Why?

Author: Crysie

Rated PG-13

Genre: Romance

**~**

Why? It’s such a simple question that is asked hundreds of times a day, and more than half of the time, it isn’t answered. Why can’t you find someone you love? A question that is hard to answer. Why is there peanut butter in my sandwich? A more simple question that sometimes can be answered. Why did my parents (and adoptive parents) die in a car crash?

The answer was there, but in a way it wasn’t. It’s simple: both pairs of my parents died in a car crash, from a drunk driver, resulting in their death. But why was the person drunk? Why was it my parents who were killed? And why was it all four of my parents? Not only had I lost my birth parents to a drunk driver, but my adoptive parents too.

It was so cold the night they died. So very, very cold. I remember distinctly pulling on a red sweater from my closet because of the chilliness; I remember rubbing my hands for warmth, feeling the burning sensation travel through my body; I remember changing into a pair of fleecy pants, trying my hardest to warm up; and I remember gliding to the couch and pulling a blanket over my lap, while snuggling into a good philosophy book that I had borrowed from the library.

I felt comfort then, but there was none after the phone call.

It was Joe on the phone. I knew he was calling from the hospital because it was his shift that night. He worked as a student nurse and also took classes at the local university, still trying to become a doctor. But he was only twenty, not even done two years worth of university and wouldn’t be finished for a long time. But he insisted on getting practice, or maybe it was his father who insisted that. So when Joe called me during his shift, I found it peculiar, and immediately asked what was wrong.

“It’s your parents, Izzy.”

I immediately began to listen, my heart racing. “What about them?”

“There was a crash. They were brought on a stretchers, badly bruised.”

I leapt off the couch. “Are they okay? What happened?”

“A car crash. You better get down here, they might not...” he broke off, clearing his throat. “You better get down here.”

When I arrived to the hospital that night, it was too late. They were gone. Both. Memories now. Just distant memories that I would probably forget by the time I was seventy. That is if I lived that long.

Now it was two years later. Everything had changed since then. Everything. And it broke my heart in more ways than words can describe. My heart can never, ever be fixed. No matter how many people tried. Oh, there was always people trying. They tried taking me out places, taking me to dance clubs and even a strip joint. I wasn’t at all interested and despised them for trying. The only two who hadn’t shut me away (though I always tried to shut them away) were Matt and Joe.

The pair were a couple now. Deeply in love. I was so envious. I hated being around them the most. At least with the others they weren’t all dating. At least that’s what I think. I could be wrong now, since it has been more than a year since I talked to everyone else. The only ones who kept persisting to make me “happy” were Matt and Joe.

In fact, they had planned to take me somewhere tonight. I tried my best to shoo them away. I was willing to tell them to fuck off, and I did, but that only made them more persistent. But I didn’t give up, and finally they did. I was going to hold my ground firm... if only it wasn’t my birthday next week.

I hated my birthday, despised it with every bone in my body. Why? Here we go with the ‘why’ questions again... But this reason was simple. Age didn’t mean anything. Whenever adults found out if a person was a teenager, they look at them with a bad eye, as if all teensagers are bad. So to me, age means nothing. Besides, only a week after my birthday did my parents die, and so around this time of the year, I didn’t feel much like celebrating. Joe and Matt thought otherwise.

They said I better be counting on celebrating my birthday. I couldn’t refuse. Hell. I didn’t want to go, but I couldn’t refuse them. Not with the begging in their voices, for they had called dozens of times. I would have not answered the phone (I usually didn’t when I saw their name on Caller ID), but they caught me off guard.

Remind me never to doze off again. It was too natural of a habit to answer the phone when you jerk your head up from sleeping. Now I’m paying by going out next week.

I sighed and sat on the couch, curling against the arm and just praying that I wouldn’t cry. I missed them so much. At least I’m not living at home anymore. There would be too many memories. I had to sell the apartment.

The phone suddenly rang, jerking me out of my thoughts, and consciously, I answered it. “Izumi residence.”

“Hey Izzy. It’s Matt. Want to hang out?”

“I already told you: no. I don’t want to. I have more important things to do.”

“Like what?”

“I... I... just computer stuff. You wouldn’t understand.”

“No doubt in my mind that’s true. Now come on, Joe and I have a bit of a surprise for you.”

I groaned. “What?”

“It’s not called a surprise for nothing. Joe and I are on our way to pick you up.”

“You know, I could drive there myself.”

“Nonsense. It’s a surprise, remember?”

“Only too well. Fine, but if you aren’t here in fifteen minutes, I’m going to bed.”

Matt snickered. “Whatever. We'll be there soon.”

Great. Just great. I get to spend the evening with those two. I can’t stand them. I hate them... I really do. I can’t stand seeing them together. Why? Because they are so in love that it’s nauseating. I feel sick to my stomach every time I see them holding hands or kissing. Or even if they just pass a smiling glance, it just gets to me.

I’m jealous, that’s why.

I’m not in love with either of them. In fact, I should care less that they are together. But I’m just so miserable being all alone. It’s just that I hate being around others too. So the easier out of the two is to be alone.

To my dismay, Joe and Matt showed up at the doorbell less than ten minutes later, grinning. Immediately, Matt tugged on my arm, pulling me out into the cool night air. I shivered as I followed the blonde and bluette to their car.

Why was I doing this? Why? Again with the ‘why’ questions. Why?

“Where are we going?” I asked, tired of the silence.

“Like I said, it’s a surprise,” said Matt, unlocking the door to Joe’s car. He was rummaging through the front seat, and when he stood back up, he held a white cloth in hand. He simply handed it to Joe and nodded.

Joe smiled as he brought the cloth over my head, trying to tie it. I went to protest, but two hands grabbed my wrists, suspending my movements to protest. A firm tug ensured the blindfold was snug, and from preventing me to untie it, I felt the same kind of cloth wrap my wrists, leaving me to struggle to be free. I wasn’t free.

I was captive to my supposed friends.

I was gently placed in the back seat, like some kind of luggage. I could hear the ignition start the car, and soon, the small bumps from the potholes in the road caused me to hit my head against the side of the car.

“Ow,” I grumbled, wishing that I could rub my head, or better yet, escape the clutches of the two males, who weren’t really acting their age if you asked me. But nobody was asking. Everyone was doing without thought.

“He’s so cute when he’s grumpy,” said Matt. Though I couldn’t see him, I had the feeling he was rubbing Joe’s shoulder as he drove. Pure instinct. Or maybe it’s because I’ve seen it before.

“Well, he isn’t as cute as me, right?”

A small chuckle came from Matt. “No.”

Ugh, why me? Why me? I sighed when I realized my fate must be to put up with these two, but one thing I couldn’t help smiling about. That was the fact that Joe seemed... more loose. Even though Matt himself wasn’t that outgoing before, somehow by the time him and Joe were dating, they both did a one-eighty, though they did still keep some qualities the same.

Another bump sent my head against the car. Ouch. I didn’t bother complaining, for it would only provoke another conversation, and most likely, I would have to speak. So I bit my lip and cursed the ride over, for every few blocks, we hit another pothole.

The car finally stopped, but I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not. I mean, sure it was good to be at the destination, but do I really want to face the destination? The surprise that was awaiting for me? No, not really.

Though there was that curious side of me, the one that sometimes got me into trouble in the Digital World; and the one that also saved us many times when we would find ourselves in trouble, facing an opponent that I was able to plan a defeat against using my lap top; and the one that got the best of me the night I was at the hospital, grieving over my dead parents, that caused me to go take a one last look at their bodies. There ever so mangled bodies.

The car door opened and soft hands grabbed a hold of my arms, hands that belonged to a musician that enabled him to play his guitar, beautiful hands.

“Can I take off the blindfold?”

“No,” said Joe.

I was led... somewhere. I wish I knew where. Now my curiosity has gotten the best of me and I try to reach up with both of my hands, tugging on the blindfold.

“Izzy, don’t do that,” scolded Joe.

I sighed. I wasn’t going to escape. I was trapped for God knows how long. Was I going to last the night? Most likely. Was I going to enjoy it? Most likely not.

I could hear a door creak open, and from the sound of it, it sounded as if we entered some old building or something along the lines of that. Just when entering, it was much darker than outside. At least when we were outside, the moon lit up my surroundings, making it a tad easier to know where we were, or at least be half conscious. Now it was utter darkness, followed by a loud calling.

“Surprise!”

I couldn’t help but jump back in surprise, bumping into either Matt or Joe. I felt as if I had a surprise attacked forced on me, though that was partially true.

“Happy birthday, Izzy.”

It sounded like Sora’s voice, but he wasn’t about to jump to any conclusions.

“But it isn’t my birthday until next week!”

“We know. But we also know that you wouldn’t have come out with us next week, so we dragged you out tonight instead,” explained Joe.

“Oh.” I was disappointed. I really didn’t want to be here. I mostly hated the fact that I couldn't see anything, though now a dim light was passed faintly through the blindfold, giving me some vision through the white blindfold. I could see a partial outline of a crowd of people... lots of people. “How many people are here?”

“I don’t know,” replied Matt. “Joe?”

“I think around fifty.”

Since when did I know fifty people? Now I felt mad, and mostly asphyxiated, for I felt tiny in this large group of people, though the only ones who were close were Matt and Joe.

“Hey Izzy, happy birthday.” It was Mimi’s voice he realized when he was brought into a tight hug, probably by her. “Sora, honey, doesn’t Izzy look wonderful?”

Mimi actually saying that about me? She’s just trying to make me feel better. Wait, Sora and her are together? Who else is together?

My question was only answered when slight conversations broke out, with some familiar voices, and some that weren’t, which I guessed were from the people I didn’t know well.

“TK, let’s begin dancing,” a voice pleaded, which I couldn’t remember.

“Sure, but let me grab us a drink first.”

A muffled cry came from someone - I couldn’t distinct who, though. This was beginning to frustrate me. Not only was I finding out that all my friends were dating each other, and most of them gay, but I couldn’t even see anything.

“Hey Izzy, drink this.”

I knew who’s voice that was. Yolei. I suddenly found the cup to my mouth, and I naturally parted my lips and allowed the cool liquid to run down my throat. Alcohol. It had the bitter taste of alcohol. I shuddered, but shrugged it off because I knew of I didn’t get drunk, this night would last forever. If anyone heard me say that, they wouldn’t think of me as Izzy. They would think of me as an entirely different person.

I was suddenly pulled away, and I could hear the distinct laughter coming from Joe, Matt and Yolei. Curse you all. Who was pulling me away? I was going to ask, but loud music came bearing on, and shouts of excitement came. People whirred around me; I felt them brushing against me, talking about dancing.

I’m on the dance floor. That was the last conclusion and concrete thought I had before my abductor slipped their hands around me. Now I was certain it was a male, unless this female didn’t have breasts and had a large amount of arm hair, it had to be a man. But who?

His - or her - arms wrapped around my waist, drawing me towards them, my back against their stomach. Lips brushed past my ear, causing me to shiver.

“You are really beautiful, you know that?”

Now I knew it was a male. But the voice was forced and didn’t sound normal, as if the person was disguising their voice. By my luck, that was probably true.

“Who are you?”

“If I told you that, it wouldn’t be fun. Here, have a sip of this. It’ll make you all better.”

I shouldn’t have listened. I should have ran for my life, told Matt and Joe never call me again and tell the world to leave me alone. Did I do that? No. I bloody well took the drink, swallowed it in fast gulps, the drink spilling from the sides, and dropped the cup when empty.

Now I felt dizzy. Swirls of colors - though I was blind folded, I could see the brightness through - blurred my vision more than already, while I also found it hard to stand.

He held me up, his hands above my waist, swaying slightly to the music. I leaned my head to his chest, falling slightly into his strong arms. A chuckle escaped his throat and I couldn’t help but turn around.

“Tell me who you are.” But even asking that didn’t make anything less confusing. I found myself being engulfed by both his arms and the drink. I held my head, trying to process some kind of thought, some kind of feeling, but nothing.

“Let’s dance.”

We walked a few steps, him holding my hands because I couldn’t do anything by myself, and then we stopped. I felt it hard since my hands were still tied, but he simply put my hands over his neck. At first I had to adjust to him being taller than me, but like anything, you adjust. After all, when your parents die, and then more parents die, you just adjust. It was as simple as that for me.

**~**

I looked at Matt curiously, watching him as he stared at the two new dancers.

“Don’t worry, Izzy will be treated right.”

“I hope so, Joe. I hope so. I want Izzy to have fun. He needs it. He can’t be alone anymore. He won’t be. At least I hope not.”

**~**

We danced for hours on end, not stopping once. It seemed like only a few short minutes, but I heard someone talking about the time, finding out how long I’d actually been there. I finally leaned against him, trying to get comfortable because a cramp in my arm was forming.

“Want to rest?”

“Yeah.”

I felt him duck out of my arms, and then he pulled me away. We seemed to be walking for ages and I finally asked.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see. You’ll see. Here, drink this.”

I engulfed another drink, though that left me feeling woozy again and unable to think properly. I shouldn't have drunk it.

I was lead... somewhere. I could hear the door shut, followed by an eerie silence only to be broken by a moan when his lips met with mine. Somewhere between kissing, my clothes were pulled off, and I was pushed onto the cold floor...

**~**

A delightful laugh escaped the blonde’s lips, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“You are too cute.”

“No way, you are.”

“Where’s your brother and Joe?” I asked, suddenly looking about the dance floor.

“I’m not sure. They probably gabbed a room or something,” said T.K., beginning to laugh again. He grabbed a hold of me and whispered something. “Let’s go find a room of our own. Mimi said this used to be an apartment building before the owners changed it into a club. And when she rented it out, she told me - Matt, actually - that there is still a bunch of rooms, they just don’t have beds and stuff.”

“What good will that do?”

TK raised his eyebrow. “Don’t be silly. You actually think that’s going to stop anybody for going there? Maybe we should go there.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m serious Davis,” said TK, swaying slightly. “I know how to show you a good time.”

“You always do!”

“I know.”

**~**

A groan escaped my lips as I forced myself to sit up, holding the side of my head.

“Morning sleepy head.”

I finally noticed that I was no longer tied up or had the blind fold on. And I noticed I was somewhere where I didn’t want to be: Matt and Joe’s apartment building.

“Where is he?”

“Who?” asked Joe, who appeared to be the only one up.

“I don’t know who! Whoever took me away dancing and... and...” My memory was fuzzy, and that made me angrier than ever. I could vaguely remember dancing and then laying on a cold stone floor...

“Hey guys. Morning.” Matt walked groggily into the kitchen, placing a quick kiss on Joe’s lips. Then he attended to the stove, where he cracked a few eggs into a frying pan.

“Who was with me?”

“Who are you talking about?”

I sighed in frustration. Neither of them were either planning on telling me who the mysterious person was. And neither of them were going to tell me how I ended up here.

“I want to go home.”

**~**

The first thing I noticed when I got home was a small envelope addressed to me. It’s return address was from Tai. The last time I heard from Tai was when he moved to America, wanting to finish his schooling there for some bizarre reason. It was funny because a month after he moved there (which was three years ago), Mimi ended up moving back here, and now I guess she is with Sora.

I looked back at the letter and began opening it on my way into the flat. I began to read.

Dear Izzy,

How are things going? For me, it’s going all right, I guess. My recent girlfriend broke up with me, but that doesn’t matter. Anyway, I know it will be your birthday soon. By the time you get this, your birthday will probably be a week away, and I’ll be there to celebrate it with you. That’s right, I’m coming back to Japan, and most likely I’m going to be living there again. So this visit is basically to look for an apartment, and spend your birthday with you.

How’re your parents doing? I hope your mom is still making those yummy cookies. I miss those. It'll be nice to come back to a familiar scene. Things haven’t exact been easy for me. I miss you and the others.

I’m dying to know what’s been happening. I haven’t really kept in contact with anyone, not even Kari. I’m going to call her after I write this, and just maybe we could be close once again. How are Sora and Matt? Are they still dating, or are they history? I hate to say this, but I hope so. Matt deserves someone better, and Sora... she does too, I guess. What I’m trying to say is they are a bad couple.

What about you? Are you seeing someone? Do you have a special someone. I’m sure you do. You’re so smart and wise, someone must love you unconditionally. I am so envious of you, Izzy. I always wanted to be smart like you. Then again, I’m jealous of everyone. Matt for his good looks and talents in the fine arts, Sora for her kindness and love, and many others, but I won’t go naming a whole list.

I never was commended for being superior in anything. Well, except one time. I remember before I left, and everyone was wishing me goodbye, you hugged me and said that you were jealous of me. Why Izzy? I’ve wondered that for years now, just thinking and thinking about why you are jealous of me. So when I come, I want to talk to you because it is driving me crazy!

Well, my pen’s beginning to die out, and I know I should be able to afford a new one, but I can’t. Take care, Izzy. I’ll be there soon.

Warmest regards,

Tai

Wow, I have never received something so intriguing from Tai before. Since when did he think so much? And he doesn’t know about my parents...

There was a loud knock at the door, and resolutely, I went to answer it. I opened the door to find a very tired looking man with ruffled clothing and matted hair. But I immediately recognized him.

“Tai! What are you doing here? I just received you letter only moments ago.”

“I had to come, Izzy. If you remember something I said in the letter, about calling Kari after, I had to come after I talked to her. I already had mailed the letter, and when I talked to her, she told me about... something, so I decided to come. I must have seemed like such a goof.”

Tai didn’t seem to be making much sense to me. “When? In the letter? I don’t blame you at all, I––”

“Does this refresh your memory?” said Tai, as he leaned towards Izzy, his lips brushing past his ears. “Let’s dance.”

Izzy jumped back, feeling shock take over. He wanted to say something, but wasn’t exactly sure what to.

“I’m sorry, Izzy. When I talked to Kari, she told me about your party, but not about your parents. But I heard somewhere that you weren’t yourself lately and so I decided to cheer you up by having some fun with you. I didn’t know anything about your parents, not until I talked to Matt this morning. Then I came here, hoping I could get the letter before you got it. I didn’t want to seem like an idiot to you, considering I already must be one.”

I was trying to adapt everything he was saying and make some kind of sense of it. I did, but I struggled with the words. “So you slept with me?”

“Yeah I did. I wanted to cheer you up because I just assumed you were upset about some girlfriend breaking up with you.”

“So you assumed I’m gay and wanted to sleep with you?”

“No... I just realized I was gay, that’s why my most recent girlfriend broke up with me. And when I found out about everyone last night, Matt and Joe, T.K. and Davis, Ken and Kari, Mimi and Sora, and Yolei and Cody all dating each other, I just couldn’t bear not seeing you with anyone.”

“You got me drunk and slept with me.”

“I like you a lot, Izzy. More than you know it. I’ve always liked you in a way that I’m not sure what it means. I’ve always been jealous at how smart and talented you are, and then I realized... that I’m in love with you.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Iz, you don’t have to say anything. Actions speak much better than words.”

He leaned forward, placing a delicate kiss on my lips, and all I could do was kiss back.

~*~ The End~*~