Contravening the guidelines on health,
Butcher George likes exposing himself,
But he hides it away
In the sausage display
When young ladies come up to the shelf.

There was a young woman named Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they never went soft.

There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle.

A virgin with eyes that were blue,
Was told that it's sinful to screw.
So she rubbed on her clit,
But swore that she'd quit,
At least in the next year or two.

I know a young blonde lass called Flossy
Who some say is remarkably Saucy
Once, on meetin' John Wayne
Says she "Hey - I'm for layin"
"How 'bout you - and the rest of your posse!"

There was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He whipped out his penis
And woke up with a handfull of goo!

There once was a man with a member,
That would only stand up in December,
He said, "It's too cold,
For a hard-on so bold,
I wish it would work in September!"

There was a young lady from China,
Who had an enormous vagina,
And when she was dead,
They painted it red,
And used it for docking a liner.

There was a young fellow named Biddle,
Was seldom hard up for a diddle,
For according to rumor,
His tool had a tumor,
And a fine row of warts down the middle.

His brother, a bastard named Ben,
Could rotate his pecker, and then
He would shoot through his rear,
Which made him the dear
Of the girls, and the envy of men.

His other young brother, named Saul,
Was able to bounce either ball,
He could stretch them and snap them,
And juggle and clap them,
Which earned him the plaudits of all.

They all had a friend, name of Lee,
Whose pecker hung down to his knee,
If he hadn't a' tied it,
The girls they'd all ride it,
And he never could use it to pee.

Said a swinging young lady named Lyth,
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
"Try as hard as I can,
I can't find a man,
That it's fun to be virtuous with."

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves,
Likes to jack off the young men she loves,
She will use her bare fist,
If the fellows insist,
But she really prefers to wear gloves.

A comely young widow named Ransom
Was ravished three times in a hansom:
When she cried out for more,
A voice from the floor
Cried: 'Lady, I'm Simpson, not Samson!'

There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.

There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock
(With the proper sized cock)
Came Toccata and Fugue in D minor.