FEATHERED DISASTER
It's Friday night. Crash, as usual, would be watchin' football, and declared himself "Master of the Remote"...or more preferably, "King of the TV". Coco always seemed to 'disappear' when Friday nights rolled around. That didn't bother Crash, though. He really didn't feel like puttin' up with her nitpickin' tonight. Yeah, just him, the food, the TV, no interruptions, and the best seat in the house. It was perfect. It was about 5-7 minutes before the game was supposed to start, and Crash was already well prepared. He had his recliner chair positioned just right, a large T-bone steak, and a coke. Wouldn't ya know it? Somebody had run off with the last beer. Polar could have gotten into the fridge again for all he knew. Yeah, and speakin' of the pets...they always hide out in another room while Crash watches football. A tapping noise suddenly distracted Crash, and caused him to look at the window. Some kinda creature-thing, whatever it may be, was on the outside. Curious, and since commercials were still on, Crash walked towards the window, and opened it.
Crash: "Yikes, where'd the window screen go?"
A loud rustle from the bushes below startled Crash, and he quickly backed away. The unknown creature landed on the windowsill, and the 'mysterious monster' turned out to be a macaw. Crash frowned.
Crash: "Go away, Big Bird."
Macaw: "Polly wanna cracker."
Crash: "You say wha?"
Macaw: "Polly wanna cracker."
Crash: "That's not amusing, bird brain. Now shoo...the game's on."
Crash turned around to sit in his chair untill he noticed that the bird flew into the house and... nature had run it's course.
Crash: [disgusted] "I am most certainly NOT going to clean *that* up. Coco's a lot better with that ol' carpet cleaner than me. 'Sides, she said she wanted somethin' different to do."
Crash's attention quickly turned from the unknown visitor to the TV. The blue and golden-feathered macaw perched on the arm of the chair beside Crash, who didn't take his eyes off the TV.
Crash: "I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me shove a Tic-Tac down your throat, 'cause your breath is killer."
Crash looked down at the feathered critter that sat beside him.
Crash: "What freak show are you from?"
Macaw: "University."
Crash: "Huh? As in college? What are you, a professor's mascot?"
The crowd on TV suddenly went wild, and Crash first glared at the macaw, then tried to figure out what had happened in the game. The referee was yellin' out something, but Crash couldn't understand what had happened. He obviously missed something big.
Crash: "What? Aw, dangit! Look at what ya made me miss, ya freakin' bird!"
Macaw: "I don't see what the big deal is. Just a bunch of heavily uniformed guys playing with an odd-shaped ball. Pure nonsense, if you ask me."
Crash: "Well, nobody asked you. And if you don't shutup, I'm gonna stuff ya in that unused blender I got for Christmas! Don't your beak got any other uses than for blabbin'?"
Crash finally started to eat his steak, which was now cold. The macaw noticed some onions, and trying hard to stay unnoticed, grabbed a piece.
Crash: "Hey!"
Macaw: "Well, you asked me if I had any other uses for my beak. And I do, thank you. And you really shouldn't eat that steak. Do you know what that poor cow went through for you?"
Crash: "Alright, I've had it!"
Crash grabbed the remote and attempted to hit the pesky bird, but missed. He started to crazily fly around the room, trying to dodge Crash's attacks. Crash did manage to hit and break Coco's favorite vase, a clock on the wall, a lamp, and punched a couple of holes in the wall. All but the bird. In a frantic, Crash looked around for the macaw...but couldn't seem to spot him anywhere.
Macaw: [from above] "Apparently, you need to brush up on your visual skills, because up here, it's so obvious where I'm hiding."
Crash looked up and noticed the bird was sitting on the ceiling fan. He grabbed the remote and threw it. He loudly squawked and flew...but Crash would have missed his target anyway. The remote ran right into the fan's light fixture, raining glass everywhere.
Crash: "When I finally catch your feathered butt, I'll make sure you're stuffed and put on display!"
Crash was furious now. Where'd this bird even come from, anyway? And how did he end up here? That didn't seem to matter anymore...Crash wanted the bird dead. He scrambled around the room, trying to find something to use as a weapon. He once again spotted the remote, and threw it at the bird again, who was sitting on the TV. And once again, he didn't hit the bird, and the airborne object ran straight into the TV screen. Glass shattered, sparks flew, and the TV went black. Crash starred in shock at the 'dead' TV.
Ok...I don't think you wanna know what happened next. All I can say is there were a lot of fighting, flying feathers and fur. Crash did end up catching the macaw, though...in a see-through Rubbermaid container with a few holes punctured into the lid.
The sound of the door unlocking and being opened was heard. Coco's home? What about the mess? Crash was in deep trouble now. Coco walked into the room, stopped in her tracks... and starred. No yelling, no screaming... starred. Crash actually wanted to hear Coco loose it. It'd be better than this eerie silence.
Coco: "Crash, this place is an absolute wreck! What's the matter? Your team loose?" [pauses and looks around] And where'd that bird come from?"
Crash: "Coco, I can expla-"
Before Crash could answer, Coco stormed out of the room, and into her bedroom, leaving being Crash, the bird, and the mess.
Macaw: "Well, I'd like to thank you for a wonderful evening."
Crash: "Oh, shutup."
END
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