Here is my poetry, and sometimes my journal,just a little bit though. Enjoy!



The words of truth fall deaf on the ears of the ignorant

and I waited and prayed,
that the sun would rise that day.
I pushed this reality to the side, 
and hoped for once, the dark would hide-
just for a moment, even a second
and I turned away, I tried to beckon
the world from it's hate; it's awful wrath
and used my blood to pour a new path;
broke my bones and built chapels of faith
ripped from my breast, torn from the gate
where my soul rests, waiting for the call.
I sat and waited. I walked the empty halls.
I could hear them outside, screaming his name
their torture and shame, all the penalty for being vain
and still their ears fall deaf to me
and they cried and shouted,
    "How could this be?
     However could this beauty end like this?
     End in such suicide, yet end in bliss?"
and I told them again,
    "Darker days are coming,
     and you can put your soul to rest when you hear
     the insects humming. And the earth spreads her
     legs and the mountains fall.
     And you will go to shout in terror, but his name 
     is all you will call."


Even Now
Part I



Even now, I feel no pain
Even in the shadows of these days
That have passed away, dead
And crumbled to ash beneath 
Our feet which trod on this now empty
Street from whence children's dreams bore
Life into the futile remains of what is now
And this day, my eyes look towards
What is above us, what looks upon us
And the shadows of clouds pirouette
On the glass of my eyes, on my lashes
Which bar me from seeing the pain
Within the sky, upon this night
That has painted black across the stars
So black as the day which began this
These many years of silence
Which fall upon our screaming ears
And drowns our dying voices
Of things we know, of this day
That has turned another page
In my book, I open in my palms
And I see the scars on my flesh
The dried blood beneath my fingertips
And I see faces, the faces of those
The ones I tried to save by words
I hear their mouths open in the lines
Of my hands which hold this story
In my palms, in my fists which clench
With the anger of the past and tomorrow
Which brings the same sorrow, the same
Always and forever more
No resolution, no change in the way 
We will see how this ends, how this
Begins all the same, by rising sun
And falling skies upon our shoulders
Which bare the mark of forgotten days
Of forgotten names of those who once walked
With us in the street of glitter and gems
Of shining gold and diamonds
Of the broken windows and world
That has been raped by the most famous
Violator; the one who always asks for more
Even though he will take without asking
Intent is without asking
Whose face is pink, and eyes, the eyes
Are the windows to which we look
Upon this world, this falling brick
This melting metal, searing our flesh
When we dare taste it, dare to dream
Of what could have been, of what was
Before the sun fell and the clouds rolled
Beneath our feet as we painted
This past with our blood and their's
Their blood which we shed, which we fed
Upon to make a better world, to make up
For what we never could have had.



Part II



The scent of the copper, even now
Still lingers in my nostrils
Burning from the inside, charring
My brain of what I can never have
Dying from the outside, falling
From my eyes, my river of days
Fallen behind, too far to reach
But near enough, I can touch
Them, feel them in my veins
I can hear them screaming 
Their breaths from their silent lips
Nailed shut with crucifixes of silver
And gold pendants of men who walked
And were given wings of flight
Wings to fly away from here, escape
What has become our life
The story is read in our hands
Our wrinkles, our lines that talk
Of what we have seen before
Before the sun rose and night
That never dies, that dark 
That drowns the light, smothering
Tighter as I clench my fist
And scratch my pain from my eyes
Wipe away the fear and let it dry
Like the dead leaves of the trees
That dance in the wind to the silence
Of the deafening music that plays
From our hands, from our lips
It is sung, shouted, and gasping







Ramblings..........



In the days I last laid eyes upon
In the nights I wept my tears on
The black that held my hand so tight
And the slice the made my wrist so bright

I felt you inside me crying
I heard you behind me dying
Your eyes reflecting in the red
My fangs glistening at what you'd said

The moon that died to clouds and rain
That fell asleep and never woke again
Your tender hands that held me steady
As I gnashed my fear and soon drew ready

My pain, I fear, is yours to feel
This night of dreams has become quite real
The shadows dance upon our silhouettes
And demons leap and pirouette

As music plays to our beating hearts
And words fall silent as the dying starts
"Kiss me now, and kiss me forever",
I said to him as his flesh did sever

To the razor porcelain below my lips
And the cradling arms around his hips
"To kiss you now is never again",
He said to me as he rolled his head

In the nook of my neck, baring white
And my jugular pounding, as I try not to fight
For in this hour, his life lost to me
For my need to survive, for me to be

I that have hunted him, and soon shall unto you
There is no reason, there is no "who"
That will be next…..just faces and flesh
Flowing blood that will soon come to rest

Fill my belly, barrel through my veins
Live in me, even though you are slain
Live forever, for I am to pay
For the murder, for the rape

And the tears wept for us all
Will cease to flow when hate comes to a halt
As I lay to rest in your blackened hearts
Know I too, am in all of you, we will never part



......................................
I think of weary days
In this rain swept black
Of night upon us
And days that end
In the shatter of glass
Through my hands
Feed my wrist
Come to me
And lick my lips
Kiss me here
Kiss me now
Let this end
Take my breath
Take my life
Steal what you can
For when I die again
You will be to pay
To I can die
Again
Over and over
Till death be none
Unto me, into you
Till I can die nevermore
And live but forever



..........................
Words and words upon paper I wrote
For what, for you to read?
For you to see and laugh
Cannot understand, or know why
Know what is in my head
Know what feeds me
But you
Yes, you
You feed me, my starving 
My craving tongue
That wants to lap your life
Away from you
Away from here and your eyes
I want to be what you see
What you hear
When death tries you
Tries to steal you from me
But, you are mine
Mine to take
Mine to kill
Mine to become me
And feed me
Nourish me with your filth
Your dirty world 
That has fed you for so long
And nourished you
Made your belly full
Fills mine now
Full
Warm
Wet dreams and vinyl lips
Red with lust, red with hunger
But full
So very full now of you
And your life, your dirty
Cleanliness
Ramblings
Words now, of a night
Which died to daylight
And sun and clouds
And rain now
Rain rain
Falling red on my lips









Frozen February



Whispering lips of secrets untold
Days draw near, the silver clouds hold
The beauty of night, waiting to be
Bore in a mass of skeletal trees
Dancing and singing, they wave their arms
"farewell" to the day and sound the alarms
for the sun is sleeping and stars rejoice
for now they can sing, their light's their voice
and laughter of wind tickles the leaves
remember this night, for you see what you believe
dreams escape from the windows of babes
and run in the cemeteries, stomp on the graves
blue, orange, and yellow moonglow drench
the green in a down-pour of dew, sure to cleanch
your eyes wide open, for time passes flesh
and forever it will when the beating in your breast
comes to a halt for one final time
and you'll never remember when the sun did shine
when it basked the day and the stars would run
the length of the sky, season after season
and the rustling of the clouds was the only reason
to open your flesh and feast on the day
and run in the sea of this harvest that lays
between the beauty of black and the burn of light
look to the skies and turn your fear of night
Into wings of flight and feathers falling
Like rain on the day and damned creatures mawling
On the remains of our home, don't die to sight
For your belief in what you see may cloud your only light
To guide you through this blacken smolder of life
That has been built on our shoulders swept
By knife ice wind and stale tears wept
For the damned, the repentive, and the saved
Only to be blistered by this pain we lit ablaze
So let me draw up my sword and adorn in metal
For when I shout, halos will fall like petals
From a rose in the darkest sanctuary
On this day I call frozen February










The Call



Water rolls down hills of peach
Stretching out my hand, I can almost reach
The end of this day, and unto thee I say
Goodbye to the sun and a bid to the day
A sweet farewell and a thank you
For keeping me alive and bringing me to
The end of this world that was not supposed to be
The smothering of the light that was saved for me
Rays of pain dying to the seas of tears
Wiping my fist, I'll scratch all my fears
Of leaving you, of leaving them by selves
Left to fend, and we'll draw up our swords
Molded by sin and painted by words
That scream out from the silent below
In boxes of pine buried under the snow
And rotting dirt of this dying hom
That we have built, save our bones
For chapels erect and collect our tears
To baptize our wrath from drawn-away years
We have given just for it all
To come to this, and wait for the call
When we'll put on our armour
And lock behind us our doors
To these buildings from whence we leave
And never return to, so we'll make believe
That this pain we feel is how it is to be
Scarred on our foreheads, this terror we see
Is weighted on our shoulders, strapped
To our ankles, shackled and wrapped
With lavender ribbons and scented lilac
Of sweet summer winds when time fell back
To stand dead before our face
And we ignored the truth, we stood to taste
The blood we've shed to save our souls
And with every final breath, the bell has tolled
Close to time, closer to the end
Stitches break and we are unable to mend
The harvest of damned we have reaped
So we turn our eyes to the skies and ready to meet
The fate that was bore unto us undeniable pain
And shout with laughter as this blood pours down like rain







Even Now
Part III



Under the shadows of passion
I have found solace in despair
Of watching broken horizons 
And sunlit moons
Razor tresses tickling my chin
Foreign fingers tracing my mind
Searching for my secrets
Hunting for my key
Buttery wine dripping off
My fingers, craving what I was
But wings, they do not
Permit me to remember
Things once thrown to the crows
Left for the dogs, haunt even still
Crucifixes brand my skin
Marking territory for halos
Forging kisses upon my forehead
You still recognize me
Even now 






Dreams



Ashen clouds have rained their sin on this day
And you look to the sky and wait for me to say
That this will all be over soon, that this was all 
A dream. That this is all you could call
The worst of what has been and what will be
But, this is the beginning and the dancing trees
Swing their arms to the steady beat of death
That has stolen from us our last sweet breaths
That have escaped from our lips when we glanced
To the stars and knew they no longer danced;
No longer played in the harvest of this wind
That once blew kisses on our sin-stained skin
Our homes have crumbled to dirt and dust
And sparkle like an ocean in the burning sun
Atop the melting tar beneath our feet
As we trod through these now empty streets
Of this world we have built on the shoulders of hell
And below the roaring blasts of forgotten angels
I pull my coat tightly across my chest
Shielding them from the heart within my breast
For I know if I let them in they will suck me dry
And I will be an empty shell like this world I leave behind
Words of truth fall deaf on the ears of the ignorant
And children of the day have run from their surrogate
Mothers to find place within the soil and the rot
Of this ground we have built our lives upon and sought
Pleasure from within the petals of dying flowers
So now the clouds crack like glass and blood showers
Down from the martyrs sitting atop the mountains gray
With their wrists slit open and life flooding from their veins
Spread across the earth from end to end
Their legs spread the vastness of the ocean dead
And between their thighs comes the birth of the damned
And the crippled souls brought here through the condemned
To be counselors and saviors to the ones who've lost their eyes
And whose mouths have been sewn shut with rusted puppet's lines
From their breasts, seeds of what was pours down and floods
The river banks with hope of destruction and death to the tenor
Of this hell that sings to us, which we praise and honor
With each rising of the flaming light in the sky, but now
Yes,  now, the music that blares is blood in our ears
And we scratch it away, wiping with it our tears
Our knees fall to dust and we crawl through this plague on our pleas
And what fate befalls us next, ne'r are we to see
For our eyes are seared from the burning skies and clouds
That roll in from the sea and roar with empty sounds
Of the marching angels that wear robes of golden flames
So, the babes are chosen, their purity hides no shame
And their candy sugar skin is laquered in metal
And faces hide their cheeks that once glowed like petals
From their hands, rods of steel slice into our hearts
For the innocence we see within deceives our fragile thoughts
That these little beings, these ones waiting to be us
Will destroy the past and build anew one only they can trust
That is the end and how it began, forever after
And the only music now, is their ever growing laughter






Tomorrow



Time passes flesh, and the clock ticks away
I wish there was a way for them to hear what I say
Dark days are coming, the end of now
Draws near; ears fall deaf as they wonder how
It could ever end like this
End in suicide, end in bliss
These days that began with birth of light
Will soon die and all will fall to night


 




Home



Up unto the ends of the earth I will walk
Until the last brick falls from the highest building
And the last tear is shed from the rivers
When the sun has no strength to rise again
You will find me
Follow my screams and my trail
Of wept dreams I have left behind for you
I will be sitting in the darkest corner waiting
For you
In tattered silk and wings matted
To my skin of dead butterflies and scars
About my wrists and ankles
The trail will lead you there to where
The walls are scratched from my nails
And my footprints are the only artwork
Upon the tapestries that hang
In this absence of light I look
Out my window, waiting for you
To find me
And I'll wear my halo as a veil for you
And my wings shall be my dress
My vow to you is my blood
And your words to me are your chains
For here, you cannot leave
When you find me, you will never look again
Never leave again
And we can dance amongst the bones 
That have built this chapel
Held together by tears of damnation
And blood of martyrs
And I can brush the hair from your face
With my sin-stained hands
When the wind blows out our lights of hope
And kiss your brow when your crown
Tears your flesh
And when the mourning light does appear
We can lie and turn to ash
And let the rain turn us to steam
So we can float up to the heavens
And finally go home







Suicidal XTC



Glittering steel slices through alabaster and a thick maroon draws up 
and flows like milk onto the marble. 
My knees are folded beneath me and my arms stretched beside me. 
I can hear it, like rain on the windows; dancing. 
It sings to me, whispers my hopes and my fears to me. 
I draw my hands up, washing my face with it's honey sweet goodness. 
I wear it upon me as makeup and dye my sins with it. 
Shaking my head, I paint the walls behind me. 
I rolls like tears down my face and wets my lips like a hungry lover, 
but tastes twice as sweet. 
It rolls on my tongue like mercury and swims down my throat. 
The harder I press, the quicker it flows, the quicker I can leave. 
I press my face to the ground and listen for their footsteps; 
I know that they are coming. 
I can hear them whispering, I can hear them hunting. 
I can smell their rot of life and hear the silver at their side, 
clinging and clanging. 
I close my eyes and imagine that if I wish hard enough, I can leave this place.
But, as I open them, I only see bars and everything is red and black, 
and, I see them. 
They are standing in a room, a red room. 
They are holding a girl in their arms and words…..
the words they speak are of tongues to me. 
They sprinkle her with water and paint crosses on her forehead. 
They lay her on her back and with one final gesture, 
close her eyes, forever. 
Now all I see is black, 
and I cannot even hear them anymore.













Silent Prison



Breath escapes from silent lips, a silent prison
and eyes scream of words waiting to be arisen
with the morning flame where silver dreams part
and ebony goes to rest in the absence of hearts



Flesh reaches to flesh in attempt for peace
to be settled, and a yearning voice to be reached
so ears of wanting can swim in the river
for an unbeating heart's messenger is waiting to deliver



This tale that they both know too well
and unto one, has entrapped an undeniable hell
chains have rooted like toes of an oak
encased in concrete, every pore is soaked



And with every rise of the day it is sure to grow
…if only I could tell you, if only you could know
that the voice that shouts from my eyes
grows louder with every sweet breath of your sighs



And when they ask me," for what do you care?"
I can only think of you, I have nothing left to bare



But paper and ink and these words I give to you
And if it doesn't matter I hope you see through
My giddy laughter and "perfect" life that really isn't 
Is only shielding me in my silent prison








True Love



Tongues collide and shadows of skin pirouette
On the wall amid the glow of a day's silhouette
A room stained with the remnants of sweet liquor
And the cooling puddles of melted paraffin growing thicker
Thick black kohl smudges eyes of gray
Trying to conceal the scars of searing memories
A soft mouth traces the outline of glossy lips
Lined with the crimson of life and rhythm swaying hips
Glide with the thunder of electronica behind
The grinding of flesh and intoxicated minds
Eyelashes fall drowsy and thicken the sin
Passing the gates of words awaiting from within
And wings of pleasure arch your back and close
The drapes on this night of bitter lust that arose
So now I'll sit, damp body and a smeared face
And look about this empty room which your left ne'r a trace
Except this fucking sickness that ever plagues me
Knowing when you leave, you find solice in another's being
Will I have the courage just to walk away
Or will I silence my lips and keep my submission at bay?
"are you worth it?", is what comes to mind
are you worth as much as you steal of my time?
For me to lay my halo down at my feet and defile
My body unto yours and enjoy this flesh for just a while
I could surrender myself to you and give all I have
I could be anything you want, you just have to ask






Death of Myself



i can hear you breathing, even though you are far
i can feel your heart beating, deep and hard
your eyes wandering across the blank walls
your fingers stretching towards an empty call
the hollow husk of my voice echoing tonight
louder now that i am blind from your hungry sight
flesh twitching,crawling; making love to insects
aching for my touch as dreams barrel and project
holes in your head, scratching your brain like nails
pounding harder as i scream your name through rails;
bars of time and miles that pull you from me
rape me with hope and caress me with memories
your arms beneath me as you arch your soul to mine
and the warm saliva that pools when i say it is time
when my hunger becomes too great; too painful to cheat
and your veins pulse beneath your tender, sweetened meat
sweeter than nectar, than the kisses you lay upon me
between my thighs, grasping you more tightly
when you say them to me, the words that drown
my tears, my cries i had wept without a sound
that flowed unseen, for i chose to bleed alone
chose to run the razor, and in my gash find a home
till i looked into your eyes and found they were as deep
as neverending as nights when all i could do was weep
and i found that i could live there, live in you
your eyes eating my soul, painting your view
your flesh becoming mine as you breathe into me
breath after breath as our skin becomes a sea
and you look to me, and steal from me my soul
and i to you; now we are even, now we are whole






Regret



i can still smell you even though we are dead
i can still hear you, words pounding in my head
beating, scratching their way out of the grave
i cannot bury the memories of what we had
of what i loved for so long
of what i can never have again
god, i miss you 
i still love you
i still look for you, even though i know you are far
i can still feel you making love to me
our eyes meeting in the mirror
kissing even though touch died
a lonely death the day i left
i would trade these past years
for 10 minutes with you
just to see your vast ocean of green
even to look disappointedly at me
to gaze at me and scold me
is far better than living without you
we sealed our fate with hope
undying hope that haunts me even still
murderous.
suicide.
i can feel you though
i know you look, too
i know you still love, still live
with me, as i love unto you
i would have rather never felt the pain of losing love
and suffered the consequences of lonliness
my world is still you
i am still living in you, without you
without your flesh
that caressed me so gently
dining on my tears
come find me
i am waiting for you
throw your doubt to hell
throw your fears to them
wrap your wings around me
and let me live in the heaven
that is you