SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST
Author's Note: Ehehehehehehehehe....
(Scene opens with Space Ghost, Moltra, and Zorak sitting around a table, drinking coffee. Brak is running around in the background with no pants on, just boxers with little, red hearts)
Space Ghost: ...
Moltra: (sips coffee) ...
Brak: (in background) Whoooooooooooooooo!
Zorak: ...(sips coffee) You know, I think we should put him on decaf.
(The two nod in agreement)
(Opening credits play)
Announcer: Tonight, on Space Ghost Coast to Coast, The Blunders From Down Under, Crash Bandicoot and Dr. Neo Cortex! With special guest, Crystal Bandicoot!
Zorak: Crystal? What is SHE doing in this?
Crystal: Hey, I'm writing this story, so I can put anyone I want in here.
Zorak: Hm, good point.
(Space Ghost appears behind desk)
Space Ghost: Greetings, Citizens! I'm...
Zorak: A dufus!
Space Ghost: Shut up, bug!
Zorak: Well ya are, dufus!
Space Ghost: I'm warning you, green boy...
Zorak: Dufus! Ehehehehehehehe...
(Space Ghost zaps him)
Zorak: Eeeeeee!
Space Ghost: Ahem. Anyway, I'm Space Ghost, and welcome to my talk show.
Zorak: (under breath) It's not like we NEED him to talk more...
Space Ghost: Hey, it was the only gig I could get since they wouldn't let me into the Super Friends...(grumble)
Moltar: (over speaker) Uh, guys, I know you're trying to fill 30 minutes, but you need to start the show!
Space Ghost: (Snaps out of it) What? Oh, right. Moltar, who's our first guest?
Moltar: Crash Bandicoot, leader of the Crash Team.
Zorak: Ehehehehehe, that name took thought!
(Space Ghost zaps Zorak again)
Space Ghost: All right, then, send him in.
(Moltar pulls a lever and presses a button. A screen with Crash on it comes down)
Space Ghost: Greetings, Citizen Crash Bandicoot, leader of the Crash Team!
Zorak: Ehehehehehehe...
Space Ghost: (glares) Um, getting enough oxygen?
Crash: Er, yeah. Um, where am I?
Zorak: Heck…
Space Ghost: Zorak!
Zorak: Well, it's the truth!
(Space Ghost zaps him)
Moltar: Er, Crash, you're on Ghost Planet. We're filming a show called Space Ghost Coast to Coast.
Crash: Gee, that took thought.
Zorak: (burned) (sizzle) Not like 'Crash Team' is any better! (pop)
Crash: Hey! We never agreed to that name! They just gave it to us!
Space Ghost: So, uhhhhh, Crash, anything interesting happening where you come from?
Crash: Er, not really, no... Huh? Hey, Polar, get off. Polar! Stop! Wah!
(Crash is pulled off screen. Polar pops up. Space Ghost and Zorak look at him wide-eyed)
Polar: Rut? (What?)
Zorak: It's a bear!
Polar: Ra, ro? (Yeah, so?)
Zorak: Errr... nothing
Space Ghost: Um, excuse me, bear, but can we talk to Crash again?
Polar: Ro. (no)
Space Ghost: Why not?
Polar: Rerus re's...'reepring' (Because he's...'sleeping')
Space Ghost: (eyes wide) Um, k. No offence or anything, but you're not much to talk to. I mean… you can't even talk!
(Polar glares, then tries to spit at him, but seeing how he's on a TV screen, it doesn't go too far)
Space Ghost: HA HA! Too bad you're on a TV screen! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!
(Moltar looks behind him. Polar is making his way to the stage)
Moltar: Not for long, he ain't!
Space Ghost: ...AHAHAHAHA! Huh?
Zorak: Look in front of you, dufus!
Space Ghost: Huh?
(Polar is standing in front of him, glaring)
Space Ghost: (like little girl) AAAHHHAH!!
(Polar spits again, this time hitting Space Ghost in the face)
Moltar: Dude, I didn't even know polar bears COULD spit!
Space Ghost: (opens eyes) AH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! (rubbs eyes) Can't see, spit in eyes! AHHAH! I'm blind! (falls over)
Zorak: (eyes eide) Dude - that was sweet! Hey, put it here! (Hold up hand. Polar high-fives it)
Moltar: Er, yeah, we'll be right back.
Announcer: Still to come, the evil genius, Dr. Neo Cortex, and the writer of this story, Crystal Bandicoot!
[Commercial break]
(Scene opens. Zorak and Polar are doing a little dance, while Space Ghost is on the ground twitching. Meanwhile, Moltar is down in the control room. On the screen is Neo)
Moltar: No offence, dude, but the whole army of rabid, bloodthirsty beasts bid is a bit old. You need to start using heavy artillery...
Crystal: Er, Moltar, we're back.
Moltar: Oh, right. (To Neo) Hold on, man. (Switches screen to stage, and sees Zorak, Polar, and Space Ghost) Er...
Crystal: Yeah, some help would be nice.
Moltar: Oh, right. (over intercom) OK, EVERYBODY BACK TO YOUR PLACES!!
Zorak and Polar: Eep! (Zip back to place)
Moltar: THAT MEANS YOU TOO, TIGHT BOY!!
Space Ghost: Can't see... (twitch)
Zorak: Ewohohohoho, I think he's out of commission! Woohoo!
Crystal: Great, now who's going to host?
(Brak pops up on screen)
Brak: OO! OO! (Raises hand in air)HEY! Heyheyheyhey! I could do it! I could do it!
Moltar: No, you couldn't. (hits button. Screen goes blank)
Brak: (from blank screen) That wasn't very nice!
Moltar: I'm not supposed to be nice! I'm a bad guy!
Crystal: I've got it!
(Crystal snaps her fingers. Moltar disappears, and pops into Space Ghost's desk)
Moltar: (looking around) Sweet!
Zorak: Hey! No fair! I should get to host! I was closer than he was!
Crystal: Yes, but he's the producer, and you're just the keyboarder. Besides, this is my story.
(Zorak grumbles)
Moltar: Wait, who's in the control booth?
(Switches to control booth. On the floor is a very dazed TOM)
Moltar: AH! YOU!
TOM: AH! YOU!
Moltar: You stole my job!
TOM: They said you quit!
Crystal: Hey, now, boys, save it for another story.
Zorak: (eyes widen) There's going to be OTHERS?!
Crystal: As long as there's boredom.
Zorak: (sigh) Man...
Crystal: Anyway, let's go on with the show.
Moltar: Er, right. Send in the next guest, TIM!
TOM: TOM!
Moltar: Whatever.
(TOM tries to figure out the control panel)
Moltar: The lever, dumb dumb!
TOM: I know. I was just trying to figure out what this button labelled 'Chair' would do.
Moltar: Oh, no, don't push that...
(TOM pushes the button. An electric shock is sent into the chair)
Moltar: AAAAHHHH!!
Zorak: Hey, you never told me you rigged his chair!
TOM: Sweet!
Moltar: (shaking head) You know what, TOM, you and me should meet in the control room after this. I have some repairs to do, and I could MELT YOU DOWN TO THE FLOOR! (Holds up fist, which starts to glow red)
TOM: Bring it!
Crystal: HEY! Come on guys! It's just one more part after this one! Not that long!
Moltar and Tom: OK...
(TOM pulls lever, presses button, and a screen with Neo on it comes down)
Moltar: Hey, dude, how's it goin'?
Neo: Fine, thank you. Now, what did you mean by 'heavy artillery'?
Moltar: Well, I just got some new SCRAP METAL that I can MELT DOWN and show you after the show!
Crystal: Moltar...
Moltar: Well I do. Just look behind TIM.
TOM: TOM!
Moltar: Whatever.
(Camera shot of control booth. Sure enough, behind TOM is a big pile of scrap metal)
(Back to stage)
Moltar: See? Anyhow, er, what are we supposed to talk about?
(There's a thud)
Zorak: Whoa, what was that?
Crystal: The sound of me hitting the floor.
Brak: (over intercom) Now why'd you go and do that? The floor never did anything to you....
Neo: (looking to his side) Good Lord! It's the bandicoot!
Crash: Coco, did Polar ever get his rabies shot...?
(Crash and Neo start fighting about taking over the world, Moltar and TOM start fighting about who the Toonami hosting job really belongs too, and Polar and Zorak get up and walk over to Space Ghost [who is still twitching]. Zorak starts to kick him. Brak goes on about cruelty to the ground ["All it did was give you a place to walk on...!"])
Crystal: (sigh) We'll be right back....
Annoucer: Still to come, Crystal Bandicoot herself! That is, if she can get all this chaos to stop!
[Commercial break]
(Scene opens. It's pretty much the same as we left it, except Moltar is gone)
Brak: (finishing)...And that's why we should respect the ground we walk on.
Crystal: (snore) Zzzzz...(wakes up) Hum? Wha? Oh, er... Where'd Moltar go?
Zorak: (kicks Space Ghost) Said something about "Teaching that job stealing wussie a lesson"
Crystal: Oh, great...
(Control booth)
Moltar: (Both hands glowing) Come on, wussie, show me what you got!
(TOM pulls out his rifle, and charges it up. He pulls the trigger, and it releases an energy blast big enough to blow up a wall, and it does. Moltar ducked out of the way just in time. The blast hits the wall behind him, completely destroying it)
Moltar: (looking at what used to be a wall) Man, I'm makin' sure that comes out of your paycheck!
(Back on stage)
Crystal: Great, who's going to interview me...?
Zorak: (stops kicking Space Ghost) I could!
Crystal: Er... k.
(Back in the control booth)
Crystal: (over intercom) Would one of you mind sending me in?
TOM: (Just about to fire) Er, ok!
(TOM reaches over to pull the lever, but is stopped by Moltar)
Moltar: Oh no you don't! You're not stealing this job, too!
(Moltar pulls the lever, presses the button, and is then hit over the head by TOM's gun)
(Back on stage)
Crystal: (being lowered down) (sigh) You men and your bloodthirst...
Zorak: (now in Space Ghost's desk) (eyes wide) Purple hair?
Crystal: What? You don't like purple?
Zorak: Naw, green's more my colour.
Crystal: I could tell!
Zorak: So, er, Crystal…
Crystal: Zorak…
Zorak: Crystal…
Crystal: Zorak…
Zorak: Crystal, what do you, er, look for in a guy?
All: What?!
Space Ghost: (popping up from floor) Zorak!
Zorak: AH! (Falls over)
Space Ghost: What kind of question is that?
Zorak: (from floor) One I'm sure many guys out there want answered!
Crystal: Er, well, one with a good chest...
Space Ghost: (Flexing) And wears white?
Crystal: Er, no, more of a navy blue.
(Control booth)
(Moltar and TOM stop, look at the screen, then each other, then back to the screen)
Both: WHAT?!
Moltar: You put him in here because you have a crush on him?!
(Moltar lets go of TOM, who falls to the ground)
(Space Ghost and Zorak look at each other wide eyed, Moltar is rolling on the ground laughing and pointing about TOM, Crystal's blushing, Brak is singing "Crystal and TOMMY, sittin' in a tree...", and Crash is riding on Polar chasing Neo)
Space Ghost: Er, yeah. Good night everybody!
Announcer: Next time, on Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Spyro the Dragon, Sparx the Dragonfly, and Hunter the Cheetah!
Site map -
Back to the Classics
Back to the Main Menu
Add-ons Ahoy!
Links to other sites
