Chase Michael Unger
On April 30th, 1998, we learned that I was pregnant after taking a home pregnancy test. I realized that I was 5 days late so I took the test and couldn't believe that it was positive. Ray was thrilled! At first, I didn't want to get a high hope because I had been cramping but the doctor said it was normal.
At my 11 week visit, we had our first ultrasound and we were so glued to the monitor. We were in awe to see the tiny heart beating. Our little baby was moving his arms and legs like he was boxing. We decided to go out and celebrate because we were going to have a baby. We were so excited.
The months were very easy - not one bit of morning sickness. I didn't gain any weight until I was in my 7th month. At my 22 week ultrasound, we could see that our baby was very active. He was tap dancing on my bladder. Nothing concerned me that there was anything wrong with this pregnancy or our baby.
At my 36 week check up, I was surprised to learn that I had begun dilating 2 cm. The doctor felt the baby and he was at his birthing position (head-down). I was relieved because he had been breech until this point. Ray was so excited and wanted me to walk around the subdivision hoping my water would break. Guess he was tired of waiting.
Finally, on Thursday night, at the end of my 37 week, I felt the muscle around my belly became tense then relaxed, then again tense then relaxed. Oh my, I remember thinking to myself, I am having contractions. I started to time them - they were 10 minutes apart. So it wasn't the "time" yet. On Friday, I was still having contractions but they were 8 minutes apart. I called my doctor to let him know about the contractions and he said to wait until they are 5 minutes apart or if my water broke. My contractions were very regular but not painful. So I anxiously waited. On Saturday, my contractions stopped for a while so I thought maybe what I had experienced was called false labor. So we ran errands to get everything ready for the baby since we knew that our baby would be coming very soon.
Later that night, I realized that I hadn't felt the baby move in a while. I wasn't sure if I had felt the movement all day. Since I had contractions for three days, I thought maybe because of the contractions, the baby was not moving much. Early Sunday morning, December 20th, still lack of movement so I called my doctor. He said to go to the hospital quickly. We were scared and hurried to the hospital. The nurse came in and began hooking me up to the fetal monitor. My contractions were finally 5 minutes apart, and she was struggling to find the heartbeat. Another nurse came in and tried but couldn't find it. I was lying down and staring at the ceiling with tears rolling down my face. Suddenly, I knew our sweet baby had died. The nurse touched my arm and said, "I am sorry..." before she could finish the sentence, I began to sob. Ray rushed to my side and tried to comfort me. We had to go another room for ultrasound. I watched the monitor and there was no movement, no heartbeat, no nothing. I felt Ray with his head down on my arm sobbing frantically. I guess we will never forget this moment of our lives. I remember thinking I felt like I had let the whole world down especially my husband and our baby. My doctor came in and he said he was very sorry and since I was already in active labor, he said it would be best for me to have baby naturally. I remained in total shock for hours as nurses prepared my body for delivery. We just couldn't understand why or how this had happened to us. Everybody we ever knew had simply become pregnant one day and nine months later delivered healthy beautiful babies. Why did we have to be DIFFERENT!
As my labor progressed, contractions were very hard and nurses were amazed that I didn't scream for drugs. I was too numb to feel the pain but at 7 cm dilated, I was given an epidural because they thought it would be easier for me. After total of 11 hours of labor, our beautiful son, Chase Michael, was born asleep at 9:54 pm. He weighed 6 lbs 3 ozs and was 19 inches long. My doctor said the cord was around Chase's neck so tight. Apparently, he died of cord stragulation during early labor when he had dropped down for birth. My doctor assured us that it wasn't our fault for this to happen...it was just a cord accident and there was nothing we nor my doctor could have done to make us aware that this tragic event would happen. I can't help but wonder why? God gave us a blessing, then nine months later, took our precious baby boy back. It doesn't make any sense to me.
When the doctor put Chase in my arms right after he was delivered, he was so warm from being inside my womb and so perfect in every way. He had little curly blonde hair. He had my mouth, hands and feet. Chase had his daddy's nose and ears. What a beautiful combination from both of us! The nurse took Chase to clean him up as I watched them. I couldn't keep my eyes off my baby. Instead of a hospital blanket, he was wrapped with teddy bears fleece blanket we bought for him. Ray finally held him for a while. Ray's mother flew in from New Orleans in time before he was born. My parents were on their way from Oklahoma. Chase stayed with us overnight.
On Monday my parents arrived and got the chance to see their first grandchild. The priest came and we had Chase blessed and baptized. We, included my parents, Ray's mother and Ray's sister, sang a song "Jesus Loves Me". Chase was surrounded with lots of love and tears.
Tuesday was hell - first we had to leave our baby behind at the hospital, then we had to get into a car that still had the infant car seat in it, then we came home empty handed. Later that evening, we had to go to the wake. We were surprised to see many of our friends, co workers and families there. Ray's father who couldn't leave earlier made to the wake from New Orleans. We were glad that he got the chance to see Chase before we buried him.
On Wedensday, Dec. 23rd, we had a memorial service for him at the cemetry. Then we buried him along with other babies under the Garden of Angels.
I was overwelcomed with grief and I couldn't cry in front of people. It was just something I learned as a child. It is a lonely grief. I tell people that I am fine, but find myself sobbing when I am alone. I truly feel like my heart is broken - a feeling I have never experienced before. But there are times when I feel more at peace with myself despite all that has happened. I even feel blessed that I got the chance to experience the life of my baby while he lived inside of my womb. I know he's safe and happy. He is gone to live with God and my grandmothers. My grandfather joined them two weeks later. I know our son is well taken care of. I know I will be able to hold him again when we meet in Heaven.
We will never forget the joy he brought us! We will love him always. He will always be our firstborn...our precious baby boy!
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