonde sometimes,” Madeline observed. Jen laughed. “Get out of here; I gotta take a shower.” Jen watched her leave and finally mustered up the strength to get up. She walked into her tiny bathroom, closing the door behind her. She turned on the shower, and, as she waited for the water to warm up, observed herself in the mirror. Her hair was still a golden-blonde, but she had gotten sick of it being so long and had cut it. Now it only went about six inches past her shoulders. She had grown about three inches, and had started filling out her clothes better. Her waist wasn’t as small as it used to be, it was more rounded now, but no way could you call her fat. Jen stepped into the shower. She was so glad it was almost Christmas vacation. School had started shortly after ‘The Night’ and Jen had had a lot of problems. She missed Taylor a lot, she couldn’t concentrate, and she kept forgetting to do her homework. She had been sent to the counselor, who had talked to Jen for a bit, then called her parents. They had all agreed that it would be in her best interest if she had more time to do her homework and had weekly sessions with the counselor. After about two months, Jen started to get back on her feet. Jen shut off the shower and slipped into her robe. She walked back into her bedroom and to her closet, digging around for something to wear. She emerged with a pair of jeans and a shirt. She stepped into the jeans and pulled them up. Then she attempted to fasten them, but found they wouldn’t come together. She lay back on the bed, still struggling with the buttons. Madeline came running when she heard Jen’s scream of frustration. She stood leaning against the doorframe, an amused smile playing across her lips. “Won’t fasten, huh?” “Ugh! No, and these were my last pair of skinny jeans. Now I’m fat.” “Oh, you are not. You just went through puberty my dear, late blooming sister. You shouldn’t worry about it…in fact, if your jeans still fit, then we would have to worry.” “Easy for you to say, you’re the one who gets my jeans,” Jen grumbled. She disappeared back into the closet. Madeline flopped down on the unmade bed. “So, you still going to Tay’s for Christmas?” “Yeah…I’m really excited about it, too. I miss her a lot.” “I can’t say I blame you,” Madeline murmured. She knew how happy Jen was to be going down to Tulsa, but it meant that she would miss Christmas with her family. She and Jen had always been close, but now they were drifting apart. Madeline shook her head, mentally scolding herself. She was bound and determined not to let Jen know how she felt; she didn’t want to be responsible for ruining her sister’s happiness. “What’d you say?” Jen asked, coming out of the closet wearing a different pair of jeans. She threw the other pair to Madeline. “Nothing.” Madeline caught the jeans and stood up. “Well, I better go get ready. Bryan’s coming over pretty soon.” Jen caught the dreamy look in her sister’s eyes. “Ooh, Bryan. So, I guess I should probably leave you two alone, huh?” “Shut up,” Madeline said, grinning before exiting Jen’s room. Jen smiled and sat down on her bed. She let herself flop backwards, every muscle relaxing. She closed her eyes, sighing. The phone rang, making her jump slightly. She pushed herself up and answered it. “Hello?” “I want a double cheeseburger to go.” The declaration stunned Jen for a moment, then she burst out laughing. “Jeremy!” She fell backwards once again onto her bed. Jeremy Lanski had been one of Jen’s lifesavers. Even though he didn’t really know the whole story on what had happened, he had been there for Jen. Jen didn’t have a lot of friends because most of her time had been devoted to Taylor and Morgan, but she and Jeremy had always got on well and even more so now. And he wasn’t too bad to look at either. His sandy hair always seemed to be flopping down into his dancing green eyes, and even though he always looked as if he needed a shave, it worked for him. “That be my name,” Jeremy drawled. “So,” he said, changing back to his regular voice, “what are you doing today?” “I don’t know. I need to buy some new clothes; I don’t fit into hardly anything I own because I’m-” “You are not fa-at!” Jeremy sang, interrupting Jen. “Yes I am.” “No you’re not. Trust me, Jen, you’re hot!” “Oh, you’re just saying that because you’re my friend,” Jen said, but she could feel the blush creeping across her face. “I don’t care if I’m your friend or not, you’re still hot. Come on; admit it. You know you are.” “Whatever you say.” “You are-” “Is there a reason you called?” Jen wasn’t being rude; she knew that, if you let him, Jeremy could go on for days. “Yes there is, as a matter of fact.” “And that would be…?” “To tell you you’re not fat and to see if you wanted to go to Wal-Mart.” “Sure why not.” “Okay, pick you up in ten. Bye.” “Bye,” Jen echoed, and hung up the phone. Grabbing her hairbrush, she sat down at her vanity and stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t hot; she wasn’t even sure you could call her pretty. And Jeremy…he never acted as if he liked for more than a friend, but now he was calling her hot. It was times like this that Jen missed Taylor the most. *** Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Jen sat down at the computer. She logged into MSN Messenger, hoping that Zac was on. He wasn’t. Dismayed, Jen logged off. She had just gotten back from Wal-Mart. Jeremy had been a crack up, trying on women’s hats. He had managed to keep a straight face through most of it, even putting his hands on his hips and glaring at Jen while she laughed at him. After that, Jen modeled clothes for him and came home carrying two bags. Yawning, Jen realized how tired she was. She went upstairs, fully intending to go into her room and sleep for three years. She paused outside her door, though, glancing at Madeline’s shut door. She chewed on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. When had Madeline started closing her door? About the only time that Jen knew she did it was if she was sleeping or it was past her bedtime and she was reading. Madeline’s bedtime wasn’t for another hour, and unless she kept the light on, she wasn’t asleep. Jen knocked softly on the door. “Mad? Can I come in?” There was no answer, but Jen opened the door anyway, and stuck her head inside. “Maddie?” Madeline was lying on her stomach on the bed, holding a picture frame in her hand. She looked up at Jen’s voice. “Oh, Jen. I didn’t hear you. Come on in.” Closing the door behind her, Jen went to sit by Madeline. “Can I see this?” At her nod, Jen gently took the frame from her. It was a very cute picture of Madeline and Bryan embracing. Jen smiled at it. “That’s nice.” “I think he’s going to break up with me,” Madeline said suddenly, taking the picture back from her sister. “I don’t want him to…I hope he doesn’t,” she mumbled more to herself than to Jen. “No. No, he won’t. Not after today.” Her voice was stronger now, and a bit louder. Sighing, she replaced the picture and sat up. “I am going to the bathroom. Be right back.” “Okay.” Jen watched her leave, a little puzzled by her strange behavior. Shrugging a little to herself, she picked up a magazine lying on the nightstand. As she did, something fluttered to the floor. “What’s this?” she muttered, leaning down and picking it up. She stared at it, unbelieving. “Hey, Jen, have you seen…” The words died on Madeline’s lips as she saw what Jen was holding in her hands. Fear in her eyes, she looked up at Jen. Chapter 3 Zac slowly opened his eyes. Taylor was pacing back and forth, ranting and raving about something. Groaning, he rolled over onto his other side, pulling the pillow over his face. He could still hear Taylor. Geez that boy’s loud, he thought. “Tay, shut up!” His voice was muffled, and if Taylor heard him, he didn’t acknowledge him. “Taylor,” he groaned a little louder. Figuring that Taylor wasn’t stopping any time soon, Zac removed the pillow, threw back his covers, and sat up, preparing to go to the bathroom. Wait a minute, what was Tay saying? “…to go and pick you up at 1:30 in the morning! You’re supposed to be the responsible one, not me! You’re older! What were you thinking? Then I go to get you and what do I find? You, drunk off your ass, pawing all over Jezebel! And to make matters worse, you barf all over yourself! You were in no condition to clean yourself up, so who has to do it? Me! That’s right! I have to clean you up, when I should be in bed, sleeping peacefully. I can’t even look at you right now!” With that, Taylor stalked out of the room. Zac was a little stunned. He squinted, trying to see Isaac. Wait a minute. What time was it? He glanced at the clock. 2:27 a.m. No wonder if was so dark. A groan from Isaac brought Zac back into the present. “Ike, you okay?” “Yeah,” Isaac gasped out. He seemed to be having a little trouble breathing. Worried, Zac walked over to Isaac. He grasped his face and immediately pulled his hands back. He hadn’t expected Isaac to be that hot. Sighing, he took Isaac’s face in his hands once more and forced Isaac to look at him. “You’re burning up,” he said, taking note of his slight wheezing. “You really cannot handle your alcohol.” He released Isaac and stood up. He didn’t know if it would help if Isaac lay down. Biting his lip, he decided not to try it. “Sit up straight and try to breathe; I’m gonna go find Tay.” He left the room in search of his brother. He didn’t have to go far; Taylor was sitting on the floor outside of the bedroom, pouting. “Tay, Ike’s sick,” he said quietly, praying that no one woke up. “Good.” “Aw, come on, Tay. I can’t take care of him and we can’t really ask Mom to take care of him…” Rolling his eyes, Taylor stood up. “Fine. But he deserves to be sick after that little stunt he pulled tonight.” Zac followed Taylor into the bedroom. “Isaac, you know I shouldn’t-” Taylor stopped suddenly as Isaac jumped up, one hand over his mouth, and ran out of the room. “Okay, you stay here and I’ll go help him.” Taylor pushed by Zac and headed for the bathroom. Zac sighed and sat down on his bed. He knew that the alcohol wasn’t just to blame; a bug had been going around the house. Everyone had had it except for Isaac. That had been almost a week ago, though… Taylor and a very unsteady Isaac came back into the bedroom. Isaac collapsed into his bed, his eyes closing right away. His face was flushed and sweaty, and his breathing uneven as he lay there. Taylor turned to Zac. “Will you go get some Advil or something, and a glass of water?” He glanced at Isaac. “I hope he can handle it.” Zac left the room and headed for the bathroom. Why hadn’t Taylor thought of the medicine before coming back to the bedroom? Oh well. He quickly grabbed the Advil bottle and a glass. He filled it up with cool water, grabbed a washcloth, and headed back to the bedroom. “Here.” Taylor took the bottle and opened it, spilling out five and telling Isaac to sit up. “Take these.” “Uh, Tay? I think you’re only supposed to give one or two.” “He’s got a fever,” Taylor answered, shrugging and watching Isaac take the pills. “Besides, it probably won’t sit too well with him, so…” “I grabbed this, too. I figured that we could dip it into the water and wipe off his face every now and then.” “Hey, that’s a good idea!” Zac tried to stop the smile spreading over his face. He wasn’t sure that he could remember the last time Taylor had praised something he’d thought of. “I’m just naturally brilliant.” “I’m sure you are.” Taylor sighed, pushing back his blonde hair. “Okay, I think that’s about all we can do for right now, and you really should get some sleep. Go back to bed; Isaac will be okay.” “You sure? You need to sleep, too.” “Trust me, you do not want to see Isaac getting sick.” Zac shrugged, sighing. “Okay, whatever. Night, Tay.” He made his way carefully back to his bed, trying not to trip over any shoes that had permanent residence on the floor. Lifting up the covers, he slid back into bed. He knew that Taylor was sitting by Isaac’s bed, keeping watch over him. Zac remembered when he had drank too much one night at a party. His brothers were so incredibly pissed at him, but they helped him through the night. Of course, they had gotten him back the next day, forcing him to eat breakfast and practice, knowing he had a hangover. He couldn’t help but smile, though at the time it wasn’t anything to smile about. No matter how mad Taylor was at Isaac, he would help him get through. It had always been that way in their family. They just loved each other that much. And Zac was glad for that love; he wasn’t sure that anyone of them would have made it through the fame, the fortune, Taylor’s eating disorder, or any of the other stuff they had struggled through. But love had helped them through. It didn’t matter if they stopped doing music, didn’t matter if Taylor relapsed, didn’t even matter if they lost everything they owned as long as they were together, love would always be enough. Zac sighed, hearing Taylor and Isaac rush out of the bedroom. He knew he should go help, but Taylor was right: he didn’t want to see Isaac get sick. Besides, Taylor could handle it. Still, he couldn’t fall asleep until they were back in the room, and even then he was awake. Finally, he drifted off into an uneasy sleep. *** Taylor, Zac, and a very tired, sick Isaac sat at the kitchen table late the next morning. None of the boys had gotten very much sleep, and Diana was fussing over all of them, especially Isaac. Walker came storming into the room. “Boys, we need to talk.” Jessica and Avery looked at each other, then ran out of the room. Diana walked over to her husband, wiping her hands. “Walker? What’s all this about?” “You wanna know what this is about? Here’s a clue.” Walker threw the magazine onto the table. On the cover, there was a picture of Isaac and Taylor. Isaac looked like he was laughing his head off, and Taylor was trying to pull him along. The words read “Not so innocent after all.” After a long moment of silence, Diana looked up. “Boys? Is this…true?” “Yeah. Yeah, Mom, it is,” Isaac said, exhaling. Zac sat stiffly in his chair. They were in for it now. It was almost comical; the one brother almost old enough to be drinking was the one who got caught. “What were you thinking? How could you do this?” Walker raged. “And you didn’t even tell me? Do you know what this could do to your career? Lucky this is a rather sleazy tabloid, and people probably won’t even give it a second glance, or the media would be all over us by now.” Walker shook his head. “I can’t even talk to you right now. All three of you are grounded until further notice.” “Walker.” Diana put her hand on Walker’s arm. “Don’t you think that’s a little harsh? Come on, I have an idea for a better punishment; let’s talk about it upstairs.” Isaac, Taylor, and Zac sat alone in stunned silence. They would usually be glad when their mother took their side, but the way she had said she had a better idea made them uneasy. They glanced at each other and waited for their parents to come back down. Chapter 4 Jen stared right back at Madeline. She couldn’t seem to get her mouth to form words. “Maddie?” she finally choked out. Madeline burst into tears. “I’m so sorry, Jen, I just didn’t know what else to do, and then he suggested that, and I said okay because he was going to break up with me, I know he was, and I really think that I love him and I think that he loves me and he can’t leave me, he just can’t, I don’t think I could take it and-” Jen pulled her sister to her, letting Madeline cry into her shoulder. Words and thoughts ran through her head, but her brain refused to put it all together in a sentence. Madeline finally pulled away, wiping her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jen, I really am,” she whispered. “Okay, you have to talk to me right now, Mad, you have to tell me what happened.” Jen put her hands on Madeline’s shoulders. She could barely stop her head from spinning – her sister, just 13, was no longer innocent. Madeline took a shaky breath. “Okay. He came over today, and he was acting weird. Mom and Dad left to go…do…something…Anyway, Bryan and I came up here, and I just knew that he wanted to break up with me.” Madeline looked down at her hands, too ashamed to look her sister in the eyes. “I asked him if he was going to break up with me, and he said…he said not if I gave him a reason not too. I asked him what that reason would be and he said he’d show me…” Jen rubbed her hands in a poor attempt to warm herself up. “Did he force you to do anything you didn’t want to?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. Madeline looked away. “Did he?” Jen heard her voice rising, but she couldn’t help it. If he had hurt her little sister, he was dead. “He did, didn’t he? I will kill him! He had no right to do that to you! No right at-” “Stop it!” Madeline screamed, covering her ears, tears running down her cheeks. “Get out of my room right now!” She said the last few words through clenched teeth. “Maddie…” “Go!” Feeling numb, Jen got off the bed and walked to the door. She slammed it behind her, never looking back. *** Jen lay in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling. Her Hanson CD played quietly in the dark, soothing her slightly, but not much. She sighed and rolled over. She had no idea what to do about Madeline. She didn’t know if Bryan had forced her into doing something, or if Madeline had done it because she didn’t want him to break up with her. She didn’t know who she should tell, or if she should even tell anyone. She didn’t know how to help Madeline, and that really scared her. She hadn’t known how to help Taylor, and look what had happened. Giving up on sleep, Jen slipped out of bed and went over to her computer. Her parents had bought her a computer, and she turned it on now. As soon as it had booted, she signed in to MSN Messenger. She was a little surprised, but pleased, to see that Zac was on. She clicked on his name. Jenni: Hey Cowboy: Hey Jen what’s up? Jenni: Nothing, u? Cowboy: same – why you on so late? Jenni: couldn’t sleep…hey, listen Cowboy: Yeah? Jenni: If you’re Zac, that would mean Jordan is Taylor, right? Cowboy: Yeah Jenni: And he…? Cowboy: yep, you got it Jenni: I thought that Taylor was looking a little skinny… Jenni: Anyway, you live in Tulsa, right? Cowboy: Yeah Jenni: well, that’s where my Taylor lives Cowboy: not to be rude, but what’s your point? Jenni: I’m flying out there for Christmas and I was wondering if we could…well, meet each other Cowboy: I don’t know… Jenni: Oh, it’d be in a public place, and you could bring whoever you wanted along Cowboy: Well, I’ll have to think about it, but I suppose we could meet in the park…when are you coming out? Jenni: In just a couple of days…I’ll be out there for two weeks Cowboy: Where does Taylor live? Jen told him, and found out that she didn’t live too far away from him. Jenni: so, what do you think? Cowboy: I’ll have to see…I’ll let you know, okay? Jenni: yeah, sure Cowboy: hey, how come you can’t sleep? Jenni: oh, it was just something to do with Maddie…I’m ok now, though Cowboy: good Jenni: well, sorry to keep you on so late Jenni: guess I’ll talk to you later Cowboy: yep Cowboy: sweet dreams Jenni: you too After they finished their good byes, Jen closed the window, signed out, and shut down the computer. Now perhaps she could focus on her trip down to Tulsa instead of on Maddie. She climbed back into bed. She couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to actually meet him. She didn’t think it would be all that bad since she’d talked to him for so long without ever knowing who he was. She didn’t want to embarrass herself, or him, and she hoped that she could remember that this Zac was the same Zach she’d been talking to forever. *** Jen knocked on Madeline’s door. “Mad? Can I come in?” Madeline had been in her room all day, refusing to come out. She wouldn’t even take telephone calls, and the lunch tray her mother had brought up for her earlier still sat outside her door. “Come on, just open the door. You can’t hide from the world the rest of your life.” The door flew open unexpectedly. “I’m not hiding from the world; I’m hiding from you,” Madeline hissed. “You think you’re such a good sister, but you’re not. You don’t even care about me, I bet.” “How can you say that?” “You threatened to kill someone I love!” Jen didn’t even stop to think. “You don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you. You’re too young to even know what love is. And you’re too blind to see Bryan for what he his: an arrogant jerk who uses girls for their bodies and not their hearts. You are shallow and superficial.” “Yeah, well, I’d rather be shallow than what you are!” “And what would that be?” Jen asked coolly. So Madeline told her. Jen’s mouth dropped open at the stream of dirty words that had just come out of her sister’s mouth, directed at her. Something in her snapped, and she slapped Madeline across the face. Immediately, she pulled her hand back and stared wide-eyed at Madeline, a little afraid of what she would do. Madeline’s hand flew up to her red, stingy cheek as she stared right back at Jen, shock and amazement showing in her eyes. She drew in a ragged breath. “I hate you,” she whispered, venom in her voice. Jen was startled. She had expected a physical defense but what Madeline had said hurt her worse than anything she could do to her. “I hate you,” Madeline repeated, louder. “I hate you, and I wish you’d just die!” She slammed the door in Jen’s face. Jen stood there an extra moment before fleeing to her bedroom. She couldn’t believe that Madeline had just said that to her. Soon, her shock and sadness changed to anger. She had no right to talk to me that way, Jen seethed. No right at all. Jen flipped on her CD player and the voice of Daniel Johns blared through the speakers. Flopping down on her bed, she let the music of Silverchair overtake her and her anger. Chapter 5 “Who were you talking to last night?” Zac froze. He knew that if his mom and dad found out he was on the computer at such a late hour, he would be in trouble. Especially with the mood they were in. “What? When?” “You know; on the computer. Who were you talking to?” He turned to face Taylor. “I wasn’t talking to anybody. I wasn’t even on the computer.” “Sure you were. You were on MSN…” “No, I wasn’t.” “Yes, I saw you. I woke up last night and saw you on the computer. I know you were on MSN because I could see the little box and I could hear you typing. Were you talking to Jen?” Zac sighed. “All right, fine. Yes, I was talking to Jen. Don’t tell Mom and Dad?” “No, of course not. Why were you on so late, anyway?” “I couldn’t sleep.” Zac saw Taylor give him a worried glance. The same worried glance he saw his parents give Taylor if he didn’t finish everything on his plate. “I’m okay, Taylor. Really. I don’t do…that…anymore,” he said softly. Taylor nodded. “I know you don’t.” Yet he sounded unsure, and didn’t look Zac in the eye when he said it. “Tay, look, I-” The door flew open and Zac stopped mid-sentence. “You guys! Food’s ready! Mom’s already yelled once. You better come down before she gets any madder.” Avery shook her head. “I can’t believe you didn’t hear her yell.” With that, she turned and ran back down the stairs, shouting that Taylor and Zac would be down in a minute. The two boys looked at each other. Neither of them had heard Diana yell. Taylor shrugged and held out his hand, indicating for Zac to go first. Zac thundered down the stairs and skidded into the kitchen. “Zac,” Diana warned. She hated it when he did that. “Sorry.” He took a seat at the table. “What were you boys doing upstairs?” Walker asked as soon as Taylor had sat down. “Just talking.” Walker nodded. The meal went by rather quickly, and soon everyone was done. Zac stood up. “Great meal, Mom. Thanks!” He turned and started to walk away. “Hold it, mister. I think it’s your turn to clear the table.” As part of their punishment, Taylor, Isaac, and Zac had to take turns clearing the table and doing the dishes without any help. They had no idea what the other part of their punishment was, and they weren’t sure they wanted to find out. “Fine.” Zac turned back around and went to work on the table. Soon he was all by himself in the kitchen. Even the sounds from the living room weren’t enough to keep him from getting lonely, so he started so sing quietly to himself. “It started at a bus stop, in the middle of nowhere…” Soon, he was almost done; he just had to clear Taylor’s and Zoë’s spots. “Oh, maybe I’m hallucinating,” he sang, then realized how true he wished the words were as he stared down at Taylor’s plate. A little less than half the meal was left, but that’s not what worried Zac. He knew that Taylor hadn’t finished everything; he had complained of a stomachache and left the table early. It was the napkin full of food that made him stop singing. *** Zac wasn’t sure what to do. He felt like he had this information that was, well, life or death, and he didn’t know who to tell. Or even if he should tell anyone. Finally, after much mental debating, he decided to confront Taylor. He climbed the stairs slowly, his hand on the rail shaking slightly. He was sure he looked pulled together, but on the inside he was falling apart, wondering what he would say, what Taylor would say. Much too soon for his liking, he found himself outside of the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he stepped in. His brother was lying on the bed, eyes shut, a CD playing softly. Zac couldn’t help but notice how skinny Taylor still was, how his thin shirt lay against his ribs when he inhaled. Half of it was just how Taylor was built, his bone structure. Zac didn’t want to think about the other half might be. He knew that he was stalling. This wasn’t something he wanted to do. “Taylor? Can I talk to you for a sec?” “Um-hum.” Zac shut the door softly and advanced slowly toward the bed. Hesitantly, he sat on the edge. “I, uh, I had to clear the table today.” “Sucks to be you,” Taylor said, a small smile curving his lips. “Yeah.” Zac tried to laugh, but it came out weak, more like a sigh. Taylor opened his eyes and studied Zac before pushing himself up on his elbows. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” “Well, I, I couldn’t help but, um, notice…why did you put all that food in your napkin?” “Oh.” Taylor lay back down. “I have a stomachache. You know how Mom and Dad worry about me if they think I haven’t eaten anything. So I hid it in my napkin.” Zac was silent. “Zac, I’m okay. I just didn’t want them to worry. Really.” “Yeah.” But he sounded as unsure as Taylor had when Zac had told him he didn’t injure himself anymore. *** “You sexy hoss!” Zac exclaimed. “You sexy, sexy hoss!” Zoë shrieked with laughter as Zac playfully tackled her. He tickled her for a bit before picking her up and tossing her gently on the couch, where he began to tickle her again. “Say it! Say it!” he prodded. “Hoss, hoss!” Zoë sat up, breathing hard. As soon as Zac turned his back, she jumped on him. “Hoss!” she screamed. “Hoss! Hoss!” “Hoss” was a word Zac had recently picked up; he wasn’t sure what it meant - someone had told him it was used in referrence to pigs - or where he had heard it, but he used it all the time. Zoë loved it. She would laugh every time he said it, and even harder when she herself said it. Diana stood in the doorway, watching Zac and Zoë play. He reached behind him and grabbed her, swinging her over her shoulder and right into his arms. She glanced up at the ceiling, glad it was so high. Looking back at Zac, she watched as he threw her back over his shoulder, holding her by his feet. “Say it! Say you’re sorry!” Diana bit her lip, wanting to say something. She knew Zac would never intentionally hurt Zoë, but Zoë wasn’t even four-years-old, after all. “No! Hoss!” Laughing, Zac pulled Zoë back into his arms and collapsed onto the couch. “You hoss,” Zoë said, giggling slightly as she settled herself against her older brother. Zac grinned, looking down at the little girl in his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he knew he would do anything to protect her. Chapter 6 “Oh, I’m going to miss you so much, honey!” “I’ll miss you, too, Mom.” “Promise me that you’ll be careful.” Jen sighed. “I promise to be careful. I promise not to talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, let anyone know that I’m traveling alone, let anyone know I have a sister…” Mrs. O’Malley interrupted Jen before she could get any further on her list. “I can’t help worrying about you, Jen.” “I know.” The final call for flight 156 sounded. “Well, that’s me.” Jen hugged her mom and dad, not wanting to let go. “I’ll see you guys later.” She hugged Lacey. “Bye, sis. Bye Maddie.” Madeline just stared at her. “Love you all! Bye!” Jen walked off, listening as her family called last minute instructions, good-byes, and love yous. Taking a deep breath, she got ready to board the plane. *** Jen stared out the window, wishing that Madeline had said goodbye to her. It had been a few days; you’d think she’d be over it by now. But no. Of course not. Sighing, Jen reached into her bag and took out a letter from Taylor. Taylor didn't know anything about Madeline or about the guy on the internet claiming to be Zac Hanson. She was going to tell her about Madeline, but she probably wouldn't tell her why she wanted to go to the park so badly - partly because Taylor would think she was a pyscho for thinking it was really going to be Zac H., and partly because Tay would think she was a pyscho for wanting to meet someone she talked to over the internet. Jen tried to skim the letter, but she couldn't concentrate on it, couldn't get Madeline off her mind. She sighed again, put Taylor's letter away, and grabbed her paper and pen. She thought for a moment before writing anything. Maddie - Look, I didn't mean what I said. I would never hurt Bryan, you should know that. It just made me crazy to think of you being involved with someone like that, and even crazier to think of him forcing you to do something you didn't want to. That's the only reason I said that. I hope you forgive me. I don't know what I'll do if you don't. I love you, and I always will, whether you love me or not. Love from Tulsa, Jen. She tore out the letter, shoved it in an envelope, sealed it, and addressed it. She smiled at it before tucking it safely away inside her carry-on bag. Now maybe she'd be able to concentrate. *** "Jen!" Jen heard her name screamed and looked over. "Taylor!" she screamed back, and started running toward her. They met halfway, throwing their arms around one another, laughing. Soon, Morgan came over, and she was wrapped up in a hug, too. "God, I've missed you guys so much," Jen said. "Oh, Morg, look at your hair! You let it grow out!" Morgan's hair, which had previously been in spikes, now reached the back of her neck. It was still very, very short, though. She touched it. "Yep." Jen looked at them, smiling. She threw her arms around both of them. "Oh, you guys!" she said. That's was all she could think of. They understood. Their arms around each other, they walked over to where Ms. Chase stood waiting. Then Jen hugged her to, and they were finally on their way. "So, how do you guys like Tulsa?" Jen asked as they lugged her suitcases to the car. "Oh, it's pretty cool. There's some really nice people over here." "In other words," Morgan said, "she doesn't get teased as much for her Hanson obsession." "Speaking of Hanson, you still owe me a concert, Tay." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Jen grinned. "How about you, Ms. Chase?" "Oh, it's not too bad. The girls are working now - did Taylor tell you that?" Taylor made a face, and Jen tried not to laugh. "No, she didn't. Where are they working?" "At this little coffee shop a few blocks from where we live. All the customers think it's so cute to see twin girls working there." "Aww," Jen cooed. She just couldn't resist. "Shush. At least I have a job." "True that." Jen giggled. "I'm so glad to see all of you! I knew I'd miss you, but I didn't know how much." "I can't wait until we get home and start having some fun!" "We gonna play in the snow?" "Why wouldn't we? It wouldn't be winter if we didn't play in the snow!" "Alright!" Morgan looked at the two with one eyebrow raised. "Okay, you two do that, while I, the sane one, sit inside all nice and warm." "Whatever, Morgan. You'll be right out there with us and you know it," Taylor teased. "You can make yourself the perfect man - meltable!" The girls giggled helplessly, Ms. Chase grinning at them in the rearview mirror. The teasing continued the whole way back to the Chase house. *** "Wow! Is that your house? I knew it was big from the pictures but wow!" Jen slowly climbed out of the car, staring at the huge, three story house. Ms. Chase laughed. "Yes, that's how we felt at first. Sometimes it seems like an awfully big house for a family of three, but the girls and their friends fill it up pretty quickly." She opened the truck and pulled out Jen's bags. Jen felt a stab of jealously. She knew Morgan and Taylor had made quite a few friends but it still hurt to really hear about it. She tried to cover it up. "I bet!" "Come on, Jen, let's go to my room." Taylor grabbed Jen's free hand and pulled her up to the house. She had seen the pained looked that had crossed her face at the mention of other friends, and she didn't want her to think that she and Morgan could forget about her. She quickly unlocked the door and darted inside. "Keep up if you can!" she yelled over her shoulder. Jen laughed and tightened her grip on her bag before taking off after Taylor. “Jen! Jen, wake up!” Madeline shook her sister. “Go away,” Jen mumbled, shrugging off Madeline and rolling over. “Jen! The Hansons are home!” Jen rolled back over slowly, her eyes open. “What?” “The Hansons are home!” Jen jumped out of her bed and grabbed her shoes. She ran down the stairs, pulling her shoes on at the same time. She burst out the door, out into the cool night air. She took off running down the street, running harder and faster than she ever had. She spotted the van, and the familiar house, which had lights burning in almost every room. Even in the dark, she could see the Hansons outside unpacking the van. “Zac!” she yelled, not caring if she woke up the whole neighborhood. Zac stopped in mid-task and stood. He saw a girl running down the street. “Jen,” he whispered. “Oh, Zac!” she exclaimed, running straight into his arms. “I’ve missed you, oh, god, how I’ve missed you,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes. Zac held her tightly, enjoying the smell of her hair. He pulled back slightly. “Hey, what’s this?” he asked, his thumb tracing the path her tears were taking. She smiled shakily. “I’m so glad you’re back.” “Me too, baby.” He pulled her close to him again. “Me too.” “Zac,” Taylor said miserably. “Zac, will you give me a piggyback ride?” Zac laughed. “You sound like Mackie!” “Please? I deserve it, after all the piggyback rides I had to give you when we were younger.” “Tay! You’re too big!” “Oh, yeah? You’re almost as tall as I am. Come on, please?” Zac sighed. “Fine. Hop on.” He braced himself for one hundred and sixty pounds of Taylor, since that was what he had weighed at his last weigh-in. So he was surprised at how light Taylor really was. He didn’t care what anyone said; that was not one hundred and sixty pounds, it was more like one hundred and forty at best. Zac leaned over and honked the horn. “Come on, baby! Let’s ride!” he yelled impatiently. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” Jen said, closing the door behind her and flying down the steps. The sight took Zac’s breath away. Every time he saw her, she was more beautiful than before. He especially loved her hair. It was actually golden-blonde, which went perfectly with her green eyes. He thought that he might be falling in love with her, even though he was only 15. Jen ran to the car and hopped in. She leaned over and kissed her boyfriend’s cheek. “Hi,” she said, a little breathlessly. Zac smiled. “Hey, are you ready?” “Yep.” Jen started the car and backed out of the driveway. Zac scooted over to her. “Why can’t I drive? I want to drive.” “Well, you’re not old enough for one thing, and, for another, your mom and dad would kill me.” “Awww,” he whined. “They wouldn’t have to know. Ike and Tay do it all the time, right Tay?” he said, looking back at his older brother. “Hey, leave me out of this,” Taylor said, holding up his hands. “Fine.” Zac turned back to Jen. He nuzzled her neck. “Why don’t you let Tay take over for a while?” he whispered in her ear. “Why?” she asked, glancing at him and raising her eyebrows. “Why do you think?” He placed his hand on her knee suggestively. She giggled. “Sounds tempting, believe me, but I want to drive for a little while. Maybe after we stop for gas or something I’ll be too tired to drive.” Zac grinned and leaned back into the seat. He was happy. This week was going to be perfect; he just knew it. Taylor, Isaac, Jen, and him were going to spend the week by themselves, and they were spending it four hours away from home. He let himself drift away, lost in his thoughts. “Hey,” Taylor said a little while later, pulling Zac back into reality. “Yeah?” Jen looked at Taylor in the mirror. “I’m hungry, can we pull over and eat somewhere?” “Yeah, sure. Hey, were are we meeting Ike again?” “Oh, like at some mall, or something…” Taylor trailed off. Jen laughed. “Where ya wanna eat? Mickey D’s okay?” Both boys shrugged. “Sure.” Taylor stared at the contents of the open refrigerator. One part of his brain was telling him to pick something out already; the other was screaming at him to shut the door and go run three miles. Taylor shut the door and turned around. Leaning against the refrigerator, he sank to the floor, tears of anger and disgust filling his eyes. He just wished he was normal. He didn’t want to have to have a mental battle every time something edible was placed in front of him. Everyone talked about him as if he were all better...well he wasn’t. He still got the familiar thrill from tricking someone into thinking he ate. He still loved to feel empty, to feel so incredibly light, like he could just float away... He lowered his head into his hands. “Taylor? Are you okay?” Taylor started and looked up. Jen stood in the doorway. He stood up slowly, unsurely. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Jen nodded and moved past him, toward the sink. “Okay. I just came in and saw you on the floor...I thought you might be hurt or something.” “No, I’m okay.” Jen turned. “So, are you hungry?” Taylor liked the way Jen would ask if he was hungry. She never asked if he ate. He hated it when people did that. Especially now, when they always sounded so accusing. He shrugged. “Not really.” “Don’t sound too sure or anything,” Jen kidded. “Tell you what. I’ll make us some sandwiches, and if you’re hungry, you can eat it. And if not, I’ll eat it. Sound good?” Seeing Taylor shrug, she smiled. “Good. Sit down; this will only take a couple of minutes.” She made the sandwiches and joined Taylor at the kitchen table. “So, you looked like you were doing some pretty heavy duty thinking when I came in. Anything you want to talk about?” Taylor shrugged again, playing with the crust on the bread. “Not really.” “Stuck up,” Jen said, grinning. “Nah, just joking. But if you won’t share, I will.” And she proceeded to tell Taylor the story of when Zac walked in on her in the shower. Then they just talked about whatever was on their minds. Taylor sighed, picking up his half-eaten sandwich and looking at it. He put it back on his plate. “I don’t think I can finish it, Jen, I’m sorry.” “Hey, don’t apologize! But what’s up? I thought you were doing better?” “That’s just it. They don’t ask me, they just say. I’m not doing better. Every time I think about food, this guilt just overwhelms me. It’s like there’s a battle going on inside my head. One part of me wants to eat, but the other part doesn’t. And that part seems to be winning right now.” When Jen looked at his questioningly, he went on to tell her about his sneaky behavior from the past few weeks. He knew he could trust her. Jen smiled gently at him. “You’re not doing so bad.” She motioned to his empty plate. “You just needed something to take your mind off of it.” She stood, affectionately ruffling his hair. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.” And she left, leaving Taylor alone with his thoughts and hoping it was the right thing to do. Jen laid back into the warm water and closed her eyes. She knew the guys had been mad that there wasn’t a shower, but Jen didn’t mind. To her, a nice, hot bath was more relaxing than a hot shower. She let herself relax totally, and was lost in her thoughts. Creak. Jen sat up, listening. How long had she been daydreaming? Were the guys back already? She strained her ears, alert for the smallest sound. When she heard nothing, she figured the creak had been a part of her imagination. Still... She hurriedly washed herself and was about to get out when the door was pushed open slowly. “Zac? Zac, is that you? Go away, I’m in the tub.” No reply. “Zac?” she asked again, peering out behind shower curtain. The room was empty, but the door was open slightly. Jen shivered and retreated. There was another creak, this time in the bathroom. The shower curtain was pulled open. Jen screamed and pulled herself into a ball, protecting her head with her arms. The shot echoed throughout the apartment. *** Zac tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for the elevator to stop at his floor. He’d had a bad feeling all night and knew he’d feel better as soon as he saw Jen. He’d rushed straight into the hotel and ran to the elevators; Isaac and Taylor weren’t even in the lobby yet. The elevator dinged, and Zac stepped out into the hallway. He practically ran down the hall. As he neared the room, though, he slowed. The door was wide open. “Jen? Jennie, where are you?” Zac called, entering the apartment. He looked around, trying to figure out where his girlfriend was. “Jen?” he called again, walking through the living room and peering into the bedrooms. The bathroom was all that was left. He stood staring at the bathroom door. The door was less than halfway open. Zac swallowed hard and pushed the door all the way open. “Jen?” He pulled back the shower curtain. Jen was lying in the water, unconscious. Her leg was bleeding, turning the water red. “Oh, god,” he whispered. “Taylor! Isaac!” he screamed, tearing out of the bathroom. “Taylor!” *** Taylor hated hospitals. He couldn’t stand them. They represented everything that he hated: sickness, death, fighting... Now he was at one, sitting in the waiting room. He watched helplessly as Zac paced the floor. Taylor could still hear Zac’s desperate screams in his ears. Zac had been hysterical when he’d finally reached them, crying and screaming about Jen. Isaac had calmed him down enough to find out that Jen was bleeding in the bathtub. He’d taken over, as was the job of big brothers. “Zac, sit down. You’re going to wear yourself out, pacing like that.” “I can’t sit.” Isaac tried again. “Well, you want some coffee or something?” “I want to be back home with Jen in my arms. Can you give me that?” Zac asked, stopping and staring at Isaac for a minute. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Zac muttered when Isaac didn’t answer. He began pacing again. What Might Have Been Zac uncurled himself and got off the couch. He switched on the porch light before opening the door. “Oh, hey Chris. Come on in.” Zac stepped aside and let the young man in. Christian walked over to a chair and sat down. “So, Taylor here?” “No, he’s not. No one’s here actually, except for me. Tay should be back in, like, twenty minutes, though. I’ll have him call you or something, if you wanna go home.” “No, it’s cool. I’ll wait.” Zac shrugged. “Okay. I’m just watching a movie.” Zac walked over to the VCR and pushed play. He could feel Christian’s eyes on him as he moved. It made him slightly uncomfortable, especially since Christian was gay. Shrugging it off, Zac sat back down on the couch. “Mind if I watch it with you?” When Zac shrugged, Christian moved to the couch, sitting near Zac. Zac swallowed hard. He tried to stay focused on the movie, but he knew that Christian kept looking at him. Don’t be silly, he told himself. Christian is not going to do anything to you. Zac took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. Christian squinted his eyes, looking past Zac and at the table at the end of the couch. “Hey, what’s that?” Christian leaned over Zac, grabbing Taylor’s necklace of the table. As he sat up, he let him hand drag across Zac’s lap, pretending he didn’t notice. Zac, however, did notice. He didn’t want Christian touching him there ever, not even on accident. “Ah, Christian, listen-” “Do you want me to leave?” Christian stood. Zac closed his eyes, feeling guilty. He did want Christian to leave, but he would hurt his feelings and Tay would probably kill him for being so rude to one of his friends. “No, it’s not that…” Zac’s eyes flew open when he felt weight on his lip. Christian was sitting on his lap, straddling. “No! Christian, get off me!” Zac tried to keep the panicky tone out of his voice, praying that Christian was just messing with him. Christian grabbed Zac’s hands and put them under his knees, deeming Zac useless. “No, Zac, I don’t think so.” His voice was husky. “You see, this is something I’ve wanted for a long time.” “Knock it off, man. You’re not funny!” Zac turned his head, squirming. Christian smiled at Zac. “You have no idea how good that feels.” Zac immediately froze, his heart thudding. Christian took Zac’s face in his hands. Zac tried to pull away, but Christian had the advantage. He pushed his lips against Zac’s. Finally he pulled back. “Oh my God,” Zac moaned, tears coming to his eyes. He knew that Christian was enjoying this; he could feel it. “Get up Chris. Now. Tay’s gonna be home any minute.” Christian lightly began to sway on Zac’s lap. “No, I don’t think so. I called him and told him that I wanted to meet him in the coffee shop across town. That’s thirty minutes away. And we both know Tay; he’ll sit there half the night waiting on me to show up. No, I think we’re gonna be alone for a long while.” Jen stood on the doorstep, fidgeting impatiently. Finally, the door swung open. She turned back to the door. “Geez, what…” The words died on her lips. Taylor looked awful. Her hair was limp and unwashed, and hung in tangled strands around her face. Her swollen eyes were red as if she’d been crying, and the bags underneath them reflected many sleepless nights. Her clothes were rumpled and dirty, and it appeared that her whole body shook slightly. “Jen,” Taylor breathed, her eyes filling up with tears. Furiously, she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Come on in,” she said quietly. Tearing her eyes away from Taylor, Jen stepped into the house. She walked into the living room, looking around. The house wasn’t in much better condition. It was dark with the all the blinds drawn, but even in the dim light Jen could see the thin layers of dust. There were magazines and newspapers and even some CDs tossed haphazardly around the room. Jen peered into the bedroom where she could see the unmade bed, covered and surrounded by used Kleenex. Clothes were lying rumpled in a corner, and she could hear the faint sounds of “A Song to Sing” by Hanson. It was obviously on repeat because it kept playing. Jen blinked and continued into the kitchen. There was a carton of milk on the counter and a few dishes in the sink. Counting quickly, she noticed that, unless Taylor had washed a few – which she doubted – there weren’t enough there for Taylor to have been eating three meals a day. Jen turned around. Taylor was sitting on the couch, just staring into space. Looking down, Jen noticed that the red light on Taylor’s answering machine was blinking. Knowing it wasn’t her place to listen to the messages, Jen ignored the machine and walked over to her friend. “Tay,” she whispered, “what happened?” Taylor looked up at her, a blank look on her face. “I can’t do anything. I can’t eat. I can’t take a shower. I can’t sleep. I can’t stop crying.” “Why? Tay, what happened?” Jen crouched in front of her friend, covering her clammy hands with her own. She wondered briefly where Morgan was, knowing how it was near impossible to keep the two apart, especially when the other was hurting. “I got a call two weeks ago.” Taylor squinted her teary eyes, the faraway look still not leaving her face. She wasn’t looking toward Jen; instead, just past her shoulder as if looking into the past. “It was my mom.” Her voice was scratchy and soft. “She said that…that Tim…” Taylor closed her eyes, looking down as tears slid down her cheeks. Jen’s heart stopped. “Tim?” Her voice was barely even a whisper. “She said that he was released on probation.” Taylor’s voice cracked and she lost it completely, hugging herself and crying. “Oh, Tay.” Jen wrapped her arms around her friend and held her as she cried, Taylor clutching desperately to her, sobbing loudly. Jen held her until the sobs started to subside. Jen held her until the crying had stopped completely, and kept holding her, rubbing her back lightly. Finally Taylor pulled back. “Come on.” Jen helped her stand up and lead her to the bedroom. She tucked Taylor in like a little kid, smiling down at her. “It’s gonna be okay.” She smoothed back Taylor’s hair. “I wish I could believe you.” “Think you’ll be able to sleep?” “I think so.” “Okay.” Jen turned to leave. “Oh, Tay? Where’s Morgan?” “At Mom’s, I think. She just as bad as I am…Mom doesn’t want her traveling.” Jen nodded to herself, turning off the CD. “Sleep now.” She closed the door behind her, hoping Taylor would be able to sleep. She looked around once more before going to work. She opened the blinds, dusted, swept, cleaned the windows, threw out the spoiled milk, and washed the dishes. When Taylor got up, she convinced her to take a shower. As soon as she heard the shower running, she ran the vacuum cleaner and picked up the clothes in Taylor’s room, quickly sorting them and putting them near the washer. “You didn’t have to do this.” Jen looked up from the refrigerator, where she was sorting out the good food from the spoiled food, when she heard Taylor’s soft voice. “Yes, I did.” She pointed toward the answering machine. “You have a few messages. I’ll be right back.” She left to put the clothes in the washer so Taylor could listen to the messages in private. “Morgan is really bad.” Jen tried to calm her pounding heart. She hadn’t even heard Taylor come up behind her. She turned to face the girl. “She is? Have you called her?” Taylor shook her head. “I wanna go see her.” “No, Tay. Not today. I know you’re worried about her, but you can’t go today. I’ll take you over there tomorrow. We’ll go in your car so you can stay as long as you want.” “What about you? You won’t wanna stay that long.” Jen shrugged. “I can probably get Zac to pick me up.” A small smile curved Taylor’s lips. “Zac?” “Yeah. But we’re just friends right now. Really.” Jen walked out into the living room. “Hey, why don’t you play a song for me on the piano, and I’ll fix us something to eat. Then you can clean your room and pack some clothes to go see Morgan.” Taylor nodded. Jen smiled at her and went into the kitchen. She had been planning on taking Taylor to the grocery store, but if she was going to go see Morgan there really wasn’t any point. She scraped together a few items and started dinner as she listened to Taylor play. Taylor was off. Instead of playing lightly, energetically, her hands dancing over the ivory keys, her playing was heavy and dull. She held the notes about half a count too long, and there was no energy in her playing. Still she continued to play for Jen.
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