KIANA AND DARWIN'S DIARIES: AN ACCIDENTAL BLESSING
*from Kiana’s p.o.v.*
I smiled to myself, gently rubbing my full and rounded stomach. I could feel the life that was contained within, a little kick now and then wouldn’t let me forget. Soon, very soon. I was in the Stork (maternity) ward of St. Francis of Assisi's Hospital, awaiting a very special arrival. I was due any day now… baby, please hurry up! I tingled all over at the thought of what was going to happen, part tingling with excitement and part with some fear. Excitement because... well, duh! Ahem. Fear because a part of my life was about to end forever and because of the pain I could only imagine. I would no longer be a young girl, responsible for nothing... but the price to pay was one that was well worth it. Pain and change would bring something wonderful into the world. Right now, I was all alone. Tawna and Bash had gone off to get some lunch for us. I sighed and reached under my pillow. My Diary, the one I had started 7 months ago. What better way to pass the time, than to relive the eventful past months? I opened it to the first page.
~oOo~
“Dear Diary... you know, I'm gonna give you a cool name. Diana - a name of beauty and wisdom.
“I feel so confused right now. This is the first time I've ever written in a diary. Never been one of those girly girls who confide in pink sparkly diaries about that cute guy that smiled at them in gym or whatever.... But anyway, today I had all these thoughts and feelings buzzing through my head, overwhelming me... then I saw you, just lying on my dresser. I think Kay's wife Wiley gave you to me actually, for Christmas. You're alright looking, a lil dusty from lack of use ('I'm so messy) but a sweet shade of blue leather - simple and inviting. I had this idea it (sorry, YOU) might help me to sort things out, solve my problems. Geez, you're already lost. I'll start from the beginning... well at least from where I think the story should start.
“Uh... I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Kiana Kangaroo. I am 20 yrs old, was born on 9th December 1980. Not much interesting about me 'cept I have 9 older brothers. Typical childhood, with two loving parents, both early experiments of Cortex's prototype Evolvo-ray. I was born and raised in Violet Vista Bay, a gorgeous coastal town I've never really set foot outside of.
“Two months ago I broke up with Darwin Dingo, a lovely bloke by all accounts. It was a pleasant parting; no arguing... we just agreed it was time to go our separate ways. I really liked old Dar' but I knew we'd never be really serious. I didn't feel 'the thing' for him. We'd been dating for about 5 months and weren't going anywhere. Just going to the same old places, talking about the same old stuff, even kissing in the same old way. He probably knew it too, even if he lingered a bit long in our farewell hug, as if he wasn't sure about letting go. We promised to stay friends, yanno, send Christmas cards...
“I thought that was the end of it. A chapter in my life closed. Well, today, that chapter was opened and added to.
“Today, I confirmed something I had been worrying about for some time, suspecting the problem yet never believing (or at least, wanting to believe) it could be true... I stood in the bathroom, holding it in my hand. My eyes tightly shut. I didn't know if I wanted to look. I told myself; it wasn't true, how could it be? Yet, inside, something was telling me that I had to open my eyes and face the truth. Darn my accurate gut instincts... I did open my eyes and saw exactly what I had feared so long. The strip was pink.
“Pregnant! How, how? I repeated this out loud, though I was all alone. Really, I knew the answer - that night, the week or so before Darwin and I broke u - the wedding reception party. 2 mugs of beers, 4 bottles of Wumpa schnapps and one too many vodka and cokes... I didn't have clear memories of that night, and it's pretty obvious why. The next morning... actually afternoon... I found myself with Darwin on the couch. We agreed nothing had happened. Now I know we were just fooling ourselves. I have the proof.
“I started to cry, even screamed. I couldn't believe what was happening, I kinda wished this was all just a dream that I'd wake up from. Once I'd had my cry I curled up on the floor and put my head between my knees, trying to calm myself. The facts: I'm pregnant ... I have no husband, not even a boyfriend. Darwin Dingo is the father of my future baby. I felt so trapped and alone.
“I called Tawna, naturally. She let me just blurt everything I was feeling, listened, gave me a sympathetic ear. It was so very spooky... once upon a time it had been her in a similar situation and me the one to aid her. She was so feeling for me, but also kept her cool, which was just what I needed to soothe my hysteria. She suggested I confirm with a doctor before making any plans and worrying so much. I told her I didn't need a doctor, really, I had known for weeks that I was pregnant. She asked what I planned to do. Keep the baby, of course, I replied, what else? Are you going to tell Darwin?, she asked. I couldn't reply. I didn't know. I knew I should... really... Kiana, you must tell him, this is too big to keep a secret from him, she implored me, I wish I had told Crash sooner. I nodded, stupidly forgetting she couldn't see me, and set the phone down.
“This brings me up to present moment. I sit here, sprawled across my bed, chewing my pen, scrawling on your pale blue, scented pages, printed with dolphins and other sea animals. It does help, a bit, reading over what I've just written. I feel slightly saner. Happy too. It's just struck me...
“I'm going to have a BABY! Like all this time I've been worrying and crying that I'm pregnant, I've only just realised... I'm gonna have a baby of my very own. Gosh... gee... ahh!!!!! BABY!!! Yup, I'm very strange, but here I am already fantasizing about my kid. I look ridiculous, a large stupid smile splattered across my face. I can see him already. It's a boy - I just know it. He has my curly, dark brown hair... my large eyes, though with the brown of Dar's rather than my ones with their hint of purple... best of all... Dar's beautiful golden fur, touched with the darkness of my colouring...
“Should I tell Darwin? Or, more accurately... WILL I tell Darwin?”
****************
A movement of the door caused me to snap the diary shut. A golden head peered around the door and dazzled me with a big toothy grin.
"Come in Dar... you better have some chocolate covered hotdogs for me!"
My darn craving. I just couldn't get enough of them. I grinned back at Darwin hopefully.
"You bet!" He came over, kissed me on the forehead and plopped a brown paper bag onto my lap. The diary caught his eye and he snatched it. "What's this?"
"Oy, give that back!"
"Tell me what this is first!"
"It's just a diary, would you stop being so nosy? It's not nice to mess with pregnant women!"
I grabbed his arm and gave him a Chinese burn. Haha, just horseplay. I’d never maliciously hurt him.
"Ow ow ow..." He let the book fall to the floor. "That's cool, I have a... uh... journal too."
"Really? I never wrote one until a few months ago... it's just stuff about the pregnancy and all... do you have yours with you?"
"No. Anyway, it's private."
"I think you do... come on, humour me, while I wait for this baby to get a move on!" I gazed at him imploringly. I am so nosy, but that’s just the way I am. "Pretty pwease wif suga on da top?"
"Okay, okay..." He removed a scruffy notebook from his pocket and sat on my bed. "I'll read some to you."
I clapped triumphantly and tried to sit up in my bed, looking forward to Darwin’s secrets
**************************
*from Darwin's p.o.v*
I was so nervous. What if Kiana didn't like what I'd written? Oh well, I thought. Perhaps if she liked it she would read me some of hers. That was only fair. I opened the old, pencil-smeared notebook to halfway through, an area I had started some months ago. All that I had skipped over was stuff I had written about and kept track of ever since I encountered the Evolv-O-Ray, and I was sure that Kiana wasn't interested in that.
"OK then...Hmm...Let's find somethin' interesting here for ya..."
"What's all that you've skipped over?" Kiana reached over and tried to turn the pages back.
"Hey, wait there! That's some old personal stuff there! Don't look, it's boring anyway."
"Aw, c'mon."
"No... Nope. It's too... Ya just wouldn't get it."
"OK, fine then. What's this that you're showing me, then?"
"Oh, this... This here's the part that I started about a few months ago, when things started getting rather interesting in both our lives..."
"Oh... C'mon, read."
I picked up the notebook and started reading from the page dated 3-4-2001.
"Dear Diary...er, Journal,
“Gosh, I thought my life was boring. But now... What can I do now but deny that statement?
“Yeah, Journal, you know I've been dating Kiana Kangaroo for some time, but we broke up just the other... month. Yeah, our dates were going great for a little while, but then *something* started getting a bit repetitive. Sure, it was boring (and I could've lived with that...) sometimes, and something in our dates seemed to be empty... so one day we just stopped. I was kinda resentful, y'know, Kiana was a wonderful woman and everything... I almost wonder if it was a right decision to break up. But we decided it was best to split. We would still be friends and all, visit each other occasionally and stuff.
“Would that be the end of it? Would my life go back to normal days of only loathing around the Bandicoot residence?
“No.
“Lo and behold, one day, some news was dawned apon me by Kiana, my old love... she was pregnant?!
“Yes, it was true, but how? I sure as heck can't remember anything...
“She remembered well, and I remember how she broke it to me that day...Something I shall NEVER forget...
“I heard the knock on my door. It was her. I was surprised she stopped by and hoped she just wanted to chat, for I was bored. But she was soon to shock me out of my boredom.
~oOo~
“Kiana! Good to see you here. What brings you here to my dusty ol' den?”
"...Darwin," she hesitated, "...I've got news...for you."
"News? What kinda news...? Good, or..."
"I'll leave that for you to decide."
I invited her inside and lead her right to the couch. We both sat down, and I kept an eye on her expression every second. It seemed to be solemn and news bearing.
"OK, what've you got to tell me...?"
Kiana turned right to me and placed her hands on mine. "Darwin... I'm... I'm..."
"Yer what?"
"...I'm pregnant, Darwin. I've confirmed it."
I paused. I was speechless. Every interrogative word raced through my mind: who? What? Where? When? Why? HOW??
"If you're wondering how, which I know you are... I faintly remember a party... We were both there... Lotsa drinks... LOTS... and the party continued long into the night. The next day, we were there on the couch. There. Together. On the couch."
I still paused. No, NO, it CAN'T be true. It CAN'T be, please don't let it be, I thought.
"This is true, isn't it? So true..." I said. "Dang... What now, what now?"
"Now, Darwin, don't get too upset."
"How can I not, how?? What're you gonna do? What'm *I* gonna do...?"
"Darwin, please, calm down..."
I didn't notice, but I was sweating. "But you... How'll you be able to raise a baby... by yerself? And, and, babies need daddies... And... I feel so terrible, I've done something wrong..."
"No, it's not your fault, Darwin. And don't worry about me. I'll work something out. I know I will. You're fine, don't worry..."
"No, I know I hafta help some way..." I let out a long sigh. After a few moments of pausing, I slightly reluctantly said asked, "Kiana... I know now I've gotta marry you... to help you... I can't just leave you alone. I'd be abandoning a child... So will you marry me?"
I stared at Kiana's slightly grown stomach for a moment, which I hadn't noticed before, then I stared straight into her eyes. She waited a moment, but I could tell that she wasn't going to say 'yes'.
Fianlly, she said, "I'm sorry, Darwin, but... no. You know we can't make it together... Our marriage would be fruitless. We couldn't raise a child together... We wouldn't be totally happy. I'm sorry. I can do it on my own. Tawna can help me. And so can my family."
I sighed and almost felt like crying, not for the fact that she said no, but mostly for the fact that I couldn't help bring up our future child...
"Just promise me one thing, Darwin..." Kiana continued. I listened; I was willing to do just about anything for her right then. "Promise me that you'll drop in occasionally... to see our child... So he or she can know that there is a father for him or her..."
I nodded, slowly. I didn't notice it right away, but I was crying. She reached up and wiped one of my tears away.
"Please, don't cry, Dar. It's not your fault... Nothing's your fault... Nothing's any of our faults..."
I could only sniffle in reply.
~oOo~
“A while after I calmed down, she left. After that, the days were different. I spent the time thinking about this over and over. And our soon-to-come baby... What would it look like? Mostly dingoish? Kangarooish? Brown? Gold? Golden brown? And most of all, would it be a boy or a girl? Having a baby would be such a sweet thing...Yet such a responsibility... I still want to help Kiana, but if she says she can do it without marriage, then...
“But when would I tell Crash and Co.? Ah, I figure I won't have to worry about them until the baby actually comes (or becomes too apparent in Kiana's appearance).
“So, that's caught up on the last month or so (sorry I haven't written in too long, Journal... like is said, hectic days). I have so much left to go through, I wonder how it'll all be in the end..."
*******************************
"...Wow," Kiana said. "You sure remembered that in detail. How long did it take to write that?"
"Several hours. I had to write it *all* down."
"Well...It was nice of you to share so much with me... I should show you at least a bit of mine now."
"Yeah, go ahead!" I hopped over closer to Kiana and nabbed her diary. She nabbed it back before I had a chance to open it.
"I'LL read," she said, turning to page one. "I guess I'll start from the beginning..."
I listened as she started.
"'Dear Diary… You know...'"
*********************
*from Kiana’s p.o.v.*
I finished my first entry and looked up at Dar, apprehensively. I had just shared something that was so incredibly personal with him, it felt odd to let someone know my deepest thoughts, even months after. He had done the same for me. The tears in his warm brown eyes touched me. I realised my own cheeks were also damp. There was a silence and we just kind of smiled at each other tearfully. Finally, Darwin leaned forward, arms outstretched and I gratefully accepted his loving embrace.
“Aw, Kiana, before I could only imagine what you felt.”
“Why are you cryin’ Dar? There’s nothing to be sad about.” I sniffed, hypocritically.
He smiled at my own obvious emotion. “I feel sad for you Kiana all those months ago. And these are tears of happiness too, y’know. I’m just excited about this baby…”
“Yea, yea, whatever,” I said with feigned disinterest, though excitement bubbled within me. I pushed him away and opened up my diary. “Now belt up and listen cuz I feel like sharin’ some more.” I placed my finger across his lips and gave him my best school marm face.
~oOo~
“Dear Diana,
“I just back from Dar’s. God, I thought I cried my last tears the other day, but nope, there was still a flood to be squeezed out of me. I did take Tawna’s advice about going to the doctors, to make sure… didn’t want to falsely work him up. Darwin took the news badly at first. Understandably. And then he… proposed to me, albeit slightly reluctantly. I was so surprised, taken aback. For a split second I felt like saying yes. It seemed like the best thing. Our child deserved a full set of parents. Proper parents, yanno… married and all. But then… I realised, it would be for all the wrong reasons. If marriage wasn’t for love, first and foremost, as noble the reasons were, it would still be based on the wrong foundations. Yes, Darwin and I got on okay, we could have probably had a decent-ish marriage. I might have grown to love him all over again, as a dear friend. But I wasn’t in love with him anymore, I knew I never would be. Perhaps, in the worst instance I would have even grown to despise and resent Darwin, our child would be victim to our unrest and conflict. I still hoped to meet the man I would love forever. Accepting Darwin’s offer would be a big mistake, for both of us, for our child.
“So, I broke the uneasy silence with my refusal. There was immediate relief on both our parts, though he tried to conceal it (bless him). He cried. I comforted him. We agreed he’d always be the father to this baby; I tried to reassure him that he mustn’t worry about me. After much talking, hugging… he calmed down somewhat and I had to leave him. I needed some more time to just think to myself.
“I went to my favourite spot on the beach, this little cave accessible by a trail of craggy rocks across a shallow part of the sea. It is the one place in the world I felt was only mine, totally private to myself. I had been going to it since I had discovered it at 5 years old, stressed out by boisterous brothers, in need of personal space. In there I could think clearly. I realised I still hadn’t told my parents. This frightened me even more than telling Darwin had. Tawna had told Kieran, but he had promised it would not go any further. I told Keaty and Kevin. My parents need to know of course. It wis going to be their future grandchild… oh… they would be so ashamed of me - their baby girl, pregnant out of wedlock. They’re the best parents in the world but terribly moral, something I’ve never minded. I feel like I have failed them, my mother especially. Wait Kiana, she had always told me, wait for the man you truly love, and save yourself for marriage. I had always meant to. Even my special cave couldn’t’ assist me in my indecision.
“So, anyway, right now I’m staring at my words over and over, trying to work up the nerve to tell my parents. My stomach is already getting bigger, soon it’ll be too noticeable to hide - unless I avoid my parents for the rest of my life. I can’t do that, I must tell them.
“Okay… going to do it right now…
“I can’t. Later. I’ll phone Tawna instead…
“Yes, I am pathetic.
~oOo~
“Kiana, yer not pathetic. Did you ever tell them, in the end?” He looked at me anxiously.
I smiled wryly at him. “You’ll find out soon enough.”
“Then go on! I want to hear some more.”
“Nope, it’s your turn.”
I firmly closed my diary. This was getting really interesting.
*******************************
*from Darwin’s p.o.v.*
"Let's see here..." I looked to the place he'd left off in. "3-5-01. Gee, what a while ago this was... and yet... It seems like it happened just yesterday. Reading and hearing all this..."
"Yeah," Kiana said, still seeming anxious. She looked over into my open journal and looked. "...Wow, you wrote a lot that day."
"Yeah... Was feelin' pretty mixed up that day... Had a lot to talk about..."
"Well then, let's hear it!"
I started, yet not being able to shrug off the nervousness of what Kiana might think of my feelings (though nothing was too personal to hide)...
"Hi, Mr. Journal," the page started. Man, was I corny, I thought. "'I have so much to think about... So much pondering to do...
“I say - a dingo shouldn't have to go through such thoughts! But I do now. How one simple night can change two lives so much... It's amazing. I feel almost overwhelmed. And I almost regret whatever I could have done in the past to make Kiana stop loving me... I almost wish I could keep holding her, keep kissing her to make her feel better, and to know I'd stay and be her baby's full-time father forever. But no, it's not going to be that way, no...
“That's how the cookie crumbles, I suppose.
“A simple twist of life, a ripple in the water...
“If I feel so strongly, so worked up over all this, I wonder how Kiana must feel? She's the one who's going to have the biggest part of raising this baby. She'll have to endure the pain of giving it life... And what will I be doing when she does? Sit here in this dusty old den? And if I do get to attend her, only wait while she does all the 'work'? I'll never be able to *feel* her feelings, her pain... and I deserve to, me being half the problem... It may have been because of one good night (which, mind you, I don't even REMEMBER specifically), but... I regret it... such changes in life...
“GAH! I've got to slow down... My brain will overload if I keep stressing. I've gotta think more positive. Yes, Kiana will be able to find a better person for herself... And me... I'll probably find someone for myself, too... One day, life will be back on track... yes...
“Ah, more to think of...Who else would possibly date me? Blah.
“The baby! I keep thinking of it. I hope it's a boy. A boy, just like me... I hope he's golden brown, with deep, brown eyes and a bushy tail... or maybe a tail like Kiana's, doesn't matter... and bushy, brown hair and small, pointy ears, a cross between mine and Kiana's... and he would be so cute... MY son... Of course, if it were a girl, I wouldn't mind... she'd probably have hair most like Kiana's, and stuff... Oooooo, I simply can't wait until the baby comes... I was to behold its cuteness...
“I sure hope it's a boy...
“Ah, all this thinking has worn me out. I'll contemplate on the situation more later, unless I find something to do that's interesting. I'm gonna get some food and take a nap.'"
*******************************
"Wow, Darwin, how... interesting..." Kiana said. "You wondered so much... You wanted to feel my feelings... wow..."
"Yeah. I wanted to know just what you were going through, if you were going through more cluttered thoughts than I, because I deserve to carry a burden of thoughts, too..."
"Aw, Dar, I wondered the same about you sometimes, if your thoughts were burdened, too."
"Well, I wanna see more from your diary. Read more! Yeah, more!"
I turned into an anxious little pup. Kiana's diary was so interesting, so full of emotion. I had to know more. Simply had to.
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