MMMS actually came down to spend some time with me... it was nice.. really nice.. cuddeling in my bed, kissing, giggling... I couldn't have asked for a better evening.

woot woot! i gots another hunnerd buckaroos from mis grandparents! i can afford my ipod now!

 

woot woot! i gots another hunnerd buckaroos from mis grandparents! i can afford my ipod now!

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I just had like a butt-long blog going on here and my effing computadora erased it all.... bastard!

.........so where was I?

Merry Christmas.

as soon as i get home I'm going to pick up my check, return this ugly purple leather coat my grandparents bought for me (honestly.. did they have a seizier when they picked it out? leather.. And purple? please.) and  then I'ma gonna hit Tiff up for the rent she owes me.. hopfully her loan comes in.. I'm broke.. both of us got george forman grills.. I think one of those might be going back.. and after all the returning and gathering of money, I'm going to buy me an ipod since everyone sucks and didn't get me one for the second year in a row.

i'm finding something really funny.. I keep hearing my family members tell their dogs "get the ball! .... no you can't bring that roll in the house". who else thinks that's funny? lol

ug.. everybody's watching weasterns... i hate weasterns.... mayby I"ll watch a movie on my lappy..

ok so I'm going to tell ya something and don't you dare judge me.. before I went snowboarding a few days ago I had to clip my toenails... you see my boots are a little small and it's murder for my feet. so to prevent the toe murdering I clipped off my big toenails... so I was in my living room, and my lapy was pretty close by, like it always is.. it lives on my coffee table most of the time. so i was clipping away, trying to get the sucker all in one half moon sliver of nail. so there I was, taking the last clip of the clippers and guess what that damn nail did? it did what most nail pieces do, it flew away from me. and guess where it landed? IN MY KEYBOARD.so for the past few days I"ve been trying to shake it out.. it was getting under the keys and making it strange to push the keys down.. so I just got it out.. with the help of some tweezers...

hey, I said don't judge me. if anything you should love me.. and kiss me and hug me... whisper sweet somethings into my ear...

ya know... I really didn't want to be alone and single this Christmas... but here I am, haven't been kissed since I dumped Bonner...

it's not that I'm shallow and would date anybody just so I wasn't alone.. I just really wanted to have one of those moments sitting in front of a Christmas tree unwrapping gifts, drinking hot coco and sneaking kisses. I wanted someone to bring home to my family. I wanted to be happy this holiday.. dammit, I wanted someone to kiss for new years that isn't gay. Alhough I do appreciate the kiss on the cheek I get from Kevin every year. I just wanted this time to be different.  Instead I had to drive to Texas with the rest of my family pissed off becuase we're in this itty bitty truck. 5 people. 2 dogs (in the cab with us). 12 hours. it's misery.

and the whole time I'm thinking about MMMS... he's re-entered my life, for how long i don't know.. his phone calls can always brighten my day.. although it really reminds me how busy I am when I can't just tear away from it all and go see him... if i could I would. I really really would. the things he says are so nice to hear.. really he does know me well and knows what to say to make me smile... I just don't know how much I can believe him... I really do care for him, and I would trade the world if i knew he would be willing to do the same.. but i'm just not sure yet if he would... part of me says this whole doubt BS is retarded and I should just ignore it... but boys are heartbreakers...

beauty
its in the whispered breaths shared
two hearts kissing
lips soft against noses
breath warm
so close

the eyes
gazes slow to look away
secretly sharing all

the smile that wont go away

fingers that          won't         stop
                                             touching

                     beauty, its
                                                     you.

i could go for a real good kiss right about now... like one of those passionate tangled kisses with teeth and tongues and wandering hands... one of those kisses that leaves lips tender and red... mmm...

anad why shouldn't I get a kiss like that? I'm a damn good kisser.

oh I'm so full of poetry right now!

so yeah... it was kinda strange.. I was kinda having a fitful night of sleep and woke up around one.. while I was looking at the clock my phone begins to ring... it was my dear old friend Rusty.. who would belive that after five years the kid I played marco polo with in the dark after the 4-H dance would still be in my life... he he.. I can remember how I met him.. we were playing a warped game of telephone where you draw on the back of the person in front of you and so on and so on... it was a workshop about being left or right handed... he and I both lefties and were totally getting creative with the picture we were passing along.. it's then we started talking about how cool it was to be lefties... later that night we were spinning  in the grass on campus  laughing...

I have to wonder sometimes if I hadn't stolen his shirt if he would still be in my life ...

i don't want to get hurt again...