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Every Game Needs One: The Back Story

So, why are all these hundreds of people fighting? Every good fighting game needs a compelling back story, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Anyways, this is the Capcom vs The World vs the Universe back story:

  • This war all started when Sailor Moon and the Legend of Dragoon crew realized that they both had the exact same set Divine Moon Artifacts. Each side declared war so they could gain control of both sets of the Dagger, Gem and Mirror talismans. The Dragoons call their friends in Legaia to wage their war. Meanwhile, a bunch of famous people decided that lesbians were the new target of pointless aggression. So they conclude that they must kill the Sailor Senshi while they are fighting their war. Of course, Dio from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is after Britney Spears; who's breast implants are believed to have magical powers. The other Stand Wielders cannot let him have the supreme silicon. While this is happening, the Rival Schools discover all their cheerleaders quit, so they head to Africa to get Jotaro's stand to wield mighty pompoms. The Darkstalkers pledge their loyalty to the schools, as long as they play games in the Dark World. Cyclops and the X-Men are tailing after the Darkstalkers, trying to reform these violent "Mutants". During the battle, Storm accidentally rains out a Dick Saucer concert, pissing off the Dragon Half crew. Dilandau and his dragon hunters are after Mink to get bounty money, while the Legend of Mana fighters are trying to kill Escaflowne for no good reason. Bob of Reboot wants to eliminate the source of pollution known of Legend of Mana. The computer entity known as Gilium has become lost in Mainframe, so the crew of the Outlaw Star must rescue him. Magneto wants Melfina to use her as a prototype to make a race of super mutants. Meanwhile, Dr Wily, running out of random robots, seeks out evil Mutants to use them futilely against Megaman. Goku and Earth's Special Forces joins Megaman, because each of the stage bosses has a dragon ball. Gally, the Battle Angel, begins spying on Dr Gero's androids for a power boost. In their random search for the O-part, Inaho comes to think that Gally is the O-part, dragging Mosquiton and his familiars with her. The latest heir of the Belmont clan is trying to make a name for himself by killing the famed Mosquiton. In another example of shear stupidity, Claude and Rena of Star Ocean hunt Dracula, thinking his heart is the elusive Sorcery Globe. Gemma, leader of Ninja Scroll's Devils of Kimmon, is attempting to steal Energy Nede's power, to improve his immortality. The Solaris Empire from the Xenogears Universe is studying Gemma's data, trying to give the Gazel Ministry true immortality.

    While all that is going on, Nintendo sends Mario and his fellow assassins to kill the Sony RPGers. Of course, where Nintendo goes, Sega is close to follow to one up their rival. However, Sonic is watching is back, because Spiderman is very hungry and spiders eat hedgehogs or something. The Galaxy Police of Jurai are chasing the alien symbiotes, Venom and Carnage. The officers are busy though, evading the time machine Epoch and its crew of teenagers, due to a minor fender bender. Team Rocket and a small army of Pokemon are tracking down Chrono to use the Epoch to go back in time to when they were popular. The damn pocket monsters are dodging missiles, however, as Sweet Tooth of Twisted Metal is sick and tired of selling Pokemon shaped Ice cream! Due to Sweet Tooth's new vehicle, the Transformers, Gundams, and Power Rangers are all spying on each other in a vain attempt to improve their respective robots. Unfortunately, all 85 million Power Rangers are being used as training dummies by the Dynasty Warriors. Even though they are different, the Ronin Warriors always attack the Dynasty. Square's Final Fantasy must have the best armor to defeat their enemy. Therefore, they try to take the Ronin's armor, because they can take everything they want. The warriors of the Battleship from Phastasy Star are pissed, because Square's guys keep stealing everything that?s not nailed down. The Samuria Pizza cats were cruising around the universe in the Supreme Catatonic and crash land on the planet currently being explored by the Phastasy Star Ship. Riding a random comet right behind them, Ryu and the Breath of Fire soldiers are chasing the cats, thinking that they might be relatives of Rei. Riding in a giant bathtub right behind THEM are the Digimon, because they want to figure out how Ryu, a human, digivolves. Riding in massive Overlords, the Zerg Swarms are chasing the monsters, trying to absorb their powerful morphing ability into the swarm. The rest of Blizzard is trying to stop that from happening. Sakura and the other Cardcaptors are using her Star Power to answer a question; "Is Diablo a Clow Card?". Unfortunately, the Clow Book called its other literature-based friends and revolt against holding her damn cards. Reading makes Homer something, something. When Musashi sees Homer, he just says "What a dumb looking wizard".

    Valkyrie and her Einherjar are simply awaiting the chance to get many powerful souls. Finally, the Street Fighters, King of Fighters, Killer Instinct, Iron Fist, Mortal Kombatants, and other random fighting game characters are fighting because THEY DON?T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING ELSE!!!! Except play puzzle games of course, and this is where the Bust a Move group comes into play.
    This concludes the back story. If there is anything you don?t understand, don?t worry. I doubt anyone else understood it either.
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