CRASH FILM REVIEWS - CHICKEN RUN
Darwin: Hello again and welcome to...
CRASH FILM REVIEWS
Darwin: Today we will review the new animated soon to be classic, Chicken Run.
Danni: Yes, a rather amusing and charming flick in which chickens plot an escape from Tweedy's Chicken Farms.
Coco: But in most cases... many of these attempts are thwarted and the chickens fail!
Darwin: Yeah. It reminds me of all the times Crash tried to escape danger!! The chickens are much smarter than him!
Danni: Remember that one time Crash tried to escape his holding cell in Cortex Castle?
Darwin: Yeah, when he tried sliding under the door of his cell... his pants got caught and he ran home naked from the waist down!!
Coco: (Light laugh) Yeah... or the time he tried escaping by hiding in the laundry hamper, which held all of the minions' underwear?
Danni: Or that time he hid in the kitchen pot and he wound up in a pie... like what would have happened to the chickens in this movie!!
Crash: Laugh all you want but you all remember my most famous escape!!
Coco: Which was…?
Crash: It was like this...
*******Flashback*****************
I was a trained stealth government agent, out to save the world from terrorists who planned to launch nuclear weapons! They wanted the remains of Big Boss!! So there I was - guards everywhere. I contacted the colonel....
Crash: Colonel... I'm surrounded!
Colonel: Hey Crash, don't worry. Remember - your stealth will help you evade the guards!!! Stay quiet... and low!
Crash: Right!!
So I ran… and the guards saw me!! They ran after me and tried to shoot me with AM-MAS machine guns. Luckily, with the level-5 security card in hand I got into the commanders' room!! But something was wrong!! There was a guy named Psycho Mantis, who spotted me!! He could read my mind and my actions!! He threw stuff at me so I had to escape from this psychotic...
*****************
Darwin: Oh Crash - that was Metal Gear Solid!! You never were in THAT!!!
Crash: Sure I was!! I was Solid Snake's mentor!!! I taught him how to avoid danger!! I'm like his fore father!!
Darwin: Sure... and Nintendo is Sega's best friend!!!
Crash: Well it's true!!
Suddenly...an eggbeater pops out of the ground! Out comes Rocky the
Rooster!!
Rocky: FREEDOM!!!!! C'mon girls and boys...we're here!!
Ginger: (Popping out) Finally - we escaped that dreaded place!!
Crash: Hey... the chickens from Chicken Run are here!!!
Coco: Hi!!
Rocky: Yeah… we just escaped from a horrible slaughterhouse for chickens, where they torture us and do unspeakable acts of terror on us!!
Danni: You escaped Tweedy's Chicken Farms?
Rocky: No - I'm talking about after that! We were caught and sold to Foster Farms!! And then our remains were to be shipped off to KFC!!!!
Chicken #1: Oh I don't know... I think it'd be nice to meet a former president of America!
Rocky: KFC, not JFK!! Besides, he's dead!
Darwin: So are you blokes free now?
Rocky: Not quite!! We need a place to crash!! The Foster Farms police will be after us... and so will that evil colonel!! He does chicken wrong!!
Danni: Why not stay with us?
Rocky: Really? Cause like most chickens... we're noisy, vicious, and have a tendency to lay eggs mysteriously!!
Crash: We don't mind! Stay here for a while until you find refuge!!
Coco: Wait - what about Pura?
Ginger: Who's Pura?
Rocky: Oh I'm sure it's a playful little kitten she owns!! I'm not
worried!!
Coco: Well, actually… it's a playful little tiger!!
Rocky: TIGER!?!?!?!?!
Ginger: What did you say? You must be insane!! Tigers eat anything!!
Crash: We also have a polar bear… and a dinosaur!!
Rocky: POLAR BEAR!?!?!? DINOSAUR!?!?!?
Ginger: We should all leave!!
Rocky: I'm with that!!!
Suddenly... some loud banging comes at the door... and loud voices are being heard!!
Voices: Open up... schnell... SCHNELL!!!
Ginger: *Gasp* They found us!!
Danni: The Foster Farms empire!?
Rocky: No... every major business who sells chicken at discount price!!!
The door is broken down… as Crash and the gang stare at the evil eyes of all sorts of people!!
Rocky: They're all here!! Foster Farms!!
Foster Farms Chickens: The traitors!! They will hang!! I'm just glad I'm
a puppet!!
Rocky: (Looking left) GASP!!! Colonel Sanders!
Colonel Sanders: (Looking very demonic) We're gonna do chicken right!!
Rocky: *Gasp***And the others!! McDonalds, Jack in the Box, Burger King!!! We're doomed!!
Colonel Sanders: Say ya prayers!!
Before Colonel Sanders could whack Rocky over the head with his cane… a
whip lashed out of nowhere… knocking the cane out of his hands!!
Ginger: Look!!!!
Crash: What the heck?
Rocky: It's him!!!!
Coco: It's a rooster with a whip, and a black hat, and a bandana!!
Danni: And a cheesy Spanish accent!!
The rooster stands proud and looks down at the frightened business mascots!
Rooster: It is I señors... the rooster... the legendary… EL POLLO LOCO!!!!!!!!!
Rocky: It's him!!! El Pollo Loco!!
Ginger: We're saved!!
Darwin: This is odd!!!
Colonel Sanders: Geez... it's him!! The savia' of chickens!!
El Pollo Loco looks down at the Foster Farms chicken puppets!
El Pollo Loco: Traitors!! You are not chickens!! You are dogs!!
Foster Farms Chickens: But we're just puppets!
El Pollo Loco: No excuses!! Get out now… all of you! Do not harm these chickens!! They are protected me!! GO!!!!!!
All the major business mascots leave the building! The chickens hoist El Pollo Loco up on their shoulders!!!
El Pollo Loco: Follow me!! There is a truck outside waiting to give you freedom!! It will take us to paradise! Get into the truck!!
Rocky: Three cheers for… EL POLLO LOCO!!!
All the chickens cheer him as he leads them out the door… and into a waiting truck!!
Danni: Well, things turned out better in the end!!
Darwin: Oh yeah!! And the movie Chicken run is a dazzling, charming, and funny flick that is quite possibly the best animated film this summer to take the family for something they'll all enjoy!! This makes Chicken Run:
A 4 Wumpa Rating: O O O O
Danni: That's all for today!!
Crash: Seeya next week!!
*****************
Outside at the truck El Pollo Loco closes the doors! When the doors close in the back of the truck… it reads 'Tweedy's Chicken Pies' on the back!! El Pollo Loco then takes off his mask!! It turns out to be Gromit!! Tweedy comes out of the front of the truck!
Tweedy: Thank you for catching those naughty chickens!!
Gromit: Yeah yeah… where's the money lady?
Tweedy: Here it is!! Thank you again!!
Gromit: Whatever!! I gotta go over to Davey's house… and beat up
Goliath!!
Tweedy gets back into the truck and drives away with the unsuspecting chickens in the truck!!
THE END!!
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