Then Strip

by: Banshee Puppet

Okay guys n' gals, standard disclaimers appl*y. I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor do I own any of it's characters. This is not for profit, just for enjoyment. Cheers!

Plot sketch and Warnings: Sequel to Crossed Wires. Yaoi. Some graphic language, but not much.
Seifer POV…well, mostly. Irvine sections in italics.
After the girls’ plot to get Seifer and Irvine together, things don’t go exactly as planned. Seifer wants to keep his relationship with Irvine a secret, but Irvine gets the feeling that Seifer is ashamed of him. Can the lovers find a happy ending?

Have you ever done anything really stupid? I’m not talking about misplacing your keys sort of stupid either. I mean just plain idiotic. Like nearly ruining your own life. I have. Boy have I ever! I’m trying to come up with one of those great, “it all started when” sentences, but I’m not really sure when it all started. But as with all great ‘I fucked up’ stories, it’s all about the guy. You know, the one. The forever guy. Okay, I guess for some people, it’s all about the girl. But not me. No sir. My name’s Seifer Almsay, and I’m gay.
Heh. That sounds so stupid, but you have no idea how long it took me to say those dumb words out loud. I guess I’ve known for a long time. I mean, there was this guy I grew up with, Squall, I knew I was into him in that way pretty much around the time hormones kicked in. Puberty bites, what can I say? But this story isn’t about him. It’s about the real love of my life. With Squall, it was first love, but the thing about Irvine was, I just knew, I couldn’t live without him, and I didn’t want to try to.
Irvine Kinneas, a flirty, gun-toting cowboy with auburn hair and deep blue-violet eyes for whom love lasted as long as the moment; that’s what I thought. But I was wrong. It took getting locked in a classroom together for us to admit it—we were in love and wanted to be together. All works out right? In theory anyway. But I wanna tell you what came after that, and why I’m an idiot. Can’t forget about me being an idiot, after all.

I walked him back to his room and told him I’d see him tomorrow, gave him a pretty tentative kiss goodnight. When I was ready to go, he stopped me with a strong grip on my wrist.
“Now, I know you can do better than that,” he teased.
So we kissed again, less tentatively, but not really passionately. It was just, ya know, kinda sweet. And he smacked my ass playfully when I turned to go. Anyone else would’ve been killed for that, but when I turned and saw that impish grin, I couldn’t help but smile back at him. I shook my head.
“Don’t do that again,” I warned him.
“Haha! Go get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, “ he replied. “G’night baby.”
“Goodnight Irvine,” I said, secretly loving the way he said ‘baby’ and knowing that it was directed at me.

The next day, I was nervous as hell. I wanted to see Irvine(couldn’t wait to see him, really) but I didn’t know how I was supposed to behave when I did. If there was no on around, that was one thing, but what if there were other people with him? Nobody knew. Would they respect/fear me less if they knew? I couldn’t even say it aloud to my reflection. I could say, “I love Irvine Kinneas,” but I couldn’t say, “I love him,” or “I’m gay.” Not aloud, anyway. Fujin and Raijin knew and they still treated me the same, so what was the problem? I loved him, right? So I could do this. I was Seifer Almsay, not some chicken-wuss. I could do this. I must have repeated “I can do this” in my head a million times that day.
I couldn’t do it. Shit. I just wasn’t ready. I realized it the second I walked into the cafeteria.
There he was, sitting with the usual group—Squall and Rinoa, Quistis and Nida, Selphie and Zell. And he looked up and…smiled at me.
So, I did the only thing my pride would allow. I looked at him, smirked slightly, and went on my way, ignoring him and Fujin kicking me in the shin, ate my lunch as quickly as possible and figuratively ran out of there with my tail between my legs.
I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but what would have been the right thing? Smile back, go over, give him a kiss on the cheek and pull up a chair? I wasn’t ready for that, and because I wasn’t ready, I panicked. Besides, nobody knew he was into me either. Wasn’t it weird for him? I mean he was known to be a ladies’ man. What would this do to his repuation? Did he even care? Maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for a while.

I thought I was going to be sick. Wait, let me clarify; I have this boyfriend who’s a total jerk. He likes to pretend I don’t exist in public, like people are going to think less of him, or something, if they knew that I very much do exist. But pretty much everybody already knows about us(everyone important anyway), and they don’t give a hot damn. He’s macho, and arrogant, and beautiful. As for me? My name’s Irvine Kinneas, and I’m in love. I think he might be the one, so, in that light, he’s got a lot of explaining to do.

I felt like a fool, standing there staring at his door. I wanted to see him so badly, but I had a feeling I might be in a bit of trouble. We just, never talked about where exactly we stood.
Finally, I knocked. Irvine answered the door, hair dripping, flesh still rosy from what appeared to be a very hot shower. I would’ve smiled, but he was, well, glowering at me. Oh yeah, I was in trouble, not a doubt in my mind now.
“Uh…I’m sorry?” I tried.
“You oughta be,” he snapped, gesturing for me to come inside. “If I’m gonna holler at you, I’d rather not do it in the hallway,” he explained roughly. “But don’t get comfortable. You’re not staying.”
‘Whooboy.’ In trouble may have been a gross understatement; actually, I was pretty certain, as I tentatively sat, rather uncomfortably, on the edge of his bed, that it was. I couldn’t figure out where to start. One wrong word and I’d be alone again. He was really mad. Really mad.
“Just spit it out. You say you love me and then you all but totally ignore me. Do you want to be with me or not? I positively refuse to be your fuck buddy Seifer.”
That stung. Is that what he thought I wanted? Nothing could be further from the truth.
“I…panicked,” I said, my voice sounding weak and dry to my ears.
“Panicked.” It was a question, but it didn’t sound like one.
“I do love you Irvine. And I want to be with you more than I can express properly. But…I…all those people were there and…I realized that if I did what I really wanted, everyone would know…that…uh…”
His face just fell; he looked like he was in pain again, and I hated that expression on him. “You’re ashamed of me, aren’t you?” he all but whispered. Again, not really a question as much as a realization.
“No! I-it’s not you! It’s…anyone, any man, really. I have to admit it, that I’m gay, I know that. I’ll be better off when I don’t have this hanging over my head. And it isn’t fair to you. I just…choked. I’m not ready. I want to be, but I’m not. I’m so sorry, Irvine. Hyne, I don’t know what to do. I think, if I just take it a little more slowly…just…one step at a time…I….” My throat was so dry, and I couldn’t grab onto a coherent sentence. “I really do love you though. I hate myself for putting you through this.”
“That’s what this is about?” I could hear the barest hint of humor on his voice as he sat down beside me, not touching, but close. It would have been so easy to reach out, to hold him, but I could tell that it was forbidden territory right now. He wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t pissed off anymore either.
“I can deal with taking it a little slow in public if that’s what you want, but you can’t ignore me anymore, Seifer. Just because we’re together, you’re still you. It may not be easy at first, but people will understand that. Who you are doesn’t change just because you say ‘I’m gay and this is my boyfriend’. If anything, people will respect you more for being so brave.”
I nodded. I knew that he was right, but…it was still so hard.
“Slowly then?” I asked.
He nodded. “We’ll pull another table over for lunch tomorrow. You, Fujin and Raijin will join us, right?”
I agreed. He deserved at least that much, at least.
Though I have toa dmit, walking into the cafeteria the next day was hard. I was the last to arrive and they appeared to have deliberately plotted it so I was next to Irvine. I could just imagine Rinoa telling everyone where to sit like she was heading a construction crew or something, or even Selphie. Speaking of Selphie, I was surprised to notice how well she and Fujin seemed to have hit it off. I guess plotting against your best friend brings people together, or something. The pair appeared to be telling some story about a baby T-Rexaur in the training center.
“Hey,” I said briefly, trying to get my pulse rate down. Everyone was staring. My logical mind was reminding me that it was because Squall and I were within glaring distance and we were both still alive, but that not-so-logical voice was screaming the usual panicked in-the-closet things.
“Hey,” Irvine returned, looking up from the mashed potato rifle he appeared to be creating like a little kid in a sandbox. “Seffie and Fujin were just telling us about their life-threatening battle with the big, bad, baby T-Rexaur,” he explained.
“…of Doom!” Selphie added with a giggle.
“BETTER,” Fujin commented.
“It does sound a little better, ya know,” Raijin agreed, and so, the story continued, often interrupted by one comment or another. Today though, I just t ate quietly. There would be time for being a smartass in the future. Irvine looked at me, noting my silence, but, thankfully, said nothing. I gave him a quick, barely there, apologetic look and the day continued on.

“Ow! Shit Fuj! What the hell was that for?” I asked, rubbing my shin.
“JERK!” she announced, and I knew that she meant I was being one, but Raijin was not without comment either.
“She’s right, ya know, Seifer. You’re going to ruin yer chances if ya keep this up. Ya didn’t even talk to him at lunch other than to say hi, ya know.”
“We’re taking it slow,” I rebutted grumpily.
They both laughed at me. Sure, I’d already slept with Irvine and was looking forward to doing so again. That so wasn’t what I meant.
Fujin sighed. She hated resorting to using full sentences, but apparently, she figured I needed it.
“Seifer, there’s a difference between going slow and standing still. And today was standing still. Nobody cares that you’re gay but you. And Irvine isn’t like Squall, he needs attention, needs contact to be reminded that you care. So whatever the issue is, I suggest you get over it. QUICKLY.”
The issue. Even I didn’t know what my problem was, really. I loved Irvine. He wasn’t asking for anything I didn’t want to give him. I just…somehow, couldn’t cross the gap between my dreams and reality. Every other dream I ever had had just gone so wrong. I guess maybe being Ultimecia’s lapdog gave me a few issues. I don’t like to admit it…or think about it at all, actually. But there you have it. I had a new dream, and the possibility of losing it terrified me. I didn’t realize I was sabotaging myself at first, or how to fix it.
Lunch went a little better the next day. I mean, Rinoa slapped me for some comment or other, not in a bad way, a joke I think—guess I was probably being a smartass—so it had to be progress.
I ran into Irvine in the quad and we played a few rounds of triple triad. He’s pretty terrible at it actually. I figured I’d give him his cards back later. I stuck around and chatted with him for a bit even when he’d had enough of playing cards though. I could tell Irvine was happy about it too, so I didn’t mind the looks so much. I even told him I’d see him at dinner.
The next few days went pretty much the same. No touching or anything really, just a pat on the shoulder or other harmless things from time to time. In the privacy of our own rooms we would kiss and cuddle some though. (Who’d’ve ever thought I’d be into cuddling? But I am, as long as it’s with him.) It was nice. We weren’t where we wanted to be, really, but I was getting there.

I couldn’t really be mad. I knew he was trying, going out of his way to bump into me and things. In public, we acted like we were just friends, but people were starting to catch on.
Even without touching—there’s a certain way you only look at someone you love. Seifer tried to hide it, but that look was always there. And I guess the looks added to the fact that I reserved my flirtiness for friends and faculty members these days made it easy to figure out. And Seifer was pleasantly clueless. Me? I got teased and kicked around some, always adamant about the fact that I was most definitely NOT Seifer’s ‘girlfriend.’
Now, I may know my way around a gun, but fact is, I’m not much use in a fist fight. Zell’s rescued me more than a couple of times, and this was no different. I made him swear secrecy too. But I wasn’t about to hide behind Zell for the rest of my life. I cringe at the very thought. Hehe.
Anyway, people are cruel. I’ve always known that. I’d stick up for myself as best I could. If it was one guy it was no problem, I could handle that and keep some amount of dignity. My problem cam in because it was three guys, and they traveled in a pack. I only mention it because Seifer stumbled across one of our little tussles one day. Things were different after that.

His hat was crumpled a few feet away from those damn punks. He was fighting back, but no match. I really thought I was gonna kill them. No idea what stopped me.
“…Almsay’s little girlfriend….” they called him. “You’re almost pretty enough to pass for a girl.”
“Come on fag boy, just one good blow job, Seifer never has to know.”
The mot obscene things, and they said them just to hurt. There was a time when I was just like that, and knowing it stung. The words probably hurt him more than the punches, which had toppled him to his knees, holding his stomach, did.
Hyne, I was so mad I couldn’t have thought straight if I tried.
“What the fuck do you punks think you’re doing to my boyfriend?!?” I demanded, grabbing the nearest guy, swinging him around and socking him a good one before he could defend himself. I think I broke his nose.
They looked at me, panicked and ran off, the chicken-shits. I made a mental note for some work for the disciplinary committee…later.
I guess I was behaving like a typical worried boyfriend, which I suppose, actually, is a good thing. Like I said, I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to be sure that my Irvine was okay. I was down on my knees in front of him, brushing the hair from his face, trying to get a good look in his eyes to be sure he didn’t have a concussion or anything.
The next thing I know there are warm arms around me and a head buried in my shoulder. He was shaking a little, so I knew he was crying, not sobbing but, crying a little. Shaken up, I guess. I just hugged him back, kissed his forehead.
“I’m fine,” he whispered. “It was worth it.”
I pulled us apart a little to get a look in his eyes. “Worth it?” I asked.
“You don’t even realize, do you? We’ve gathered a crowd,” he whispered with his usual slight smirk. “You just called me your boyfriend in front of all these people.”
Sure enough. Thirty people maybe. Thing is, at that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to care. Irvine was okay; that’s all that mattered to me.
“They ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” I told him softly and pulled him in for a gentle, but lingering kiss, figuring, why the hell not, not like it was a secret anymore.
Unfortunately, my attention was diverted by someone clapping. What idiot…?
Squall. I scowled at him, fairly certain that Rinoa was a bad influence, but he just half-smirked back.
Anyway, that didn’t really matter at the moment. Things were going good today. It was close, but I was pretty confident that Irvine and I were okay now.
“I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow,” I whispered. When he looked at me a little confused, I added, “for the Selphie’s ball. It’s tomorrow, right?”
I earned a kiss for that one too. Everyone had seen enough and gone on their way, which was fine by me, frenching in front of people was just a little rude, no matter who you happen to be doing it with.
“Mmm. You’re coming by later, right?” he asked.
I nodded vaguely. His kisses always left me feeling a little cloudy afterwards. “Nine sound good?”
“On the dot.”

I thought I had a pretty happy ending already, but I gotta say, arriving in Irvine’s room to fine that he’d been waiting, naked, and to be immediately wrapped up in his arms, and kissing before I had time to think…well, also very nice.
“Not that I’m complaining, but what is this for?” I asked, his hand already snaking under my coat collar.
“For being the you that I knew, deep down, you are, and always will be. The man I love. And also, I wanted to thank you for today.”
“And I want to thank you for tomorrow, and every day after that,” I told him, kissing his brow gently.
“You want to thank me?” he asked. He was so close, and his breath was on my face…he knew just ho to drive me crazy.
“Yeah,” I answered.
He took a few steps back away from me and said, his vagrant smirk on once again, reminding me how much I’d missed seeing it recently, “Then strip.”

~The End~