THE SENILITY PRAYER
God grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
ONE
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO
My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
FOUR
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
FIVE
All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
SIX
If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
NINE
I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
TEN
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN
Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
TWELVE
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
THIRTEEN
Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
FOURTEEN
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
SEVENTEEN
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
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