COPY RATS 3: THE RETURN
When we last left the quartet of Certox, Bero, Trepy, Enjin, and their pet cat Teeny, NASA shipped them into space after them being declared a "National Disaster Waiting to Happen". They were shipped to a secret planet named Bandonia, which is inhabited by several species of space bandicoot. When they first arrived they were treated like dirt. After a year, nothing changed. But by the second year, they were upgraded to sand. After seeking out numerous job positions, Certox walked away empty-handed. Luckily, their pet cat Teeny won the lotto, and the Copy Rats won a free mansion. We now take place when the Copy Rats are living life quite comfortably and happily. But the same cannot be said for a good percent of the residents on Bandonia - about 101% to be exact.
Stupidity
Grocer: For the last time, NO, we do not sell pickled pickles! Now get out!
Bero: Well jeez, Louis. Somebody woke up in the wrong bed.
Grocer: My name is not Louis.
Bero: Well that makes two of us.
Grocer: ...? Didn't you hear me the first time--
Bero: Yes.
Grocer: Well then get out!
Trepy: You can't make us.
Grocer: I bet you... these pet snakes that I can.
Trepy: All right, you're on!
Bero: We can take this punk grocer!
**On the curb 5 minutes later.**
Bero: Ooh, it hurts! It's all your fault.
Trepy: How was I supposed to know he knew "Drunken Monkey" combat?!
Bero: I dunno. Well you should have at least hit him!
Trepy: Yeah that's true--but I don't even remember seeing you do anything!
Bero: Hey now!
Trepy: In fact, you didn't even get hit! So that was you hiding behind the fish tank! You lousy scaredy cat.
Bero: You're lucky Teeny can't hear that. And that was harsh! Trepy, I admit... at first I was afraid... heck I was petrified! Thinkin' I could never live without you by my side!
Trepy: Okay okay, shut up. I'm sorry.
Bero: Hehehe, what would I do without the world of disco.
Trepy: *sigh* Lets go home.
**Trepy begins to walk down the street, but notices he doesn't hear Bero behind him. He quickly turns around and sees that Bero is nowhere to be seen.**
Trepy: Certox Tip 34- Never turn your back on Bero in a busy street. Doh!
**Suddenly Trepy sees the grocery store fly open, and he sees Bero run out being chased by the grocer, broom in hand.**
Bero: Ruuuuuuun!!
Trepy: But why?! *WACK* Ow, I'm really starting to dislike Louis!
Grocer: My name is not Louis you mo--
Hey!
Grocer: Huh? Who--hey, what the fu--
What was that?
Grocer: I said shut the fu--
Ah ah ah. Don't you see the eraser in my hand?
Grocer: You're on a computer you stupid fu--
Hey, enough with the cursing. You underestimate my power you puny little fictional character. You don't even have a name, and even worse you're a petty grocer.
Grocer: I'm gonna kick your behind!
Ooh really? I bet you'll do that with Drunken Monkey right?
Grocer: Of course, stupid!
What if I hit backspace and rethink you. I can turn you into a simple toad bag boy who works for minimum wage and has more grease on his face than a truckload of pizza.
Grocer: You wouldn't--! *POOF*
Bero, Trepy, you are now free to go. This stupid grocer won't be bothering you anymore. If he acts up again I'll just write him out of the story.
Bero: Good grief! This surely wasn't in the contract. Stupid little frog punk!
Trepy: Ryan, pal, we REALLY need a raise.
**Bero and Trepy look down at the frog.**
Trepy: Hey, Bero, ever heard of that game "Pop Frog"?
Bero: No, but I'd love to see how it's played. Hehehe.
Frog Grocer: Eeeee...*GULP*
**Two tourists on the on the other side of the street stand in awe at Bero and Trepy who are throwing a frog with grocer clothes on.**
Man Tourist: Well... now I've seen it all.
Woman Tourist: Talking skies... frog bag-boys... what more?
**Suddenly a popcorn truck zooms down the street and hits a butter store, then blows up, and ends up a nice, salt-lacking treat for the whole neighbourhood.**
Woman Touist: ...
Man Tourist: Ok... that's it.
**While Bero and Trepy flee from a frog bag-boy who is seeking vengeance in a steam-roller, we look to the Copy Mansion where Certox, Enjin, and Teeny are enjoying a beautiful day. The Copy Mansion would be called futuristic in Earth terms, and it comes with plenty of futuristic commodities to suit it. Teeny is watching the 3D movie screen, Enjin is swimming in the pool(which is currently in "soda-filled" mode), and Certox is typing away on his computer chatting with his Earthling friends (simply put, waiting in a chat room hoping some poor soul will end up there by accident and get stuck).**
Certox: Hmm, what was I going to say... oh yes.
Crash Place Chat
Sir Toxic S+00pid69[8:44 PM]: Oh, as I was saying! I don't really think that the '99 Porsche 911 can be considered the best of all time. I don't see how you arrived at that conclusion. I personally prefer the Geo Metro.
SirToxic S+00pid69[8:59 PM]: MRacer, are you there?
[MRacer has left the chat]
Certox: Weird. Seems like nobody on Earth can stay in one chat room more than 15 minutes without being disconnected. Oh well. I'll leave the chat open in case anyone wants to IM me.
**Certox exits the room, and several minutes later the Crash Place Chat begins to flow with activity.**
Crash Place Chat
MRacer: That Certox idiot is driving me nuts!
Donut Dunker: tell me about it, m8
Stevy: What a dummy! Certox sucks!
IB Kslost EA: I'd have to agree. I say we ban him. I never talk about anyone behind their back, but this guy is like a brick wall so CERTOX IS A MORON, teehee lol
RexRock: Jeez, just when I thought my weekend couldn't get worse that moron sent me a virus. At least I have you guys! Hopefully he won't be back.
Jeff: Even I find him a bit slow and immature.
SSJCrest: What a moron.
Douglas R007: Oh
Justino: I’m gonna stick psycho rabbit on him!!!
AndyTiger: I'm happy he came, now you guys don't notice me and/or pick on me. I was the first member.
FrozenSquirrel: We know, Andy, and we don't care.
Fakebug: yeah
Lugia Ho oh Master5: Shut up Andy!
Dennis: hey guyd I dont thinj he s that bad.
Naved007: yeah
Wizard01: yeah, lol
SnowBoarder96: Hes the reason I didnt wanna come back. Guys can you go to my board? Chat Lobby
Etdog: Spammer
Krash316: Woohoo! I can finally get online nowadays!
Rhino: Hey guys, where has Klubby gone?
DarkMessenger: Yeah, I havent seen him at all lately.
A C Storm: I think hes dead.
thedemon2001: Hes not dead!
Jellyjars: Wooowoo! Lets party now
Banjo: Shut up JJ
Achooie: Darth Vader tried to kill me!
[Klubby has entered chat]
Klubbhead: Hey wats up all my party peeps! Whoos ready for da ladies and beer? I am!
YCrash13: Klubby! I can't believe it! We're all here! I can't believe this. This is my best birthday ever! :D
[Sir Toxic S+00pid69 has entered chat]
Sir Toxic S+00pid69: Hey everyone!
[YCrash13, MRacer, Donut Dunker, IB Kslost EA, Stevy, RexRock, Jeff, SSJCrest, Douglas R007, Justino, FrozenSquirrel, Fakebug, Lugia Ho oh Master5, Dennis, Naved007, Snowboarder96, Etdog, Krash316, Rhino, DarkMessenger, A C Storm, thedemon2001, Wizard01, JellyJars, Banjo, Achooie have left the chat]
AndyTiger: Oh shut... EXIT EXIT EXIT! Oh no... God save me... I was the first member!!
**We see Certox highly anticipating talking to a person after so much time. We move back to Bero and Trepy who are running for their lives from the frog bag-boy who has just recently gone nuts after being turned into a reptile by none other than... mau!**
Trepy: I... think... we... should... head... home!
Bero: But...we...can’t!
Trepy: Why... not?!
Bero: Because... I... stole... those... two... s--
**Suddenly Bero and Trepy come to a dead end, and the frog rolls up to them on the steam-roller.**
Frog Grocer: Hahahahahaha! This little frog is gonna ribbit your arse all the way to Heck! Hahahahaha!
~O.o~
Mickey: Jee, Goofy, I dunno if Minnie would like that!
Goofy: Aw come on, Mickey! She'll love a cheese pâté.
Er--wrong story. Hehe... whoops.
**Suddenly Bero and Trepy come to a dead end, and the frog rolls up to them on the steam-roller.**
Frog Grocer: Hahahahahaha! This little frog is gonna ribbit your arse all the way to Heck! Hahahahaha!
**As the frog-grocer rolls closer to Bero and Trepy, he is suddenly hit with a shower of pesticide from above.**
Bero: Who?
Trepy: What?
**Both Bero and Trepy look up in amazement.**
Bero: Thank you!
Trepy: You're a lifesaver!
Anytime guys. :)
Bero: Ryan, forget about that raise, you saved our lives!
Trepy: In fact, we'll do the next episode for free!
Bero: Yeah!! Wait a second.
**Both men then look forward, and are yet again amazed. Instead of a frog-grocer steering a steam roller straight for them -- they see a garbage truck full of 4th of July fireworks.**
Trepy: Yes! A week late, but it's the thought that counts!
Bero: You da' man Ryan!
**Bero and Trepy eagerly jump in the garbage truck and drive it home. They pull up to the arch-shaped driveway, and hurry inside the house.**
Trepy: Oh, Certox, great news we have for you!
Bero: Enjin, where are you buddy?
**Certox shoots down the air-elevator to the first floor and runs out to greet Bero and Trepy.**
Certox: Why do you have to yell so loud?
Bero: Because you were... far away.
Certox: ...oh.
Trepy: Where is that darn Enjin??
Certox: In the car in the garage…
Trepy: ...I don't like your tone old man.
Bero: That makes 3 of us!
Certox: ...
Trepy: ...
**Suddenly the back door flies open, and in comes running Enjin, towel and all.**
Enjin: Helloooo.
Bero: Alright everyone, outside!
**The quartet march to the outside. Trepy unveils the back of the garbage truck and reveals...**
Trepy: A million fireworks!
**Everyone stands their speechless.**
Certox: Oh my!
Bero: Great isn't it? *SMACK*
Certox: You have ruined our yard! It took me a full half hour to get it just right!
Enjin: Eh, Certox, we don't have any grass. Except that little 1-foot patch over there--*SMACK*
Certox: And look where they're parked!
Enjin: Not on the patch…
Certox: Oh... hehehe, nevermind.
**SMACK SMACK**
Certox: OooOoOhhh...*THUMP*
**As Enjin and Bero start to roll Certox on to the gravel, Teeny jumps out of the trashcan.**
Trepy: Hey there Teeny. Wanna help me light the fireworks tonight?
Teeny: Meoow!!
**Teeny runs to the garage and runs back out with an army hat on.**
Trepy: Great idea, Teeny! Safety first! Hey, give me some Petroleum Oil so I won't get burned, please.
Teeny: Meoow.
**Teeny runs in the garage, and runs back out with a bottle that says "Petroleum Oil Coloured". But right above that it says "Spray Paint". ;)**
Trepy: Great! Hmmmm, Petroleum Oil COLORED, eh? Oh well, can't be much of a difference!
Teeny: Meoow?
Trepy: No way, Coloured just means that it's the same colour... that it's supposed to be!
Teeny: Meoooow...
**Trepy looks up at the sky and notices it has been dark all along. He forgot that the sky is constantly dark purple. He then looks at Certox who is getting off the ground brushing the dirt off.**
Bero: Trepy, light it!
Trepy: Alright, is everyone ready?!
Certox: Yes--oh wait, no! I have to go turn my computer off. BRB--er, be right back.
Enjin: I'm LOL – laughing out loud - you stooge!
Bero: Hehehe.
**Certox hurries upstairs and jumps into his computer chair.**
Crash Place Chat
YCrash13: Sorry, Andy. We don't think you're that bad. Just misunderstood. Forgive us?
AndyTiger: Sure.
[SirToxic69 has entered chat]
SirToxic69: Hey everyone, Im gonna set off fireworks!
[MRacer, Donut Dunker, Mel, IB Kslost EA, Stevy, RexRock, Jeff, SSJCrest, Douglas R007, Justino, FrozenSquirrel, Fakebug, Lugia Ho oh Master5, Dennis, Naved007, Snowboarder96, Etdog, Krash316, Rhino, DarkMessenger, A C Storm, thedemon2001, AndyTiger, JellyJars, Banjo, Achooie have left the chat]
SirToxic69: Hey there Y! Your message board rules! I find it quite intriguing.
YCrash13: *GULP* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
[YCrash13 has died in chat]
SirToxic69: Hmmm, this must be happening everyday for a reason. Oh well.
[SirToxic69 has left the chat]
[YCrash13 has revived in chat]
[MRacer, Donut Dunker, Mel, IB Kslost EA, Stevy, RexRock, Jeff, SSJCrest, Douglas R007, Justino, FrozenSquirrel, Fakebug, Lugia Ho oh Master5, Dennis, Naved007, Snowboarder96, Etdog, Krash316, Rhino, DarkMessenger, A C Storm, thedemon2001, AndyTiger, JellyJars, Banjo, Achooie have entered chat]
YCrash13: Whew, that was a close one!
**Certox runs downstairs and back outside.**
Certox: Alright! Set off the fireworks, T!
Trepy: Alright, I've applied the proper substances to the fireworks! I have a lighter... *WHISPER* Teeny... lighter! Thanks! *WHISPER*...in hand. And the fireworks are here... *DOUBLECHECK* ...and they are! All right, stand back everyone, here we go! Or better yet, get out that funny rocket looking thing we found at the junkyard. It has just enough seats for all 5--
Bero: 7!
Trepy: Okay, just enough seats... for the seven of us?
**Bero and Enjin fly to the backyard, due to their spiffy new rocket boots, and return with part of what looks like the inside of a rocket.**
Trepy: Great! Hmmmm, how can I light it and sit down, ok got it! I'll just tie the end to these seats! I’m a genius.
Bero: That makes one of us! Hehehe!
Certox: Quiet! That earned you a smack, stooge!
Enjin: Nooo! Bad memories. I had almost forgot about that word, idiot! That earned YOU a smack!
**SMACK, SMACK, SMACK**
Bero: Owwww...
Certox: Owww!
Enjin: Owwwwww!
Bero: Certox, why?!
Certox: Enjin, why!
Enjin: ...uh, why?!
Bero, Certox, Enjin: It wasn't me!
Teeny: Heeheehee!
Trepy: Alright, tied to this rocket thingy. Now to light the wick that will set off ALL the rockets!
**Trepy takes a seat next to Bero, Certox, Enjin, and Teeny. He then lights the wick that is tied to the rocket.**
Certox: Couldn't you have just lit the fuse, walked over here, and sat down?
Trepy: Hmmmm, now that you mention it...
**Before Trepy finishes his sentence, he notices a small glare in the middle of the rockets.**
Trepy: Uh-oh...is that my time-warp clock? Must have fallen out of my pocket.
Bero: Not that it will ever work or anything, heeheehee!
Enjin: Hehehe.
Trepy: Well let's just hope it doesn't do anything... catastrophic.
Certox: Yeah right, hahaha!
Enjin: Hehehe!
Bero: Heeheehee!
Teeny: Hehehe! Um...what, were you expecting "Meow"?
**All 5 look forward from their "inside of a rocket" seats, and watch as the lit fuse finally reaches the rocket.**
Trepy: Wait a sec, if that's the fuse, what is this tied to our chairs... uh-oh.
*WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM*
Certox: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Bero: Eeeeeeeeeeeeh!
Enjin: WHooooooa!!
Trepy: AGGHHHH!!!
Teeny: Heheheheheheheheeeeeeeee!
**Certox, Bero, Trepy, Enjin, and Teeny have taken flight across the sky. They first pass the Bandonia Airport.**
Woman Tourist: What in--either 4 stupid men, and a cat are flying across the sky in a makeshift sled trailing behind a garbage truck full of fireworks...or I'm seeing things.
Man Tourist: Well slap me ass-backwards and call me Johnny Silver Timbers. I'm out of this place!
**All 5 idiots fly across the sky and gradually gain altitude. As they hit the atmosphere they suddenly enter a set of mysterious wavy lines in the sky. Several seconds later they are gone, and Teeny's Army helmet plummets to the ground.**
Oh my gosh, it's Team Rocket! Actually, it's Copy Rats on Rocket! Where will they go?! When will they arrive?! Who actually cares?!
~O.o~
Part 1: The Mighty Pirate Caribbean
Bero: Certox...?
Certox: Enjin...?
Enjin: Teeny...?
Teeny: Trepy...?
Trepy: Teen... wait sec--
Certox: Ahhhhh! Where are we?
Bero: Nowhere. Just in a black area.
Enjin: Trepy, why did you send us into the oblivion of all time and space?!
Trepy: I didn't try! My clock fell! And I didn't even know it would work...
**As Trepy finishes his sentence, he and the others look forward and see a small light. As they fly through total darkness on a bench attached to a garbage truck load full of fireworks (whew), the small light appears brighter and brighter. As they are nearly to it, it comes into focus. It is a set of colourful and wavy lines.**
Bero: Wow, those are really... colourful and wavy!
Certox: Oh, you're so wonderful at improvisation, Bero.
Bero: Thank you, Certox.
Enjin: Uh, guys, bad time to chat, but, uh, we're about to reach the light.
Trepy: Oh god we're too stupid to die!
Teeny: Meoow!
Bero/Certox/Enjin: Yeah!
**As all men begin screaming at the top of their lungs, they hit the light with a sudden impact. Seconds later their was no light and no Copy Rats.**
Trepy: By golly... I finally got my time machine to work!
Bero: Now if you could only do the same with your brain.
Trepy: I wont lie, that was a good one.
Bero: Thank you, Trepy.
Enjin: You're still a stooge, Bero.
Bero: Thank you, Enjin.
Enjin: ...?
**All 5 morons are floating on the rocket over the ocean. They see a piece of land immediately in front of them.**
Certox: Hey, um, where are we?
Trepy: And what happened?
Enjin: And why?
Bero: Forget where, what, and why... when are we??
Teeny: It appears as if Trepy's super magnetized clock had an extreme fluctuating effect on the atmosphere. It broke the space-time continuum thus sending us to oblivion of time and space where we do not exist, but rather view what is not there. It looks as if we are in the tropical caribbean sometime during the 17th or 18th century A.D. I would continue my explanation, but to avoid utterly confusing the total 9 surviving brain cells in all four of your head's, I will refrain.
Certox: Oooookay, I'll take that as "We're lost". Right?
Teeny: Meoow.
**All the idiots have a puzzled look on their faces. Not their normal stupidity puzzled faces, but more of a stupid stupidity puzzled faces. You figure that out.**
Bero: I wanna go home.
Certox: Sure, show us your car.
Bero: Okay... hmmmm, seems to have been left behind in oblivion.
**SMACK**
Enjin: Trepy, how could you have gotten us stuck here?!
Trepy: I didn't think I was smart enough!
Enjin: Can't argue with you there.
**As all men are silent, they notice that the rocket they are on is aiming towards the ground.**
Trepy: Uh-oh.
Enjin: Is that a good "uh-oh"?
Trepy: Nuh-oh! Ahhhhhh!!
**The rocket approaches the ground at a quick rate. And before they know it, they have slammed into the side of a cliff. They look down and see jagged rocks and and a harsh dark blue ocean. They quickly crawl off the rocket onto the ground above.**
Certox: Hmmm, that sign says "Melee Island: Governor's Mansion".
Bero: Ooh, let's go see what the governor is up to!
Enjin: Why?
Bero: I dunno, that's just what it says in the script.
Trepy: Bero!
Bero: Oh yeah! Er, I just have a feeling that we should. Whew.
**The group walk up the mansion's door, and all 5 knock on the door, although Teeny's knock is more of a petty scratch. A tall blonde man dressed in "nice" pirate attire answers the door.**
Guybrush Threepwood: Why hello there, fellow pirate scoundrel!
Certox: Heh!
Bero: Hehehehe!
Enjin: Hehe!
Trepy: Hah!
Teeny: Meoow!
Guybrush: Hmmmm, that's what Blackbeard said when I told him I was a pirate! So what can I do for ye mateys?
Certox: We don't know.
Enjin: Yeah, we're lost.
Bero: It's all this dork's fault.
Trepy: I don't resent that!
Guybrush: Hmmmm, I'm sensing a high level of either great stupidity or sarcasm.
Teeny: *sigh* I am sorry, Guybrush. I am Teeny, beloved member and cat of the online story Copy Rats. These are my esteemed comrades; Certox, Bero, Trepy, and Enjin. They're not all there. As you can see, two of are already getting hurt by the cactus, which didn't move when they just now ran towards it.
Trepy: Owwwww!
Bero: Yiiiikes! I didn't think that cactus would just stay there!
Teeny: Point in case. Anyways, firstly I would like to say that you are a wonderful pirate extraordinaire. I have played all of your games, and you are quite a bundle of adventure-filled goodness, Guybrush!
Guybrush: Heh, I've never heard it put that way, but whatever floats your boat is fine with me.
Teeny: Yes... secondly, I would like to say that we are currently trapped here. A magnetic clock created by my comrade Trepy, the tall cactus moron, was dropped into a garbage truck full of fireworks that were bought by the bigheaded cactus moron, and somehow our seats were attached to the truck. The fireworks were then lit, dragging us straight up into the atmosphere and into a space time continuum which then led us straight here for an unknown reason. Now we need help to get our rocket out of the side of this cliff and to send it back into the sky and hopefully to the correct time and space.
Guybrush: Hmmm, I hate when that happens. I think.
Teeny: *sigh* Forget it..."meoow".
Guybrush: Awww, such a cute little kitty!
**As Trepy and Bero pick the cactus points out of each other, Certox and Enjin see two snakes slither up to them.**
Certox: Ahhh!
**Certox, Enjin, and Guybrush all jump around like dancing monkeys.**
Dancing Monkey: I DO resent that.
Bero: Hey, watch out!
**Bero runs to the two snakes and picks them up.**
Certox: Are you crazy?! Those snakes might be poisonous, might be dangerous, might try and bite us, and we might not have an antidote! What is WRONG with you?!
Bero: Sorry, Certox. I got these from the grocery store back in Bandonia. I was waiting until the right time to tell you. I'd like you to meet Komomo Joe and Komomo Moe.
Guybrush: Hmmmm, all these names are oddly familiar. If it weren't 300 years before the release of the Playstation I'd say your names were similar to those of the characters in the game Crash Bandicoot.
**Everyone stands around looking at one another.**
Guybrush: So you guys need to get that rocket out of the side of the mountain, ay?
Certox: If you say so.
Guybrush: Maybe if we go on a weeklong journey to anywhere with no reason or intentions at all we'll find a way to get it out! It has worked every time for me!
Bero: That sounds like a superberb idea!
Enjin: Heh, I told Bero he would pay for listening to George W. Bush.
**Everyone besides Bero has a laugh.**
Guybrush: Pirate Tip 1: Never go on an adventure with an empty stomach.
Certox: Makes perfect sense to me!
Guybrush: Do you guys wanna go catch dinner with me at the Scumm Bar: Home of Perfect Grog and Drunken Monkey Combat?
Enjin: Sounds good!
**Guybrush runs inside the mansion and tells his wife Elaine, governor of Melee Island, that he would be going on a long journey into the depths of time and space.**
Guybrush: You can be my Elaine anytime, baby.
Elaine: Guybrush, just leave already.
Guybrush: Oh, heh, sorry. See you soon!
**Guybrush runs back outside and joins the idiots. They all walk a short distance to town. They then enter the Scumm Bar, a bar notorious for it's curt insults, wonderful grog, and drunken inhabitants.**
Guybrush: Hey there, bartender! I'm back.
Bartender: That ya' are.
Guybrush: Grog me!
Bartender: ID me!
Guybrush: Aha! You that you had me fooled again bartender! This time I have ID!
Bartender: What about your buddies?
Bero: Mmmm, groooog.
**Bero, Trepy, Enjin and Certox are all standing in a pool of drool before they know it.**
Teeny: Here you go.
Bartender: What the--? Nevermind ya', some things are better left unquestioned.
**Next the Komomo Moe and Joe slither up the bar and show their ID's.**
Bartender: I--! I need a raise or to quit. Now what about your buddies?
Guybrush: Uh, they'll... be sitting with me... over there... far away.
**The bartender gives grog to Guybrush, Teeny, Moe, and Joe.**
Guybrush: Pirate Tip 2: To always ensure grog, buckle your ID.
Certox: This pirate is a smart one!
Teeny: Meooow...
Guybrush: So where are you guys from?
Trepy: Home.
Guybrush: Amazing, that's where I'm from!
Certox: So is there anything you need help with here?
Guybrush: Hmmmmm, well... A - A demon-ghost pirate has taken over half the islands and Monkey Island is next on his hit list. After that he plans to kill me. B - A plague has surfaced on Monkey Island which has turned all the monkeys into apes and all the apes into monkeys. C - I left my wallet on Monkey Island.
Certox: Wow, so many to pick from.
Bero: I say we just go to Monkey Island!
Guybrush: Great idea! We get to do ABC all at once!
Enjin: I'm talkin' 'bout ABC!
Bero: As easy as 123!
Bartender: ....
**An hour later at the shipyard.**
Guybrush: Alrighty, mateys! I have acquired everything we need for the trip to Monkey Island!
Bero: What do you have?'
Guybrush: I have a banana picker, which comes in helpful picking bananas and various other objects that I think we'll end up needing.
Enjin: So things just end up in trees like "poof"?
Guybrush: I prefer to think of them getting there like "whoomf". Next, I brought a case of grog for the long trip. I brought a few candy apples, a dollar, two baby bonzai trees, a gecko, and a navigator!
I. Cheese: Nice to meet you!
**All the Copy Rats begin rolling on the floor.**
Enjin: So, uh, you cheese?
I. Cheese: No, I navigate.
Enjin: Oh...
Guybrush: Ok, let us get going!
**19 days into a 2 day journey...**
Certox: Ugghhhhhhh... when are we gonna get there??
I. Cheese: Uuuuhhhh, 5 days?
Teeny: We're here.
I. Cheese: Huh?
**I. Cheese looks down and sees he's holding two sausages, and looks over at Teeny who is steering the boat.**
I. Cheese: But how--?
Teeny: I noticed we were simply circling the island, so why you were sleeping at the wheel I replaced your grip with food, took control, and 2 minutes later... we're here.
I. Cheese: Wow, aren't we a clever one.
Teeny: We as in me. Meoow...
**The ship stops a few meters from shore. Teeny knocks the anchor into the water, jumps out of the ship, swims to shore, and takes off.**
Guybrush: Wow, and they say beavers are eager.
I. Cheese: Alrighty, off the ship. I have places to be!
Guybrush: I., we're not staying here. You need to wait until we do ABC.
I. Cheese: Oh, well hurry up and do ABC, or whatever it is you're doing.
Certox: Can do!
**The Copy Rats, along with Guybrush, jump overboard and go onto Monkey Island.**
Enjin: Now what?
Bero: A!
Trepy: Huh? B?
Certox: C?
Guybrush: That's correct! Let's go! I have a few old buddies to visit!
**All 5 men and two snakes walk through the island until they reach a huge volcano. They look up and see a red and black church built into the side of the volcano.**
Guybrush: Hmmmm, this island seems to have all the perfect attributes of Hell - demons, lava, and monkeys.
Enjin: I'm not going up there.
Trepy: Me either.
Certox: Fine then, you two go and do C.
Trepy: Do C? Hey, wait a sec. I wonder whose wallet... this could be.
**Trepy goes and plucks a wallet off one of the rocks surrounded by lava.**
Guybrush: Hey! That's my wallet.
Trepy: Prove it.
Guybrush: I, uh...
Trepy: ID, please.
Guybrush: It's in the wallet.
Trepy: Sure.
Certox: Stupid! Of course it's his wallet!
**Certox snatches the wallet out of Trepy's hand and hands it to Guybrush.**
Guybrush: Woohoo, free wallet!
**Guybrush runs up a path to the church. The devilish priest that resides in the church is a long time friend of Guybrush's.**
Certox: Doh!
Trepy: I told you he needed ID.
**Certox and Bero run up behind Guybrush, while Trepy and Enjin go elsewhere to look for Guybrush's wallet. Meanwhile, inside the church...**
Guybrush: Hey there, Father!
Father St. Peter: Welcome back, Guybrush. How can I help you?
Bero: Awesome! A lava log flume! I wanna ride it!
Guybrush: Hmmmm, how about it Father - for an old friend?
St. Peter: A 2-day-old friend? HA! Well, might as well, they're going to Hell anyways.
**St. Peter allows Certox and Bero onto the next log, and they then plummet down it into the lava.**
St. Peter: Anything else I can do?
Guybrush: Can you do B?
St. Peter: ...what is B?
Guybrush: I... forget. Hold on, let me scroll up really quick... here it is! It says that a plague has struck Monkey Island, turning all monkeys into apes and all apes into monkeys.
St. Peter: Well, what is the problem?
Guybrush: I, uh, plagues are bad aren't they?
St. Peter: Usually.
Guybrush: Well can't you undo this plague for me?
St. Peter: Yes.
Guybrush: Thanks! Um... aren't you gonna do it?
St. Peter: No.
Guybrush: But you said you would!
St. Peter: I said I could.
Guybrush: Liar.
St. Peter: I can live with that.
Guybrush: I'll reveal this church's locations to all Christians and Catholics if you don't do it.
St. Peter: Ahhhhhhhh! Done!
**All over the island, monkeys turn back to apes and apes turn back to monkeys.**
Guybrush: Thanks, Father! Go to Hell!
St.Peter: Oh come on, no need to be that nice.
Certox & Bero: Whoooooooaaaaa! Wheeew.
**Certox and Bero jump out of the log flume, and stumble over to St. Peter and Guybrush.**
Bero: Heeeheehee!
St. Peter: Quite nice isn't it?
Certox: Nice? That was great!
Guybrush: Hey guys, we did B!
Bero: Awesome! I wonder if Trepy and Enjin have found your wallet.
**In a cave on Monkey Island...**
Trepy: How did his wallet get up there?
Enjin: Does it matter? We just need to get it.
Trepy: I've got it! Moe and Joe can get it!
**Trepy takes out Komomo Moe and Joe and lets them crawl up the rocks. They get the wallet and bring it back down.**
Enjin: Uh, wow. They went up, got the wallet, and came down. They're smart.
Trepy: That's just because we're stupid!
Enjin: Oh, oh, yeah.
**About 15 minutes later both teams meet up.**
Certox: There they are! Ahhh! C-shaped snakes!
Bero: What in the world?
Trepy: Oh, heh, we fed them bananas for getting Guybrush's wallet.
Guybrush: What next, flying idiots?
**Enjin flies across the sky.**
Guybrush: Ok, I've seen it all.
Trepy: Hehehe, I told him he couldn't jump over the top of the volcano.
**A few minutes later a red-colored Enjin meets the rest of the idiots.**
Trepy: Told you!
**SMACK**
Enjin: Smacked you.
Bero: Hehe, I think he has you beat.
**SMACK**
Trepy: Haha, I think I beat you.
**Guybrush looks around.**
Guybrush: Oh yeah, my wallet.
Trepy: ID please.
Guybrush: Erm...
**Trepy snatches the wallet that Guybrush took earlier out of his pocket.**
Trepy: This wallet says that you're name is Nubius Trepy from Idionia, Mars!
Bero: Hey, uh, Trepy... that would be you.
Guybrush: And that wallet would be mine.
Certox: So that means... that Trepy found his own wallet earlier? HAHAHA!
**Trepy throws Guybrush his wallet and puts his in his pocket.**
Guybrush: Now all we have to do is A.
Teeny: Done!
**Teeny flies out of a bush in front of everyone.**
Teeny: Now let's get out of here before legions of monkeys and a mad demon pirate get us!
Guybrush: Pirate Tip 3: Run when told to run!
**They all take off and head for the boat. After several minutes of running, they meet I. Cheese and board the boat.**
Teeny: Great, 3 minutes and 15 seconds. We could use a little work, but that was fairly good.
Guybrush: I... don't... get it.
Teeny: There were no monkeys or demon pirates. Once the monkeys turned back into apes and vice versa, they attacked the demon pirate. After that I chatted with them for a while, had some cheese and tea, and met you guys. I just didn't feel like staying on this island. Good job everyone, now let's go home. Oh, by the way, the lead monkey here, Jojo, told me all about physics and timewarping that I needed to know. Now we can leave this time and place.
I. Cheese: Yeah... now take us home.
Teeny: **sigh**
**With Teeny as navigator, the ship goes from Monkey Island back to Melee Island, where the Copy Rats spaceship is crash-landed, in about 30 minutes.**
Teeny: Here we are. You all go stay out of trouble while I get our ship out of the side of that mountain.
Certox: Uh, how?
Teeny: Jojo the monkey sent a large monkey robot to get it out of the side of the cliff. Hopefully it's out. And yep - there it is. Jojo also taught me everything I need to know about the space-time continuum, so hopefully we can get out of this place.
**The Copy Rats, along with Guybrush, walk to the Governor's Mansion, which is located right next to the cliff hanging over water where the spaceship is located.**
Bero: Wow, look at all the pointy rocks and sharks down there!
Guybrush: So, uh, how are you gonna get that ship off the island and into space?
Teeny: I'll simply light the fuse again. It's numerous fuses in one, so all the fuses ought to let us fly a few good times. And once we get "up there," I'll be able to direct where we go. All thanks to Jojo the monkey of course.
Guybrush: Monkey see monkey do!
Teeny: I... what?
Guybrush: Monkey see monkey do!
Teeny: Uh... meoow...
**Teeny, Moe, and Joe board the makeshift spaceship. Otherwise, they sit down on the bench that's tied to the back of a bunch of fireworks.**
Guybrush: Well guys, it's too bad you can't stay for a little while. It's nice having people like me around. We seem to make a really great team.
Certox: Yeah, it's too bad. But we're superheroes, and that comes with a pretty heavy tag.
Guybrush: But I'm a superhero, too!
Trepy: Really? That gives me an idea.
**Trepy runs over and talks to Teeny. Then he runs back.**
Trepy: I have a brilliant idea. Everyone gather around. I have a wonderful speech to make...
We are men and wo... well men alike. We all share one similar purpose. We're doing good deeds that will hopefully benefit mankind. Back on Bandonia, we do anything for anybody. We may be temporarily stranded in various worlds, but what says that we can't help those worlds as we go along? Well, actually, I don’t feel like helping every world--
Bero: To the point!
Trepy: Ok, ok. We are the Copy Rats. Hmmm, I wonder where that name came from. Anyways...we are the Copy Rats, elite superheroes. And I would like to offer you, Guybrush Threepwood the pirate extraordinaire, an invitation to join the Copy Rats as a backup member. You can come and go as you please.
Guybrush: I... thanks so much! How can I repay you?
Teeny: Gold bullion.
Guybrush: Erm...
Teeny: Forget it... meoow...
Guybrush: This is great! I'd love to be a Copy Rat! Let me go tell Elaine...
~O.o~
Elaine: Be back before Sunday!
Guybrush: Can do, sweety-poo!
Elaine: And please, don't do anything I wouldn't.
Guybrush: Please tell me you're a daredevil!
Elaine: Guybrush!
Guybrush: Oh alright, I won’t do anything you would not do. Be back soon! *to the team* Alright, let's go!
**The Copy Rats, along with new backup recruit Guybrush, jump onto their neat-o spaceship. Enjin leans down and lights one of the several fuses, and in seconds the rockets take off, pulling the bench of idiots behind it. In a few seconds the ship disappears into thin air, off to another place, and off to another time...**
For the first time ever, the Copy Rats have a new human member! Will Certox, Trepy, Enjin, Bero, Teeny, Moe, Joe, and Guybrush escape their next adventure and all the dilemmas it will bring?
~O.o~
Part 2: The Freezing Ice Land
Certox: Erm...
Trepy: Brrrrr...
Bero: This place is colder than Enjin's mom on tax day!
Enjin: Oh oh yeah! Well... this place is colder than... your air conditioner!
**Again, without notice, Teeny jumps off the "bench-ship type thingy" and disappears into the snowy advance.**
Guybrush: That cute little kitty seems to do more than we do.
Certox: And?
**Guybrush looks side to side slowly.**
Guybrush: And... I... um never said that was bad. Less work for us! Woohoo! Ahem...
**Everyone jumps into the snow, except Joe and Moe who are hidden asleep in Trepy's pocket.**
Enjin: It... i-is... cooooold...!
Guybrush: A nice polar bear coat would come in handy right about now--
Fur Salesman: Get your fur coats... $400 a piece!
Guybrush: Isn't it ironic?
Certox: Don't you think?
Bero: Just a bit?
Trepy: Ughghg... I just got an image of a naked lady named Alanis singing that song... again, ughghghgh!
**Enjin and Guybrush walk up to the fur salesman.**
Guybrush: Hidely ho there neighborino!
Salesman: Why hello there! You young men seem to be in need of my fur coats and snow attire, and I'd be proud to give them to you.
Enjin: Okay, give!
Salesman: Ah ah ah! They come with a hefty price tag you know.
Enjin: Well I’m willing to life those hefty price tags for a free coat!
Salesman: Hahaha! No can do, junior. I need money too, you know.
Enjin: No, I don't know, now give!
Guybrush: Sir, we're in a... money crisis. Would you mind sparing us a free coat...or 5?
**The fur salesman stands there for several seconds, and then begins to laugh like crazy.**
Salesman: Do I have gullible written on my forehead? Hahaha! Grr, get off me!
**The salesman throws Enjin to the ground along with his marker. He then rubs "GU" off his forehead.**
Salesman: You two are starting to annoy me! I feel like throwing something at you!
Guybrush: Fur coat?
Salesman: I, ah, argh! That's it. Would you like me to insult you like a passive-submissive peacock?
Guybrush: In other words, much like yourself?
Salesman: That's it!
**The fur salesman throws Guybrush into the snow next to a small table with two chairs.**
Salesman: Judge!
**A short one-eyed man with a striped coat appears from under the snow.**
Judge: Yes suh! A match of Insult Arm Wrestlin' it is!
Guybrush: Oh boy.
Salesman: You asked for it!
**Guybrush and the fur coat salesman sit at the tables and grip hands, while the referee stands on the side of the table.**
Judge: For those of you who don't know what Insult Arm Wrestlin' is a game in which two people arm wrestle while spewin' insults at each other! Whoever has the best insults will weaken his opponent an' win!
Enjin: Um... 37 squared?
Judge: 3... 2... 1!
Guybrush: I am the king of arm wrestling, no man can beat me!
Salesman: Yet a woman can?
Guybrush: So if you win, that makes you a woman?
Salesman: Ar! Much like your father!
Guybrush: At least I don't have two mothers!
Salesman: Too bad you'll be one yourself! I have beaten 5 men today alone!
Guybrush: And by the looks of it you ate them afterwards. My grandmother is stronger than you!
Salesman: Your grandmother is a Neanderthal, so what? Either you give up or I make you give up!
Guybrush: Either I give up or you eat me, ay? I'll take the risk of being eaten!
Salesman: Grrrrrr--uh! Awwww...
**The salesman arm gives in as it slams against the tables.**
Judge: An' the winner is -- that funny funky lookin' pirate!
Guybrush: Woohoo!
**Guybrush nabs 5 coats off of the fur salesman.**
Salesman: Welp, I've been beat... by an idiot.
Guybrush: An insulting idiot at that! Erm... you guys are rubbing off on me.
**Guybrush walks over to the idiots and hands them the coats.**
Enjin: Look at the penguin over there. I think I could take him.
Certox: Oh shut up. He could beat you with both fins tied.
Enjin: Last I saw the only thing you could beat is a punching bag and Bero.
Bero: Yeah... er... yeah! Waaaait a sec--
Trepy: Looks like he's flying some little airplane... hmmm...
Certox: Oh yeah?
**Certox lunges at Enjin. Seconds later the Judge from the insult arm wrestling match appears and starts refereeing.**
Guybrush: Don't you have a job?
Judge: Don't you have an IQ?
Guybrush: Erm... I think so.
Judge: Aye.
**Trepy and Bero walk over to the penguin who has a distressed look on his face.**
Bero: Howdy there.
Pinto Penguin: Meep.
Trepy: Uh, you look like you need help.
Pinto: Eyoop.
**Then penguin walks off, and Trepy and Bero stand looking at each other.**
Bero: I’m starting to like this guy!
Trepy: Tell me about it!
**Trepy and Bero run off and follow the distressed penguin. After several minutes of walking, they arrive in a small village. The penguin rushes into a tent and comes back out with a larger penguin in arctic weather attire.**
Big Penguin: Why hello there, young comrades!
Trepy: Hello.
Big Penguin: Let me introduce myself. I am Enrique Penguin, leader of the penguin civilization here in the Arctic. This is my nephew, Pinto.
Bero: He's funny!
Enrique: Is there anything we can help you with? The weather has been unusual here lately, so our resources have been lost.
Trepy: Well we just thought you guys might need help. We're going all these places, and all we know is that we're supposed to help someone.
Bero: Or something!
**Enrique looks at Bero and Trepy with an eyebrow raised.**
Enrique: Are you sure you're able to help? Because we are in quite a... dilemma as we speak.
Bero: Now we're talking! Show us the problem and we'll fix it with our stupidity!
Trepy: Shhh... don't give our secret!
Enrique: See that volcano over there? Well it's going to go off any day now, and we fear that our village will be the first place gone.
**By now all kinds of penguin people have encircled Bero and Trepy.**
Trepy: Volcano? Pssh!
**Trepy runs over to the volcano... wait, that's an anthill... and he kicks it several times.**
Trepy: Done!
Enrique: Um, young man, I was referring to this volcano.
**Trepy notices Bero is gaping at something.**
Trepy: Pick up your jaw, slackjaw! What're you lookin' at?!
**Trepy then sees a huge mountain in front of him.**
Trepy: Ohhhhhh! THAT kind of volcano... I see. Well, my first clue would be to jam it up.
Enrique: Well whatever gave you that idea... haha!
Trepy: So lava can't come out.
Enrique: I know--I was--you really are an idio--
Bero: Yes, yes, being a super hero ain't easy. But we're fully qualified. No need to thank us. Trepy, I've got an idea!
Trepy: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?!
Bero: I dunno... what are you thinking?
Trepy: We can clog the volcano with our garbage truck! It's just about big enough to stop that hole!
Pinto: Yoop!
Enrique: I believe Pinto wants to come along. Would you mind?
Trepy: Well he better be prepared for an adventure!
**Bero, Trepy, and lil' buddy Pinto race off to the garbage truck. They reach the opening where Certox and Enjin are fighting. Pinto picks up a rock and throws it, knocking out Guybrush cold.**
Bero: Hahaha! This little dude is awesome!
Trepy: Now hopefully this plan will work. When we get up there you can drive the truck into the volcano! Since I drive you get to have all the fun!
Bero: Woohoo!
**Minutes later, after sliding on ice like butter on waxed floor, they finally reach the top. Trepy pulls right up in front of the volcano. They unload all the fireworks from the back. The back is completely full of sand from the caribbean.**
Bero: Man, it's like beach in there. Why are we taking out the fireworks?
Trepy: So the rest of us can leave this place!
Bero: Oh yeah. How am I gonna get out tho'?
Trepy: Um... swim! Yeah, lava only burns... wood! So... yeah, swim!
Pinto: Meeop!
Bero: Awesome! Log flume here I come!
Trepy: Just remember, the right switch is to drive, left is for the garbage truck to empty the back. You want to hit the RIGHT switch, right?
Bero: Right?
Trepy: Right.
Bero: Right.
Trepy: Correct.
Bero: Ohhhh...
**Bero jumps into the truck and turns it on. Trepy can't help but laugh.**
Bero: I’m the one having the fun sucker, you shouldn't laugh. See you later sucker! *glances at the controls* Hmm, was that left or right? Oh well, I'm ambidextrous, so I can do either one!
**Bero pulls the left switch.**
Trepy: No, you idiot!
**The garbage truck empties the sand from the back into the volcano. The volcano begins to move and rumble. In the village below...**
Enrique: Oh no! Those idiots.
**Back on the mountain top, Trepy and Pinto jump into the snow and hide themselves. Suddenly a bit of steam rises out of the volcano, and everything is silent.**
Trepy: Bero... you've done it! You've saved the village! Somehow the sand neutralized all the lava!!!
Bero: No fair! It's not fair! I didn't get to go down!
**They drive back down to the mountain and to the village. As Bero flies up he knocks off a couple penguins, who get up with stars around their heads.**
Enrique: You've done it! You've saved our village!
Bero: I told you everything would be okay!
Trepy: No need to thank... Bero here, it was all me.
Pinto: Moop!
Enrique: To tell the truth, I doubted you guys.
Trepy: Oh don't worry - they all feel that way.
Enrique: Yes? I bet they do. Anyways, as a present to you, I, uh, give you... Pinto, my nephew!
Pinto: Woohoo!
**Pinto break dances in the snow.**
Bero: Heh, now that's what I call a snow angel... break back frozen squirrel 1080!
**Three penguins in the distance hold up signs that read "US: 10," "Britain: 10," and "Latvia: 1".**
Trepy: How can you just give away your nephew?
Enrique: Truthfully?
Trepy: No, false!
Enrique: Ok, because he's been begging me to take him on vacation, and frankly...*whisper*I don't like him. *stops whispering*
Bero: Well he seems cool enough.
Enrique: Hah... hahahaha... hahahahahahaha! Just wait until it's time to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or take a hike!
Trepy: Well thanks! We'll take care of our little buddy here. Want him back anytime soon?
Enrique: Hell frozen over should be enough time.
Bero: Well we should be off. We have others to save!
**Bero, Trepy, and Pinto jump in the garbage truck.**
Bero: Again, thanks!
Enrique: No, thank you for saving our village from the volcano! You have done more than you could ever imagine!
**Trepy backs out, knocking over a building, which follows a chain effect and knocks over ever other building except the outhouse.**
Enrique: Ahhhhh--, ughhhh.
**Enrique passes out and falls in the snow. A small penguin exits the outhouse, stares at Enrique, then walks off as another penguin enters the outhouse. As the CR Garbage truck meets up with Certox and Bero, they jump out.**
Bero: Who won?
Judge: Hard to say. Some cat showed up, claimed to have saved the whole Arctic, and then got double teamed by 'em both.
Trepy: Teeny!
Judge: Oh don't be worried. Cat knocked 'em both out in just about 1.3 seconds. He's over sleeping on the bench. Your friends are laying in the snow over there, next to your other friend.
**Bero walks over to all 3 lying in the snow, picks them up and drags them onto the bench. Meanwhile, Trepy reties the bench to the garbage truck. He throws a bunch of jagged ice into the back so he can secure the rockets.**
Bero: Are we all ready?
Trepy: Looks like it. Pinto, you secure?
Pinto: Ah I eyer beep!
Trepy: He's learning jibberish! Alright, bye bye Mr. Judge! Tell your friend fur salesman we're sorry for humiliating him.
Judge: Oh don't worry - he keeps a whole cabin full of them over at the penguin village!
Trepy: Well hopefully we'll come back and visit sometime!
Judge: Sure thing!
**Trepy lights one of the 4 remaining fuses that leads to the rockets. He jumps onto the now crammed bench, takes out Moe and Joe, and watches as the fuse gets shorter and shorter.**
Bero: Space-time continuum, here we come!
Pinto: Yeeeeeep!
Trepy: I love being a super hero!
**Several of the rockets light in the garbage truck light, pulling it off the ground trailing the bench behind it. Once up in the air, it disappears in an instant, with only the remnants of a portal still showing. A fur coat gently floats to the ground.**
Fur Salesman: Thank goodness they're gone! Awwww, this sucks!
**The fur coat lands right next to him, and a picture of Trepy slides out.**
Fur Salesman: Ahhhh!
**The fur salesman dives over a cliff and into oblivion.**
Judge: Ooh, he's definitely down for the count.
**As the Copy Rats leave one time and place behind, they wonder which they will enter next...**
Yet another has joined the super hero team! Where will they go next? When will they get there? Stay tuned for the Copy Rats in what is known as... the final frontier!
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