ETIQUETTE
Narrator: "We are gathered here today to discuss and learn etiquette."
Rodney: "Ya mean 'ow ta be propa'?"
Narrator: "It will do you some good."
Dustin: "Yeah, right!"
Tiffany: [sigh] "This is gonna be boring."
Rodney: "Thar's nothin' wrong with me etiquette." [burps]
Dustin: "HA!! Good one!"
Narrator: [clears throat] "There are many rules for good table manners. The most important thing is to be considerate of others. If you don't know what to do, watch your hosts or hostesses, and do as they do."
Sylvia: "Ummm...what do ya do if your host is a complete idiot?
Tiffany: [laughs] "Then I guess you'll havta' act like a' idiot!"
Narrator: "Part #1: What To Do Before A Meal."
Rodney: "Ya get 'ungry'."
Narrator: "I SAID-" [takes a deep breath] "The first thing to do is wash your hands and face before coming to the table."
Sylvia: "Well, duh."
Rodney: "Ya tell 'im, Sylvia!"
Narrator: "BE on TIME!!"
Tiffany: "Well, it wasn't MY fault the car broke down! Geez!"
Narrator: "Once you’re at the table, put the napkin on your lap."
Dustin: "Why in tha 'eck would ya wanna do that?"
Narrator: "So you don't get food on you."
Rodney: "Ya know, I still 'ave a stain on me jacket 'ere from yesta'day!"
Narrator: "Sit up straight at the table. Do not slouch or tilt the chair."
Sylvia: "Oh, ya mean like this?" [falls over in chair]
Tiffany: [laughs]
Narrator: [sigh] "The next lesson will be about serving food."
Rodney: "I wanna EAT it! Not SERVE it!"
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Narrator: "Welcome back for 'Part #2: Serving Food'."
Rodney: [sarcastically] "This outta be interestin'."
Narrator: "Please pass the mashed potatoes, Rodney."
Rodney: [attempts to pass, but drops the bowl on his foot] "OW!! Damn, that 'urt!"
Narrator: [clears throat] "Use the serving spoon or fork. Do not use the utensils you eat with."
Dustin: [gets himself helping of Jell-O with his own spoon] "Hey, this stuff is jiggly!"
Rodney: "IT'S ALIVE!!"
Narrator: "Do not reach in front of someone to get a serving dish. Ask the person nearest to pass it."
Tiffany: [reaches for the fried chicken] "Dang, can't reach it!"
Narrator: "If you don't like some of the food, take a small amount or say, 'No, thank you'."
Dustin: [waiter sets a bowl of asparagus on table] "AHHH!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!"
Tiffany: "What the heck is that stuff?"
Narrator: "Always take some of the main dish."
Sylvia: "And what IS the main dish?"
Narrator: "The asparagus."
Sylvia: [turns green]
Narrator: "If you don't know you'll like something, take a small amount and try it. If you like it, take more later."
Rodney: "'Ere, lemme try that." [takes a bite out of a burrito] "Mmmm! This is GOOD!! Gimmie some MORE!!"
Narrator: "Don't take so much of something you like that there isn't enough left for others."
Dustin: "Is that the last burrito?"
Rodney: [burps] "Yeah."
Dustin: "Dangit."
Narrator: "Wait until everyone is served to begin eating. Wait until the host or hostess begins."
Tiffany: "What host?"
Sylvia: "I dun see one."
Narrator: "Compliment the cook, or say nothing. Do not say anything critical to the host, hostess, or cook."
Rodney: "Can someone gimmie tha Pepcid AC? 'Ell, I dun care if ya gimmie Zantac 75 or anythin'. I got 'eartburn somethin' awful."
Narrator: [sigh] "The next lesson will be 'Part #3: Eating'."
Dustin: "Now, there's somethin' Rodney's good at!"
Rodney: [grumbles]
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Narrator: "Welcome back. We are now at 'Part #3: Eating'."
Dustin: "Rodney's been waitin' for this 'un."
Rodney: [stuffs food in his mouth] "Shutup, man."
Narrator: "Chew with your mouth CLOSED!!"
Rodney: [with mouth full] "Oh, really?"
Tiffany: [laughs]
Narrator: "If the food is too hot, let it cool. Do not blow on it."
Sylvia: [blew on something on her spoon, and it flew across the table]
Narrator: "If you take a bite of something which is too hot, quickly drink some water and say nothing."
Tiffany: "AHHH!! Too hot! Spaghetti too hot! Gimmie some water, NOW!!" [guzzles glass of water] "Much...better."
Narrator: "Don't put too much food in your mouth at once."
Dustin: [with mouth full] "That's one a' tha joys a' eatin'!"
Narrator: "And don't talk with your mouth full." [sigh] "Moving on...if you find something on you food, try and put it aside without being noticed, and say nothing."
Rodney: [eyes get big] "There's a BUG on my PIZZA!!"
Narrator: "Don't make loud eating noises."
Tiffany: [smacks] "Huh?"
Narrator: "If you must sneeze or cough, turn your head away from the table and cover your nose and mouth with you napkin."
Sylvia: [sneezes, and napkins fly]
Dustin: [laughs] "That was cool!"
Narrator: "If you spill some food, scoop it up with a knife or spoon and put it on the side of your plate. If someone notices, say, 'I'm sorry'."
Rodney: "I dun wanna hafta' look at that waste while I'm eatin'."
Sylvia: "Ever hear of a bloomin' trash can?"
Narrator: "Don't comb you hair..." [Sylvia messes with her fluffy ears] "...pick you your teeth..." [Rodney and his toothpick] "...or otherwise groom yourself..." [Dustin runs his fingers through his hair] "...while at the table."
Sylvia: Ya know Narrator, your're gettin' a lil' TOO proper for me."
Narrator: [ignores] "If you must leave the table, say 'Excuse me. I'll be right back'. Do not explain your reasons."
Dustin: "That sounds like a good idea."
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Narrator: "Alright, this is the FINAL lesson." [everyone cheers] "Leave the utensils on the plate."
Rodney: [drops fork]
Narrator: "Lay the napkin down on the table next to your plate. Do not crumple or fold the napkin."
Dustin: "Hey, cool! Origami with napkins!"
Narrator: "Thank the host and hostesses."
Tiffany: "Didn't we already discuss that? There is NO host!"
Narrator: "Ask to be excused if you need to leave the table before everyone leaves together."
Rodney: [gets up] "Adios!"
Dustin: "Crikey, what a LOUSY time!" [follows]
Narrator: "Well, hopefully you have learned something that you can walk away proud of."
Tiffany: [crosses arms] "And what have I learned?"
Narrator: [faints]
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